The Buffalo Chicken Wing Diet

I think I have found the best diet known to man! Here's how it went down:
I went out book shopping and then to lunch with my sis and her bf. We ended up at a good wings joint for lunch. I figured, since I had a nice long workout of both running and swimming planned, I would splurge and get a few wings. I ordered the "Insanity Wings Challenge," which means if you can eat 12 bone-in wings with "insanity hot sauce" in 10 minutes, you get them for free. I love hot and spicy food. I loved that I had to sign a waiver for them. I wasn't going to do the challenge (I prefer to enjoy my food rather than shoveling it in my face), but saying you wanted to do the challenge was the only way you could the hottest wings. Plus, 12 wings means at least 3 meals worth!
Wing # 1: Really spicy but good.
Wing # 2: Less spicy... I must be getting used to this
Wing # 2.5: No, I wasn't getting used to this, my mouth had just gone numb from shock. DEAR GOD IT IS HOT!!!
It took 5 glasses of water, and then finally getting a pitcher and sticking a straw in that, plus half a glass of milk to make the burning yield.
Hours later it still feels as though someone has punch me in the gut. I tried running, since that usually makes me feel better, but it just made me feel like I want to die (seriously, I put on Mazzy Star's "Fade Into You" because I thought it might be an appropriate song to drop dead to). I can't even think of eating anything else.

So there you have it, the perfect diet. Just two and a half chicken wings will help you get your daily recommended dosage of water, a good amount of calcium and cut down on those snack cravings you have been having. Plus, you will literally be unable to exercise, so no need to feel guilty about not going to the gym.

This is not just some new fad diet. Don't believe me? Try it for a week, and by the end of that week, your coroner can tell your next of kin all about what great shape you were in.