Dealing with cruel comments about weight

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Replies

  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
    I was thinking about this and even if your parent was telling you that you were skinny or looked great every day it would be creepy. It is creepy to pay that much attention to your daughter's body and comment on it daily.

    People who are mean/abusive will often spin it as you being too sensitive or just trying to help you. That is bs. They are hurting you and know they are hurting you. It is not acceptable in society to tell people they look fat, bald, or old even family members. Their behavior is not normal.
  • biscuitnow
    biscuitnow Posts: 141 Member
    I used to get a lot of "are you sure you want to eat that!?" etc. from my family. Um, yes, I know I'm overweight, but I'm not just going to stop eating altogether?
    I'm sorry I can't really help you, but I'll tell you this: by now I've moved out, I'm at a normal weight/BMI, and I'm probably the skinniest member of my family. Haha! ;) You'll get there! :-)
  • RuNaRoUnDaFiEld
    RuNaRoUnDaFiEld Posts: 5,864 Member
    I'm trying to get my head around a parent doing this to their child.

    Does he talk to you at all? I'm wondering if it is his way of saying he is scared for your health. If he isn't one for holding a conversation then perhaps he doesn't know how to articulate his concerns.

    I'm not excusing his behaviour just trying to understand how some one could do such a thing.
  • Scousemaggie
    Scousemaggie Posts: 18 Member
    My daughter has weight issues, but if anyone, no matter who, disrespected and humiliated her as your father is doing to you I would go ballistic. No one has the right to make anyone else feel bad about themselves and I am disgusted and shocked that your own father's behaviour is so appalling. Please don't let him take your self respect away, you can do something about your weight when the time is right for you. Your father is going to drive you away with his bad behaviour and he will end up a lonely, bitter old man!
  • rdgfit
    rdgfit Posts: 98 Member
    I am sorry that you have had to go through this experience. I think there are a lot of good suggestions in this thread and I think it shows how great this community is. My advise to you is hold your head up high, be true to yourself, and don't let this define you because it doesn't. Sounds like you are ready to make changes in your life and that is the first step. I wish you all the best and stay strong!
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,874 Member
    RuNaRoUnDaFiEld wrote: »
    I'm trying to get my head around a parent doing this to their child.

    Does he talk to you at all? I'm wondering if it is his way of saying he is scared for your health. If he isn't one for holding a conversation then perhaps he doesn't know how to articulate his concerns.

    I'm not excusing his behaviour just trying to understand how some one could do such a thing.

    I am as well. I can only conclude that some people are *kittens* and sadly there is not aptitude test for parenting. I honestly don't see how true concern for one's daughter could come out this way.
  • workin_onit
    workin_onit Posts: 101 Member
    curvygirly911--I read this whole thread. I'm so glad some people said things that helped you!

    I applaud your positive attitude and wish you the best!

    My husband and his family are mostly thin and talk about their weight all the time (not mine, though it's literally like the elephant in the room sometimes) and it makes me 10x more self conscious.

    That said, now that I'm doing something about it, all that stands between me and a healthier me is time, given daily attention to all the factors.

    It helps me to think that way!

    Good luck to you...please post and let us know how you're doing!

    Jean
    Goal (for now): 180
    Currently: 237
  • ireallylikemuffins
    ireallylikemuffins Posts: 72 Member
    Do we share a dad or something? When I'm already in a bad mood, I respond to my dad and am petty as all get-out... Most of the time I don't let his comments bother me for long. I figure I've been fat and awkward and made fun of for it for the majority of my life, and I'm no longer going to be a victim to someone else's unkind words and projected insecurity. I think of it like radical not giving a f***.

    I'm sorry that your dad is being such a *kitten*. I know those comments can be really hurtful, especially coming from a parent who's supposed to love you unconditionally. I hope that whatever method you use to cope with this abuse, that it helps you rise above it so that you can become happier and achieve your goals.
  • dontgobacktosleep
    dontgobacktosleep Posts: 144 Member
    If he's a crass jerk then you know what you're dealing with, not that it makes his *kitten* behavior acceptable.

    One thing I know about bullies is they have no backup plan. When you don't play his game you will bring him pain.

    Take a big bum over a big mouth any day!!!
  • mca90guitar
    mca90guitar Posts: 290 Member
    Sorry you have to deal with him.

    My dad and I have a great relationship but we both will light each other up when we do something to piss each other off. If my dad said that to me I would tear him a new one. That being said a few hrs later we would be good again and kayaking on the weekend.

