my fault, but here I am

dwyadygwyad
dwyadygwyad Posts: 46 Member
edited September 30 in Motivation and Support
So, my husband and I got married 3 years ago, and since then,a few friends have moved to suburbia and had children and we just don't see them anymore. Last year, one couple hosted a pool party at their house that me and my husband and three other couples attended.

The three other females that were there are in ridiculously good shape and wore bikinis. I sat out of the pool while everyone else, including my husband was frolicking away in there. I'm just no where near comfortable in a bathing suit right now, particularly with these friends. When asked, I said I didn't realize it was a pool party and didn't bring a suit. It was so lame, like I was in seventh grade.

I swore I'd be bathing suit ready by this time this year, but , well, here it is pool party time in a couple weeks and I'm so not ready. I feel so sad because I truly want to see my friends, but I can't bear sitting on the sides again with a lame excuse. I sat alone (well, with the hosts) for like 4 hours last time. Wearing a bathing suit isn't an option, and my husband is not going to curb his pool time for me. I was silently bitter/hurt about it last year, but I realize its totally unfair for me to ruin his day with my laziness and bad body image.

I don't know what to do. I think I'm just not going to go, but my husband is mad at me. I'm mad that he won't just give me a pass even though I know it's the lamest thing ever. Arg, I guess I don't really need advice, I just want to vent. Just can't believe I'm in this situation again. Maybe I just need a nice tall glass of shut the hell up? Baaarg.

Replies

  • sarah44254
    sarah44254 Posts: 3,078 Member
    Why is wearing a bathing suit not an option? You don't have to wear a bikini. There are plenty of suits that will help shape you in areas you don't like the best. I see you have lost 10 lbs already, and from your ticker you aren't too far overweight. I think you will look just fine out there, and folks shouldn't judge you if you look good to them or not!

    I think you should go and have a good time! Don't think about what others are looking at, that is not what is important. :) Important to see good friends and have a nice time. It's hard to see a body underwater anyhow! :smile:
  • cjsgrimlin
    cjsgrimlin Posts: 246
    Best thing for you to do is to find one that you can be comfortable in. A stylish one pice that maybe has some pannels in it to help hold you up! I've seen some somewhere, Best thing is for you to find something you can deal with. Even if you need a guy's long undershirt to wear in the pool, hey i've done it!
  • aippolito1
    aippolito1 Posts: 4,894 Member
    Find a cute one piece with tummy control built in and rock it! Target has some cute one pieces!
  • PaulaJKelly
    PaulaJKelly Posts: 96
    First, forgive yourself. Sometimes health journeys don't start when we want them to. You have to want to get healthy and lose the weight for yourself and not just because of an event. The saddest part of your story is that you don't want to go because of it. Would you want to go if you were the shape you wanted to be? Are any of these people close enough to you that you could be honest with them or would it create additional stress and chaos for you? Why does playing in the pool have to be the main objective of the day? I feel your pain. I am so sorry that you feel as though it is you against them. Start your health journey when you are ready to do it for you. Maybe that is today :)
  • kr3851
    kr3851 Posts: 994 Member
    Who's looking at you once you're in the pool? Probably no-one. You draw more attention to yourself by standing on the sidelines and making a big deal out of not going in.

    Just my two cents.

    PS I don't like the way I look in a lot of clothes either - but I do a sport that requires a leotard ONLY on stage - no leggings or baggy clothes to cover up. I've learned that the more fuss I make about looking huge, the more people notice me. If I'm quiet, no-one says anything.
  • abellante_0205
    abellante_0205 Posts: 368 Member
    there are tankini's -- its a 2 piece that covers the whole thing up including ur belly!!!!
  • shootoutx3
    shootoutx3 Posts: 24
    Trust me girl, I'm wayyyy bigger than you and can still pull off a bathing suit! It's all about tummy control tankinies!!!! You'll look great, and if they're really your friends, you should be able to have fun without worrying about that!
  • dwyadygwyad
    dwyadygwyad Posts: 46 Member
    Thanks guys, it's not really about the bathing suit, though thanks for reminding me about Target (always love Targay). I have a tankini, but again, it's not really about the suit.
    I'm just literally feeling so uncomfortable in my own skin, and am feeling sad. Tomorrow it will be motiviation and I'll get over it, but right now just feeling plain sad.
  • stylelush646
    stylelush646 Posts: 44 Member
    Quite frankly, all the things that was said is easier said then done. I totally get it. I've been there and at times I still feel that way. I live in a very tropical place where you practically live in a swimsuit and trust me it gets discouraging when you see the fit girls but I go to the beach and i flaunt my curves in cute bathing suit. I'm there to have fun and tan. However, I am not going to sit here and tell you to force yourself into a a suit yet the girls gave great suggestions. if u must go and feel uncomfortable, wear a nice swim cover up and a nice wide brim hat and call it a fashion statement. what matters is that you enjoy yourself without the embarassment. the faster u let go of your insecurities the easier this journey will be. We are here for you, feel free to friend me. God bless.
  • Dramatic456
    Dramatic456 Posts: 30 Member
    I think you are being too hard on yourself. We are only human.

    I had a simmilar experience 3 years ago, a free trip to Bermuda in which 2 girls were going. ME ( 5'6'' 145lbs) and a girl with Super-model measurements (6' tall 115llbs) I spent the whole trip worrying about how my thighs looked-- which looking back on it now, was a mistake. ( I look at picture now and I actually looked perfectly FINE) I say you decide tonight to either go or not go.

    If you decide to go: Hold your hear up high. and do it. get a tankini, a sarong, whatever it takes to make you feel comfortable and ROCK IT. Get right into the pool and stay there, until its dark enought to get out without anyone looking ;) I have thigh-image issues and I sometime wear my little sarong (scarf like thin fabric I wrap around my hips) right into the pool! Remind yourself: THIS IS ABOUT FRIENDSHIP NOT ABOUT ME. If they are truly your friends, they're NOT going to be having sinister thoughts about your saddlebags, they're going to be laughing at your jokes and enjoying your company.

    If you decide not to: Don't guilt yourself. Turn it into something positive: MOTIVATION. Put a post- it on your fridge and the treadmill that says " POOL PARTY" so that next year you can rock our the bathing suit of your dreams. Remember the terrible feeling of missing out on something because of your body-image, and use it to make sure you never have to feel that way again. A lot of people quote this on here, "This time next year, you'll wish you started today." I think it should be your new mantra. If you decide not to go, apologize to your husband, and ask him to help you in your get-fit efforts for the coming year so you don't have to repeat. (you know how hillary says "it takes a village to raise a child" well, it I say "it takes AT LEAST a household to change your unhealthy lifestyle habits."

    GOOD LUCK, and remember whatever you decide, YOU ARE ONLY HUMAN, we all fall short, we all stumble, Pick yourself up, dust off-- we're all here to support you.
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