Serious this time

LahrysaTebo2015
LahrysaTebo2015 Posts: 197 Member
edited November 17 in Getting Started
Hi. I don't know how to share my experience and ask for help without this being a book but here goes.
I have tried this app a bunch of times, I have tried everything. I have tried fad diets, tried the gym, tried eating clean, etc. I know what I need to do, but I won't do it. I'm not saying I can't do it because I physically can. But I mentally wont. But I want to.
I have struggled with my weight since I was a child. Now at 21 years old I am 5'7 and 290 pounds. I carry it well according to friends and family but let's be real. I'm almost 300 pounds, I'm fat. I'm not thick, fluffy, blah blah blah I'm fat. And I hate to hear it but love to say it.
I pretend to be confident. I pretend that loving my body is more important to me than having my goal body. But it's not. Because I'm not confident.
I have been bullied for as long as I can remember. I have hated the way I look since probably 4th grade. My brother is my age and he is the popular good looking guy with a bunch of friends... who make fun of me without him knowing.
I believe I have some sort of body image disorder. I don't like talking to people so ill never be diagnosed or perfessionally told but I hold myself back from things because of the way I see myself. I feel like I'm a burden for being places because people have to look at me. I think everyone is always talking about me or judging me. I avoid amusement parks because I'm scared I won't fit on rides and avoid social events because I think I'll break a chair. But when I tell people about how I think they say I'm crazy because I'm not even fat.
COME ON! I wear a size 20 jeans and 3x top. I AM fat.
But I want to lose weight. I want to be comfortable. I want to be social. I want to wear cute clothes. I want my life. I want to do this. But I need help.

If you're still reading this YOU are who I need to help me.. although I have no idea how I can be helped. Many people have tried to help me told me what to eat what excersize's to do etc. And I end up wasting their time because I give up.

Replies

  • livingleanlivingclean
    livingleanlivingclean Posts: 11,751 Member
    Lahrysa, you sound like me, and how I spent many years of my life.
    I was never as heavy as you, but dieted on and off, tried everything under the sun to lose weight, but never actually stuck to anything. I was my own worst enemy.

    I eventually got to a point where succeeding was more important to me than the excuses and negativity. Something clicked, and I could stick to my diet and training. I actually saw the results and didn't sabotage myself with food "rewards" every night. I trusted in the process and knew I could do it. You can too. Just start!
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,021 Member
    IF you're really serious this time, then you have to be committed. Come hell or high water. If you have ANY hesitance at putting a specific plan of action to do it, then you may not be ready to really do it. It's fine to have a little fear, but if you can think of excuses to get out of it...................then you aren't ready.
    Make sure it's a sustainable plan. Make sure whatever physical activity you add (if you do) is something you can do. And most of all BE CONSISTENT. This helps create habitual behavior and that's really what you need most to be successful. Good luck.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
  • sharonandwyatt
    sharonandwyatt Posts: 86 Member
    It sounds like you know exactly what to do. You're in the right place that's for sure. The only thing I can tell you is to never stop. That was my biggest mistake. I'm still trying to lose the 40 lbs I lost last year and for some reason I stopped and went back to my old habits and gained it all back. I have about 8 more lbs to lose before I can say I lost that 40lbs but I have a long ways to go before I get to my goal weight ( 60 more lbs). I know you can do it... baby steps and don't stop even if you have a bad day.
  • Dellasdaughter
    Dellasdaughter Posts: 2 Member
    Yes lady I HEAR you! Never been overweight and in the same boat as you. New to this. Will try to be supportive of you if you be my cheerleader as well! I have a medical condition and I think having a desk job adds to it. Not being able to do much because of neuropathy in legs limits exercise....... So have you lost anything with this/
  • LahrysaTebo2015
    LahrysaTebo2015 Posts: 197 Member
    Dellasdaughter wrote: »
    Yes lady I HEAR you! Never been overweight and in the same boat as you. New to this. Will try to be supportive of you if you be my cheerleader as well! I have a medical condition and I think having a desk job adds to it. Not being able to do much because of neuropathy in legs limits exercise....... So have you lost anything with this/

    I have a medical condition as well I was born with no cartilage in my right knee which makes excersize's hard. I can walk fine but after a while it is very painful. I also work a desk job. I feel like we could be good friends and maybe exactly what each other needs !
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,021 Member
    LahrysaTebo2015 wrote: »
    Dellasdaughter wrote: »
    Yes lady I HEAR you! Never been overweight and in the same boat as you. New to this. Will try to be supportive of you if you be my cheerleader as well! I have a medical condition and I think having a desk job adds to it. Not being able to do much because of neuropathy in legs limits exercise....... So have you lost anything with this/

