How to cope when you live with an extremely unhealthy partne
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carlxo21
Posts: 143 Member
My boyfriend and I live together, we've been together for 4 years and living together for about 9 months.
He is extremely overweight (he's 6'2 and over 350 lbs)
I am only 18 lbs overweight.
Well I have been eating better and working out and my SO just doesn't do that.
I can't get him to work out with me OR eat better.
Whenever we grocery shop, he buys the worst-for-you foods.
And I buy the better choices.
He works at a desk all day, comes home to play computer games, and eats fast food almost daily.
I just choose not to eat the foods he buys and stick to my own thing but sometimes its hard.
I guess I truly just wish he'd come on this journey with me.
No matter what I say or do, he won't.
Anyone else live with someone like this?
He is extremely overweight (he's 6'2 and over 350 lbs)
I am only 18 lbs overweight.
Well I have been eating better and working out and my SO just doesn't do that.
I can't get him to work out with me OR eat better.
Whenever we grocery shop, he buys the worst-for-you foods.
And I buy the better choices.
He works at a desk all day, comes home to play computer games, and eats fast food almost daily.
I just choose not to eat the foods he buys and stick to my own thing but sometimes its hard.
I guess I truly just wish he'd come on this journey with me.
No matter what I say or do, he won't.
Anyone else live with someone like this?
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Replies
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I do sotra. my husband and kids are not doing the whole lets eat better and be healthy. So when we go shopping it is hard forme to stand up and say i wnt this while you eat that. They are always wanting to eat out. I feel like they don't want me to be a healthier person. I hope he comes around and sees the better you and will want to know how you did it. Good luck on your journey.0
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I did...but we aren't together anymore. I started to worry about his health and it was also affecting other "areas" of our relationship and when he wasn't prepared to make changes, I left and made better choices and changes for me.
I am not in any way saying that you should leave, it was the best choice for me - but have you tried explaining to him why you want him to change his way of eating and what it means to you for him to do that?
Men can be so hard at the best of times LOL....getting them to adapt to a new way of eating and excercise can be a real struggle.0 -
I'm in a slightly similar boat as you...and have been once before...
I was in a long term relationship with a 6'2" ~ 270lb. "teddy bear." He ate crap...loved going out to eat...loved having me over for dinner with his family...loved cooking for me etc etc. By the end of our three years I packed on about 20 lbs. There were times i tried dieting, worked out, the whole nine yards. I'd lose and then regain. He knew he was unhealthy but he claimed "he just like to eat and have fun." Another one was, "I love taking you out...it's what we do." Anyways, I couldn't get him to eat healthier, and he almost made it a mission to "feed me" (INSECURITY ALERT! He was afraid that if I looked "too good" some guy would steal me away...
ANYWAYS thats over with and now Im on a new journey with my current live in bf. He's one of those "eat whatever I want and still somehow have a rock body" (6'1" ~ 170 and muscular)...with that our freezer is STOCKED with frozen pizza, texas toast, ice cream and etc. Since Im trying to be healthy...the fridge is also stocked with veggies, fruit, greek yogurt and etc.
He absolutely does not need to lose weight...however I am concerned for his heart health and cholesterol. Here's where the sneakiness comes in....I cook dinner at home 90% of the time...I'm a foodie so I make the goodies, and I just make them healthier. I still double his portions so he's satisfied after a meal and so he gets his caloric needs in. I also pack his lunch almost everyday...I make lean turkey wraps, whole-wheat pastas, grilled salmon with a baked potato, chicken cutlets with rice (stir fried with veggies)...where before we lived together for him it was pizza, frled cheese, Philly cheese-steak or Wendy's for lunch....frozen dinners, pizza hut, or mac & cheese for dinner.
Granted, he still eats that sometimes, but at least MAJORITY of his meals are MUCH healthier.
