Obese because of my DAD!

eamconnor · July 2011

You'll be free when you don't care one way or another what anyone else -- including your parents -- thinks of your appearance. Have you ever heard that difficult people are a gift? God (or karma, however you look at the world) puts challenges in our life to teach us lessons. You've learned a lot. Maybe you should be *thanking* your parents.

Worked for me, anyway. Good luck.

minadeathclutch · July 2011

I'm 17 and I have been struggling with my weight for most of my life. During my early childhood, my family ate very unhealthy, but no one seemed to put on any weight but me. My dad always used to weigh me & my mother objected, however he did it anyway. I used to go up and up the scales & I could see he was disappointed with my increasing weight. He would always make small remarks which caused me to eat more. He never exactly brought home the healthiest food either. After my parents divorced my eating got worse and my weight went up to the highest 175lbs. Luckily I turned my life around and have so far lost 27lbs.

Even when I was losing the weight at the beginning of the journey. I told him I was changing my eating habits and would wave Mcdonalds in my face. He even said "You won't keep it off" and "You're just doing this to find a man"!!

I still have problems though and I obsess over the first sign of me beginning to gain weight.

I hope this inspires others

wow he's mean. lol. no offense to your father though. he probably doesn't understand the pain he's causing by the things hes saying.. and doing. you are a strong woman. and good for you for saying enough is enough.

you can do this.

minadeathclutch · July 2011

You say you're not holding a grudge but then you say you'll forgive him one day, just not now... so which is it?

You're young and I realize that today's society likes to play the blame game. You aren't being force fed or chained to a couch so you cannot exercise... so there needs to be some personal responsibility.

I have worked with students that come from abusive households... it isn't acceptable for them to turn into abusers themselves and say "my parents made me do it." Personal responsibility has to come into play and myself, like countless others here, have dealt with the cards we were handed but chose a healthier and more productive path. Live in the past or move forward and I hope you choose the latter. Best of luck.

well that is just ridiculous.
how is a kid supposed to say UM. IM NOT EATING THIS IM GONNA STARVE INSTEAD. kids eat what their parents provide for them. a kid can't drive to the grocery store and buy healthy food..
I come from a very abusive household. physically mentally emotionally and guess what? i find myself being that way too sometimes. i have anger issues im bipolar i flip **** i get violent. we are a product of our surroundings thats all there is to it.

rosied915 · July 2011

Has anyone else have problems with parents and their weight?

Congratulations on trying to take control of your eating NOW!

I am 50 years old and have been struggling with my weight my ENTIRE LIFE. I was an overweight teenager and you know what that's like. I was so unhappy with myself and it wasn't until I was in my 40s that I even thought that my OVEREATING was as a result of my childhood. My homelife was very volatile and my father had some big anger and rage issues and so did Mom to a lesser degree.

I learned to EAT until I was in PAIN because if I was in PHYSICAL PAIN, I didn't have to think about the EMOTIONAL PAIN & FEAR I was experiencing at the time~ it was a coping mechanism and so is yours.

I like to read and have read MANY books on the subject of 'OVERCOMING OVEREATING' and I would like to recommend 2 of the best for you: 1) "When Food is Love" by Geneen Roth and 2) "Women, Food and God" also by Geneen Roth.
Read #1 first and TAKE YOUR TIME with it. I read some pages over and over again. It seemed every single page spoke directly to ME.

You can overcome this~ I am, slowly but surely. I was VERY angry at my parents for YEARS but through these books I have learned that what happened was a LONG time ago and I AM IN CONTROL NOW!!

While you are still not technically an "adult" you can still gain control over your eating and hopefully your father's nasty comments will mean less and less to you!!

The very best of luck to you!

Shannon023 · July 2011

Thanks so much for your advice. I'm actually amazed now at my willpower and determination during this journey, it seemed to come from nowhere. I can safely say I never gave into temptation at the start of my weight loss and I don't plan too.

Good for you! Losing weight is a mental battle, but with the right attitude you will succeed! :drinker:

agwilker · July 2011

Has anyone else have problems with parents and their weight?

