Failure... Vent?

funkyspunky871
funkyspunky871 Posts: 1,675 Member
edited September 2024 in Health and Weight Loss
Every morning lately, I set myself up for failure. I tell myself that I will eat less than 500 calories, and that I will be finally skinny in no time. An hour or two later, I have second thoughts. I realize that eating so little is dangerous. I realize that I might even gain any weight I lose right back. I realize that I can do this the healthy way.... Then, I go about my day and eat right. But by nighttime, I feel so guilty about not eating less than 500, I promise to eat less than 500 tomorrow for sure. Then, I binge. I feel like I already screwed up eating 1200 calories, so what's a few more hundred? 500 tomorrow will take care of it. I can't stop. I just compulsively ate 5 praline pecan candies and am already planning out a 500 calorie day for tomorrow.

I know I have an ED. I've been diagnosed with bulimia a month or two ago because I went through this exact same 'phase'. I just feel like I don't deserve treatment or help because I'm still obviously fat and I hardly ever restrict/starve. I feel like I have to actually be successful with starvation if I'm going to get help. I don't know what to do anymore.... Anybody else do the same? Or ever done the same?

Replies

  • cjsgrimlin
    cjsgrimlin Posts: 246
    Please, please please get some help with this, eating that little will kill you, and binging because you ate healthy will just harm you as well!!!
  • minadeathclutch
    minadeathclutch Posts: 375 Member
    oy vey.
  • Saruman_w
    Saruman_w Posts: 1,531 Member
    500 calories? For the whole day.. ? That doesn't sound like such a good thing. If you feel bad by eating 1200 calories, you shouldn't. It's recommended to be around there. Doing that more and more will actually sabotage your weight loss. All your body knows is that it's receiving very little food.. and in response it'll hold on to whatever it can. The stuff you actually want to lose.

    Also if that's your picture, you don't look anywhere near fat from what I can tell.
  • brocflores
    brocflores Posts: 111
    500 calories a day will really hurt you that's not healthy at all. You need atleast 1200 cal a day to function right. You should seek help from a registered dietician or nutritionist for tips for meal planning or do research online. You can do this!! Be strong and hang I'm there!
  • EmilySG2011
    EmilySG2011 Posts: 82
    You have obviously been doing something right---you have lost 130+ lbs. 500 calories in a day is not a healthy food goal even when we have fallen off track. Part of my problem is slowing down my metabolism from not eating enough in the past. It's so easy to beat ourselves up when we have an off-track day--however, moderation seems to be the key factor in this weight loss journey. Eating Disorders are very difficult and makes your journey a lot harder. Good luck!!
  • suzooz
    suzooz Posts: 720 Member
    Sending *HUGS* to you!

    You know that you have an eating disorder and that you need help. This is the first step -- and YOU DO DESERVE TO GET THERAPY! You can't do this alone, and although MFP is a wonderful site and can provide some support, you need a licensed professional. Praying that you find the strength to make that call!
  • WiiFitFan
    WiiFitFan Posts: 156 Member
    Never limit yourself to only 500 calories! You are only putting your body into starvation mode and you won't lose any weight. You need a minimum of 1200 calories, maybe even a little more depending on your starting weight. Start exercising, just even a light walk everyday and it will make you feel so much better. Drink lots of water and try to just make some better food choices every day. There is no need to deprive yourself of what you want if you will log it in and only eat it in moderation. Just ask if you need any help. That is what we are all here for! You can do this! :flowerforyou:
  • karenkwalker
    karenkwalker Posts: 155 Member
    My heart goes out to you. Eating Disorders are very difficult and often a very tightly kept secret. So good for you for writing it down and posting it here - I know there are others on here struggling with eating disorders as well.

    Eating Disorders are often about control or the product of a trauma you experienced that made you feel out of control. Therapy is good to get at the root of what might be going on that makes you want to control your life by controlling your food. Therapy is a healing process because it provides the help you need in a safe, non-judgmental way.

    I hope you will take that next big courageous step to get some help and get on your journey toward really loving and respecting yourself both emotionally and physically.

    Peace for your inner journey.
  • Kalrez
    Kalrez Posts: 655 Member
    EDNOS. That's me. I guess I'm recovered now, but whatever. That voice is still there.

