Feeling Out of Place in My Body as I Lose Weight

SparklyBubblyBabe · March 2017

I need some help today. It's a bad body dysphoria day.

I feel like I'm wasting away today. I know I'm not, but it feels like it. I looked at my fingers and they seem bone thin to me today. I feel like I'm in another person's body. I don't feel like I'm me. This is usually why I've stopped losing weight before. I get freaked out by how I look and I fall off the wagon.

The thing is: I don't want to change myself. Not the eating and the exercise. That I want to change because that's not what I consider "me". But I don't want to lose my confidence, my spirit, my happiness. I know many people feeling like they're going towards all those things when the lose weight, but I'm always worried I might lose it. Or that I'll hate the person I was before. I feel like as I lose weight I'm also becoming a target for staring and oggling. I don't want that. I want people to see me not my weight. But I feel like as I get thinner people see they could break me in half. I feel vulnerable I guess.

I wish I could pinpoint an exact cause for my feelings, but mostly I'm scared. I feel shaky and sick. I don't know what I need exactly. Maybe someone who's been through this before? I just feel like the only person in the world who could lose weight and feel anxious about it. Losing weight is great, right? You're supposed to feel better, right? So why does it bother me?

wellthenwhat · March 2017

I wish I felt that way. I feel like I'm fat even though I'm losing because I'm not at my lowest weight, lol

veggrrrl · March 2017

SparklyBubblyBabe wrote: »

I feel like as I lose weight I'm also becoming a target for staring and oggling. I don't want that. I want people to see me not my weight. But I feel like as I get thinner people see they could break me in half. I feel vulnerable I guess.

I feel like this comes with the territory of just being a woman, and it *kitten* sucks! I went running for the first time a few days ago, and I got beeped at even though I'm overweight. People are going to look at you no matter what. They also can't mind their own business, and I think the world would be a much better place if people just kept to themselves.

SparklyBubblyBabe wrote: »

I wish I could pinpoint an exact cause for my feelings, but mostly I'm scared. I feel shaky and sick. I don't know what I need exactly. Maybe someone who's been through this before? I just feel like the only person in the world who could lose weight and feel anxious about it. Losing weight is great, right? You're supposed to feel better, right? So why does it bother me?

As for this, are you able to speak to a therapist or councilor? Even a group therapy situation may help and be a little more financially reasonable. I only suggest this because a professional maybe able to get to the real root of the problem.

Physically, if you're feeling sick, instead of healthier or stronger, that's a big cause for concern. Are you eating enough?

jordyngiulio · March 2017

The fingers was one of the weirdest things for me too! My family and I had always joked about my stubby, chubby little fingers - not in a mean way, to be clear. Now rings spin and when I look at my hands they don't look like "mine."

Loosing weight is a total self image change; it's totally normal to feel the way you do, especially if you've been at a higher weight for most of your life. You build your whole understanding of yourself, how you interact in your world, and how others see you based on your experience in your physical body. I always feel like a little bit of an imposter in this body, like it's not my true physicality as I've only looked this way for such a small amount of time in the grand scheme. It was really hard for me when I started getting called attractive or getting hit on, both because it was a relatively foreign experience and it also scared me because I actually started believing I was beautiful, which was more terrifying in a lot of ways.

Just like any HUGE change, it takes time to adjust. Soon you'll see yourself at the lower weight just as you did before. Your personality, accomplishments, and spirit won't change but you will have to learn how to reconcile them with your new appearance. I sometimes feel like I was a little more confident when I was heavier but it came from a different place. It was more of a defiant confidence versus a internally generated confidence, if that makes any sense. I wanted to appear confident because I felt like I was constantly being told I shouldn't be. But now I spend so much less time thinking about my body and appearance that I actually feel able to exist in a confident space, as opposed to forcing it.

