feeling ganged up on
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When you start calorie counting you need strategies for eating with others. You have to rethink how you do things, and be creative. Not everything will work, so you keep trying until you find the right thing for you. You can always say "doctor's orders" if someone really has you up against a wall and you don't know how to refuse. Prepare your answers ahead.
Eating out with my skinny husband used to be hell. He loves pizza, but never finishes and would be after me to eat part of his pizza. I used to say no, and no again, and then start arguing with him and hissing in the restaurant. It ruined many an evening that should have been fun. He does this with desserts, pasta, basically everything. Years went by and I was suffering from "weight creep", and very frustrated. Nothing was working, but then I figured it out. We go out often and I order a big salad (which I like anyway) and then eat a third of his pizza, pasta, etc. Then we split a dessert. After 4 yrs on MFP, I've lost my weight and am maintaining.4 -
I have been good about it for a few weeks now, though I will say I ate a little too much on mother's day.
But back to working hard and eatting right.
I just decided not to beat myself this time, certain times I will go over and eat things I shouldn't but as long it's it's a rare thing and not the norm it will be fine in the end.2 -
Learning to say no and effectively teaching people I deeply care about that no thank you, meant no thank you was the hardest part of the journey. I got as far on occasion to; "Which part of no is the hard part, the N or the O part" after the No thank you three times was just not enough
To be honest I have had to use it a few times and it was hard. People are generally not trying to gang up on you but it does feel like. It also feels kind of bad to have to grow that spine and stick to it.
On the good side they now understand the no thank you is a definite no. Both parties will need to learn about the new trend and that is hard. They'll learn and will even get to the point of saying something along the lines; Oh I am not even going to ask I know the answer already. My family and co-workers have learned and that is such a relief when the penny has dropped with most people that no is no1 -
No judgement here, but a bit of advice. I think you would greatly benefit from therapy. There is a reason you don't feel strong, and this is such a struggle for you. Really getting to the bottom of it is going to give you such freedom that you are going kick yourself from not starting therapy sooner, rather than later. Seriously, give therapy a try. That could make the difference between wishing you could lose weight, to wanting to lose weight. There is a big difference. Wishing is where you are right now, wanting it is where you take steps to make it happen. Don't play the helpless from myself card, you are better than that. You can make it happen.1 -
I have found that a simple "Oh, no thanks, I'm not hungry right now" is sufficient. Or you can say "No thanks, I just ate" (you don't have to specify when. LOL)
Nobody "needs" to know you are on a particular journey into weight loss and healthy eating - because the minute you tell them you will get "Tsk tsk" if they see you eat something down the road that they think is not good (HINT: ANYTHING IS GOOD AS LONG AS YOU DON'T GO OVER YOUR CALORIES) or they will try to get you to do low carb, paleo, etc. or offer unsolicited advice.
When it comes to self control / handling certain situations, so much of your success comes from planning ahead!
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I was at a neighborhood potluck the other day and was asked why I wasn't taking any food. I replied honestly, "I don't need the calories." Direct and to the point. It definitely was not a response they expected. I think it threw them off a bit as I subsequently heard them talking about me and repeating what I said. It put them on their heels and appeared to make them question why they were eating as much as they were though that was not my intent. I am lucky I guess--at this point in my life I can say exactly what I am thinking without worrying about the consequences of not fitting the norm. This is my life's journey, not someone else's.5
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I have found that a simple "Oh, no thanks, I'm not hungry right now" is sufficient. Or you can say "No thanks, I just ate" (you don't have to specify when. LOL)
Nobody "needs" to know you are on a particular journey into weight loss and healthy eating - because the minute you tell them you will get "Tsk tsk" if they see you eat something down the road that they think is not good (HINT: ANYTHING IS GOOD AS LONG AS YOU DON'T GO OVER YOUR CALORIES) or they will try to get you to do low carb, paleo, etc. or offer unsolicited advice.
When it comes to self control / handling certain situations, so much of your success comes from planning ahead!
This is solid advice, and also why I don't tell anyone outside my immediate household I'm losing weight. Falls under not their business.4 -
A strategy that I've been trying to implement is reminding myself that eating doesn't make anything more special. More food does not equal more special.10
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jeremylandon wrote: »A strategy that I've been trying to implement is reminding myself that eating doesn't make anything more special. More food does not equal more special.
LOVE this. So very true.0 -
jeremylandon wrote: »A strategy that I've been trying to implement is reminding myself that eating doesn't make anything more special. More food does not equal more special.
Very true and gets to the heart of the matter. What is important is meeting your friends/family. Does it matter if you have a drink in hand or a club soda? Does it matter if you ate a 1/2 sandwich or nothing at all?1 -
jeremylandon wrote: »A strategy that I've been trying to implement is reminding myself that eating doesn't make anything more special. More food does not equal more special.
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Ok I know this is silly but in cocktail situations if alcohol is an issue and you need to avoid looking like you are not drinking try soda water in a champagne glass or diet coke and a cherry on ice in a rocks glass. Tip your bartender for it an you can sit the whole party for no calories and everyone thinks you are drinking.
Also "no thank you right now maybe in a little bit" some people take later as a better answer then no.0 -
Suck it up, Buttercup. Tracking and saying 'no' is hard for everyone.
If you are just starting, maybe goal maintenance or a slight deficit while you get into a rhythm of eating to plan. Then you'll have some cushion to say yes.
They specifically asked to not have ignorant answers like this. Rude. You can push people to quit by being rude that way and inconsiderate of how they're feeling. We are supposed to be here to support one another.3 -
I love telling my family that I'm trying to lose weight because when I do lose a few pds here and there I rub it in their face...honestly. Keeps me accountable and lets them know I'm serious. They don't take advice well do I'll just show them!
You need to learn how to lie lol. Next time someone offers you food tell them you just finished eating and you aren't hungry. You may even trick yourself into not wanting to actually eat.0 -
If you're really ready to lose weight then you can say no.
I'm a chef and there's always food wanting to be eaten, you just need to dig deep.2 -
When they first try to push food on you, you say "Thanks, but I'm good. I've had enough." If they keep being persistent you say loudly, "As I just said, I've had enough...why would you keep asking me to eat more when I told you I'm fine? "0
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Maybe overwhelmed is a better word than ganged up on? Dealing with cravings and pressure to eat is hard, no question, particularly when you're faced with both at the same time (like a piece of the umpteeninth work birthday cake). However, with practice, it does get easier. You have every right to say "no, thank you" and offer zero explanation. Your business is your business. It will get easier, hang in there!1
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"No thanks" is NOT always sufficient. Some people will stop just short of shoving the stuff down someone's throat. You have to just be firm. If someone knocks on your door and you peek out and see food in tow, just do not open the door. Then later when they mention that they popped in and brought treats tell them to please refrain from bringing food.
As far as food making something more special I guess it's a matter of perspective. There are certain dishes that are only served on holidays. It's not about "more" food but rather "which" food. You then must decide if you want to just relax and enjoy the day and then get back to your regular plan the day after, or do you want to be faced with all the things you love and try really hard not to eat them only to cave and stuff your face more than you would have if you had just set a reasonable limit for yourself in the first place. There is nothing wrong with taking time to enjoy a holiday and relax.2 -
You don't have to say "No". But you will probably need to learn when to say "enough".
If this is your lifestyle and you don't want to change it, then you need to learn how to live that lifestyle without overeating. Enjoying food doesn't have to mean stuffing yourself. Just eat normal portions and savor them. When you've had enough, stop eating.1
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