Too fat to EVER get pregnant?
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He clearly thinks that your menstrual and fertility probs are more related your weight than anything else. Maybe you should consider this possibility and address the lifestyle issues you acknowledge. That would be very helpful for many reasons, including being there for your child when you do get pregnant.
Obviously the doc does not get high ratings on bedside manner, but he's probably seen this dozens or even hundreds of times. In his experience, wls is the only way he's seen women lose weight, so that is the basis of the recommendation. No one can say if you can or will get pregnant. Obviously women of all weights get pregnant, but the chances could be far worse at a high weight and risks are definitely much greater. Certainly go see another OBGYN if you want a different opinion.12 -
Too ashamed to talk it out with family and/or friends, so I’m seeking some support/advice here!
A bit of a background story:
Lost 100lbs on MFP a few years ago; went from 275 lbs to 175lbs.
Gained all of it back plus more over the course of 3 years, due to an initial “happy relationship” gain (after moving in with my now husband) and then total neglect of the healthy habits I had taught myself.
New starting weight: approx. 305 lbs
Current weight: 295 lbs
Now for my… concern
Went to a gynecologist after a 10 day TOM, after not having my period for months. This has been a problem for 2 years now, and we’ve been trying to conceive in the meantime.
Told the dr. I wanted to check if everything was ok downstairs, and then I’d go to a dietician and/or endocrinologist to get some input on my infertility, hair loss and generalized fatigue.
He told me verbatim: “That will do nothing for you. Look at yourself! You’ll get to 400 lbs in no time and have family members wash you and take you from doctor to doctor. Get stomach reduction surgery, then you can talk to me about wanting to get pregnant. Here’s the surgeon’s name… Look for him first thing tomorrow!”
What? Left bawling my eyes out and with a million things racing through my mind; which for a chronic over-analyzer and depressed individual can get pretty dark, really quick.
I’m all for tough love from family and no sugar coating at the doctor’s office, but that? He reacted as if I had told him he has to get me pregnant, and got instantly disgusted.
Got back on MFP, been going just fine for about 2 weeks.
My concern is…
Is getting pregnant impossible when you’re obese?
I know it comes with more risks and can be a huge strain on the body, but is it such a far fetched idea?
I’m giving myself a year to lose as much as I can and then start trying to conceive again (we’re not preventing it either).
But if even in the 220’s I can’t get pregnant, will it still be because of my weight, or would I be safe to go back to a gyno and not get traumatized by their response?
Thanks in advance to anyone taking the time to leave their 2 cents!
This is completely ridiculous! Your is clearly way more educated than I am, but I am against weight loss surgery unless you are obese enough that you're having health problems at a HUGE weight, and cannot lose it on your own after attempts.
I got pregnant at 280. I was surprised because it only took one try, and I had been dieting for about a month prior to us trying... I just always heard that being obese, it will take months or a year to get pregnant... yep definitely not! It can happen...
anyways, since I had started my diet, when I saw my Obgyn (whom I didn't consult with because I had no health issues- although obese is a health issue) she basically told me; I don't care if you don't gain a SINGLE POUND this pregnancy, just keep eating well, if you're hungry eat more, but otherwise keep on a healthy "diet."
While I learned that it was more dangerous to get pregnant being morbidly obese, I wasn't considered high risk, and by the end of my pregnancy I was down a total of 40 pounds!
Fast forward a few years, I gained it all back! I am now down to 200 pounds, doing it the right way; my mom, who had lap band surgery had some weight gain back, because it DOES HAPPEN! Her way to diet was to go back to the dr and get more saline into her band; I have been seeing a nutritionist and my mom just throws up when she cheats on her diet; she NEVER learned how to control herself, and lives off frozen lean cuisine meals.
My point is, I think weight loss surgery is a major surgery and is done too often without giving the patient a chance or sending him or her to a dietician first.
The fact that you have lost this weight before means YOU CAN DO IT!!! You just need to learn how to maintain your weight loss and make it a lifestyle change instead of a diet. That is what I've been learning this time around is to make this a lifestyle change.
Like those 600 pound life shows- they need weight loss surgery because by the time they lose the weight on their own, it would take too long and they will die of a heart attack and not survive many more years; that makes sense! But you have no major health issues, other than ones your stating which (obviously I'm no dr) but I had the hair loss and fatigue too; I was malnourished from eating crap lol!
