How do I stop beating myself up?

hencethemagic
hencethemagic Posts: 2 Member
edited November 16 in Motivation and Support
Yesterday I had a meltdown after my work out from looking in the mirror, exhausted and furiated at myself for putting on extra weight the last 3-5 months... AGAIN. I cried and felt defeated for hours.. I have been feeling disgusted every time I look in the mirror, mad at myself and mad that the weight isn't coming off despite restricting calories and working my *kitten* off. I am tired of my weight fluctuating and how unfair it is that I can't enjoy anything I eat, or eat something besides salad without feeling guilt and shame. I try to be positive and motivated and strong willed but this burden is so much to carry. Its a daily battle and I am not sure what I am doing wrong. Can anyone provide tips on getting out of a slump like this? How to stop beating myself up and feeling a disappointed pit in my stomach every time I look in the mirror?
Just needing some support

Replies

  • Lem0nyFresh
    Lem0nyFresh Posts: 14 Member
    What kind of support system do you have? Friends, family, co-workers?
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,219 Member
    I think your first step is to ask yourself why you keep regaining weight. It's likely that your methods of weight loss are not sustainable. You might want to consider seeking professional help as well for having those thoughts about yourself since your profile picture is not something most people would be upset over.

    How about instead of setting a weight loss goal you set other fitness goals. You could also consider recomposition, so instead of stressing about losing weight you work towards adding muscle.
  • OhMsDiva
    OhMsDiva Posts: 1,073 Member
    I am sure this may not be popular advice, but if you feel disgusted when you look in the mirror then don't look in the mirror. If I am feeling anxious or depressed I literally will not look at my body. Some days I am okay with it, some days I cannot do it. I do what I can when I can.
  • hencethemagic
    hencethemagic Posts: 2 Member
    I have support from my significant other but he also has very poor eating habits which I try not to blame but it does make it more difficult to restrict calorie intake when you're around someone who is consistently eating and large amounts. I don't like seeking support from friends or anyone else I know because it is sort of embarrassing to me to talk about my weight. I'm 5'8 and keep fluctuating over the years between 145 and 165. Right now I am about 163 and trying really hard to get back down and I want to stay down. I'm mad at myself for going back up again, and each time it seems the weight is harder to lose. In my photo I am about 150. I am vegan and eat healthy, I guess it's portion control that I struggle with. And making exercise a daily part for good instead of in phases, because I don't really enjoy it.
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,219 Member
    Is there any sort of physical activity you enjoy? You don't have to go to the gym or do fitness DVD's to be exercising. Going for a walk, riding your bike, going on a hike, dancing, swimming, rollerblading, and pretty much anything you do with your body is exercise. Think outside the gym. Find something you enjoy and you are more likely to do it.
  • 13ABetten
    13ABetten Posts: 18 Member
    I have been frustrated with the scale because it hasn't moved even though I too have been busting my butt! So today I decided hell with the scale because I know for how hard I have worked that the scale is not right. It's water weight,hormones, etc. I keep seeing physical changes too. so today I have decided that I weigh the number I believe I am in my heart! :)
  • hypodonthaveme
    hypodonthaveme Posts: 215 Member
    Have your thyroid checked and talk to dr. If you are calorie counting and accurately and you are exercising, the weight should be coming off. But a dr can rule out things that we can not. If you have eaten alot of salty foods it could be water retention. Same thing if you have changed your exercise routine lately. Last possibility i can think of, your body is in a stall so give it more time. Stress can do it too and hormones.
  • LonsyBoy
    LonsyBoy Posts: 72 Member
    Scales are the blind mans guide, see a number and thats your only results...
    Adding muscle mass and reducing the same amount of fat will leave you exactly the same on the scales or sometimes in a + gain but your body shape would have changed much more, ie. flatter stomach, smaller arm/leg fat or anywhere else! If you look in the mirror and feel happy with the results why use a scale to misjudge your efforts? Launch the scales out the window and use old tighter fitting clothing to measure your progress :D
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,678 Member
    May I ask what your eating habits were like before and now? How much weight do you want to lose? What are your stats? (Height, current weight, goal weight, activity level)

    I wonder if maybe you have yourself on an unsustainable, too aggressive plan. When you push too aggressively, a lot of times you get overwhelmed by the stress of the change, before you have time to see the positive impacts.

    It's quite possible that, if you set a less aggressive goal and allow yourself more time to achieve it - you're less likely to have those binge hatred scenarios.


    As for the self hatred - I struggled with that for a long time. You need a safe friend (or loved one) who can act as your mirror and help you start to curb the self hatred talk. I had someone very special to me help me work on positive self talk - and as stupid as it FELT at the time - it did help change my life.
  • Aclaire88
    Aclaire88 Posts: 80 Member
    hencethemagic wrote: »
    I have support from my significant other but he also has very poor eating habits which I try not to blame but it does make it more difficult to restrict calorie intake when you're around someone who is consistently eating and large amounts. I don't like seeking support from friends or anyone else I know because it is sort of embarrassing to me to talk about my weight. I'm 5'8 and keep fluctuating over the years between 145 and 165. Right now I am about 163 and trying really hard to get back down and I want to stay down. I'm mad at myself for going back up again, and each time it seems the weight is harder to lose. In my photo I am about 150. I am vegan and eat healthy, I guess it's portion control that I struggle with. And making exercise a daily part for good instead of in phases, because I don't really enjoy it.

