Help me to help my daughter
lobotomybunny
Posts: 18 Member
My daughter is currently underweight. It's basically been since she had her growth spurt -- before that she was always steadily in the low end of normal. I had assumed that she would be like me and get HANGRY when she went through puberty, but she never did and now seems like she is struggling to catch up with her growth. We've been working on it since last summer (admittedly, we have not been 100% consistent). She wants to fill out and look more like her friends, so she wants to gain. She also wants to fit into clothes - it is hard to find clothes that fit her. At her last doctor visit, I asked about it and they just said that she should feel free to eat more hamburgers and ice cream. She is now 5'8" and 110 lbs. 16 years old. Has IBS, and needs to watch what she eats and keep up with fiber. Next doctor's visit is in 2 months.
Activity: She is not very physically active and currently has a restriction from many activities due to a recent knee surgery. So her exercise consists of walking and some physical therapy exercises. She will sometimes ride the exercise bike with tension on it. She's trying to do more squats to grow her thighs larger, but is not managing her time well enough to really do it effectively (consistently and with structure). Prior to her surgery, she did more hiking and was in her marching band, but injured her knee almost every time she tried to do more vigorous sports, so she has never been super active. Moving forward, it seems that a progressive training program is going to be best for her. Otherwise, she keeps very busy with school stuff, mainly academics and music. Most days, she works on homework from the time she gets home until about an hour before she goes to bed, with a break for dinner. Lots of homework on the weekends too.
Food: She is kind of picky with food and eats really slowly - a habit I believe formed from wearing braces and having a hard time chewing. She eats a bowl of cereal in the morning before going to school. We use whole milk. Never enough time to eat anything else. Mornings are difficult and getting up earlier is not currently an option. Working on it. There are easy microwaveable sausages available to her, but she only eats them occasionally. She won't touch eggs. Working on getting her to accept protein powder mixed into her cereal. She'll eat pancakes on the weekends, and if she makes extra, they are quick enough to reheat during the week. She eats pancakes topped with cream cheese and fruit and sometimes syrup. No diet foods. She's pretty good with fruit, but by the time she gets to it, she is pretty full. I pack her lunch and it is usually a sandwich (I try to get 20-25g of protein on it) with cheese and mayo, a box of juice, and usually a greek yogurt, chips, fruit, and/or cookies. Maybe a container of guacamole. I try to switch it up. She often comes home with some of the stuff I packed for her because they don't get enough time in school to eat. She doesn't have much of a sweet tooth. She'll eat some cookies, but candy just sits around. We still have most of her chocolate Easter bunny (!). It sits on the kitchen table right in front of her, but she doesn't touch it much. I figured that adding extra fat would be a great way to add calories for her. Yesterday after school I made her a shake with ice cream, chocolate protein powder, and a spoonful of peanut butter. She took one sip and put it in the fridge, where it still is, so I guess I'll be tossing it. Didn't like something about it, probably the peanut flavor. She is allergic to tree nuts and only recently got cleared to eat peanuts, so she is still wary of them, I think, after avoiding them for so long. So nuts and peanuts are a whole bunch of tasty fats that aren't helpful. Will explore more in this arena, maybe try making some fat bombs with coconut oil. She had a weird reaction to Sun butter once, so I'm hesitant to try that again. I'm going to give her oreo ice cream when she gets home today, not blended with anything, and maybe try working more slowly on adding things to it. Extra carbs? Today, I made her lunch sandwich on a bagel, so that should give a few more calories. But I can't do that every day because white bready foods make her constipated. Whole wheat bagels don't taste good, but she usually eats sliced whole wheat or rye/pumpernickel. I prepare fairly healthy dinners in our house, always consisting of meat and veggies sauteed in oil or butter. She gets things like rice, bread, baked potatoes, sour cream and butter with her dinners. But she often doesn't finish everything because she gets full. Yesterday, she didn't finish her chicken because the potato filled her up. I'm going to add mac and cheese to add to her dinner tonight, but it will either not get finished or will take the place of something else. Things she will eat? Donuts seem to go down easily. Pizza. Hot dogs. DQ blizzards. But still not high volume. She'll eat about half of a small blizzard and save the other half for later because she is too full. We go out to eat a lot on weekends, burgers, fries, Mexican food, pizza. I don't like doing that during the week because I like to cook more nutrient-dense foods then. She is still growing and she does actually like what I cook! She snacks on things like cheese sticks, hummus and crackers, chips and dip, apples, grapes.