I used this app, and when I stalled out, I seeked a dietician (not nutritionist) and she has completely changed the way I look at food, and has helped me learn how to eat, that along with exercise, I mean you can lose that weight again, and learn how to go about a lifestyle change!
I say screw that dr, a major surgery is his quick fix for you, I think you're very capable of losing the weight on your own without having to go through surgery. Seek out a dietician and your primary, start just walking or some kind of small workout DVD, you can do this again! If I can, you can!
Screw your OB, you got this!
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Also; you may have to lose some weight on your own to convince your OB that your issue is not weight related, and have him get you checked out for other issues- although from what I've read, obesity can cause some infertility, so either way losing some weight over the next few months would show him that, 1- you don't need weight loss surgery, and 2- that it's not a weight issue causing interfility.. although if your weight is hindering it a bit, then you could possibly get pregnant, so it's a win win! If it were me, I would try losing some weight on my own, then find a new OBGyn because I wouldn't want the same arrogant one you have ;-)1
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I have had a very similar situation when I visited my gyn recently. I left really upset because she told me that there was 0% that I could get pregnant due to my weight and the fact I have PCOS. I told her whilst I was there that my friend who is around the same weight/height as myself at the time, who also has PCOS, that she is 3 months pregnant. The gyn had no answer for that. She was adamant I'd never get pregnant. She said that I would need to try IVF and even then I would have loads of trouble. I left incredibly upset and (although I had already lost a stone (14lbs) in my journey, I was so upset I went home and started emotional eating for about a week (which damaged my weightloss) though afterwards I realised I shouldn't let what one stupid woman said affect me so much. She also gave me an absurd goal to lose 70lbs in 6 months, which isn't even healthy. I realised at that point she just had no clue about anything and I decided to let it in one ear and out the other. My plan is to get to a good healthy weight before I consider getting pregnant. I wouldn't consider it before I reach 230lbs, however ideally I'd like to reach my goal weight (170lbs). The plan is not to worry about it until I reach that weight and if I still can't get pregnant, seek help from someone more professional and knowledgeable.
Good luck to you and your husband. Focus on yourself, your health, and I'm sure the rest will follow! Don't stress yourself out about the fertility. It won't help you, it'll only hinder you. (And I know it's easier said than done...) but just try to enjoy your journey.1 -
Hi, I'm so sorry that you had such a negative experience with your obgyn. As others have said, obesity does lower fertility. Fat cells produce androgens (precursors to testosterone) which disrupt a female's estrogen balance and can cause you to stop having periods. Obesity is one of the risk factors for PCOS, a medical condition which is characterized by fewer periods, hair growth, acne, decreased fertility and in the long term diabetes and heart disease. Your obgyn is responsible for screening you for these conditions!!
That said, many women who are overweight or obese do get pregnant, depending on their predisposition for fertility problems. It's best to maintain your weight during pregnancy as much as possible to reduce potential complications. Since you have shown you can lose weight through diet and exercise, I would stick to those methods before attempting more extreme interventions. Good luck to you and your family! Rooting for you!4 -
ABSOLUTELY NOT! I was 320 pounds and my doctor told me I had a less then %5 chance of ever having a child. That the only way I would be able to have a child is if I had surgery or adopted or just got a bunch of pets (yes that was actually said to me). I set out to prove them wrong. This was in November of 2014. I lost a silly little 20 pounds and I got pregnant. Just because you are overweight that does not mean your doomed to be childless. I encourage you to get healthy and continue losing but please don't listen to the fraud of a doctor. I have PCOS as well. IT isn't impossible but it is harder. Don't give up!2
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My habits were tightly connected to using MFP. I'm in the small % that will have to use calorie counting even years into maintenance at a certain weight, or I will gain it all back.
I can eat 1500 kcal per day and not feel starved or restricted when I'm logging. But if I let that grip go, I won't hold myself accountable. Unfortunately self-control isn't among the habits I can teach myself
Thanks for chiming in!
Honey, you're are not in a small percentage, I assure you. I've been using calorie/food logging for over 12 years, and I know that I will always have to, in order to stay at a healthy weight. For many of us, that is the first thing we have to acknowledge in order to be successful.13 -
This doctor doesn't respect you; dump him.
It is possible to get pregnant at any weight, so be careful if you want to wait. My 36-year-old overweight daughter was told she couldn't get pregnant, and now I have a grandson; wonderful surprise! She didn't gain any additional weight during pregnancy and he is a wonderfully healthy little guy. She ate very healthy during the pregnancy.