    Hey @hencethemagic - I'm sorry you feel that way, be nice to yourself! You're in a healthy weight range. I relate to you feeling like you should be leaner or thinner but please try love yourself no matter what your size. I feel hypocritical as I'm very insecure and set high standards for myself but if I was to give myself advise I would stop weighing myself and start exercising. Portion control is important but you might just be frequently eating a small amount of a few high calorie foods and not aware of the difference they make. My suggestion (using this app) is to track your eating for a few weeks and instead of worrying about portions of all foods, cut out or cut down on high calorie foods. Once you get your input/ output ratio right, you'll start losing weight without trying too hard. Xox
  • Evamutt
    Evamutt Posts: 2,800 Member
    What I've learned some years ago is that how we feel depends on how we think, so It's good to change your thinking & that most of my thinking pattern is a habit. Habits are hard to break but you can succeed & develop new habits of thinking. I can only speak personally, so when I didn't like myself (cuz of the way I looked etc) I learned more about how much God loves me & how very valuable I am to him. It was very practical...when I felt that way, I was aware of my thinking & counteracted it with the truth of his love, also thought about ppl who love me the way I am & other things in my life I'm grateful for. By the time I started mfp, I accepted the way I looked & liked myself & my life so the weight loss is an added bonus. You are worth a lot, even to ppl around you, your family & friends. The way you look isn't your whole life. No one follows their eating plan 100%, get info, find out if you're not doing something right & do your best and give it TIME, it will happen
  • fubarfornow
    fubarfornow Posts: 40 Member
    So, it sounds to me like you're looking at this as some sort of moral failing, and I just don't think it is. You're controlling your weight within a 20 lb range - you're doing what I really, really wish I had done. We are constantly bombarded by high-calorie food choices, and it is very difficult to add monitoring food to everything else in our lives. This isn't a moral failing, it's just a problem that you are trying to solve, and you are looking for better tools to do it. That's great. And, when you "only" need to lose 20 lbs, it takes more time for the weight to come off, so it isn't your fault if it's slow, it is just the way our bodies work. the closer you are to your goal, the less wiggle room you have in your calories.

    It also sounds to me like you are expecting yourself to eat within your calories every day for the rest of your life, and I'm not sure that's reasonable for anyone to expect. I don't think most people can, or do, do that. Most of the folks I have read posts from here, particularly those who are in maintenance, plan what my husband calls "food excursions." That is a day, or a meal, when you eat more than you normally would, after having saved up some calories in advance. Even 50 calories a day saved up for a bit will allow you to indulge. And you can also add in a little extra exercise to help you with a smallish overage. I do this from time to time, and it makes it a lot easier for me to stick to my calories on most days, because I know that I have a break coming when I really want one.
  • pamfgil
    pamfgil Posts: 449 Member
    look into self compassion, eg http://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/#exercises it may help short circuit the beating yourself up.
  • Lavelle1980
    Lavelle1980 Posts: 367 Member
    hencethemagic wrote: »
    I have support from my significant other but he also has very poor eating habits which I try not to blame but it does make it more difficult to restrict calorie intake when you're around someone who is consistently eating and large amounts. I don't like seeking support from friends or anyone else I know because it is sort of embarrassing to me to talk about my weight. I'm 5'8 and keep fluctuating over the years between 145 and 165. Right now I am about 163 and trying really hard to get back down and I want to stay down. I'm mad at myself for going back up again, and each time it seems the weight is harder to lose. In my photo I am about 150. I am vegan and eat healthy, I guess it's portion control that I struggle with. And making exercise a daily part for good instead of in phases, because I don't really enjoy it.

    MOST of the tips that everyone will provide WILL work.

    "The Secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you're in control of your life. If you don't, life controls you." - Anthony Robbins

    It appears that your standards are high that when you don't see the results you feel like a failure, however, this could vary much be just a perspective problem. Make a list with all your goals you met, accomplishments, milestones, success stories. It doesn't even have to be health related.

    I was Vegan for about 2 years, but I learned a lot from my journey and how my body reacted to different foods. I saw more weight shedding with a 90% raw. Grains are good to eat but wasn't good for weight loss. I had to cut back on Rice, Quinoa, and other similar items. I had to stay away from oils and breads.

    I haven't tried the 80/20/20 Vegan diet. But try out www.fullyraw.com for some great recipes that you and your significant other will love to eat.


  • AJbandit88
    AJbandit88 Posts: 31 Member
    You have to love yourself first. It sounds easy and for some it might be but it's true. I found myself a couple years or so ago hating what I looked like and not knowing where or how to start. It was frustrating to say the least. But I started looking at how to start getting in shape and decided to start. I have my ups and downs but along the way I was able to love myself no matter what and it made losing weight or maintaining so much easier. Look yourself in the mirror and be honest with yourself and talk out loud to yourself. Say your fears, regrets, and goals. It's amazing how that can help. Two of my favorite sayings is "goals without actions are simply dreams" and "if you are always trying to be someone else you will always be second best". Stay motivated and keep grinding. You are worth it!
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