The Train Almost Derailed .. and it's only Day TWO :(

I read (& printed out) an article from the MFP Blog about five ways to try and beat binge eating disorder. I have been diagnosed with that and it's a HUGE reason for the weight gain. Today I tried to fight the urge .. cookies this time. I took the pause, gave myself the 2 or 3 minutes and then as much as I tried to fight it, I lost. Not only to cookies but to Reese's Pieces. I am trying NOT to feel defeated, as the article states, "Be kind to yourself," but it's SO HARD. I did go over Step 2, the "Urge Interview" and realized that my urges live in my brain, and it's a black cloud that just hovers, like fog and keeps getting stronger and stronger until I cave. Though the binge was small, it's still significant because I wasn't physically hungry. It was something I saw and then my cloud woke up and said "eat it." Like a robot, I did.

Afterwards, as I sit here writing this, I feel so frustrated at myself. However, reflecting back, during the "pause" the words "disappointed," "anticipation," and "let down" kept coming through.

Before I had the snack, I was making a dish of Greek Dandelions with olive oil and lemon juice. I was excited because it was new. It was too bitter for me to handle, therefore I was let down. I was anticipating having that as a snack. Do I seek the comfort foods when I am upset? Disappointed? I am going to try and keep a journal like this, to see if when I binge if there are any "triggers" prior to the eating. Like Sherlock Holmes, I *will* figure this out.