Married but never see my partner
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kassierodriguez1 wrote: »candythorns wrote: »Ok i exaggerate, i get to see him every other week due to our work schedules. I work a consistent 7-3 and his schefule changes weekly.
I have no hobbies, and very few friends because ive always been kind of a loner....but i still like being around ppl.
I found myself googling "things to do alone" but honestly, its -15C out, who wants to wander aimlessly in that weather.
I looked up different meet ups but haven't gotten to the point where i want to make myself uncomfortable.
Just needed to say this somewhere....any ideas that im not thinking of??
Man I feel ya here. My husband works 12 hour shifts and it definitely gets lonely. I'm also a bit of a loner. I'm not good at making friends. I have a hard time feeling like I relate to a lot of women. And guys usually only want to be friends with me because they are hopeful. So that is usually temporary because they taper off once they give up hope I think. And I would never hang out with them alone.
kassierodriguez1 wrote: »candythorns wrote: »Ok i exaggerate, i get to see him every other week due to our work schedules. I work a consistent 7-3 and his schefule changes weekly.
I have no hobbies, and very few friends because ive always been kind of a loner....but i still like being around ppl.
I found myself googling "things to do alone" but honestly, its -15C out, who wants to wander aimlessly in that weather.
I looked up different meet ups but haven't gotten to the point where i want to make myself uncomfortable.
Just needed to say this somewhere....any ideas that im not thinking of??
Man I feel ya here. My husband works 12 hour shifts and it definitely gets lonely. I'm also a bit of a loner. I'm not good at making friends. I have a hard time feeling like I relate to a lot of women. And guys usually only want to be friends with me because they are hopeful. So that is usually temporary because they taper off once they give up hope I think. And I would never hang out with them alone.
This is the story of my life. My work friend doesn't even talk to me anymore because I guess he hoped for more. I literally said hi to him the other day when we were passing through a door, and oh he heard me, and I was literally invisible to him.
More background, we are 31 and do not have kids. Anyone that thinks we have overlapping hours in the one week off, no. And he works far. I work in the city which I train 30 minutes east to. He works on the boonies which he drives 30 minutes west to. I do not drive, so even when he works weekends I'm not gonna try and use their broken transit system to travel an hour to have a lunch with him. He'd prob also think I'm crazy lol
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Have a kid. That's what kept me from being bored the last 12 years.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
That is literally my plan, I wanted kids anyway but I feel like my involvement in their care will help.....1 -
mandymay01 wrote: »get a 2nd job, that's what I did. keeps my mind and body busy
Thanks for the suggestion, but I understand it would be hard to find a job just for my husbands opposite shifts. I want to be able to spend SOME time with him0 -
Me too....I get competitive for fun but I honestly don't even care mostlyhappimess1 wrote: »i am about to read How to win friends and influence people.
i have no aspirations to win, even a participation ribbon would do just fine
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So feel your pain...
Although I'm not bored, super freaking busy actually but when I do have time, she often doesn't...
I interact with coworkers but largely work alone. Have a lot of private time with my own thoughts, so I reach out on mfp for more social interaction with other people...
Don't have time for much else, wish I did, but I'd rather spend any free time with my boy then out on the town
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I second Meet up because you typically get to do something... so even if you don't talk to anyone, you're still busy. I go hiking with a Meet up group too... was a bit awkward at first and I don't always talk to a lot of people but I'm just walking at my rhythm anyway so it's ok. Although obviously there hasn't been much hiking in the past few months.
The thing is, you shouldn't rely on your husband completely to find your own happiness either. I understand wanting to see him but I don't think it's the only issue here. Heck most couples I know really don't spend much time with their husband at all (but they have kids so it takes time too).
Find something you like to do. Fitness classes, go to the gym, watch Netflix... live for yourself too.
