Is your partner overweight?

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Replies

  • llaurenmarie
    llaurenmarie Posts: 1,260 Member
    I stopped reading after a couple entries but I can tell you this: I've always dated guys who didn't care much about what they ate. All different sizes but never really health conscious with their eating habits.
    My boyfriend now is of normal weight, and normal muscle structure. Not over or under, is what I mean.
    His choices are not *always* healthy but he has no issues with overeating. Pretty much always maintaining and no food cravings. Rarely wants to eat out or junk food.

    This is where my opinion comes in: It. is. just. as. hard. for me to try and make good choices even when he's making the right ones. It's all about your mentality and shouldn't have anything to do with someone else. It's been a little tough for me to accept that it's all just on me and to be responsible. Still not successful balancing my choices but I am trying.
  • WickAndArtoo
    WickAndArtoo Posts: 773 Member
    mccord62803 wrote: »
    Just wanted to give a little update...

    I was planning on talking to him about it last night but he surprised me by bringing it up himself. The first thing he said was that watching me weigh out a small portion of pasta the other night was the saddest thing ever. Lol. But I turned it around and just smiled and said that was why I ate a large salad before the pasta, so I could still enjoy some pasta without going over my calories. Then he said that he wanted to start eating better with me and that he always feels like he can do it when he watches me eat better.
    I brought up maybe having a challenge on who could lose more (and keep it off) in one year and we shook on it. $100 to the winner. I have no chance of winning if he sticks with it but I hope he does.

    I love this! I am happy you guys talked about, the fact that he brought it up just shows how loving your relationship is :) please continue to keep us updated!
  • AgidGirl
    AgidGirl Posts: 138 Member
    My husband and I were both fit and thin when we met in our late teens. Once we got married and I had our first child we both started to pack on the pounds, me more so then him. Fast forward to now, I started eating better and keeping track of my calories and he's starting to follow suit. He's a stinker though, he only have about 35 or so pounds to lose and is only loosely counting his calorie intake and lifting weights and has lost almost as much weight as I have in half the time.
  • brb_2013
    brb_2013 Posts: 1,197 Member
    *looks over shoulder to make sure he isn't standing behind me*

    Yes he's fat. He's in denial about it too. Well sort of. He knows he's bigger than he was in high school yet still spouts off his PRs from lifting in his football playing days, tries to tell me he's flexible enough to reach his toes from standing... Yet the man can't put on socks or shoes with anything close to ease. He has old injuries that only get WORSE with inactivity. I love him and I've committed to the team we have made but it does drive me crazy that he isn't more open to making an effort for himself. I'm still early in my own efforts and he's on board for the changes I need to make to our shared meals but beyond that he's either upping what he eats away from home or these small changes just aren't enough for him to be losing weight too.

    I love his body as is, truthfully. I'm very attracted to a larger frame and love his strength. He can pick me right up! But I worry about our long term... What will it be like if he chooses to stay the same after I'm at my goal weight? I also worry about his health, especially his heart as we age. It concerns me. But all I can do and all you can do is keep offering opportunities to join in, make him feel welcome to join you but never pressure. It has to be his choice.
  • SiegfriedXXL
    SiegfriedXXL Posts: 219 Member
    My partner is not fat. He is ex military and can drink 482 beers without gaining any significant weight. We met by chance and he told me, point blank, that he's not interested in bigger guys. Fast forward a couple years and here we are. LOL. I will say that he is very supportive of my weight loss and has been a driving force in my renewed efforts to get the rest of my weight off.

    I agree with what the poster above said. My choices are hard whether or not he's eating healthy or downing those 482 beers I mentioned. He encourages me a lot and will follow some of my eating habits but we also need different things. He's lactose intolerant while I love cheese. I can't eat a ton of carbs while bread is necessary with almost all of his meals. My exercise consists of walking and elliptical while he runs for miles, swims, and plays volleyball. At some point, we came to the realization that we do things differently and that's ok. He does support me but he also loves me despite "not being into big guys." We're both doing our thing and loving life together.

    Your last post was great. He noticed you measuring out your pasta and it created motivation and change for him. That's what being partners is all about. My partner and I have influenced each other for the better in many ways but we still have our way of doing things and that's all to the good.

    I hope your guy sticks to it but, if not, no harm in lovingly reminding him to take better care of his health every so often. My partner does it. Sometimes I don't want to listen and sometimes it's exactly what I needed to hear, but, either way, I love him and I know he's saying it because he loves me.

