The Art of Manliness- #288: Love is Overrated

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_dixiana_
_dixiana_ Posts: 3,262 Member
edited April 2017 in Chit-Chat
Despite being a woman, I decided to check out this podcast, specifically the one titled Love is Overrated, episode #288.

Lots of good insight on relationships.
Curious if anyone has checked this out.

Some of the main points:
-Why emotions lead us astray in relationships.
-Why men are actually more prone to being bamboozled by romantic feelings.
-Red flags and positive qualities you should be on the lookout for in a partner.
-Why couples therapy is often not useful.

The guests on this episode have a book out titled F * ck Feelings.

Thoughts?

v4srbbx9kw60.png

Replies

  • Carillon_Campanello
    Carillon_Campanello Posts: 726 Member
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    _dixiana_ wrote: »
    Despite being a woman, I decided to check out this podcast, specifically the one titled Love is Overrated, episode #288.

    Lots of good insight on relationships.
    Curious if anyone has checked this out.

    Some of the main points:
    -Why emotions lead us astray in relationships.
    -Why men are actually more prone to being bamboozled by romantic feelings.
    -Red flags and positive qualities you should be in the lookout for in a partner.
    -Why couples therapy is often not useful.

    The guests on this episode have a book our titled *kitten* Feelings.

    Thoughts?

    v4srbbx9kw60.png

    YES! I subscribe to this on Youtube!

    Your second bullet point is dead on. TAOM also often outlines that men often suffer quite a deal longer emotionally during the aftermath of a broken relationship, but are expected to just "suck it up."

    It's really well thought out podcasting.
  • Cerealsensei
    Cerealsensei Posts: 1,625 Member
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    Will definitely give this a listen when I get home
  • Just_J_Now
    Just_J_Now Posts: 9,551 Member
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    Sounds interesting. I'll have to check it out.
  • _dixiana_
    _dixiana_ Posts: 3,262 Member
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    _dixiana_ wrote: »
    Despite being a woman, I decided to check out this podcast, specifically the one titled Love is Overrated, episode #288.

    Lots of good insight on relationships.
    Curious if anyone has checked this out.

    Some of the main points:
    -Why emotions lead us astray in relationships.
    -Why men are actually more prone to being bamboozled by romantic feelings.
    -Red flags and positive qualities you should be in the lookout for in a partner.
    -Why couples therapy is often not useful.

    The guests on this episode have a book our titled *kitten* Feelings.

    Thoughts?

    v4srbbx9kw60.png

    YES! I subscribe to this on Youtube!

    Your second bullet point is dead on. TAOM also often outlines that men often suffer quite a deal longer emotionally during the aftermath of a broken relationship, but are expected to just "suck it up."

    It's really well thought out podcasting.

    I've listened to a few episodes since this one and it is good podcasting.

    I liked the points they brought up about Jane Austen and her books.

    The second bullet point was actually something that surprised me but after the explanation they gave it made a lot of sense to me.
  • Lonestar5715
    Lonestar5715 Posts: 466 Member
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    One thing I found curious.......both the speakers are counselors and spoke of counseling married couples yet they hold the belief that most marriage counseling does no good since the couples involved are mostly looking for a referee to declare one side the winner. To me that damaged their credibility. It would be like my doctor saying most people's symptoms may be solved by the use of placebos before he hands me a prescription, hmmmmm.

    It is an interesting subject though. Thanks for starting the thread.
  • _dixiana_
    _dixiana_ Posts: 3,262 Member
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    One thing I found curious.......both the speakers are counselors and spoke of counseling married couples yet they hold the belief that most marriage counseling does no good since the couples involved are mostly looking for a referee to declare one side the winner. To me that damaged their credibility. It would be like my doctor saying most people's symptoms may be solved by the use of placebos before he hands me a prescription, hmmmmm.

    It is an interesting subject though. Thanks for starting the thread.

    I don't necessarily agree it damages their credibility. There are rare couples who will benefit from counseling and marriage counseling isn't all they do. Most of the time couples are looking for a referee. And in that case it's not going to be helpful. It is helpful if you go into counseling ready to take a hard look at yourself and your faults and not just wanting to point fingers at the other person.
    They made a lot of really good and practical points in the podcast so to me their credibility seems pretty solid.
  • Cerealsensei
    Cerealsensei Posts: 1,625 Member
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    This was a pretty good listen, especially the part about the communication, that's something I've always thought but never knew how to put into words.

    Communicating in itself isn't always good. You need to know how and when to say things for it to really be effective. Also you have to understand that everyone is different and we all don't communicate the same. Some people are verbal while some express more through action and that's probably something you're not gonna be able to change about your partner. so you need to really learn how they choose to communicate and judge them from that instead of what you think they should be doing.
  • _dixiana_
    _dixiana_ Posts: 3,262 Member
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    This was a pretty good listen, especially the part about the communication, that's something I've always thought but never knew how to put into words.