    I have a medical condition as well I was born with no cartilage in my right knee which makes excersize's hard. I can walk fine but after a while it is very painful. I also work a desk job. I feel like we could be good friends and maybe exactly what each other needs !
    You can do other things. Weight loss isn't dependent on exercise. Consider a weight lifting resistance program.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
  • melaniedscott
    melaniedscott Posts: 1,476 Member
    You've tried fad diets. They don't work (for long) because, unless it is a lifestyle you can continue forever, when you stop, the weight returns. And, it frequently brings friends. You've tried clean eating...Same problem applies. I've been there: No fried food! No cheese! No pizza! No burgers! Celery! Lettuce! Bean sprouts!! Can't stick to it for long...

    I started out skinny, so I can't relate to the youthful experience...but people suck. Ignore them if they're rude kittenholes. They don't deserve you. My weight was a long crawl up. So I'm working on a slow crawl down. I started in Aug 16 at 230. I'm at 175 now. People ask if I'm exercising a lot. I'm not--I walk, and for about 12 weeks of this time, I couldn't even do that 'cuz I broke 3 bones in my foot. You've got a youth advantage (it gets harder to lose as you get older...some people say metabolism drops, maybe that's it, but honestly, life gets...complicated.).

    Here's what worked for me. No diet. I read labels. I look for nutritional data at restaurants. I take half my restaurant meals home. I like to cook, so, even if I can't get nutritional data, I can generally guess at what goes into dishes to guestimate calories (always guess a little higher than you want to think). I log what I eat. I weigh stuff (I'm not fanatical about it, but if I have a 2 oz bag of cheetos and commit to eating half, I weigh out half and put the rest away BEFORE I start eating). I eat what I like, just in smaller portions. Chew slowly, take your time eating. Drink a lot of water. If you drink sugared beverages (soda/pop/cola/etc, bottled coffee or tea, smoothies) or juices, cut back or quit. They pack a huge calorie impact. And, they're really bad for your teeth.

    I don't know what you're eating/what you like. Fiber is important. Protien is important. I'm all about the veggies but I'm married to a carnivore. Figure out what works for you...you'll see paleo and vegans going at eachother on here--what really matters is you. If you can't live with it, it won't last. Both paleo and veganism would kill me. Too much protien makes me ill and I like eggs & honey & cheese too much. If you don't know how to cook, learn. Go for quality calories (not cheetos...I'm an addict
  • melissawill2017
    melissawill2017 Posts: 1,131 Member
    I have been on the weight loss roller coaster more times that I ever care to admit. I know exactly what it takes and I have success when I put my plans into action. My problem is that I always get to the same point to where I lose motivation or let old habits gradually sneak back in. I don't believe in fad diets, although I have tried a few for a couple of days at a time. Most left me starving and irritable which is no way to live! Slow and moderate changes seem to be what most people have success with. It's always hard for me to not be 100% in or 100% out. I struggle with the all or nothing attitude and it's never productive for me. I took my son last weekend to a national park and was mortified later on that evening when looking at pics... I couldn't believe how unhealthy I looked in every picture and how I always tried to take pics at the "best" angles.

    It's hard to shut your brain off when you are not confident in yourself; it's easy to think that others are looking and judging you, but that probably isn't the truth more times than not. I struggle with my own insecurities and feel mostly like my weight controls everything about me. I feel like I could be such a better wife, mother, friend, etc... if I could finally get to a healthy weight. I turn 40 next year and I promised myself that I would get it together this year once and for all.