She is not afraid of food. She does not try to control her intake. She is not obsessive about food or her weight, just unhappy that she is so small but not hungry enough to eat enough. She did not grow up in a diet-obsessed household. She is healthy, she gets her periods, she has great hair and nails.
So. How do you balance providing nutritious foods that include adequate protein, fruits and vegetables and fiber with feeding them high calorie foods that will help them gain weight when there seems to be a very finite amount of food that can go in???
Things on my list:
Doctor's appointments are scheduled, but are several weeks away. I would appreciate any advice for things to try in the meantime. I know she's too young for this site. I've looked at the high calorie food list. Just looking for things I haven't thought of. Thanks.
Activity: She is not very physically active and currently has a restriction from many activities due to a recent knee surgery. So her exercise consists of walking and some physical therapy exercises. She will sometimes ride the exercise bike with tension on it. She's trying to do more squats to grow her thighs larger, but is not managing her time well enough to really do it effectively (consistently and with structure). Prior to her surgery, she did more hiking and was in her marching band, but injured her knee almost every time she tried to do more vigorous sports, so she has never been super active. Moving forward, it seems that a progressive training program is going to be best for her. Otherwise, she keeps very busy with school stuff, mainly academics and music. Most days, she works on homework from the time she gets home until about an hour before she goes to bed, with a break for dinner. Lots of homework on the weekends too.
Food: She is kind of picky with food and eats really slowly - a habit I believe formed from wearing braces and having a hard time chewing. She eats a bowl of cereal in the morning before going to school. We use whole milk. Never enough time to eat anything else. Mornings are difficult and getting up earlier is not currently an option. Working on it. There are easy microwaveable sausages available to her, but she only eats them occasionally. She won't touch eggs. Working on getting her to accept protein powder mixed into her cereal. She'll eat pancakes on the weekends, and if she makes extra, they are quick enough to reheat during the week. She eats pancakes topped with cream cheese and fruit and sometimes syrup. No diet foods. She's pretty good with fruit, but by the time she gets to it, she is pretty full. I pack her lunch and it is usually a sandwich (I try to get 20-25g of protein on it) with cheese and mayo, a box of juice, and usually a greek yogurt, chips, fruit, and/or cookies. Maybe a container of guacamole. I try to switch it up. She often comes home with some of the stuff I packed for her because they don't get enough time in school to eat. She doesn't have much of a sweet tooth. She'll eat some cookies, but candy just sits around. We still have most of her chocolate Easter bunny (!). It sits on the kitchen table right in front of her, but she doesn't touch it much. I figured that adding extra fat would be a great way to add calories for her. Yesterday after school I made her a shake with ice cream, chocolate protein powder, and a spoonful of peanut butter. She took one sip and put it in the fridge, where it still is, so I guess I'll be tossing it. Didn't like something about it, probably the peanut flavor. She is allergic to tree nuts and only recently got cleared to eat peanuts, so she is still wary of them, I think, after avoiding them for so long. So nuts and peanuts are a whole bunch of tasty fats that aren't helpful. Will explore more in this arena, maybe try making some fat bombs with coconut oil. She had a weird reaction to Sun butter once, so I'm hesitant to try that again. I'm going to give her oreo ice cream when she gets home today, not blended with anything, and maybe try working more slowly on adding things to it. Extra carbs? Today, I made her lunch sandwich on a bagel, so that should give a few more calories. But I can't do that every day because white bready foods make her constipated. Whole wheat bagels don't taste good, but she usually eats sliced whole wheat or rye/pumpernickel. I prepare fairly healthy dinners in our house, always consisting of meat and veggies sauteed in oil or butter. She gets things like rice, bread, baked potatoes, sour cream and butter with her dinners. But she often doesn't finish everything because she gets full. Yesterday, she didn't finish her chicken because the potato filled her up. I'm going to add mac and cheese to add to her dinner tonight, but it will either not get finished or will take the place of something else. Things she will eat? Donuts seem to go down easily. Pizza. Hot dogs. DQ blizzards. But still not high volume. She'll eat about half of a small blizzard and save the other half for later because she is too full. We go out to eat a lot on weekends, burgers, fries, Mexican food, pizza. I don't like doing that during the week because I like to cook more nutrient-dense foods then. She is still growing and she does actually like what I cook! She snacks on things like cheese sticks, hummus and crackers, chips and dip, apples, grapes.
She is not afraid of food. She does not try to control her intake. She is not obsessive about food or her weight, just unhappy that she is so small but not hungry enough to eat enough. She did not grow up in a diet-obsessed household. She is healthy, she gets her periods, she has great hair and nails.
So. How do you balance providing nutritious foods that include adequate protein, fruits and vegetables and fiber with feeding them high calorie foods that will help them gain weight when there seems to be a very finite amount of food that can go in???
Things on my list:
- Try offering more food between dinner and bedtime. It's scary for me to to that though, because she gets reflux.
- Be more consistent with providing her with high calorie foods.
- Encourage structured weight training. Find the time and commit.
- Educate her about how good dietary fats are? I don't want to cause her to have food issues. Or cause her any more if I already have, so I don't want to be too preachy.
- We used to make cheesecakes once a week and she ate some every day. She loves cheesecake. Duh! Need to do that again!
Doctor's appointments are scheduled, but are several weeks away. I would appreciate any advice for things to try in the meantime. I know she's too young for this site. I've looked at the high calorie food list. Just looking for things I haven't thought of. Thanks.
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Replies
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Her problems are more of hormone issues than nutrition or activity, the doctor would provide you with the most important things she needs, but what we suggest for hard gainers, is to eat nutritionally dense food, especially lots of fat and protein, because good amounts of fat helps the body to make it's own hormones, lots of hormones involves this so I won't specify them, and protein because most of our body is made of protein cells, muscles, etc
calories dense food is a good idea, but she also needs nutrition, a lot of nutrition actually, add that to lots of calories and healthy fats and good amount of protein, and any treatment the doctor offers, and she will be fine hopefully0 -
The weight training would help with her gaining lean mass along with the healthy fat mass she needs, but I think it would only prove effective enough if she's eating a surplus. It sounds like you're trying to do a lot of different things and doing your best. I think one of your best ideas is encouraging the peanut butter, but since she is wary of the flavor I brainstormed for a minute and thought that maybe finding a flavored peanut butter could maybe work. I thought about buff bake brands but those have tree nuts. Then I found PB Crave Cookie Nookie Peanut Butter on the Vitaminshoppe's website. Maybe browse some of the flavored peanut butters out there and let her pick one that sounds good? Or buy one you think she'll like and mix it in things and see if she can tell. They have a lot of flavors out there!
Good luck and it sounds like you are a very loving parent
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The weight training would help with her gaining lean mass along with the healthy fat mass she needs, but I think it would only prove effective enough if she's eating a surplus. It sounds like you're trying to do a lot of different things and doing your best. I think one of your best ideas is encouraging the peanut butter, but since she is wary of the flavor I brainstormed for a minute and thought that maybe finding a flavored peanut butter could maybe work. I thought about buff bake brands but those have tree nuts. Then I found PB Crave Cookie Nookie Peanut Butter on the Vitaminshoppe's website. Maybe browse some of the flavored peanut butters out there and let her pick one that sounds good? Or buy one you think she'll like and mix it in things and see if she can tell. They have a lot of flavors out there!