I can relate to what you're saying here. I think it's hard NOT to want to blame your parents if they didn't set a good example of eating habits. Because as an adult, you're STILL dealing with those same bad habits that your parents demonstrated. It's very hard to separate the past from the present when the same way of thinking persists.

I did not go through something as extreme as being weighed or told I'm going to fail. But both my parents had bad eating habits. My dad would snack multiple times a night, my mom would hide food, both habits that contribute to an unhealthy example. It's also been very clear over the years that my dad thinks less of me as a person for having a weight problem over the years (i.e. Telling me when I was 13, the family will like you more if you do). It took me many, many years to accept that what happened in my upbringing happened and no amount of finger-pointing will change what was. It's the harsh reality, that I'm a grown adult now that has a choice in changing things. Even at 24, I still have some feelings of resentment, but I'm learning to let go, and focus on the present.

When I read what you wrote, I said "Wow, there's a person who has felt the same way I have." Because I have had the same struggles, I didn't see it as you putting 100% on your dad. I saw someone say 'Despite my upbringing, I'm making a change'. If that was someone wallowing in the past, you wouldn't have done what you have already.

The other week, I saw my dad (who knows I've been going to the gym for awhile now). When I got out of the car, other than hi, first thing he said was "You still going to the gym?" Guess since I didn't drop 50 in 4 weeks, he thought I'd given up. Several years ago that would have crushed me and made me give up. Now, I can take a step back and see that he's a person with some faults too and go about my business like before. In time, I think you'll be able to not let it phase you either.

zoey4316 · July 2011

I can say I kind of know how you feel. When I first told my father that I was deciding to lose weight to get healthy and feel better about myself, he could not understand why. He has always been over weight and so I think me attempting to lose weight made him examine his own self more closely. He would tell me things like "But Wes (my amazing boyfriend) loves you just the way you are...and You don't need to deny yourself all of the time." The best way that I have found to loose weight was for me to cut out all of the temptations I had previously given into - taco bell, mcdonalds, sonic etc. I know deep down that if I eat bad food, or have a "cheat day" I will want the next day to be a cheat day also. He could not understand this.

My mother on the other hand was the opposite when I was growing up. She was a great mom and only cared about my health, but she would limit my food intake and allow my brother and sister to eat what ever they wanted. (They both have a different father and didn't get the super obese genes). For example when we would have pancakes my brother and sister would put peanut butter on theirs and my mom would make sure that I got butter instead. I understand why she was doing it....but that didn't make it hurt any less at the time. Now my mother is super supportive of my weight loss and when I go home she always makes sure there is food for me to eat.

I have read some of the advice that people have given you and alot of them are saying that you need to forgive your father and make amends with him....What you need to do, is whatever motivates you to lose the weight. If you want to get to your goal so that you can show your father just how determined you are then go for it. This journey is about you, and being upset about a hurtful comment your father said does not make you a bad person, it only makes you human. Congratulations on your weight loss so far keep up the good work!

NatStylz · July 2011

Yeah, his so called tough love has helped me a lot, and has made me more determined to reach my goal

NatStylz · July 2011

I can say I kind of know how you feel. When I first told my father that I was deciding to lose weight to get healthy and feel better about myself, he could not understand why. He has always been over weight and so I think me attempting to lose weight made him examine his own self more closely. He would tell me things like "But Wes (my amazing boyfriend) loves you just the way you are...and You don't need to deny yourself all of the time." The best way that I have found to loose weight was for me to cut out all of the temptations I had previously given into - taco bell, mcdonalds, sonic etc. I know deep down that if I eat bad food, or have a "cheat day" I will want the next day to be a cheat day also. He could not understand this.

My mother on the other hand was the opposite when I was growing up. She was a great mom and only cared about my health, but she would limit my food intake and allow my brother and sister to eat what ever they wanted. (They both have a different father and didn't get the super obese genes). For example when we would have pancakes my brother and sister would put peanut butter on theirs and my mom would make sure that I got butter instead. I understand why she was doing it....but that didn't make it hurt any less at the time. Now my mother is super supportive of my weight loss and when I go home she always makes sure there is food for me to eat.