For what it's worth, I moved to the US 15 years ago and I didn't have any friend until last year really and I definitely don't recommend that either. I ended up meeting my friends through my daughter because she started hanging out with theirs. So.. that's definitely another good thing about having kids (although in your case it probably wouldn't be practical).1 -
I'll be honest, you're striking me as a bit immature. My husband was military, multiple deployments for months at a time. I'd have been up *kitten* creek if I'd depended on him for all my social interactions. What do you want? You don't like hobbies, you don't want to meet people, the only thing you've mentioned with any amount of enjoyment is drinking. Join a yoga or spin class ffs!
Red flags everywhere with the male coworker. You need a girlfriend that you can go for pedicures and shopping and get gossipy with, not a stand-in husband.8 -
I'll be honest, you're striking me as a bit immature. My husband was military, multiple deployments for months at a time. I'd have been up *kitten* creek if I'd depended on him for all my social interactions. What do you want? You don't like hobbies, you don't want to meet people, the only thing you've mentioned with any amount of enjoyment is drinking. Join a yoga or spin class ffs!
Red flags everywhere with the male coworker. You need a girlfriend that you can go for pedicures and shopping and get gossipy with, not a stand-in husband.
Having someone away long term with the hopes of a return, is quite different then 1 week on or off. I have some friends but to be honest, when girlfriends get controlling (which they have) or crazy (non stop talk about how they want their parents to die) I cut that *kitten* loose!
Also you strike me as someone who doesn't read the whole story because I do sign up for fitness classes. These are pretty much the only classes I've found that are ok because any more class commitment where I need to be there weekly takes a day away from when I may get to spend time with my husband.
I go to concerts alone, movies alone, workout alone. Social anxiety is a thing so I haven't found a meetup yet that I've actually forced myself to go to. Also not everyone makes friends easy.
Emotions are not immature. Wanting to make things better are not immature. Holding things in for years for me HAS been immature. I'm gonna live, and thrive, and say *kitten* you for thinking you're so special and different just because you're some military wife.
Thank you to those who could actually empathize with my rant because *kitten* I'm allowed to express these things and be frustrated for things being hum drum when I'm not.
And p.s. Having issues with alcoholism isn't immature. If you think it is I'd highly suggest you tell that to the multimillion membership of AA7 -
candythorns wrote: »I'll be honest, you're striking me as a bit immature. My husband was military, multiple deployments for months at a time. I'd have been up *kitten* creek if I'd depended on him for all my social interactions. What do you want? You don't like hobbies, you don't want to meet people, the only thing you've mentioned with any amount of enjoyment is drinking. Join a yoga or spin class ffs!
Red flags everywhere with the male coworker. You need a girlfriend that you can go for pedicures and shopping and get gossipy with, not a stand-in husband.
Having someone away long term with the hopes of a return, is quite different then 1 week on or off. I have some friends but to be honest, when girlfriends get controlling (which they have) or crazy (non stop talk about how they want their parents to die) I cut that *kitten* loose!
Also you strike me as someone who doesn't read the whole story because I do sign up for fitness classes. These are pretty much the only classes I've found that are ok because any more class commitment where I need to be there weekly takes a day away from when I may get to spend time with my husband.
I go to concerts alone, movies alone, workout alone. Social anxiety is a thing so I haven't found a meetup yet that I've actually forced myself to go to. Also not everyone makes friends easy.
Emotions are not immature. Wanting to make things better are not immature. Holding things in for years for me HAS been immature. I'm gonna live, and thrive, and say *kitten* you for thinking you're so special and different just because you're some military wife.
Thank you to those who could actually empathize with my rant because *kitten* I'm allowed to express these things and be frustrated for things being hum drum when I'm not.
And p.s. Having issues with alcoholism isn't immature. If you think it is I'd highly suggest you tell that to the multimillion membership of AA
I apologize if you've struggled with alcoholism. I did not gather that from your posts, only that in the past you've based social interactions around drinking and are struggling to move beyond that. I'd never equate alcoholism with immaturity. Please don't put words in my mouth.
Good luck to you. I hope you find what you're missing in your life right now.3 -
@candythorns you're *kitten* awesome0
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candythorns wrote: »I'll be honest, you're striking me as a bit immature. My husband was military, multiple deployments for months at a time. I'd have been up *kitten* creek if I'd depended on him for all my social interactions. What do you want? You don't like hobbies, you don't want to meet people, the only thing you've mentioned with any amount of enjoyment is drinking. Join a yoga or spin class ffs!