Good luck and it sounds like you are a very loving parent
Thank you for your kind and informative reply. I'll check it out!0 -
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The weight training would help with her gaining lean mass along with the healthy fat mass she needs, but I think it would only prove effective enough if she's eating a surplus. It sounds like you're trying to do a lot of different things and doing your best. I think one of your best ideas is encouraging the peanut butter, but since she is wary of the flavor I brainstormed for a minute and thought that maybe finding a flavored peanut butter could maybe work.
I agree with the weight training and peanut butter comments! Just hold off on the weight training until she's actually eating more food. As for PB, since you're hesitant to give her a lot of snacks right before bed, maybe a piece of bread with a decent helping of PB on it an hour before bed could help get those calories needed and have enough time (and be a pretty tame food) that it wouldn't upset her reflux. Could you send with her a morning snack to munch in between classes or something?3 -
My friend was diagnosed with a hyperactive thyroid at 16. She was underweight, ate an adequate amount of food, and was pretty inactive. Maybe have her thyroid tested.2
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is her school schedule set so she could grab a snack between classes? if she gets full easy, maybe having some smaller snacks during the day as a way to bulk up a calories
I found higher quality foods helped me too - I used to eat 2 chobani greek yogurts and would still be hungry, but the Noosa yogurt (which has more fat/carbs than protein) works much better - the 8oz is about 320cal and is something she could probably eat between classes
maybe instead of a sandwich for lunch - precook some chicken and potato - you can eat it cold (I don't know if her school has access to a microwave) - there are steamable bags you can buy that you put meat and veg into then cook - these have been great for me at work and you can essentially make whatever you want2 -
I'd start looking for things that are maybe higher in fat, but lower in volume (assuming her IBS can tolerate the extra fat). Could you add some half and half or heavy cream to the milk she's eating in her cereal? The other idea might be to find things that are small but high-calorie that she can eat in between classes, like the fat bombs or maybe some dried fruit (it's higher calorie and less volume than fresh fruit).2
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Ok, my.two cents have you asked her how she feels?? And maybe want she wants? Respectfully.1
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Leenizi129 wrote: »Ok, my.two cents have you asked her how she feels?? And maybe want she wants? Respectfully.
She feels very unhappy with her size and very much wants to gain weight. Those are not assumptions. I think she is crazy beautiful but I worry about her being underweight and about me being too much of a noodge trying to get her to eat more. She said that people at school have said things about her being "wow so skinny!", not knowing that it is hurtful to her.
She was honestly surprised when I told her that many of them probably wish they could look a bit more like her and that to them it was probably more like a compliment. Ugh. It's just not safe to say anything about anybody's weight!
What are y'all's favorite fat bomb recipes? A lot that I have seen do not have sugar in them. We are totes fine with sugar, and I'm sure she'll be more likely to eat them if they are sweet as well as fat.
Appreciate all of the replies!0 -
I like to make jello and use half and half or cream as the cold liquid. I usually do sugar free, but it will work fine with regular.1
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you might do good to see if she can get a referral to a dietician who can help her with these goals - I think she would probably meet the requirements2
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I just want to say that it sounds like you're a great mom and you're doing an excellent job!3
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I can relate to her feelings about hurtful comments;had that all my life! Like your daughter,I've always been a picky eater and eat very slowly;it was always a standing family joke that I'd still be eating the main course while everyone else was finishing their pudding! I've been able to gain weight by eating calorie dense foods (listed on the hard gainer thread ) and I also had to drop the thing about 3 main meals which has been drummed into me since birth. My appetite simply won't allow me to eat enough that way,so now I have 4 or 5 smaller meals.
