No support :(
sarahp86
Posts: 692 Member
I'm having a bad day! I just completed my exercise and arrived home. My boyfriend surprised me and told me he's making a roast chicken dinner (he's a chef) I asked him would he cook the potatoes a certain way to reduce calories and fat and he said there's no point because this is just a phase and I won't stick to it!
(I'm only at it two weeks)
He's been really supportive and encouraging up til now and earlier I told him I want to go for another walk later on to wretch my legs after my run/walk earlier and he asked me why was I bothering?
How do I deal with this. He's really upset me that he has no faith in me
(I'm only at it two weeks)
He's been really supportive and encouraging up til now and earlier I told him I want to go for another walk later on to wretch my legs after my run/walk earlier and he asked me why was I bothering?
How do I deal with this. He's really upset me that he has no faith in me
0
Replies
-
Thats terrible! I would be so upset if my husband was that unsupportive. You have to prove him wrong! Dig in and kick *kitten* and show him that you are not just having a phase.0
-
no offense but he sounds like a straight up *kitten*.0
-
he asked you why you were bothering?!
id say "so i can be more beautiful than i am now for a man who will see that and support me in my near future...dumbass! "
and walk out and go for your walk - and id be so pissy about it id walk further and let him think about his assness .. grrr0 -
I dated a guy for 3 years that actually preferred larger women... the bigger I got, the more he loved it and the more I hated myself. Maybe he just likes your curves? Trying to think on the positive side
I won't tell you how mine turned out --- just giving you something to consider. 0 -
Sounds like a challenge ...just show him he is wrong!0
-
Lose the weight for you and then kick his sorry butt to the curb!! Don't let his words knock you down. He maybe saying that on purpose to get you upset so you do stop. Maybe he's afraid if you lose the weight you will dump him. Give him something to worry about!! You can do this.0
-
Let him know that whether he thinks you're going to stick with it or not really isn't something he should void. He should try to support you so you CAN stick with it, because that type of negative attitude will definitely make it so you don't stick. He should want a healthier, happier you!0
-
Do you have faith in you?0
-
I'm sorry your boyfriend doesn't support you. You deserve better! Could you have a talk with him and explain how hurtful his comments are?
I think the best you can do is keep your eyes on your goal, and keep going. Go to a friend and MFP for support. You can do this. Read all the success stories here, and know that you will be one of them in the future.
Good luck!0 -
One of my friends at college used to diet on and off unsuccessfully, so one time when she did it, and we were supporting her for a couple of weeks, then when she was about to hit the point where she usually quits I turned around and claimed that she'd quitt soon, it was only a matter of time. Suddenly she lost all my support, or so she thought. Anyway, she got a new determination to proove me wrong and she kept at it, won my support back, but every so often I'd take it away again and she'd plough forwards with a new determination...
Could he be doing something similar?0 -
Wow...sorry to hear that. If he continues his non-supportive ways you may want to reconsider the relationship. Until then, just show him - eat what is healthy and don't touch the potatoes!0
-
Try to ignore him. You could always do as you said and go for a walk to help with the extra calories from the potatoes. Or just don't eat them. If he is offended...OH well! It's your body and it's your life. You have to do what is right for you. Stay focused on your goals and you WILL succeed...with or without his help.0
-
Oh, that would not fly with me. Maybe you need to reconsider your situation.0
-
He is a chef? Maybe he is afraid of your success! You do not have to eat what does not fit your diet. If he sees you stick to your guns on this, he might eventually come around. Ask him to join you on your quest. If not, you can do this without him. I did without my husband. So glad I did!0
-
Thanks guys, I feel better already! He's not an *kitten* but he has his moments! He's overweight too and isn't doing anything about it! I hope it's not a jealousy issue!
I'm not going to sit on the couch with him anymore and stuff my face! I've had enough of being stuck in this body!!0 -
I feel the same way. My husband has seen me try and fail so many times over the last 10 years that he just gave up on believing I will ever do anything about my weight. I feel really good about it this time, and the other day (Ive been on MFP for 10 days) I asked him if he thought that I would really do it this time. Wrong thing to ask. His response was "Last time I told you what I thought you got mad at me." So clearly he doesn't think I will do it. Not that he really has any reason to think that this time will be any different, but it would be nice to have support from the person who is supposed to be my best friend and support system. He frustrates me all around! He wants me to eat better, but he buys our groceries and he only buys a couple cans of vegetables for 2 weeks and everything else is the junk that we usually eat. He wants me to eat the same thing he eats, just less of it. I try to tell him that if I really want to make a lifestyle change, i have to start eating better food, not just less. But he says it is too expensive to eat healthy and then the conversation is over. I hate it. So point being, I feel your pain!0
-
Do this for yourself and when you need support--look here. If he can't be your man and support you, find friends who will!
And when he refuses to cook what you can eat, break out a frozen 350 cal frozen dinner and eat it instead of what he "slaved over". Ha!! Show him that this matters to you and if you matter to him, he had better pay attention!
