Nowhere to turn!! Ladies only!!
Jayj180894
Posts: 286 Member
in Chit-Chat
Okay so I know this is probably not the place for this, but I don't have anyone to talk to. I find it very embarrassing to bring up with anyone and I don't have any close friends. Since losing weight I have had a lot more guys catcalling me shouting stuff at me, beeping. I can deal with this. But where I work there is a creepy guy who has started whistling at me, blowing me kisses and just generally commenting on me. I hate this it makes me feel so uncomfortable and his shop is right outside my bus stop, so I go sit somewhere else to wait for my bus. I generally try not to come into contact with him. But I suffer from extreme social anxiety so confrontation I can't cope with! I usually just pretend I don't see him or hear him, but once I pretended to catch one of his kisses. Because it's in public and people look at me so I just comply! Everyone at work loves him! But I don't! I was thinking about telling my boss to have a word with him, but I would feel like I'm totally over reacting! Thing is he puts me on the spot I feel uncomfortable my nxiety kicks in and he draws attention to me in public! I hate it so so much. It's only happened a handful of times. But what I really want to know is am I over reacting? Is it just my anxiety making me over think? It makes me want to run away! Ladies am i just being over sensitive! Should I just take it as a complement. I feel like he's making a fool of me...
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And I have a bf! He can be very over protective and I worry he may ring my work and make my boss. And I'd feel so awkward when I next see him! He is a customer so sometimes I have to serve him! I don't tell my bf how much it upsets me0
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Sexual harassment is UNWANTED innuendo, talk, advances, etc. Sounds like you don't want them, hence....7
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Thank you for your response and I am very glad you don't think I am over reacting! I know you are right I do need to get someone to say something to him, I am just scared they will think I am Being stupid or big headed and I work in a food establishment and he comes in daily ( I work in the back so very rarely serve him) but occasionally do and I think it would make things really awkward! Everyone loves him, but he creeps me out! And I know some of the girls will NOT understand where I am coming from at work. Just feel like I shouldn't have to avoid standing at my bus stop and have to change my routine for some creepy guy!! Thank you for being so understanding!!0
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That's the thing I aren't very close with anyone I work with and live around 400 miles away from any friends and family! I moved here to live with my bf and don't know anyone haha!! No I doubt it! One of the reasons why I asked on here cos no-one knows me! Such a wimp haha! If only!!0
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Thank you so much! Feeling less like a fool now!! LL5lifts I wish I could! I'm currently on medication for my anxiety so hopefully when that starts doing its thing I will feel more confident and comfortable to just say that! Apparently he has a gf as well! I would mortified to learn my bf was like towards other women!0
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I understand your anxiety & no you are not wrong. If that's the way he's making you feel then that's not you over reacting. He knows what he's doing & he's playing on it. You need to find your voice & really loudly tell him to go & f@&k off & not even look in your direction again or you will be telling your boyfriend & HIS girlfriend. I find the ony way to stop people like that is make them feel as uncomfortable as possible. Don't worry about your work mates, maybe he does the same to them !0
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Talk to your boss. This is clearly sexual harassment and it is your bosses duty to provide you a safe working environment. You can ask it be made anonymous, e.g. the boss can say "we have had complaints about your behaviour" without having to tell him it was you who complained.
If you can, it would be even better to be able to say "I don't appreciate your cat calls and innuendo and I want you to stop it". Asserting yourself is tough to do but in situations like this, and especially if done in front of others, it calls the offender out on his behaviour immediately and reinforces that it is inappropriate. Otherwise they get away with the rather old fashioned notion that sexual harassment is just a harmless bit of fun.3 -
That's workplace sexual harassment.
He needs to knock it off, perhaps it's time for a refresher course at your workplace about sexual harassment.
This behavior leaves both him & employer at risk of lawsuit.
If you tell your boss that his behavior is creating a "hostile work environment " for you, action will be taken.0 -
I don't think anybody in their right mind, either male or female would consider this anything less than harassment.
Totally uncalled for and nobody should have to put up with it.
There are some great answers above and certainly don't feel silly for asking a question - it can't be a nice situation to be in!2 -
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Honestly No joke ....I would flip him off ...Just give him the middle finger & tell him 2 "*kitten* off!" ....Yea he'll probably say Ur a *kitten* cuz he's embarrassed,but he'll get the point....Don't pussyfoot around cuz he'll get the wrong impression0
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Btw I know the feeling0
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Thank you all for taking the time out to respond! I really do appreciate it! He doesn't work with me he works next door and is a customer so even if I did tell my boss he could just say it's not his problem! But your advice has been brilliant! I really don't have the confidence to tell him where to go but the idea of an anonymous complaint is the way I am going to go! I'm going to talk to my bf and ask him to call the guys work place and say that he witnessed a young girl being catcalled and provoked on numerous occasions by there employee and could see I was uncomfortable. The guy works in a shop so the owners will not be impressed that he is being like that from their shop in his uniform in front potential customers! I am so glad with all your comments they have really made me realise that he is in the wrong and it's not me who needs to 'lighten up' or enjoy the 'compliment' really have put my mind at ease!! Thanks a lot!! It means a lot to me!! Btw I'm not sure where you some of you are from but I have never had sexual harassment training. I'm in the UK xxx1
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This is definitely harassment. Check out this link regarding UK law: http://www.acas.org.uk/media/pdf/o/c/Bullying-and-harassment-at-work-a-guide-for-employees.pdf
The following is an excerpt from Page 6 which appears to apply to your situation and confirms that it is your employer's responsibility to provide you with a safe workplace:
Your right not to be harassed at work by others
An employee can make a complaint against their employer where they are
harassed by someone who doesn’t work for that employer such as a
customer, client or passenger. You should let your employer know if you
are being harassed in this way so they can take steps to prevent it from
happening again.0 -
Jayj180894 wrote: »Okay so I know this is probably not the place for this, but I don't have anyone to talk to. I find it very embarrassing to bring up with anyone and I don't have any close friends. Since losing weight I have had a lot more guys catcalling me shouting stuff at me, beeping. I can deal with this. But where I work there is a creepy guy who has started whistling at me, blowing me kisses and just generally commenting on me. I hate this it makes me feel so uncomfortable and his shop is right outside my bus stop, so I go sit somewhere else to wait for my bus. I generally try not to come into contact with him. But I suffer from extreme social anxiety so confrontation I can't cope with! I usually just pretend I don't see him or hear him, but once I pretended to catch one of his kisses. Because it's in public and people look at me so I just comply! Everyone at work loves him! But I don't! I was thinking about telling my boss to have a word with him, but I would feel like I'm totally over reacting! Thing is he puts me on the spot I feel uncomfortable my nxiety kicks in and he draws attention to me in public! I hate it so so much. It's only happened a handful of times. But what I really want to know is am I over reacting? Is it just my anxiety making me over think? It makes me want to run away! Ladies am i just being over sensitive! Should I just take it as a complement. I feel like he's making a fool of me...
You'll get used to it after a while, the attention you get. He won't be the last! But if it bothers you that much you should not be catching kisses and encouraging him to continue. Just give him dirty looks and tell him he's gross and disgusting. It's mean but that's what I do "eww you're gross stop that weirdo." Sounds like a little kid and immature but hey it works and "he started it!" Lol0 -
mgutierrez3h0 wrote: »Jayj180894 wrote: »Okay so I know this is probably not the place for this, but I don't have anyone to talk to. I find it very embarrassing to bring up with anyone and I don't have any close friends. Since losing weight I have had a lot more guys catcalling me shouting stuff at me, beeping. I can deal with this. But where I work there is a creepy guy who has started whistling at me, blowing me kisses and just generally commenting on me. I hate this it makes me feel so uncomfortable and his shop is right outside my bus stop, so I go sit somewhere else to wait for my bus. I generally try not to come into contact with him. But I suffer from extreme social anxiety so confrontation I can't cope with! I usually just pretend I don't see him or hear him, but once I pretended to catch one of his kisses. Because it's in public and people look at me so I just comply! Everyone at work loves him! But I don't! I was thinking about telling my boss to have a word with him, but I would feel like I'm totally over reacting! Thing is he puts me on the spot I feel uncomfortable my nxiety kicks in and he draws attention to me in public! I hate it so so much. It's only happened a handful of times. But what I really want to know is am I over reacting? Is it just my anxiety making me over think? It makes me want to run away! Ladies am i just being over sensitive! Should I just take it as a complement. I feel like he's making a fool of me...
You'll get used to it after a while, the attention you get. He won't be the last! But if it bothers you that much you should not be catching kisses and encouraging him to continue. Just give him dirty looks and tell him he's gross and disgusting. It's mean but that's what I do "eww you're gross stop that weirdo." Sounds like a little kid and immature but hey it works and "he started it!" Lol
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It's not sexual harassment. That occurs in the context of a superior-to-subordinate relationship, like at school or in your workplace. At most, this is poor etiquette.
You have social awkwardness that you acknowledge. He has social awkwardness, too. He thinks he's giving you a compliment and that you're ok with him being so familiar. Assuming the best about him doesn't hurt at this point. You're overthinking this.
Don't triangulate (= asking another adult to adult for you). That will escalate the awkwardness and if he really is a weirdo, you might make him hostile because he's embarrassed. Next time he does it, approach him immediately and say something like "I know you mean well and you're being very sweet, but I die a little inside every time you do that. I really need you to make this the last time. Thanks for respecting me. Gotta catch the bus!" And then wave and leave. Practice it in your head enough times that it comes out calmly. If you can hold down a job, you can do this.0 -
If you feel like it will be too difficult to confront him about this directly; simply speak with a coworker or your boss, they can talk to him on behalf of you. It doesn't matter if he is a customer or not.
There is no shame in asking for help, ever. Call it harassment, this or that, whatever you call it, this is something that is making you so uncomfortable and making you feel unsafe in your workplace, so you should address it as soon as possible.0 -
It's not sexual harassment. That occurs in the context of a superior-to-subordinate relationship, like at school or in your workplace. At most, this is poor etiquette.
You have social awkwardness that you acknowledge. He has social awkwardness, too. He thinks he's giving you a compliment and that you're ok with him being so familiar. Assuming the best about him doesn't hurt at this point. You're overthinking this.
Don't triangulate (= asking another adult to adult for you). That will escalate the awkwardness and if he really is a weirdo, you might make him hostile because he's embarrassed. Next time he does it, approach him immediately and say something like "I know you mean well and you're being very sweet, but I die a little inside every time you do that. I really need you to make this the last time. Thanks for respecting me. Gotta catch the bus!" And then wave and leave. Practice it in your head enough times that it comes out calmly. If you can hold down a job, you can do this.
Wow, don't listen to that please.
Sexual harassment is sexual harassment, no matter the relationship from one person to the other. Because by your logic, no stranger can ever sexually harass me, right? Then how on earth are so many people charged with sexual harassment if apparently only my boss and/or teacher can sexually harass me?!?!
Wow, thanks for teaching me, someone who took criminal law, all about how I can and cannot be harassed
I've practiced employment law for thirty years. The people you're describing actually are not "charged with sexual harassment."
That aside, the OP doesn't seem to want an explosion. She can be right and escalate things, or she can be right and quietly get him to stop. Not everyone loves a war.0 -
I'd call it menacing, harassment, and frightening. It mightn't be something that can be prosecuted, but it's still wrong.0
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