    I've been where you are. Heck, even today was a horrible day for me. Binge day, went drastically over my calories. Even as I sit here, I want nothing more than to ravage the kitchen despite my stomach being so full it hurts. My mind is screaming at me to go purge, but I'm not going to. I'll be okay. Today will not break me.

    Don't jump right into 1200 calories. Work your way there, one snack at a time. Try to make yourself eat 100 more calories every day each week. If you don't currently take a multivitamin, start. I'd probably break one in half until you work up to 1200 or so calories, then start taking a full vitamin.

    It isn't about making healthy choices all of the time. It isn't about being perfect. It's about making healthy choices most of the time.

    And yes, sadly it is true that you need to eat in order to lose. After restricting for so long, I killed my metabolism and packed on major pounds. It's taken me and my body years to get back to a healthy point where I could start thinking about losing weight correctly. I still have some things to work on (days like today, for example), but I'll get there.

    Keep your chin up, beautiful. Tomorrow is a new day and a new chance to turn the ship around.
  • paradog
    paradog Posts: 378 Member
    you need to get on board with a nutritionist and a therapist. Mr. ED is not a thing to be played with
  • DorkothyParker
    DorkothyParker Posts: 618 Member
    *hugs*
    Do you have any friends/family who you feel comfortable discussing your ED with? Support is so crucial for recovery.
    If you ever feel like you will go into a binge/starve cycle, please message me. I live in Korea so my timezone is a bit off compared to most users, but I can be found at weird times as a result. You don't have to go it alone.
    You are strong and beautiful. Believe in yourself. <3
  • Starrr126
    Starrr126 Posts: 90 Member
    I've been through phases like that (phase for me, not downplaying your situation) I would do every crazy restriction technique I could find. I did the 2-4-6-8-6-4-2. I mean days of eating only pickles to avoid calories. It worked, but eventually I would get too sick and have to eat "real food". That was years ago for me, now I still find myself thinking too much of food, but I am also an avid runner. I finished my second 50K last week and without eating "real" food I never could do it. Mind you if you look at my food I eat like crap way too often (choices not cals) but yes, I've been there and it sucks and I hope one day it'll be a part of your past and not a continuing concern.
  • summalovaable
    summalovaable Posts: 287 Member
    You have obviously been doing something right---you have lost 130+ lbs. 500 calories in a day is not a healthy food goal even when we have fallen off track. Part of my problem is slowing down my metabolism from not eating enough in the past. It's so easy to beat ourselves up when we have an off-track day--however, moderation seems to be the key factor in this weight loss journey. Eating Disorders are very difficult and makes your journey a lot harder. Good luck!!

    I agree that losing that much weight is something to be celebrated... if it were done the healthy way. so i would NOT recommend encouraging some one with an eating disorder by telling them they are "obviously doing something right."

    But of course you have set yourself up for failure, because 500 calories a day is not a realistic goal. i've been there done that with the whole ED scenario, if you're interested you can message me. But just know that regardless of how you think you look, you have a beautiful body that DESERVES to be treated properly, and until you realize that.. no one on here can help you.( and trust me i learned that the hard way)
  • springtrio
    springtrio Posts: 429 Member
    Honey, I was like this last year. Please get help. No one thinks someone like me who was 15lbs. away from morbid obesity can get ED symptoms after the weight is lost but you can. I starved myself like you. I have 3 kids, I had to wake up and deal with the fact I had a problem. Don't do this to yourself, your body NEEDS that bare minimum of 1,200. Speaking from personal experience, you don't want to live your life like this. I put back on 30lbs. over the winter when I got help and only haven taken off 5 so far, but believe me you're better off with a couple lbs. than an eating disorder. Talk with someone because from the post, it doesn't sound like you're dealing with this well. Please add me if you'd like to talk.
  • yanicka
    yanicka Posts: 1,004 Member
    Please get help. You have every right to be happy!!!
  • dad106
    dad106 Posts: 4,868 Member
    My heart cries out to you.. go get help.. please!