Edited to add: I also have acid reflux but find I can eat plain full fat yoghurt close to bedtime with no issues.1 -
Every fat bomb i've tried was just like eating a stick of butter. I don't know if she could have them, but macadamia nuts were the winner for me. 18 of them is like 300 calories and all good fat.0
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apart from doughnuts and cheesecake, if she doesn't have a sweet tooth, get over it! that's not a problem... just make more savoury snacks available. try milk instead of juice? does she like avocado? cheese and crackers as a snack, beef or lamb instead of chicken for your main meal, seeds if she doesn't like nuts? granola or museli instead of cereal?1
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Set her a daily calorie target. She needs to realise you don't need to be hungry to eat something.0
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As mentioned above, granola is a really good idea! What about protein bars for snacks? Some of those can be pretty nutrient dense. I also agree with the flavored peanut butters-there's a Dark Chocolate Dream one by PB&Co that I used to LOVE! If you have a Trader Joe's nearby, they have something amazing called cookie butter that she may like. What about Nutella?1
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Yea, we do protein bars. Will definitely add granola to the breakfast pile. She loves Cracklin' Oat Bran, which is pretty dense, but I will check into it as well as the flavored PB. Nutella is hazlenut which she can't have.
Also going to pick up some Fairlife whole milk today for a few more gs of protein. Ugh.. Is it lower cal?
I don't think that her lack of sweet tooth is a problem to get over, it's just not helping me fill her up with calories and foods that seem to cause many people to have cravings and want to eat more.1 -
lobotomybunny wrote: »Yea, we do protein bars. Will definitely add granola to the breakfast pile. She loves Cracklin' Oat Bran, which is pretty dense, but I will check into it as well as the flavored PB. Nutella is hazlenut which she can't have.
Also going to pick up some Fairlife whole milk today for a few more gs of protein. Ugh.. Is it lower cal?
I don't think that her lack of sweet tooth is a problem to get over, it's just not helping me fill her up with calories and foods that seem to cause many people to have cravings and want to eat more.
fairlife isn't lower cal - they have a full fat option, also a 2% but its really creamy - the chocolate one is pretty good too1 -
I hope an outcome of the doctors appointment will look into allergies and intolerances in relation to the ibs particularly. Histamine intolerance has been known to underpin ibs and other health problems. There are several sites which help with histamine issues. One is healinghistamine, Food matters has information on histamine intolerance as well as many other issues.
If you can get to the bottom of her ibs I'm sure she will start to fill out.1 -
lobotomybunny wrote: »
She feels very unhappy with her size and very much wants to gain weight. Those are not assumptions. I think she is crazy beautiful but I worry about her being underweight and about me being too much of a noodge trying to get her to eat more. She said that people at school have said things about her being "wow so skinny!", not knowing that it is hurtful to her. She was honestly surprised when I told her that many of them probably wish they could look a bit more like her and that to them it was probably more like a compliment. Ugh. It's just not safe to say anything about anybody's weight!
What are y'all's favorite fat bomb recipes? A lot that I have seen do not have sugar in them. We are totes fine with sugar, and I'm sure she'll be more likely to eat them if they are sweet as well as fat.
Appreciate all of the replies!
I had a lot of friends in high school (and a sister) who would gawk at how skinny and weak I was. They called a twig, a 'skinny minny', a stick, you name it. Of course, it was all meant jokingly. There was no foul intention. They even thought it was a compliment. But it still hurt. I felt like a skeleton some days. I'm happy with my size now and prefer myself a bit on the thinner side. Making sure I eat enough and weight lifting really helped. I hope the flavoured PB works for your daughter and she hits her calorie goals so she can start lifting too! It really imposes a strong and confident feeling even after just a few days in!1 -
lobotomybunny wrote: »Yea, we do protein bars. Will definitely add granola to the breakfast pile. She loves Cracklin' Oat Bran, which is pretty dense, but I will check into it as well as the flavored PB. Nutella is hazlenut which she can't have.
Also going to pick up some Fairlife whole milk today for a few more gs of protein. Ugh.. Is it lower cal?
I don't think that her lack of sweet tooth is a problem to get over, it's just not helping me fill her up with calories and foods that seem to cause many people to have cravings and want to eat more.
Aaah duh, my bad! That's totally my fault. What about dipping sauces and the like-pretzels and hummus or anything with ranch can be very calorific. Muffins maybe? Stir fry w oil? Both could be tinkered with to increase calories. Also-I've found corn to be a low volume higher cal veggie!!0
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