Here's my two cents. You can't change him unless he wants to. You also can't let him drag you down (which is what happened to me in the first relationship I mentioned) BUT you can get him involved...ask him to cook with you. When you make dinner, make it nutritious AND appealing. Have him pack his lunch (or if you're okay with it like I am...pack it for him...and sneak a treat in there...I always stick a fiber one brownie or a peanut butter cup or a healthy homemade cookie). You can keep him in the loop with YOUR life style change....maybe somewhere along the way he'll jump in.
Don't let the drastically different eating and lifestyle habits cause a separation between the two of you. Again...you cant change him unless HE wants to...but he can't prevent you from changing and improving yourself.
Feel free to message me. Hope this helped a bit and best of luck.0 -
I did. He constantly complained about his weight, but ate like crap and never exercised.
We broke up.0 -
i do kinda my husband isnt really over weight antleast not significantly but he eats junk all the time and pretty much refuses anything healthy. if we had the finances i know for sure he would eat mcdonalds and pizza every day. He trys to tell me that the healthier versions of things are gross but i have managed to sneak things on him buy saving and hiding the containers for full fat versions of stuff he likes and replacing them with the healthier versions. lol ( and he never even noticed ). i think ity stressses me quite a bit because im an emotional eater and since there is always tempting stuff in the house its hard0
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I am in that boat. My husband is 6 ft 2 inches and 155 lbs, not healthy skinny. He eats JUNK mainly sweets, candies and ice cream. He LOVES fried food and HATES vegetables.
I am eating healthier and taking care of myself as MUCH as I can, I am eating more (undereater) and adding more fruits and vegetables and skipping the processed crap. I tend to make 2 types of dinners a healthier one with better sides and I make the bad ones for him and save the rest for leftovers the next night.
I think the worse part is the support is not there. He doesnt care that I am losing the weight or how much (he doesnt want me to lose more than 50) I would hope eventually they would get it into their heads but I will have to wait and see. Getting healthier for me and not for him is what I am doing and I am not going to force him into something he will fight with me for. (IMO) I am lucky my son loves his fruits and vegetables and is my at home support.0 -
My husband is about 5'7" and weighs somewhere over 300. He complains wants to lose weight but doesn't do anything about it. He's always tired and like Amber said, if we had the extra money he'd eat McDonald's everyday for lunch. I tried to show him how easy it is to use this app on our phones but he showed no interest. I cook healthy dinners and buy healthy snacks but then he just thinks he can eat more.0
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I'm in this boat too. My boyfriend is 6'3 and weighs 379lbs. He says he wants to lose weight and in fairness he has lost over 30lbs in the last 3 months but he regained 10lbs!! However, he lies about what he eats. He eats junk/fast food on the sly and doesn't exercise. He was in a motor bike accident a few years ago and did serious damage to his leg, he can however exercise when he gets these notions in his head!
I downloaded the MFP app to his phone but he won't even look at it. He can see the effort I'm putting in and he's very encouraging so I just hope it rubs off on him! I'll just have to keep pushing him0 -
I know the feeling! My husband is in overall good shape but his choices aren't always the best. That makes it difficult for me. We also have 3 kids and I want them to see us making wise food choices. Luckily I love to cook and make dinner every night so he's stuck eating what I make! LOL Also I do all the grocery shopping so I refuse to buy the junk. Obviously I have no control over what he eats at work but I have taken back control over the food in the house
Good luck!! 0 -
I think if you are making a lifestyle change, your partner has to be doing the same or it won't stick. It's impossible to live a healthy lifestyle with your wife/husband trying to discourage you all the time. If it's important to you, perhaps you should consider yourself lucky he is your "SO" not your "Husband"...?
(not saying dump the guy based just on this, but it's food for thought. How serious are you about being healthy for the rest of your life?)0 -
I think if you are making a lifestyle change, your partner has to be doing the same or it won't stick. It's impossible to live a healthy lifestyle with your wife/husband trying to discourage you all the time. If it's important to you, perhaps you should consider yourself lucky he is your "SO" not your "Husband"...?
(not saying dump the guy based just on this, but it's food for thought. How serious are you about being healthy for the rest of your life?)
I never said he was/is discouraging me. He eats like crap and I eat well. That isn't going to break us up.0 -
I live with an unhealthy partner. He is tall and very very slim- even though he can put ANYTHING in his mouth!! It obviously isn't healthy him eating Mcdonalds for dinner every night, but he won't gain a pound. (Jealous.. maybe?) :P
Anyway, I struggle because obviously I am watching every little thing I put in my mouth, and feel its sort of unsupportive for him to be eating chocolate and chips and takeaways in front of me, and keeping this stuff in the house- but at the same time, why should I control what he eats? It's a tough one- he doesn't exercise either so I'm always trying to get out on my own. Sometimes I wish he was trying to live a healthy lifestyle so it'd be easier for me!0 -
I kinda have that problem, except he is as skinny as a rake. Eats nothing but junk, always complains that he is hungry, likes to stuff his face in front of me with crisps, cake...you name it. I tried to get him to exercise with me but the only thing he says is "it makes you look stupid" (because I do Zumba/30 DS etc)
I tell him that even though it doesn't affect him now, it will later on in life. His dad used to be skinny like him and ate and ate and ate like he does and now at the age of 50 something isn't skinny anymore.
It just seems like to me that Germans have holes in the bottom of their feet and food just goes through them. Although he does eat his weight in junk in front of me, he (now) supports my decision for eating more healthily.
I just wish he would realise that all that junk he's knocking back now will soon catch up with him.0 -
I'm in a slightly similar boat as you...and have been once before...
I was in a long term relationship with a 6'2" ~ 270lb. "teddy bear." He ate crap...loved going out to eat...loved having me over for dinner with his family...loved cooking for me etc etc. By the end of our three years I packed on about 20 lbs. There were times i tried dieting, worked out, the whole nine yards. I'd lose and then regain. He knew he was unhealthy but he claimed "he just like to eat and have fun." Another one was, "I love taking you out...it's what we do." Anyways, I couldn't get him to eat healthier, and he almost made it a mission to "feed me" (INSECURITY ALERT! He was afraid that if I looked "too good" some guy would steal me away...
ANYWAYS thats over with and now Im on a new journey with my current live in bf. He's one of those "eat whatever I want and still somehow have a rock body" (6'1" ~ 170 and muscular)...with that our freezer is STOCKED with frozen pizza, texas toast, ice cream and etc. Since Im trying to be healthy...the fridge is also stocked with veggies, fruit, greek yogurt and etc.
He absolutely does not need to lose weight...however I am concerned for his heart health and cholesterol. Here's where the sneakiness comes in....I cook dinner at home 90% of the time...I'm a foodie so I make the goodies, and I just make them healthier. I still double his portions so he's satisfied after a meal and so he gets his caloric needs in. I also pack his lunch almost everyday...I make lean turkey wraps, whole-wheat pastas, grilled salmon with a baked potato, chicken cutlets with rice (stir fried with veggies)...where before we lived together for him it was pizza, frled cheese, Philly cheese-steak or Wendy's for lunch....frozen dinners, pizza hut, or mac & cheese for dinner.
Granted, he still eats that sometimes, but at least MAJORITY of his meals are MUCH healthier.
Here's my two cents. You can't change him unless he wants to. You also can't let him drag you down (which is what happened to me in the first relationship I mentioned) BUT you can get him involved...ask him to cook with you. When you make dinner, make it nutritious AND appealing. Have him pack his lunch (or if you're okay with it like I am...pack it for him...and sneak a treat in there...I always stick a fiber one brownie or a peanut butter cup or a healthy homemade cookie). You can keep him in the loop with YOUR life style change....maybe somewhere along the way he'll jump in.
