Afraid to fail

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  • jpoehls9025
    jpoehls9025 Posts: 471 Member
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    The only time you will fail is when you completely give up on the idea of loosing weight. As long as you hit that gym with good intention and nutrition the same way regardless of f***ups and set backs you are not failing. Only quitting for ever is failing.

    Also one thing that helped me was finding what I loved to do in regards to fitness and motivation.

    in 2004 I was 275LBS Teenager in high school. I started to workout because of my weight and fell in love with BB.
    by 2008 Graduation I was 195LBS @ 12% BF. Then I joined the military which cut down on my gains from all the endurance based PT we did to roughly 170LBS for about 4 years. Got out of the military and ballooned up to 260LBS because I was like YAY no more forced PT sessions LOL. Cut back down to 178LBS and been slow bulking to 215LBS @17%BF which Im cutting now for summer readiness.

    Let me tell you in all my years of working out and fitness there wasnt a completely linear time when I would bulk or cut without fuc*ing up my diet and or falling off the band wagon. But Darnit I always got back up on and on the train. All the mini victories will lead to your long term success no matter what! Also all the mini Victories will build your confidence along the way which is always helpful.

    Good luck to you and enjoy the journey!

  • nowine4me
    nowine4me Posts: 3,985 Member
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    You don't have to be perfect.
  • JaydedMiss
    JaydedMiss Posts: 4,286 Member
    edited April 2017
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    yeah all thats been said. The most successful people realize its a lifestyle not a diet. If yo udont enjoy it it wont last. fit what you love in, Find ways to enjoy exercise (youve done this) research and find what your body needs/likes and fine tune it. Drop broscience and woo and just enjoy the ride. Knowledge is very very helpful. You know what you need, And once you take the time to experiment youll find what you like and slowly but surely your set for life because before you know it your habits all change.

    Zero need to dive right in and crash and burn doing it to fast. Yo-yo dieting isnt fun, Fit healthy lifestyle is. The only way youll fail is if you give up. Change your thinking, One bad day wont hurt, But if you take that and then spend a month hating yourself and saying screw it i messed up it will.

    Iv lost 95 pounds in 11 months and iv had quite a few yummy delicious cheat days, And the world didnt end (not that im recommending it-especially before you find your routine- just saying not the end of the end)
  • Theo166
    Theo166 Posts: 2,564 Member
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    aamerine08 wrote: »
    Wow! I am completely blown away by how much support I've gotten on this post. I've been trying to keep to myself for a long time and keep my weight loss "private". I didn't really add any friends and definitely have been trying to go it alone. It has been so hard to deal with this journey and my feelings/thoughts on my own, but right now I feel so encouraged! Thank you ALL for your words and advice. Please feel free to add me as a friend!

    My journey is to lose 100+ lbs, I don't know where I would be without the help and advice I've found here the past months. Now I have confidence I'll make this goal by the end of the year.
  • jpoehls9025
    jpoehls9025 Posts: 471 Member
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    amusedmonkey wrote: »
    One more thing to keep in mind. You are now feeling pumped and supported. There is a certain honeymoon phase where you're super motivated. When that wears off you will need habits to fall on. That's the reason most people here proposed realistic sustainable changes, because there WILL be days where things won't go to plan. It's important to understand that this is normal and stop stressing about being perfect all the time. A day where you feel like you're faltering shouldn't discourage you, just simply pick up where you left off as soon as you are able. In the long run that's loads better than giving up altogether.

    When you said stop stressing about being perfect, to me was about the biggest moment in my life when I realized that haha! Once you do that little thing I swear life becomes easy not to mention much less cortisol lol
  • aamerine08
    aamerine08 Posts: 45 Member
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    amusedmonkey wrote: »
    One more thing to keep in mind. You are now feeling pumped and supported. There is a certain honeymoon phase where you're super motivated. When that wears off you will need habits to fall on. That's the reason most people here proposed realistic sustainable changes, because there WILL be days where things won't go to plan. It's important to understand that this is normal and stop stressing about being perfect all the time. A day where you feel like you're faltering shouldn't discourage you, just simply pick up where you left off as soon as you are able. In the long run that's loads better than giving up altogether.

    Thank you for this!
  • crb426
    crb426 Posts: 657 Member
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    I know many have suggested short terms goals, I would suggest adding an even shorter goal. One day. You can do this for one day. Stay within your calories. Exercise for so long. Don't tell yourself you'll "do it tomorrow". And don't give up just because one day was bad. You have a fresh start each day.

    Sometimes you'll want to raid the kitchen and undo your hard work for the day. Tell yourself you can make it this one day. Just a few more hours until bedtime, whatever you need to do. Then in the morning, success!