    Just my two cents. :)
  • jennybearlv
    jennybearlv Posts: 1,519 Member
    My husband is overweight, but still weighs less than me. I sometimes get annoyed that he has let himself get all doughy, but then realize how totally hypocritical that is. We were on the thinner side when we met, he was underweight and I was probably at the high end of healthy. I had mental health issues and packed on lots of weight shortly after we married. He started eating more and lifting weights getting pretty sexy in my opinion. He stopped for whatever reason a few years back and has lost most of his gains, but has kept the eating habits. I actually work out using his weights that he hasn't touched in years. I suppose it's nice that the squat rack is always free at my house, but I would not object to him lifting and shedding some fat.

    I think his eating habits have kept me from doing silly unsustainable things in my diet. He gets all whiny if I don't make a hearty meat and potatoes meal for dinner or tell him I don't want snacks around. So, I get a delicious home cooked dinner every night, maybe eat out a couple nights a week, pick out my own snacks so I am not bothered by listening him rustle his gross cheese puff bag, and track everything. It's worked great for six months so far.

    He has shown no interest in losing weight or fitness and I'm fine with that. I am curious how he's going to react when I start to weigh less than him, since he has always weighed less than me. 35 pounds to that point. He already asks me carry heavy stuff and do hard work around the yard for him. I'm glad he doesn't find my strength intimidating though I wouldn't mind him being a little less dramatic about yard work.
  • ronjsteele1
    ronjsteele1 Posts: 1,064 Member
    edited April 2017
    mccord62803 wrote: »
    Just wanted to give a little update...

    I was planning on talking to him about it last night but he surprised me by bringing it up himself. The first thing he said was that watching me weigh out a small portion of pasta the other night was the saddest thing ever. Lol. But I turned it around and just smiled and said that was why I ate a large salad before the pasta, so I could still enjoy some pasta without going over my calories. Then he said that he wanted to start eating better with me and that he always feels like he can do it when he watches me eat better.
    I brought up maybe having a challenge on who could lose more (and keep it off) in one year and we shook on it. $100 to the winner. I have no chance of winning if he sticks with it but I hope he does.

    LOVE. Keep communicating. You guys are doing great if you got this far. Many partners can't even get to this point. Best wishes to you both!
  • ConquerAndBloom
    ConquerAndBloom Posts: 94 Member
    ronjsteele1 wrote: »
    mccord62803 wrote: »
    Luckily, I feel like he's more physically fit than I am even though he's so much more overweight than I am. I can't run for 60 seconds without feeling like I'm going to die but he once ran a mile just because I said he couldn't do it. He's ran in two 5Ks. He was a little smaller then but still over 320 lbs.
    So it will probably be awhile until I surpass him in that department.

    I'm going to have a gentle talk with him today. Lots of "we" instead of "you". I think I'll playfully make a bet about who can lose more (and keep it off) in the next year.

    Can I suggest keeping your comments to the extent of "I love you and I'm worried about your health. The kids and I want you around for a very long time. Would you be willing to walk side by side with me and we work together to both get healthy so we can have each other for a very long time?"

    My husband I recently walked this road and I can tell you that saying anything beyond "I'm worried I'm going to lose you because of your health" is going to leave scars that are VERY difficult to get past.

    This is all fairly similar to my situation. My man was heavy when we met and I gained over 50 pounds since then. We've both hindered each other in our own ways but we've since decided to work hard together.

    He's far more active than I am, but food has always been our downfall, together. Luckily he has far more self control than I do once he sets his mind to something, lol.

    Be kind, use gentle words, but just remember that your journey is your journey and his is his. Of course we want our partners to be healthy and it definitely makes it easier when they're with you, but like you said: you can't force him to do anything. What you do with that knowledge is up to you. Good luck to both of you!

  • GymnasticsMommy
    GymnasticsMommy Posts: 80 Member
    My spouse is trying to GAIN weight... you can only imagine how fun that is for us :)
  • MyLovesMyLife
    MyLovesMyLife Posts: 424 Member
    My husband has gastroparesis. He cannot gain weight though he would like to. He is trying to maintain his weight so he eats what he pleases within his diet guidelines. It makes him very sick. I have to keep myself in check because sometimes I want to eat more because I see him eating but again he is trying to maintain and I am trying to lose. We can't do as others do unless they are setting an example we want. I also try to make higher calories foods for my husband but eat less.
  • LauraInTheWater
    LauraInTheWater Posts: 477 Member
    I'm so glad I found your post. I have been struggling with this. My husband and I BOTH gained weight after some health issues slowed me down for a while. I know he doesn't mean to but all he does when he comes home is sit down on the couch. I know it is because he is tired but I really want to have him be on board with me. I think it just takes time for them to realize we are serious. I'm sorry you are going through this. It is painful and it does feel like sabotage at times. Maybe your progress is making his bad eating habits more apparent to him, and it is upsetting, which is why he is negative about it. All we can do is be positive role models. I know that the last time I lost a significant amount of weight my husband eventually joined in. In the mean time it makes me feel like I am doing something wrong because I have to plan out my meals (he likes to go out to eat a lot). If you want to talk or vent about it I am here for you. But just keep up the good work!
  • LauraInTheWater
    LauraInTheWater Posts: 477 Member
    mccord62803 wrote: »
    Just wanted to give a little update...