Don't let the drastically different eating and lifestyle habits cause a separation between the two of you. Again...you cant change him unless HE wants to...but he can't prevent you from changing and improving yourself.
Feel free to message me. Hope this helped a bit and best of luck.
I know how you feel, except my husband (of 7 years today), is an extremely picky eater in general and not health conscious at all. He doesn't do much of the grocery shopping which is BEST otherwise he brings home ice cream, M & Ms, cookies, snack cakes, processed foods, etc. He carries all of his weight in a rounded belly which concerns me for his cardio-vascular health. I am overweight, but eat well and exercise VERY vigorously...I can't even get him to go for a walk with me much less actually perf any significant exercise. I work in physical therapy so I see just how badly a poor lifestyle can affect your overall health... I cook almost ALL the time, so I can control some aspects of his diet to make it healthier if he'll try even something new. I cooked ribeyes on the grill and Baked Chipotle Sweet Potato Fries from the Skinnytaste web site which he actually tried... I know it can be frustrating, just do what is best for you. He's grown and you can't "make" anyone change their eating or exercise habits; it has to be their decision.0 -
I was in a similar situation. but we aren't together anymore...we lived together and it was difficult to shop for groceries together and he complained I spent too much time at the gym and not with him (i always said "you're welcome to come with me!") He was also a pothead and his lack of motivation and ambition were big turn offs that affected every area of our relationship. I had to ask myself if that's the kind of partner I really wanted in life... and the answer was no :-( very nice guy, always treated me right, but we just weren't on the same page with health and it was something I didn't want to compromise on. (Also, I gained a lot of weight being with him because we'd eat crappy food together and he would influence me to stay home instead of work out-ugh I ended up hating myself for it too)
edit: not saying dump the guy, but ask yourself if you can live with him the way he is or not. i've learned that you can't change people. They have to want to change themselves. Also, communication is key, let him know how you are feeling and your concerns... maybe it will inspire change based on the fact that its so important to you and its not just a diet or a phase but a lifestyle change.0 -
I have a similar situation, but my hubby of 17 years is a truck driver, so he's not around during the week anymore. He used to be home every day and cook the worst meals (hamburger helper, sloppy joes and tater tots, etc) but I felt like I had to eat it. Now that he doesn't cook for us I do much better, but when he is home we go out a lot. It's fine with me because then I can control what I order and he can make his own decisions. He is about 100 pounds overweight and I worry about him constantly. I've talked to him about adding the MFP app and showing him how to use it, but he's just not into it. After all the time we've been together, I know better than to nag him about this, but I do mention it from time to time. He'll do it when he's ready, if at all. I won't be changing him. I don't care about how he looks, but his health isn't great and I want to grow old with him!!!! Maybe he'll catch on before it's too late... let's hope!0
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Also a similar situation here, my husband is not over weight he is about 180lbs and eats like a horse and never gains weight. He always says to me when he is wanting something thats not good like right now he is on the new dairy queen brownie blizzard he is trying to talk me into, he begs and tells me just one wont hurt me that I can get back to dieting tommrow. He is constantly telling me how proud of me he is for sticking to the diet this time but yet then he will beg for something like the blizzard. He begged for weeks for our favorite pizza place till i gave in about 2 weeks ago and went there, I made him order a small pizza so we would just eat that amount and not take home any left overs. I would love to be able to eat like he does and it not show up on my butt but it always does!!!!
Just the other day he comes out in the tv room carring about 5 low calorie items and starts telling me the calorie count in what he is carrying and I asked him why he cared since he wasnt dieting and his response was he eats diet food in bulk. I seriously dont think he would care if I weighed 600lbs as long as he could eat what ever he likes!!!!0 -
Honestly, sit down with him. Tell him why you are trying to eat healthier. That you want to live a long & happy life with him. If he keeps eating crap it will catch up to him. High BP, stroke, heart atrack.... & those are only a few things0
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