    After sticking to it each day, you build a routine and it feels totally normal. And good. And the weight will fall off and you'll have energy. And you'll rub your ever flattening tummy as you lay in bed. And you'll have to buy new clothes, including underwear! It'll be great and crazy and frustrating, but it will be worth it. You got this!
  • kazredhead
    kazredhead Posts: 13 Member
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    It is possible that you are also afraid to succeed! We all hide behind our weight and use it sometimes as an excuse for a lot of things. As you lose weight, people start to comment and say how nice we look - we are suddenly thrown into the limelight - no hiding. That can be a bit scary too. Enjoy every pound gone and promise yourself not to get it back - its a marathon, not a sprint. I am back after a long break and so am also nervous about failing/succeeding!
  • kenyonhaff
    kenyonhaff Posts: 1,377 Member
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    Anything WORTH doing has a chance of failure. There is literally nothing important you can't fail at: jobs, relationships, school, hobbies, and yourself. So recognize that there is no completely safe option in life.

    Also, reframe "failure". It's easy to get into a state of mind that failure is automatically permanent and unable to be change. OR...and here's the big OR... it's just an OUTCOME. Something was missing that didn't lead to success this time. Or a chance was taken and it didn't work out this time. But that does not mean such a failure is the end to the story...you get to write a new page, a new chapter.

    I don't like Trump but I have to give grudging respect that he doesn't let failure (and there have been a heckuva lot of them) define him. I won't say be like Trump (he also doesn't have a lot of self-reflection or insight) but realize failure isn't the end of anything.
  • aamerine08
    aamerine08 Posts: 45 Member
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    crb426 wrote: »
    I know many have suggested short terms goals, I would suggest adding an even shorter goal. One day. You can do this for one day. Stay within your calories. Exercise for so long. Don't tell yourself you'll "do it tomorrow". And don't give up just because one day was bad. You have a fresh start each day.

    Sometimes you'll want to raid the kitchen and undo your hard work for the day. Tell yourself you can make it this one day. Just a few more hours until bedtime, whatever you need to do. Then in the morning, success!

    After sticking to it each day, you build a routine and it feels totally normal. And good. And the weight will fall off and you'll have energy. And you'll rub your ever flattening tummy as you lay in bed. And you'll have to buy new clothes, including underwear! It'll be great and crazy and frustrating, but it will be worth it. You got this!

    You are awesome! Thank for for this #JustOneDay
  • aamerine08
    aamerine08 Posts: 45 Member
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    kenyonhaff wrote: »
    Anything WORTH doing has a chance of failure. There is literally nothing important you can't fail at: jobs, relationships, school, hobbies, and yourself. So recognize that there is no completely safe option in life.

    Also, reframe "failure". It's easy to get into a state of mind that failure is automatically permanent and unable to be change. OR...and here's the big OR... it's just an OUTCOME. Something was missing that didn't lead to success this time. Or a chance was taken and it didn't work out this time. But that does not mean such a failure is the end to the story...you get to write a new page, a new chapter.

    I don't like Trump but I have to give grudging respect that he doesn't let failure (and there have been a heckuva lot of them) define him. I won't say be like Trump (he also doesn't have a lot of self-reflection or insight) but realize failure isn't the end of anything.

    Love it. Thanks!
  • crazyycatlady1
    crazyycatlady1 Posts: 292 Member
    edited April 2017
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    amusedmonkey wrote: »
    One more thing to keep in mind. You are now feeling pumped and supported. There is a certain honeymoon phase where you're super motivated. When that wears off you will need habits to fall on. That's the reason most people here proposed realistic sustainable changes, because there WILL be days where things won't go to plan. It's important to understand that this is normal and stop stressing about being perfect all the time. A day where you feel like you're faltering shouldn't discourage you, just simply pick up where you left off as soon as you are able. In the long run that's loads better than giving up altogether.

    As someone who's now been in maintenance for a few years, (so on the 'other side' of things), I agree that this is spot on. Now is the time to learn how the mechanics of weight loss/maintenance actually work, and to put into place sustainable and realistic practices, that you'll be able to do for the rest of your life. There's going to be a lot of 'high' moments in this process and most likely just as many 'low' moments. Getting things figured out now will help you through those rough moments.

    A little example-I've been in a bit of a maintenance funk lately, and had just got done whining about it in the maintenance forum section Wednesday night, when my dd had a freak accident and we ended up in the ER/hospital stay. A totally unexpected (horrible) life moment, where my nice little routine went out the window. But, even through all of that-what I've learned about CICO/weight management is so ingrained in me, that I was able to make calorie appropriate choices at the hospital cafeteria, without even having to think about it/stress that I was messing up. Knowing how to do that, in the midst of all of life's curve-balls, is what will make you successful long term.
  • starfruit132
    starfruit132 Posts: 291 Member
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    Many are responding to this post because we can relate. We all have some fears or may have experienced past failed weight loss. How many times have I started a diet on a Monday and not even made it to dinner without "blowing it" - hundreds of times. How many times have I successfully lost 10, 20 or 30 pounds and kept it off for a year or longer over 25 years of yo-yoing, several times. All that experience has allowed me to understand that weight loss and maintenance is a lifestyle - not a goal I can check off as completed and ignore because I'm bored with it. Now, by reading these posts and understanding the MFP process of CICO, there is less fear of failure because it is math and awareness, not magic, luck or the latest diet secret that will help maintain the weight loss.

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