I have read some of the advice that people have given you and alot of them are saying that you need to forgive your father and make amends with him....What you need to do, is whatever motivates you to lose the weight. If you want to get to your goal so that you can show your father just how determined you are then go for it. This journey is about you, and being upset about a hurtful comment your father said does not make you a bad person, it only makes you human. Congratulations on your weight loss so far keep up the good work!

Thank you so much for your advice. I have learnt that this journey is about me and your advice just motivates me even more. His comments did get me down for a bit, but I know I can reach my goal and live a much healthier life. Your theory with the cheat days it true I know I would want another cheat day on top so I try to avoid them altogether.

NatStylz · July 2011

Has anyone else have problems with parents and their weight?

I can relate to what you're saying here. I think it's hard NOT to want to blame your parents if they didn't set a good example of eating habits. Because as an adult, you're STILL dealing with those same bad habits that your parents demonstrated. It's very hard to separate the past from the present when the same way of thinking persists.

I did not go through something as extreme as being weighed or told I'm going to fail. But both my parents had bad eating habits. My dad would snack multiple times a night, my mom would hide food, both habits that contribute to an unhealthy example. It's also been very clear over the years that my dad thinks less of me as a person for having a weight problem over the years (i.e. Telling me when I was 13, the family will like you more if you do). It took me many, many years to accept that what happened in my upbringing happened and no amount of finger-pointing will change what was. It's the harsh reality, that I'm a grown adult now that has a choice in changing things. Even at 24, I still have some feelings of resentment, but I'm learning to let go, and focus on the present.

When I read what you wrote, I said "Wow, there's a person who has felt the same way I have." Because I have had the same struggles, I didn't see it as you putting 100% on your dad. I saw someone say 'Despite my upbringing, I'm making a change'. If that was someone wallowing in the past, you wouldn't have done what you have already.

The other week, I saw my dad (who knows I've been going to the gym for awhile now). When I got out of the car, other than hi, first thing he said was "You still going to the gym?" Guess since I didn't drop 50 in 4 weeks, he thought I'd given up. Several years ago that would have crushed me and made me give up. Now, I can take a step back and see that he's a person with some faults too and go about my business like before. In time, I think you'll be able to not let it phase you either.

Thanks for sharing your story. As you can see I have put this thread in the 'Success Stories' category, I have found that despite my upbringing I have made a huge change in my life. His comments haven't made me give up, it has made me push even harder to prove him wrong. He himself has some faults and he could have been projecting them onto me, but in a way it has made me stronger. This is a success story and I wanted to share and hopefully inspire others :happy:

l3ugjuice · July 2011

I blame, such as it is, my father for genetics. I am predisposed to diabetes, high cholesterol, obesity, cancer and many other fabulous health issues. However, what I put in my mouth and how much I exercise is on me. I'm overweight now because I've eaten too much and not exercised enough. That's the same reason you are overweight, too. You can waste your life blaming others and hating if you want, but at the end of the day it's still on you whether you want it or not.

Spite only goes so far as a motivational tool. If you dont take ownership of the responsibility/blame, you are going to end up right where you were before. Sure, you can lose weight then go see him once and try for a 'gotcha', but then what are you going to do?

As an aside, my father died when I was 19. I hadnt spoken to him for over a year at that point. Trust me, you dont want that on your conscience.

NatStylz · July 2011

I blame, such as it is, my father for genetics. I am predisposed to diabetes, high cholesterol, obesity, cancer and many other fabulous health issues. However, what I put in my mouth and how much I exercise is on me. I'm overweight now because I've eaten too much and not exercised enough. That's the same reason you are overweight, too. You can waste your life blaming others and hating if you want, but at the end of the day it's still on you whether you want it or not.

Spite only goes so far as a motivational tool. If you dont take ownership of the responsibility/blame, you are going to end up right where you were before. Sure, you can lose weight then go see him once and try for a 'gotcha', but then what are you going to do?

As an aside, my father died when I was 19. I hadnt spoken to him for over a year at that point. Trust me, you dont want that on your conscience.

I do get your point I do want to prove him wrong, but also I want to help him too as he drinks too much and eats a lot of junk food. Hes always said he wanted to join a gym but he never did it. Me losing weight can hopefully influence him aswell. I'm sorry about your dad though, it puts into perspective how lives can be short

Obese because of my DAD!

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