You just have to keep in mind why you're on this journey. Is it to be healthier? Do you have another non-appearance related goal that you're working toward? Keeping your focus away from literal physical goals may help you not to become overwhelmed by the change in that way. Improving health markers, fitness, etc could channel some of that anxiety into safer measures for your mental health.

hypodonthaveme · March 2017

Some people only talk to me because of my weight loss. It's their main focus. Yes it bothers me. I will be honest. I didn't lose weight for recognition. Of course they will notice. But do they need to talk about before saying hi? Do they need to talk about every single time I see them? I know they mean well and are trying to be encouraging. I just get this thought ..I was a human being before weight loss. Nothing about my personality has changed. Ok maybe a couple of things. I now have more self confidence and better self esteem. I say this because I get it.

What do I do about it? How do I deal with it? If its family , I say thank you and switch the attention back on them like " how's work" how's the kids, etc. If its friends I talk about some memory we shared or friend topics and sometimes I mention how I feel . I will be honest how only now people see me ,like before I must of been a nobody. That kind of thing. With church members I say thank you and move on. They all mean well and I can't see being rude. Knowing they mean well helps a lot.

Guess its one of things we just got to accept and let go off. Don't stop just because you don't like the attention. You are doing this for You!

SparklyBubblyBabe · March 2017

veggrrrl wrote: »

Physically, if you're feeling sick, instead of healthier or stronger, that's a big cause for concern. Are you eating enough?

I meant that I feel sick just right now, not all the time. I get pretty bad anxiety and even when I can move on with my day and deal with it, I'll still feel nauseous. I also get this like "feeling small" feeling when I'm anxious like the world is trying to get me and I can't do anything about it.

I think there's two things going on that are bothering me. 1) I feel like I'm changing so fast even in terms of habits. Like, I clean stuff now. I get up earlier. It's weird. I'm also 22 so I'm dealing with that whole growing into an adult thing (not that I'm not already an adult technically, but the feeling gets more poignant each year). 2) Being fat sort of feels like protection. I remember getting beat up in school and my only defense was sitting on people so they couldn't breathe. I actually really enjoy feeling like I can defend myself. I hate it when people look at me like I'm weak (I'm short and I'm a girl so it's common). I always want to like punch those people in the face or do something to scare the living you know what out of them. I've always liked scaring people or freaking them out. Gotta keep people on their toes! But as I lose weight I feel like I'm almost losing my form of protection. I know I still have muscle and I'm physically stronger than I used to be, but I hate feeling like someone could just pick me up and throw me across a room. I always need something to make me feel safe. I used to keep my room really messy to keep people from coming in without me knowing. I'm gonna guess it probably comes from just all the things that have happened in my childhood. There's just loads of times I've been abused either physically or verbally and I hate feeling helpless! I just don't know how to keep those feelings out of my weight loss.

I have focused on becoming a faster/better runner. I ran a 12 minute mile yesterday! That's a minute and a half faster than two weeks ago when I started running. But it's snowing today and I don't have that to focus on. I just wish I was like 6' tall and weighed like 400 pounds in muscle. No one would mess with me then!

__TMac__ · March 2017

I think this is therapy territory, to be honest. These are irrational fears (which I think you recognize) and they're keeping you from living the life you want. Please see someone. It really can improve your quality of life. Two of my kids (the oldest is your age) have anxiety and they've learned a lot through their weekly therapy sessions.

In the practical side, have you considered something like a martial arts or self-defense class? Might help tone down those feelings of vulnerability.

veggrrrl · March 2017

Ok, I've been in this place before! I have an anxiety problem. I started going to therapy a few years ago but didn't want the meds because I was afraid I wouldn't be me anymore. When my anxiety started to become a debilitating issue (physically and mentally), I asked for the medication. There was a lot going on physically that, if left unchecked, would've made me really, really sick. If anything, the meds have made me the person that I've always wanted to be. I know there's still a stigma around this kind of thing, but I'm really open about my situation because I feel like it can help others get help, too. Trust me, it's 100% worth it, and you'll feel like a million. Feel free to message me if you have any questions about it.

And I second self defense courses. Especially if you can find a Krav Maga class. Nothing makes you feel like more of a bad *kitten* than flipping a 200 lb guy off of you!

Feeling Out of Place in My Body as I Lose Weight

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