Red flags everywhere with the male coworker. You need a girlfriend that you can go for pedicures and shopping and get gossipy with, not a stand-in husband.
Having someone away long term with the hopes of a return, is quite different then 1 week on or off. I have some friends but to be honest, when girlfriends get controlling (which they have) or crazy (non stop talk about how they want their parents to die) I cut that *kitten* loose!
Also you strike me as someone who doesn't read the whole story because I do sign up for fitness classes. These are pretty much the only classes I've found that are ok because any more class commitment where I need to be there weekly takes a day away from when I may get to spend time with my husband.
I go to concerts alone, movies alone, workout alone. Social anxiety is a thing so I haven't found a meetup yet that I've actually forced myself to go to. Also not everyone makes friends easy.
Emotions are not immature. Wanting to make things better are not immature. Holding things in for years for me HAS been immature. I'm gonna live, and thrive, and say *kitten* you for thinking you're so special and different just because you're some military wife.
Thank you to those who could actually empathize with my rant because *kitten* I'm allowed to express these things and be frustrated for things being hum drum when I'm not.
And p.s. Having issues with alcoholism isn't immature. If you think it is I'd highly suggest you tell that to the multimillion membership of AA
I apologize if you've struggled with alcoholism. I did not gather that from your posts, only that in the past you've based social interactions around drinking and are struggling to move beyond that. I'd never equate alcoholism with immaturity. Please don't put words in my mouth.
Good luck to you. I hope you find what you're missing in your life right now.
Thank you. And I'm sorry for reacting, but I guess I came here to feel validating. Telling my dogs I'm lonely and bored gets old.
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candythorns wrote: »candythorns wrote: »I'll be honest, you're striking me as a bit immature. My husband was military, multiple deployments for months at a time. I'd have been up *kitten* creek if I'd depended on him for all my social interactions. What do you want? You don't like hobbies, you don't want to meet people, the only thing you've mentioned with any amount of enjoyment is drinking. Join a yoga or spin class ffs!
Red flags everywhere with the male coworker. You need a girlfriend that you can go for pedicures and shopping and get gossipy with, not a stand-in husband.
Having someone away long term with the hopes of a return, is quite different then 1 week on or off. I have some friends but to be honest, when girlfriends get controlling (which they have) or crazy (non stop talk about how they want their parents to die) I cut that *kitten* loose!
Also you strike me as someone who doesn't read the whole story because I do sign up for fitness classes. These are pretty much the only classes I've found that are ok because any more class commitment where I need to be there weekly takes a day away from when I may get to spend time with my husband.
I go to concerts alone, movies alone, workout alone. Social anxiety is a thing so I haven't found a meetup yet that I've actually forced myself to go to. Also not everyone makes friends easy.
Emotions are not immature. Wanting to make things better are not immature. Holding things in for years for me HAS been immature. I'm gonna live, and thrive, and say *kitten* you for thinking you're so special and different just because you're some military wife.
Thank you to those who could actually empathize with my rant because *kitten* I'm allowed to express these things and be frustrated for things being hum drum when I'm not.
And p.s. Having issues with alcoholism isn't immature. If you think it is I'd highly suggest you tell that to the multimillion membership of AA
I apologize if you've struggled with alcoholism. I did not gather that from your posts, only that in the past you've based social interactions around drinking and are struggling to move beyond that. I'd never equate alcoholism with immaturity. Please don't put words in my mouth.
Good luck to you. I hope you find what you're missing in your life right now.
Thank you. And I'm sorry for reacting, but I guess I came here to feel validating. Telling my dogs I'm lonely and bored gets old.
No worries. Trust me, that part I do understand!
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Allow me to make another comment. Society around us is constantly changing, and a lot of today's normal I find hard to accept.
