Interesting difference in the mentality of men and women as it relates to being fat.
I was pondering to myself the other day - #ShowerThoughts - If you tell a woman she would look great if she just lost some weight, she becomes offended, and hurt by the comment, but if you tell a man he would look great if he lost some weight, he takes it as a compliment, and puts real thought into the suggestion, sometimes even making the effort to hit the gym and and watch what he eats.
I know we're wired differently, I just find it peculiar that the result of the same action would be so drastically different depending on who you're talking to.
I know we're wired differently, I just find it peculiar that the result of the same action would be so drastically different depending on who you're talking to.
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I can anecdotally verify the male side of this, as it's how I feel about myself sometimes now without someone saying it. I've been super fit and am not anymore, and I know at any point I'm only about half a year or so of hard work and dedication away from being there again.
Frustrating that I can't push myself over the hump to do it, but I know it's there (while physically capable, which I know I still am).1 -
If you tell a woman she would look great if she just lost some weight, she becomes offended, and hurt by the comment, but if you tell a man he would look great if he lost some weight, he takes it as a compliment, and puts real thought into the suggestion, sometimes even making the effort to hit the gym and and watch what he eats.
No one likes to be told they are fat, so that is the same for both. How we process and respond to suggestions as such might differ, but I haven't seen a single guy get told he is fat and say, "Gosh thanks, I will use that motivation to inspire me to be better".
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I would be very complimented by the phrase "you'd look great if you lost 15lbs!".1
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What lol? I don't like it.0
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No one likes to be told they are fat, so that is the same for both. How we process and respond to suggestions as such might differ, but I haven't seen a single guy get told he is fat and say, "Gosh thanks, I will use that motivation to inspire me to be better".
I think what he (?)'s saying is that "you'd look amazing if you lost some weight" is ambiguous. It could mean "you're fat" or the gist could be "you have good features / bone structure / hair / a nice face." The OP is saying that men prefer the flattering way to interpret it, like a reflex.0 -
Last time someone called me fat, I said I have blue eyes. When they looked confused I said I thought we were pointing out the obvious.
Other things bother me. Being called fat does not. Probably because I've heard it so much.8 -
I think the OP might be one of the stupidest things I've ever read on the internet.4
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NorthCascades wrote: »No one likes to be told they are fat, so that is the same for both. How we process and respond to suggestions as such might differ, but I haven't seen a single guy get told he is fat and say, "Gosh thanks, I will use that motivation to inspire me to be better".
I think what he (?)'s saying is that "you'd look amazing if you lost some weight" is ambiguous. It could mean "you're fat" or the gist could be "you have good features / bone structure / hair / a nice face." The OP is saying that men prefer the flattering way to interpret it, like a reflex.
I think this is a good point. There has been alot of research done on how women and men percieve themselves, men tend to be more confident in themselves than women, women tend to judge themselves more harshly. Makes sense that the tendency would be to take this comment in different ways.1 -
NorthCascades wrote: »No one likes to be told they are fat, so that is the same for both. How we process and respond to suggestions as such might differ, but I haven't seen a single guy get told he is fat and say, "Gosh thanks, I will use that motivation to inspire me to be better".
I think what he (?)'s saying is that "you'd look amazing if you lost some weight" is ambiguous. It could mean "you're fat" or the gist could be "you have good features / bone structure / hair / a nice face." The OP is saying that men prefer the flattering way to interpret it, like a reflex.
I get ya. Men are a bit less self-critical in that regard.
Then again, I would never tell a woman she needs to lose pounds.
Even if trying to be positive or encouraging.
Ever.2 -
I think it depends on the woman. I would LOVE someone to tell me if I was overweight, it would hurt my feelings for people to hide it from me. What if I was obese and could not tell? Sometimes we are very secure in ourselves and without being told we are obese we would end up dying early. After I gave birth my husband did not say I looked like I gained 15lbs of fat and he did not find my body as attractive... instead after I got back in shape he suddenly was all over me and bragging about how awesome my body is. I wish he would had said something immediatly after I gave birth because I would had stopped eating cake, cookies and cupcakes all day. I thought he was just busy... one year post partum and im looking rad now
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If a husband isn't into his wife cause of 15 lbs I question his character.11
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Ditto this. Also, 15 lbs does not make one obese. I have a sneaking suspicion that people who are obese know they're obese and don't need to be told.
I think this is partly true, but I know personally I had a bit of denial going on too. I was heavy but not that heavy. Then one day I saw a current photo of myself and had a holy crap moment. Its easier than you think to not face reality.2 -
NorthCascades wrote: »No one likes to be told they are fat, so that is the same for both. How we process and respond to suggestions as such might differ, but I haven't seen a single guy get told he is fat and say, "Gosh thanks, I will use that motivation to inspire me to be better".
I think what he (?)'s saying is that "you'd look amazing if you lost some weight" is ambiguous. It could mean "you're fat" or the gist could be "you have good features / bone structure / hair / a nice face." The OP is saying that men prefer the flattering way to interpret it, like a reflex.
Do you?0 -
She becomes offended because you're saying she'd look great IF she lost weight, which means you think she's doesn't look great now. Basically you're like, hey you look awful, but you wouldn't if you lost weight. How is that not offensive?4
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If I told my partner he would look great if he lost some weight he would take it into consideration and start to work on his appearance but I also know he would be hurt. You're probably right that it hurts women more. I can only imagine it's because people want to be accepted as they are. On another note it's not anyone's business to be telling someone else's what to do with their body.2
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Telling someone they need to lose weight or criticizing someones body, regardless of gender, can be offensive.