    I get really frustrated at myself for being so inconsistent. I feel SO much better when I am eating better, staying within a calorie goal, and exercising. I do feel more confident, I sleep better, my skin looks better, and it really helps keep my stress levels under control. I have no idea why I can't keep up the momentum.... it makes me feel hopeless at times, but I refuse to give hope. I'm sorry that you are at the point that you feel hopeless. Fortunately the person that can inspire you the most to change is yourself... you do have the strength within you, just as I do, to make a change and you will get there. Good luck to you on your journey!
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    Well alrighty, let's do this together, then!
  • kayeroze
    kayeroze Posts: 146 Member
    I understand where you're coming from, 21, 5'2, SW 207.8 (CW 200.8), and I've been overweight almost my entire life. I've tried the super restrictive diet last year and this time it's different. I think what is currently working for me, is that I bought healthy cookbooks for yummy meals around 300 calories because you never know the nutritional data when cooking online usually, I eat protein focused of some sort in every meal and snack if I can because my weight gain stems from emotional eating, I scheduled myself better by setting time aside to workout in the morning, and if I sleep in, I have to tell myself no excuses and do it that afternoon. I prep more of my food and snacks, I started taking a weight circuit training class at my gym to keep me accountable, and I have someone who is doing this with me. I stopped setting a date to when I want to reach my GW. Ideally I'd like to reach it by next summer, but I'm not going to be disappointed if I don't because I tried. It sounds like right now, you need support, accountability, and to take one step at a time. It's hard when you've been overweight you're entire life because you grew up with unhealthy eating habits, usually an inactive childhood, and have had friends who've never really struggled with more than 15 lbs to lose. It's a learning process, and you just have to believe that you will reach your one day.
  • cosmonew
    cosmonew Posts: 513 Member
    U can do this. Small steps can take you places. I was the same as you once,always failing. Falling down is an accident....Staying down is a choice.
  • crb426
    crb426 Posts: 661 Member
    Plug in your numbers on MFP. Stick strictly to what it tells you to eat. Try to work out, lifting weights was a great suggestion! Working out is not necessary to lose, but it does help you feel good (and let's you eat a bit more). It's hard at first, but as long as you are honest with your logging, the weight will slowly start falling off.

    A year from now you may be 100 pounds lighter. You'll have to buy an entire new wardrobe. Even your underwear won't fit! The current you will be a distant memory, and you will feel amazing! And you'll wonder why you thought it would be so hard.
  • Aderlay
    Aderlay Posts: 59 Member
    I'm you nearly 20 years later and I'm telling you, NOW is the time to start. Start small, stick with it, but start! You think you hurt now? Wait until you're 20 years older and still that weight, or heavier. I've been there. I was the fat kid in junior high. Then I got skinny, I mean super skinny. Stayed that way for years. Then I got married to a miserable man and I blew up, almost 300 lbs, size 28. Lost it when I heaved him out. Then gained it when I got very sick. Diets in, diets out and here I am.

    Forget the looks, the whispers, the giggles. Ignore the friends and family that say you look fine. You know what you need, you know you're not healthy right now, and you know you're miserable. You can do this if you're ready, and mentally maybe you're not- but your body is and that's who you should be listening to.
  • cariduttry
    cariduttry Posts: 210 Member
    i'm with you. apparently i'm dense because i never quite stick to the regimen i KNOW works. sigh.
  • domgetsfitter
    domgetsfitter Posts: 19 Member
    I'd love to add you I have the same issue with actually sticking with plans but support on MFP has really helped a lot!!
  • tinkerbellang83
    tinkerbellang83 Posts: 9,140 Member
    LahrysaTebo2015 wrote: »
    Hi. I don't know how to share my experience and ask for help without this being a book but here goes.
    I have tried this app a bunch of times, I have tried everything. I have tried fad diets, tried the gym, tried eating clean, etc. I know what I need to do, but I won't do it. I'm not saying I can't do it because I physically can. But I mentally wont. But I want to.

    Have you tried just eating slightly less of the stuff you normally eat? Fad Diets do nothing for long term weight loss, the gym will only work if it's creating a calorie deficit and eating clean is highly subjective.
    LahrysaTebo2015 wrote: »
    I believe I have some sort of body image disorder. I don't like talking to people so ill never be diagnosed or perfessionally told but I hold myself back from things because of the way I see myself. I feel like I'm a burden for being places because people have to look at me.

    You've just told a bunch of strangers on the internet how you feel, talking to a professional might not be as difficult or scary as you think?
    LahrysaTebo2015 wrote: »
    If you're still reading this YOU are who I need to help me.. although I have no idea how I can be helped. Many people have tried to help me told me what to eat what excersize's to do etc. And I end up wasting their time because I give up.

    The only person that can motivate you properly is you, other people can offer support, but YOU have to want to do it.

    My advice is start small:
    • Log you normal days and see what small sustainable changes you can make such as switching soda out for water or diet soda
    • Set up MFP goals for a small calorie deficit of 0.5-1lb per week - better to lose slowly than not at all.
    • You can lose weight just fine without exercising, however exercise will improve your overall health. You've said you can walk a little, so walk a little. Try using a knee support to minimise the pressure on your bad knee and wear supportive footwear.
    ,
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