    I was planning on talking to him about it last night but he surprised me by bringing it up himself. The first thing he said was that watching me weigh out a small portion of pasta the other night was the saddest thing ever. Lol. But I turned it around and just smiled and said that was why I ate a large salad before the pasta, so I could still enjoy some pasta without going over my calories. Then he said that he wanted to start eating better with me and that he always feels like he can do it when he watches me eat better.
    I brought up maybe having a challenge on who could lose more (and keep it off) in one year and we shook on it. $100 to the winner. I have no chance of winning if he sticks with it but I hope he does.

    I love this idea. I know what to do when my husband shows interest, which I know will only be a matter of time.
  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,179 Member
    edited April 2017
    Yes, she is, and she's broadly hinting that she really doesn't want to be bigger than me and it's my fault if that happens. Which isn't really unusual.

    Any "it" is my fault.
  • lthames0810
    lthames0810 Posts: 722 Member
    My husband is a somewhat overweight, but I think he's on a stealth diet. For our evening meal I typically set everything out buffet style in the kitchen. He picks and chooses whatever he wants, usually bread, meat, big pile of rice or potatoes, tiny bit of cooked vegetables and no salad. Recently, and without comment, he has begun to skip the bread, still have meat, have less of whatever starch, and a heap of vegetables and salad. Hmmm.

    I can't believe how motivating this is to me. I've struggled with my weight for years, but now my hidden competitive streak has come out. I'll be damned if I'll let this amateur lose weight better than I do!
  • marianlyn
    marianlyn Posts: 144 Member
    My husband is over 300lbs, and nothing I have ever done or said has motivated him to work on his health. It's frustrating, because I want him to stick around for a long time! But I can remember my parents trying to "coach" me into losing weight with similar good intentions when I was younger. And I hated it.
  • IslandDreamer64
    IslandDreamer64 Posts: 258 Member
    My husband is maybe 15 pounds overweight, but he's muscular and has a bit of a beer belly. He just naturally cuts back on eating when he reaches a certain point. For him, it's 180. He says he feels better at 170, cuts back on chips and soda for a few weeks and drops 10 pounds. I kind of hate him just a little for that. :-D
  • PaigeInTechnicolor
    PaigeInTechnicolor Posts: 164 Member
    edited July 2017
    My boyfriend is obese. Not sure exactly how much he weighs, but definitely at least class II obese. He was probably obese when I met him, but not nearly to this extent. I was in the middle of healthy range when we met. I put on about 40lbs, got freaked out by my numbers at a doctor checkup and have been on mpf more or less since (fell off the wagon and gained back a good bit. But, lesson learned.)

    Now we are in this place where I feel like such an enabler. I bring him the food and drinks he asks for. Since I do all the shopping and cooking, so I should have a bit more control, but he complains if there is no junkfood, and will order out (sometimes on top of the meal I just made) and drinks at least 1000 calories a day... If we run out of booze, he will go, but usually he just whines about it til I do.

    It isn't hard sticking to my own calories, but it is hard to watch him kill himself and feel like I am handing him the knife (and fork) to do it with.
  • Jdismybug1
    Jdismybug1 Posts: 443 Member
    Yes. My SO is 6'1 and 220 I think. He's been up and down. Never actively really tries to lose weight. I don't really expect him too either, being his body and all.
    When I met him (17 years ago) he had anxiety issues that lead him to have stomach issues tied to them and was very thin. He is well past the issues now.
    Anytime he's been to the doctors they were actually surprised he weighs so much he carries his weight very well.
    That being said he has mentioned lifting weights, he's not the type to count calories. I kind of just let him do what he wants to do fitness wise.
    We do eat the same foods, but different quantities.
  • evilpoptart63
    evilpoptart63 Posts: 397 Member
    My husband is overweight and we are eating completely different now. He tried to do a diet program with me and got malnourished and is still trying to recover from it so I understand why he is eating higher carb and fatty food. He needs about 3,000cals just to maintain so when he was eating 1,000-1,200 his body was shutting down. His weight has never bothered me personally and now that I'm eating low calories and he isn't it doesn't really bother me. I get frustrated when I see him eat pizza/burgers/chips/ect if I'm having food cravings but I just walk away and hang out with him once it is gone. I figure whatever he eats is none of my business and he helps me cook healthy meals so I can't complain :)
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