Try to get support from some wonderful organizations like overeaters anonymous or TOPS, or whatever is available to you for that in-person support and accountability.
You are going to do great as a mom!
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You have time to lose weight, and have time to get pregnant. Start now, by October/November you will be more at reasonable weight.3
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I would continue to work on losing weight and getting healthy because but also do On my way! Investigation as to the psychological basis of your eating habit is to make sure you maintain the weight loss for the long haul...it will just get harder after having a baby.
First thing, find a new doctor. I've had to fire some asshat doctors before for similar judgmental behavior and crappy care (I actually had one assume I was a lesbian simply because my husband wasn't the primary insurance holder then proceed to lecture me on my nose ring and tattoos...WTF?) And here's a tip with the new doctor: tell them WHY you fired the last one and they will usually do their best to not repeat the same behavior. There is no reason why your doctor can't look into all possible reasons for infertility in addition to counseling you on how your weight might effect it. It's his job for christ's sake.3 -
Have been reading all of your insightful and inspiring comments after coming back from a mind-clearing long walk with my dogs. I'm sure calorie counting and a more active lifestyle are my one and only fix (not even considering the recommended quick fix).
But from what I've read here, I'm going to bed with peace of mind and more determination to become a healthy and active mommy one day (hopefully soon)!13 -
All that I can add is to reiterate what other posters have already said: your doctor was completely out of line in the way that he treated you. Get rid of him first. But, yes, you can get pregnant at any weight. I got pregnant at my heaviest weight, 295 lbs, and had a healthy pregnancy and relatively easy natural childbirth. However, there are a number of reasons why you might want to lose some weight before becoming pregnant (not least among them, the way that the medical community treats obese women when they are pregnant). Pregnancy is inherently physically uncomfortable and carrying a lot of extra weight makes it even harder. All of the aforementioned risks do go up and you might automatically be labeled a high-risk pregnancy, even if everything is going smoothly.
My advice is to take an emotional step back and know that you have time. Try to get into a healthy eating and exercise pattern that you can enjoy so that it can become a life change, not just a temporary means to a weight loss goal. Find a doctor who will address the real concerns that you have, without being judgy and pushing you towards surgery. Focus on yourself for just a little bit, before focusing on the baby that you will have.5 -
Get checked by a PCP, there are multiple conditions that can negatively affect fertility. But even if you had those conditions it's still possible to concieve. Keep working on your weight as you are. Dont worry about surgery unless and until your PCP tells you that your weight is so dangerous that you need it.
I would go the other way -- not from a gynecologist to a generalist (assuming PCP = primary care physician, who doesn't specialize in fertility issues and has pretty much no training in nutrition), but from a gynecologist to an MD or practice that specializes in fertility issues.1 -
First, dump the doctor. Find yourself an OBGYN (You'll need an OB when you get pregnant, so it's easier to get an OBGYN. that way all the lady bits and pregnancy stuff is taken care of in one go and you don't need to have 2 doctors) that will give you the time of day and take you seriously.
Second, have your new doctor run a blood panel and check for PCOS. However, even though you do have markers for PCOS, that doesn't necessarily mean you have it. Obesity can cause hormonal issues that mimic some of the things PCOS does. For example, myself. I was having a single period in a 9 month time span, would have super heavy (and crampy) flow. I was tested for thyroid issues, PCOS, etc and those all came back negative. It wasn't until I started losing weight that my hormone levels started balancing out and I suddenly was getting my period. And with each cycle, they became closer and closer until finally I had a normal 29 day cycle. And for the first time in my life, I could see when I ovulated with fluctuations (water weight) on the scale. My period was actually less crampy and less heavy too. I hit my initial "TTC" goal 10 months after starting MFP and lost 57 lbs. My very first month TTCing I got pregnant with my 2nd child (there's a 6 year gap between my kids). I continues logging through my pregnancy, aiming for a healthy weight gain, did so, and continued on after having my baby. I lost an additional 20 lbs and I'm now halfway through my 3rd pregnancy.
So to say you're too fat to ever get pregnant, I don't think is true. Would it be harder? Yes. But I bet that losing the weight that you want (or even some), you will see a difference in your cycles and you'll be able to conceive. So keep at it, keep your eye on the prize and you will get there.5 -
The doctor only had a few minutes to give you a reality check and shock you into turning your health around. If blunt gets the job done, I salute him.13
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I don't intend for this to come out mean, but I kind of agree with the doctor. He could have said it in a different and more tactful way, but that doesn't mean the message he was trying to convey is wrong.