    500 calories a day is not healthy... and you do not have to be skinny to get help. The biggest part of getting help, is getting past the denial and admitting that you have a problem.. which you obviously have done by writing about it on here. Next step is finding a therapist that specializes in ED's and a dietitian so that you can get back on track and losing weight in a safe and healthy way.
  • MFPfriend
    MFPfriend Posts: 1,121 Member
    You have obviously been doing something right---you have lost 130+ lbs. 500 calories in a day is not a healthy food goal even when we have fallen off track. Part of my problem is slowing down my metabolism from not eating enough in the past. It's so easy to beat ourselves up when we have an off-track day--however, moderation seems to be the key factor in this weight loss journey. Eating Disorders are very difficult and makes your journey a lot harder. Good luck!!

    I agree that losing that much weight is something to be celebrated... if it were done the healthy way. so i would NOT recommend encouraging some one with an eating disorder by telling them they are "obviously doing something right."

    But of course you have set yourself up for failure, because 500 calories a day is not a realistic goal. i've been there done that with the whole ED scenario, if you're interested you can message me. But just know that regardless of how you think you look, you have a beautiful body that DESERVES to be treated properly, and until you realize that.. no one on here can help you.( and trust me i learned that the hard way)

    Sorry, I just feel the need to make something clear: For her, the eating disorder is a new thing. The first 130 pounds were all done the healthy way. She's my friend, I watched her food diary and her posts and it was done the healthy way.
  • summalovaable
    summalovaable Posts: 287 Member
    You have obviously been doing something right---you have lost 130+ lbs. 500 calories in a day is not a healthy food goal even when we have fallen off track. Part of my problem is slowing down my metabolism from not eating enough in the past. It's so easy to beat ourselves up when we have an off-track day--however, moderation seems to be the key factor in this weight loss journey. Eating Disorders are very difficult and makes your journey a lot harder. Good luck!!

    I agree that losing that much weight is something to be celebrated... if it were done the healthy way. so i would NOT recommend encouraging some one with an eating disorder by telling them they are "obviously doing something right."

    But of course you have set yourself up for failure, because 500 calories a day is not a realistic goal. i've been there done that with the whole ED scenario, if you're interested you can message me. But just know that regardless of how you think you look, you have a beautiful body that DESERVES to be treated properly, and until you realize that.. no one on here can help you.( and trust me i learned that the hard way)

    Sorry, I just feel the need to make something clear: For her, the eating disorder is a new thing. The first 130 pounds were all done the healthy way. She's my friend, I watched her food diary and her posts and it was done the healthy way.

    Well then it is something to be celebrated! Sorry if i misinterpreted the wording, I didn't mean to sound offensive. I just know how easy it is when you have an eating disorder to want to continue that way because of the compliments( thats what i meant by it shouldn't be encouraged)
  • MFPfriend
    MFPfriend Posts: 1,121 Member
    You have obviously been doing something right---you have lost 130+ lbs. 500 calories in a day is not a healthy food goal even when we have fallen off track. Part of my problem is slowing down my metabolism from not eating enough in the past. It's so easy to beat ourselves up when we have an off-track day--however, moderation seems to be the key factor in this weight loss journey. Eating Disorders are very difficult and makes your journey a lot harder. Good luck!!

    I agree that losing that much weight is something to be celebrated... if it were done the healthy way. so i would NOT recommend encouraging some one with an eating disorder by telling them they are "obviously doing something right."

    But of course you have set yourself up for failure, because 500 calories a day is not a realistic goal. i've been there done that with the whole ED scenario, if you're interested you can message me. But just know that regardless of how you think you look, you have a beautiful body that DESERVES to be treated properly, and until you realize that.. no one on here can help you.( and trust me i learned that the hard way)

    Sorry, I just feel the need to make something clear: For her, the eating disorder is a new thing. The first 130 pounds were all done the healthy way. She's my friend, I watched her food diary and her posts and it was done the healthy way.

    Well then it is something to be celebrated! Sorry if i misinterpreted the wording, I didn't mean to sound offensive. I just know how easy it is when you have an eating disorder to want to continue that way because of the compliments( thats what i meant by it shouldn't be encouraged)

    To be honest, I don't think ANYBODY could have figured it out from the wording. I think it's only people who have known her this whole time are the people who would know that. No worries, though- I just wanted to make something clear. :)
  • MamaKatel
    MamaKatel Posts: 180
    Just remember that you spent your whole life learning these awful eating habits and its going to take time to re-learn and apply them. If you make smaller goals each day like ie. eat 1500 calories a day rather than an extreme unreachable goal you will be more likely to succeed.
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