I know a lady who repeatedly tells her husband he needs to lose weight. It offends and worries me. I have told her this because I think her comments are hurtful. The way she says it is rude too, its mean.
If he said the same thing to her, it would not go over well. He doesn't act upset, but who knows.
I am sensitive to people making negative comments to people based on their weight. I was surprised when I found out one of my male friends had an eating disorder. I shouldn't have been I guess, he was teased about his weight. I think less attention is focused on men and the detrimental effects of a negative body image.
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conversation with a college housemate:
Roomie: Hey Fatass!
Me: Are you talking to me?
Roomie: Who else would I be talking to?
Me: .....Dang.
Thing was, he was right. Too much beer and late night pizza.
Solution: Lose 10 pounds
So I did.
He did me a favor by calling me out. *shrug2 -
I told my dog he should lose some weight, and he just stared blankly.4
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Except that half the overweight people I know think they are normal weight, and some of the obese ones think they are "just a little" overweight. They also think normal weight people are overly skinny, and slim people who are well within the healthy range are sickly and emaciated. I think there are a lot of fat people out there who don't really know what's healthy because they are surrounded by people of similar size, and to them, that IS normal. Not saying that's everyone, or even most, but it's a lot from my experience...
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I was pondering to myself the other day - #ShowerThoughts - If you tell a woman she would look great if she just lost some weight, she becomes offended, and hurt by the comment, but if you tell a man he would look great if he lost some weight, he takes it as a compliment, and puts real thought into the suggestion, sometimes even making the effort to hit the gym and and watch what he eats.
I know we're wired differently, I just find it peculiar that the result of the same action would be so drastically different depending on who you're talking to.
Have you actually done this experiment with many people of both genders and gotten a report on their feelings every time?
Because I wouldn't dream of saying it to anyone and I think anyone might feel hurt and offended if you tell them they'd look great if they just lost some weight- because you are suggesting that they look bad now. Someone might not say that it hurt them and they might go on to lose weight but they did not take that comment as a compliment.3 -
She becomes offended because you're saying she'd look great IF she lost weight, which means you think she's doesn't look great now. Basically you're like, hey you look awful, but you wouldn't if you lost weight. How is that not offensive?
i think i'd be more offended by the speaker's presumption that i give a damn what they think of my looks, actually. i'm never interested. if i were i'd ask them. if i haven't asked, then they would be out of line.
i'm going by the way random people used to tell me i'd 'look great' if i'd just take up the makeup habit, back in my teens. i don't remember that i ever took that to be a back-handed insult. just a piece of intrusive rudeness.1 -
Telling someone they need to lose weight or criticizing someones body, regardless of gender, can be offensive.
I know a lady who repeatedly tells her husband he needs to lose weight. It offends and worries me. I have told her this because I think her comments are hurtful. The way she says it is rude too, its mean.
If he said the same thing to her, it would not go over well. He doesn't act upset, but who knows.
I am sensitive to people making negative comments to people based on their weight. I was surprised when I found out one of my male friends had an eating disorder. I shouldn't have been I guess, he was teased about his weight. I think less attention is focused on men and the detrimental effects of a negative body image.
I hate to quote myself...but I was out of time to amend my post...
My male friend who had an eating disorder is now dead, in my opinion his young demise had a lot to do with his fixation on body composition and the means that he took to achieve it...I'll leave it at that
**edit again to say that I was (am) heartbroken to know that self-image had such a huge influence on his lifestyle choices...he was an awesome person2 -
Women: Extensive research into healthy weight loss, i.e: fat loss versus muscle retention, hypertrophy, recomp= nada
Head meet brick wall...sometimes, our mate, is just never gonna be on the same page...0 -
Except that half the overweight people I know think they are normal weight, and some of the obese ones think they are "just a little" overweight. They also think normal weight people are overly skinny, and slim people who are well within the healthy range are sickly and emaciated. I think there are a lot of fat people out there who don't really know what's healthy because they are surrounded by people of similar size, and to them, that IS normal. Not saying that's everyone, or even most, but it's a lot from my experience...
I run into this almost every day from people who think that I'm too thin and that my desire to lose more weight is indicative that I have some kind of eating disorder. There are people who are literally baffled that I actually don't want to eat more than I eat now, and will argue that saying I am not too thin, that I am nowhere near underweight, and that I do not have an eating disorder is of course just a sign that I am in denial about having an eating disorder.
It's mostly because they are living in a society where 67% of the population is either overweight or obese and they have no idea what a healthy weight looks like at all.1 -
I think a guy will generally focus on the first part of the sentence "You would look great..." and a woman generally tends to focus on the latter part "...if you lost weight." So they see the statement from different angles. Just like with a work of art, every individual will interpret it differently.0
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l think we are painting with a pretty broad brush here.
Like somewhere in the neighborhood of 3.5billion bristles per brush with two different brushes.
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derp2
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monkeefan1974 wrote: »I think a guy will generally focus on the first part of the sentence "You would look great..." and a woman generally tends to focus on the latter part "...if you lost weight." So they see the statement from different angles. Just like with a work of art, every individual will interpret it differently.
This was my entire point.0 -
This discussion has been closed.
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