Good luck!!0 -
It depends on how your relationship is with him - if it's strained and not going anywhere, then get shot as you need positive people around you. However, if you relationship is usually good and it's a long term thing, I suggest you simply smile at him, say you understand that he loves you the way you are but this is something you want to do for you. I am sure he will change his attitude when he see's you are sticking at it and becoming happier in yourself0
-
I also want to add, that if he's a chef....imagine how wonderful it would be to have one place in town that cooked on the light side and had good food????? I'd eat there all the time, but sadly I don't live any where near that! Pretty much just mexican places around here or fast food.
This could be his culinary future! At the very least it would be good for your future, maybe present it to him as a challenge to make gourmet food, that is healthy!0 -
That is never easy - I'm so sorry.
It could be jealousy...or it could be that he's a chef, don't tell him how to cook! You say he's not normally an *kitten* and has been supportive up to this point, so maybe give the guy a break, shrug it off and do you!! Go for that walk! If he doesn't make the potatoes the way you asked for, don't eat them. Not only does that show that you are committed, it's kinda a slap in the face to him too (hey, he can have his moments of being an *kitten*, so you can have your moments of being a
.
5lbs down already - you are awesome. And the fact that you came on here for some encouragement instead of binging on crap after that comment just shows your dedication. Great job!0 -
Not knowing his side of the story and how long the two of you have been together and not knowing how good your relationship is otherwise perhaps you need to have a heart to heart with him. First, don't expect him to understand how you feel or to be able to read your mind. Explain to him how those comments hurt your feelings and are undermining. Second, depending on how many times you have dieted and possibly failed, explain to him that you are doing this to become healthier and happier with yourself. When you are healthier and happier life overall is better. Then try to explain to him that trying to eat properly and exercising properly is not easy and that, yes, you may fall off the wagon from time to time. And when you pick yourself up, dust yourself off you need him to be supportive of you and not condescending! Also, you said that he was supportive in the beginning? Is there a possibility that you indulged this weekend and now he thinks that you aren't in it for the long haul. Again, explain to him that you can't always follow a nutritious lifestyle there will be times that you eat something maybe you shouldn't or you have a larger portion than you should.
Sorry if I am writing a lot but I have gone through this with my husband and to be fair he has seen me waste thousands of dollars on gym memberships, home equipment, dieting programs, pills, etc. He has also seen me make myself sick and miserable trying to follow a program. So when I first joined MFP he wasn't very supportive. But we talked and I gave him full access to my MFP account so he literally can sign in whenever he wants, without me knowing, and check up on me. Now he is very supportive and will even help me out by planning dinner around my calorie intake for the day
If none of that works for you then you do have to decide if this is a general way that your boyfriend may handle future endeavors you try to take on and then you will have to decide if that is an attitude you want to live with long term.
Good luck and if you need support please feel free to friend me...0 -
Yea what an *kitten*. He didn't have to say that even if he thought it. I know how frustrating it can be to feel like you're doing it alone. You can do it!!0
-
sorry to hear that....there is always the possibility that he is not happy with his own life/progress etc...some people dont like to see others succeed when they are feeling that way...quite often because they are sometimes worried about being left behind...not saying that necessarily applies to you bf.....who knows......just keep it going & show prove him wrong!!!!0
-
Here's your reply...
"Oh sweetheart, thank you so much for making roast chicken, I love that and it's in line with "the new me" and my new way of eating!
I know I've failed to follow through on healthier eating in the past, but I'm so happy for another chance, and things have been going just great for me! Now I'm on the EDDD.... the Every Damn Day Diet, and today is another Damn Day, so I'm on my diet TODAY.
So, for today, just for today, can you please make the potatoes the way I need them so I can enjoy your terrific cooking? If that's too much of a bother, then please, make them the way you like them. I'll be glad to make something else for myself.
Tomorrow will be another Damn Day, so let's plan tomorrow's meals too, so I can continue this success. Won't it be great when I get myself healthy? And I'll be successful this time, with your support... it means so much to me!"
If he makes the potatoes "the bad way" and puts them on your plate, BE STRONG... and just imagine. Those potatoes are going to be WASTE... do you want them in the trash or packed on your hips? Either way they will become WASTE, but in the trash they won't affect your weight loss efforts! (If you have a dog, feed the potatoes to the dog...)
Stick with it without being judgemental towards him - in the long run, when he sees what you've done with yourself he might want to join you in your healthier eating committment!
Good luck!
:drinker:
Ice0 -
Our relationship is very strong and he is my best friend which is why I got upset. I think I've thrown myself into this and I'm constantly talking about it which is probably headwrecking!
But thanks everyone for your replies! I love the support and encouragement on this site it really is great 0 -
maybe he asked you why you were bothering cause he's thinks your fine the way you are?? Or if he thinks it is too stressfull for you to be worying about it so much he feels you should not do that to yourself! Does he worry about his weight?0
-
It sounds like the words of an insecure man. Better to find out now than later in life when your relationship status might be more committed. My guess is this isn't the only time he hasn't been supportive or you wouldn't have vented here. Good luck!! If you believe in you then that is all that matters.0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.8K Introduce Yourself
- 43.9K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 176K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.6K Fitness and Exercise
- 428 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153.1K Motivation and Support
- 8.1K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 15 News and Announcements
- 1.2K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions