Gaining weight due to grief

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howarddonna886
howarddonna886 Posts: 2 Member
edited April 2017 in Motivation and Support
Starting last May, I started with Myfitnesspal and was dieting and exercising and by November I had lost 67 lbs (5 months) and I was so proud of myself. Well in December I was constantly eating on the go and not counting calories and working doubles at one job and also working a second job, so it was fast food in between jobs and on the way home because I was too tired to cook. I figured I would get back on track after Christmas. Well right after the new year started, my sister died (January 10th) and I've gone downhill ever since. I thought that if anything this would make me want to lose weight now more than ever because she died of a heart attack and was morbidly obese but also had lymphedema and kept swelling and swelling. I have just not cared anymore and have been using food for comfort, something that I used to do a lot before I started losing weight. All my life I was always the skinny one and she was the heavy set one. She was always jealous of how I was always skinny and could eat anything I wanted. Then when I started losing weight and was posting pictures on facebook and was so excited over how much I had lost and kept sharing that information, she all of the sudden didn't talk to me anymore. I knew it was bothering her and so I stopped sharing that I was losing weight because I knew it was bothering her, while she kept gaining and really couldn't do anything about it. After she died, somehow I feel like me gaining weight is making her happy. You have to understand that she hated me being skinny and her fat when we were growing up. I don't know if deep in my mind I am trying to make her happy by gaining weight. I don't want to be overweight. I was so happy losing it and feeling healthier. But it makes me feel guilty when I lose weight and start to be proud of myself again, knowing that she was in so much pain and so unhappy and eventually died by being overweight. Has anyone else ever experienced this. I am crying my eyes out as I write this. I've never lost a family member before and I just don't know if this is a normal thing or not.

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  • deputy_randolph
    deputy_randolph Posts: 940 Member
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    My mother died a year and a half ago due to obesity related cancer. I threw myself into lifting at the gym with full force to keep my mind occupied. It really helped me cope.

    I doubt your sister would want you to sacrifice your health while grieving your loss. It's hard now, but will get easier. The best thing you can do is to take of yourself.
  • christineghrayche
    christineghrayche Posts: 5 Member
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    Sorry for your loss. I suffer from depression and tend to eat my feelings when I'm down.
  • CharlieBeansmomTracey
    CharlieBeansmomTracey Posts: 7,682 Member
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    you have to do what makes you happy. Im sorry for your loss. I also will say that Im sorry she was miserable because of your weight loss and stopped talking to you,but staying overweight to make her happy when she is no longer here is not the way to go. I mean think of it this way,do you really want to be overweight and feeling bad about it? you have to find a way to get past this.

    It wont be easy but its not helping you mentally to think this way either.she had her own demons to fight(so to speak),Ive had sisters be jealous of me when I was thin too,then I got fat and some of them made fun of me because of it,yet they are now overweight too.

    I lost weight for myself. I lost a sister but not due to obesity or other health issues,mine was murdered(thats another story).sibling jealousy happens. you have to overlook it and get on with your life. why couldnt she lose weight?. you cant change the past, but you can change the future and the future is now.

    Take solace in knowing that you CAN be healthier,you want to be healthier and its for you and no one else. you have to live in your body.once you can do this you will see that you will start healing in other ways.dont let anything hold you back.
  • cheriej2042
    cheriej2042 Posts: 241 Member
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. It can be devastating losing a family member especially a sibling. You are still in the early stages of grieving. And your feelings about your relationship with your sister are now mixed in with your weight loss journey. These are complex issues and I would encourage you to seek some grief counseling to help you work through this. Don't just try to tough it out-unresolved issues with grief and loss can have years of impact. I know having lost my mother , my own sister and in March my father. I believe you can be successful losing weight because you have done it. You need to address your sisters death and your past relationship with her. Don't give up but do allow yourself to go through the grieving process with some help and support.
  • CharlieBeansmomTracey
    CharlieBeansmomTracey Posts: 7,682 Member
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    cheriej2042 wrote: »
    I'm so sorry for your loss. It can be devastating losing a family member especially a sibling. You are still in the early stages of grieving. And your feelings about your relationship with your sister are now mixed in with your weight loss journey. These are complex issues and I would encourage you to seek some grief counseling to help you work through this. Don't just try to tough it out-unresolved issues with grief and loss can have years of impact. I know having lost my mother , my own sister and in March my father. I believe you can be successful losing weight because you have done it. You need to address your sisters death and your past relationship with her. Don't give up but do allow yourself to go through the grieving process with some help and support.

    I also agree with this as well.
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
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    I am so sorry you lost your sister but take care of yourself! Hopefully you can get the right attitude and know that you don't want to be like her and you want to be happy and you want to take care of yourself. I have been trying low carb right now and it has helped decrease my appetite, my family drives me crazy and I can blaim them if I overeat but I want to take care of myself no matter what they do. I know you will get thru this grieving process and will make the choice to be happy.
  • nevlax
    nevlax Posts: 1 Member
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    I am sorry to hear about your sister's sudden passing. I lost my mother in February. I get you are still raw. Have I gained weight? You bet. What I have done to cope is to take one meal at a time. I make a conscience effort to think about what I am eating and how I am feeling at the time. I also eat slowly so I feel fuller sooner. I hope this helps.

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