    Most of my friends can't talk as even the skinny ones are extremely non active minus two of them.

    Idk I would comfront him in private and see what his deal is. Guess the other side is doing it at a family event so he can get scolded by others and see how it feels.
  • curvygirly911
    curvygirly911 Posts: 105 Member
    Honestly just reading these commentaries and making me realize that I'm not the one who is nuts, crazy or sensitive is making me feel ten times better. My family (except me) is so used to behaving this way and thinks they are normal and that I'm a wimp and dramatic so I always thought this was how others were treated at home too. It's a weird situation because I envy others who don't have that kind of drama but at the same time it makes me feel better knowing that you can see that it's a *kitten* situation and that HE's the jerk.

    Reading some of the poster's disbelief makes me also feel better because they agree that no parent should ever treat their child this way.

    Update: Ever since I wrote this 6 days ago, the situation has repeated about 3 more times (once every other day). What's good is that reading these comments has made me feel stronger knowing there are so many out there in different parts of the world that support me and I honestly didn't feel like I had to retort back to him or "win" the argument. So far, I've just been disappointed and ignored him or left the room and did my own thing.

    In our family, we always have this thinking that if you pray that's good but if you were to do something bad that day then your prayer is gone to waste. So next time he says something like this I'm just going to say " I'm sorry dad but now that you've made that comment all your prayer for the day has been erased". I will try to say it as innocently as possible but I know he will feel really stupid because I'm showing how hypocritical he is and also it will make me feel better that I did not resort to swearing.

    I am trying my hardest to save up (currently working full time and in school) and move out so I can have some peace of mind.

    Thanks again for the postings. I'm going to open up a new post where we can maybe write the comments that we get that piss us off and as a community we can reply and make fun of them- just to let off some steam!

  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,576 Member
    edited May 2017
    Chef_Barbell wrote: »
    Move out and cut them off. Trust me it's much easier to live life without toxic family.

    I agree with this. I come from a very supportive family so I can't relate, but if your father has always been a 'crass jerk' it's unlikely any response from you will do anything other than fuel the fire. Just remove yourself from the situation.
  • TheJourneyToFabulous
    TheJourneyToFabulous Posts: 381 Member
    Wow cant believe he would say these things! My dad will sometimes say thought you were on a doet if i have some not so diety but never out right nasty! I feel so bad for you. My family is extremely supportive so dont know how you feel.

    You need to try and get out of the situation and continue on your journey away from him
  • iwtbt170
    iwtbt170 Posts: 51 Member
    Just one question....where is mom?
  • CrazyWelsh
    CrazyWelsh Posts: 47 Member
    You are a beautiful person who deserves respect from everyone. Never forget you are a better person than him. Go you for continuing going to the gym etc. You show him what you are made of. Hope you move out soon and find a happy home to live in. Never forget you are better than him and amazing for staying motivated. As say in my country big cwtches to you :)
  • cease_warren2011
    cease_warren2011 Posts: 22 Member
    Words can cut deep. Especially when they are negative and coming from those who are suppose to love and protect us. I don't know your father (obviously) but from what you have said about him, it would appear that he has his own issues that he is deflecting and casing your way. Has he always been this way or did it suddenly become a cruel thing he does? My advice... Speak with him honestly. Tell him that his words may seem like a joke (to him) but they make him unpleasent to be around. Inform him that he's going to damage the chance of a relationship the 2 of you could have in the future. Explain to him that what he considers fun, is breaking your heart and showing a side of him that is abusive and evil. (sometimes people are unaware of how much they are affecting us) Let it all out without getting angry or aggressive because once we (adults) become defensive, we tend to stop listening and focus only on proving that we are correct and how others are wrong. Once you've said these words just give him time. If that doesn't change him then you know without a doubt that he just doesn't care that he's hurting you and damaging your respect for him. At this point, your best bet is to use his words as fuel to motivate your determination. Make his negative into a positive! I really hope this helps.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    You know what is gonna be really nuts? When you do lose the weight they will credit their behaviour towards you. Not your hard work.

    https://www.amazon.ca/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407
  • shans34
    shans34 Posts: 535 Member
    I went through that and much worse at the mouth of my father. Ultimately, he is toxic and I kicked him out of my life.
    However, until I realized the problem was him and not me, I kept failing at diets and weight loss as a way to excuse why he hated me. Once I recognized that his being an *kitten* is him and not me, I started succeeding at weight loss. He would be an *kitten* to me with it without the weight. He would just find something else to be a jerk about. It's who he is. So I rid myself of him. Best thing I ever did.

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