    Communicating in itself isn't always good. You need to know how and when to say things for it to really be effective. Also you have to understand that everyone is different and we all don't communicate the same. Some people are verbal while some express more through action and that's probably something you're not gonna be able to change about your partner. so you need to really learn how they choose to communicate and judge them from that instead of what you think they should be doing.

    Agree. I'm the communicator in my marriage. My husband tends to be pretty quiet about most things unless I specifically ask about something. Even after almost 16 years it's still a struggle for me to deal with how little he communicates sometimes. But I also liked what they said about weighing the good and the bad. All of his good qualities outweigh his less communicative quality. So I focus on what is great about him instead.
  • _dixiana_
    _dixiana_ Posts: 3,262 Member
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    _dixiana_ wrote: »
    This was a pretty good listen, especially the part about the communication, that's something I've always thought but never knew how to put into words.

    Communicating in itself isn't always good. You need to know how and when to say things for it to really be effective. Also you have to understand that everyone is different and we all don't communicate the same. Some people are verbal while some express more through action and that's probably something you're not gonna be able to change about your partner. so you need to really learn how they choose to communicate and judge them from that instead of what you think they should be doing.

    Agree. I'm the communicator in my marriage. My husband tends to be pretty quiet about most things unless I specifically ask about something. Even after almost 16 years it's still a struggle for me to deal with how little he communicates sometimes. But I also liked what they said about weighing the good and the bad. All of his good qualities outweigh his less communicative quality. So I focus on what is great about him instead.

    Obviously I don't your husband but I might possibly be able to explain the communication or lack there of because I'm the same way.

    Before I decide to bring up an issue I think about how important it actually is and if I bring it up will it just make things worse. More often than not ill find the issue to not be that big of a deal so I just leave it alone, unless it's something that really irritates me.

    I also don't like to be misunderstood, so if I can't formulate the right words in my head in a way I think you'll understand and not take the wrong way then I tend to shut down, which probably isn't always the best thing. I've been trying to work on that.

    Yeah I'm sure he's a bit of the same. He doesn't express himself well and our son is the same way. I'm a talker and I love to talk about how I'm feeling, neither of which he enjoys haha But we manage to make it work.
    Thanks for the insight.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,841 Member
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    _dixiana_ wrote: »
    There are rare couples who will benefit from counseling and marriage counseling isn't all they do. Most of the time couples are looking for a referee. And in that case it's not going to be helpful. It is helpful if you go into counseling ready to take a hard look at yourself and your faults and not just wanting to point fingers at the other person.

    Two things I have learned. Yes, marriage counseling helps to moderate fighting and gives an outside voice of reason to both sides. However, in the long run a couple that can't learn to work things out on their own isn't repairing itself or the two individuals. For me, personal counseling was more help than marriage counseling.

  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,841 Member
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    And I listen to rap songs to figure out manliness personally. I lined up some ho's, gotta murdered car, put myself in massive debt to collect tons of material things, I am loud and annoying so everyone knows how amazing I am, and if they don't I make them listen to my rap songs that tell them over and over about how amazing I am, and I treat everyone like crap and then call them haters for not letting me "just do me".

    It's working well.
  • _dixiana_
    _dixiana_ Posts: 3,262 Member
    edited April 2017
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    @Timshel_ wrote: »
    _dixiana_ wrote: »
    There are rare couples who will benefit from counseling and marriage counseling isn't all they do. Most of the time couples are looking for a referee. And in that case it's not going to be helpful. It is helpful if you go into counseling ready to take a hard look at yourself and your faults and not just wanting to point fingers at the other person.

    Two things I have learned. Yes, marriage counseling helps to moderate fighting and gives an outside voice of reason to both sides. However, in the long run a couple that can't learn to work things out on their own isn't repairing itself or the two individuals. For me, personal counseling was more help than marriage counseling.

    Agree. And I've heard other people say personal counseling was more helpful than marriage counseling, as well.

  • _dixiana_
    _dixiana_ Posts: 3,262 Member
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    Timshel_ wrote: »
    And I listen to rap songs to figure out manliness personally. I lined up some ho's, gotta murdered car, put myself in massive debt to collect tons of material things, I am loud and annoying so everyone knows how amazing I am, and if they don't I make them listen to my rap songs that tell them over and over about how amazing I am, and I treat everyone like crap and then call them haters for not letting me "just do me".

    It's working well.

    Sadly that is where a pocket of society gets their "manliness training" from. Especially when there isn't a decent dad around to set a good example.
  • liftingmomlife
    liftingmomlife Posts: 47 Member
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    Definitely going to give this a listen.