No one ever wants to admit that their weight may be the cause of a lot of their symptoms, and want the doctor to give them an answer other than it's their weight. The harsh reality is, sometimes that is the answer.9 -
Being overweight to that degree can interfere with your menstrual cycle, but perhaps suggesting barbaric surgery was a bit much. In order to have a healthy pregnancy, you should work on your health. Hopefully, being back on MFP will help!1
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The doctor only had a few minutes to give you a reality check and shock you into turning your health around. If blunt gets the job done, I salute him.
You "salute" him? He is in no way helping her mentally or helping her understand what she can do to help her situation; he gave her an extremely dramatic hypothetical (400 and bedbound? That's a 100 pound weight gain, and the more you weigh initially the less your body packs on during pregnancy). He gave her a quick fix idea to get surgery, and quick hop back to him to add to his list of patients. He isn't caring about her as an individual!
This is what my OB did; she bluntly told me about my weight that it was a concern while I was pregnant, and told me I needed to keep working on my weight, because it is her job to have a healthy baby AND mommy. She told me if I started gaining more that she had a dietician for me if it came to that. She was strait and to the point, but not belittling.
HERE is where my OB differs from hers- after my pregnancy I went back for my yearly visit; it was humiliating to be at 280 AGAIN after she had just congratulated me and supported my weight loss just last year. I had mentioned that I was having more painful periods, and she said, well in my opinion it could be from the weight your carrying, but we can look into it. I told her I was going to start back up on working with my weight, and that I didn't want to wind up getting weight loss surgery like my mom, and she said- there is no magic pill or magic surgery, you can do this, and most importantly your kids want to have you around! See u next year!
She about died when she saw me year 2 and I was the lowest I'd ever been, she said- this, THIS is what makes my job worth while, if I can guide women to a happier and healthier lifestyle, then I've done my job.
It's about caring and trying to help the patient, with tough love and strait honest points, spending a few extra minutes to help diagnose, treat and help patients, not slip in snide comments and immediately refer you to surgery, surely that's convenient for him! But probably not the best for HER!17 -
I don't intend for this to come out mean, but I kind of agree with the doctor. He could have said it in a different and more tactful way, but that doesn't mean the message he was trying to convey is wrong.
No one ever wants to admit that their weight may be the cause of a lot of their symptoms, and want the doctor to give them an answer other than it's their weight. The harsh reality is, sometimes that is the answer.
As someone who just had a baby, I agree with this post.4 -
Well, she is here taking action about her weight, so clearly his approach is having a positive impact. One can be a good DR without coddling their patients, each must work to their skill set.
Fortunately you could take several years to really get started on your journey.The doctor only had a few minutes to give you a reality check and shock you into turning your health around. If blunt gets the job done, I salute him.
You "salute" him? He is in no way helping her mentally or helping her understand what she can do to help her situation; he gave her an extremely dramatic hypothetical (400 and bedbound? That's a 100 pound weight gain, and the more you weigh initially the less your body packs on during pregnancy). He gave her a quick fix idea to get surgery, and quick hop back to him to add to his list of patients. He isn't caring about her as an individual!
This is what my OB did; she bluntly told me about my weight that it was a concern while I was pregnant, and told me I needed to keep working on my weight, because it is her job to have a healthy baby AND mommy. She told me if I started gaining more that she had a dietician for me if it came to that. She was strait and to the point, but not belittling.
HERE is where my OB differs from hers- after my pregnancy I went back for my yearly visit; it was humiliating to be at 280 AGAIN after she had just congratulated me and supported my weight loss just last year. I had mentioned that I was having more painful periods, and she said, well in my opinion it could be from the weight your carrying, but we can look into it. I told her I was going to start back up on working with my weight, and that I didn't want to wind up getting weight loss surgery like my mom, and she said- there is no magic pill or magic surgery, you can do this, and most importantly your kids want to have you around! See u next year!
She about died when she saw me year 2 and I was the lowest I'd ever been, she said- this, THIS is what makes my job worth while, if I can guide women to a happier and healthier lifestyle, then I've done my job.
It's about caring and trying to help the patient, with tough love and strait honest points, spending a few extra minutes to help diagnose, treat and help patients, not slip in snide comments and immediately refer you to surgery, surely that's convenient for him! But probably not the best for HER!
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