In this thread I'm hearing the cry of a wife wanting a bit more of my old fashioned normal where a man and a woman get married and the two shall become one flesh. Some of the responses are leaning towards the modern normal where two people get married and seem to maintain two separate independent lives.
I'm sure we can live our different lives without being unkind in the responses to the original poster here.2 -
Has this been your first real partner/boyfriend?
First marriage?
Have y'all tried counseling?0 -
Thanks to everyone for their support, I am dipping out at this point.
We are actually a really progressive couple! (Or maybe we aren't and I need to assess that). And when our schedules matched we often did things alone and went out without each other....when we wanted. But now it's like, I should go out just in the one week he's off schedule and try to spend time with him in the week our schedules match. (call me old fashioned for thinking it's essential to see your partner)
We have also not gone to counselling. But thank you for your suggestion.
Thanks again all0 -
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Kasner1975 wrote: »happimess1 wrote: »i am about to read How to win friends and influence people.
i have no aspirations to win, even a participation ribbon would do just fine
Interesting.... I just downloaded that book last night
I listened to it several months back, got a lot out of it...
Although with a gun to my head, I'd say I got a little more out of "How to stop worrying and start living" also Dale Carnegie... I highly recommend it
If you're in to audiobooks...
"How Not to Die "
"Practicing Mindfulness"
"The Untethered Soul "
All blew my freaking mind..." Zen and the Art of Happiness " is also great...
Trying to get through."The Book of Joy" at the moment... Deep stuff...
Enjoy!0 -
JstTheWayIam wrote: »Kasner1975 wrote: »happimess1 wrote: »i am about to read How to win friends and influence people.
i have no aspirations to win, even a participation ribbon would do just fine
Interesting.... I just downloaded that book last night
I listened to it several months back, got a lot out of it...
Although with a gun to my head, I'd say I got a little more out of "How to stop worrying and start living" also Dale Carnegie... I highly recommend it
If you're in to audiobooks...
"How Not to Die "
"Practicing Mindfulness"
"The Untethered Soul "
All blew my freaking mind..." Zen and the Art of Happiness " is also great...
Trying to get through."The Book of Joy" at the moment... Deep stuff...
Enjoy!
I love The Happiness Trap, and The Subtle Art of not Giving a *kitten*
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candythorns wrote: »JstTheWayIam wrote: »Kasner1975 wrote: »happimess1 wrote: »i am about to read How to win friends and influence people.
i have no aspirations to win, even a participation ribbon would do just fine
Interesting.... I just downloaded that book last night
I listened to it several months back, got a lot out of it...
Although with a gun to my head, I'd say I got a little more out of "How to stop worrying and start living" also Dale Carnegie... I highly recommend it
If you're in to audiobooks...
"How Not to Die "
"Practicing Mindfulness"
"The Untethered Soul "
All blew my freaking mind..." Zen and the Art of Happiness " is also great...
Trying to get through."The Book of Joy" at the moment... Deep stuff...
Enjoy!
I love The Happiness Trap, and The Subtle Art of not Giving a *kitten*
I've heard good and bad about The SA of NGAF... I may check it out next, I've got like 3 free books right now, I've fallen behind...
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You are here so you are likely trying to get healthy. Why not get healthy and get friends at the same time. Sign up for a weekly class or team zumba or yoga or karate,baseball, or really anything active and at least once a week. Making friends as an adult the easiest way is to do so ia to do something anything with a group once a week after a few weeks you start chatting with folks then going to grab a coffee after class or whatever. Get out of the house and join a weekly activity group.1
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I think you find a way to sort out any marriage problems, perhaps discussing your feelings and how they could be solved. Marriage involves a lot of things not just do you love the other person. Your lonely and in a marriage that's not good because it creates a weak point for something like infidelity to sneak in. Most people don't mean to go have an affair it just starts kind of by accident with a conversation and just keeps creeping it's way in. I'm not saying meeting groups are bad, but if there are members of the opposite sex there I would think its playing with fire as you have already said your lonely and don't spend enough time together. My advice is to have a talk explain yourself and see where it goes.....best of luck2
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