I am reliant on others for my happiness
graydreams
Posts: 89 Member
I know that it is unhealthy and dangerous to be reliant on others for your happiness, but I am. In the past I was very depressed and not motivated to do things like get a job, make friends, etc, due to feeling lonely. The simplest tasks seemed daunting because I was so depressed. I kept telling myself to be happy alone but I simply was not. I was dealing with suicidality really badly especially after a situation in which someone tricked me into a one night stand.
One week ago, a guy whom I met at the hospital a year ago (but we did not talk for the past year) told me that he is considering being in a relationship with me once he gets past his worries about coming from poverty and being uneducated. Since then, I feel good instead of feeling bad the majority of the day. I do pretty much the same things every day, but the difference is I don't feel bad and lonely.
I am planning on starting to look for a job after i figure out what kind of job I want, starting to socialise, and going to different cities. I wouldn't have dreamed of doing these things before Tengfei expressed that we might be together in the future. In the past also I hated myself because no one loved me, after the other guy used me for a one night stand, and I wouldn't eat much at all. Now every day I have been able to eat almost 1200 calories because knowing that Tengfei cares about me and wants me to eat motivates me to do so. In fact, I would even say I have a strong desire to live so that I can see him again. He is in Beijing and I am in Taiwan so he is 2 hours away on a flight.
So do you guys have any advice on how I can become more emotionally independent while the going is good? Given my past history of being unable to be happy alone? Thanks in advance
One week ago, a guy whom I met at the hospital a year ago (but we did not talk for the past year) told me that he is considering being in a relationship with me once he gets past his worries about coming from poverty and being uneducated. Since then, I feel good instead of feeling bad the majority of the day. I do pretty much the same things every day, but the difference is I don't feel bad and lonely.
I am planning on starting to look for a job after i figure out what kind of job I want, starting to socialise, and going to different cities. I wouldn't have dreamed of doing these things before Tengfei expressed that we might be together in the future. In the past also I hated myself because no one loved me, after the other guy used me for a one night stand, and I wouldn't eat much at all. Now every day I have been able to eat almost 1200 calories because knowing that Tengfei cares about me and wants me to eat motivates me to do so. In fact, I would even say I have a strong desire to live so that I can see him again. He is in Beijing and I am in Taiwan so he is 2 hours away on a flight.
So do you guys have any advice on how I can become more emotionally independent while the going is good? Given my past history of being unable to be happy alone? Thanks in advance
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Replies
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Welcome back I guess is all I can say2
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I'm not sure, but do you by any chance have a beagle and a Gucci shirt?7
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tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »Welcome back I guess is all I can say
Thank you0 -
TavistockToad wrote: »I'm not sure, but do you by any chance have a beagle and a Gucci shirt?
No, I had one but it was lost when I was in Beijing. I went through a lot there which caused me to end in the hospital, but I would prefer not to go into traumatic things. I'm just looking to develop healthier mental habits at this point. How are you?0 -
Humans need companionship, it's nothing to be ashamed of, depression is normal following trauma, and depression makes it hard to do the things which would get you companionship. I'm sorry to hear you had a bad time and glad you are feeling better right now. Use this time when you feel good to do the things you need to improve your life and make yourself stronger. When you have many friends and a good job, you will not feel so much anxiety about the love of a single person, because you will have many sources which reinforce your feelings of self-worth. As you become more independent physically, you will naturally become more independent emotionally.
Also remember that if this one person, whose opinion you respect, loves you, that proves you are worthy of love and many people would love you if they only knew you!2 -
rheddmobile wrote: »Humans need companionship, it's nothing to be ashamed of, depression is normal following trauma, and depression makes it hard to do the things which would get you companionship. I'm sorry to hear you had a bad time and glad you are feeling better right now. Use this time when you feel good to do the things you need to improve your life and make yourself stronger. When you have many friends and a good job, you will not feel so much anxiety about the love of a single person, because you will have many sources which reinforce your feelings of self-worth. As you become more independent physically, you will naturally become more independent emotionally.
Also remember that if this one person, whose opinion you respect, loves you, that proves you are worthy of love and many people would love you if they only knew you!
Thanks so much for your empathetic and kind words , I really appreciate it Yes I am going to start applying to jobs really soon, I am thinking to find a less physically strenuous job and what you are saying makes sense. Not having all your eggs in one basket. Thanks again so much for the encouragement, hope you are having a wonderful week 
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Dear Gray,
Let me try to respond in a thoughtful way.
"I know that it is unhealthy and dangerous to be reliant on others for your happiness, but I am."
Many people rely on others for their happiness, so don't judge yourself but it is good to notice that something needs to change.
"In the past I was very depressed and not motivated to do things like get a job, make friends, etc, due to feeling lonely. "
Humans need to have social connectivity...its as essential as air and water. However, the loneliness...this needs to be explored (in my opinion with the help of a caring and skilled therapist). Likely the root cause is not being alone but rather something else linked to much earlier experiences where you either felt rejected, unloved, or uncared for as well as something affecting your ability to totally love yourself. More on this later....
"One week ago, a guy whom I met at the hospital a year ago (but we did not talk for the past year) told me that he is considering being in a relationship with me once he gets past his worries about coming from poverty and being uneducated. Since then, I feel good instead of feeling bad the majority of the day. I do pretty much the same things every day, but the difference is I don't feel bad and lonely."
So a hole inside of you has been filled by this man's interest in you. Many people have this and its ok. But its good that you do recognize that its a bit of a house of cards to build your happiness on someone else. While you have the energy, its great to build your life (i.e. get a job, focus on building your social network). I would also suggest to really dive into some of the deeper issues inside of yourself. We all carry around wounds and many (if not the majority) of us do not even recognize that we are the 'walking wounded'. You are at least conscious that something is a bit off. Be brave and delve right in. Learn to love yourself (roots of not loving ourselves are directly related to childhood incidents/trauma).
Good luck in your journey.
Hugs and love,
j
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Here's something that helped me once: That feeling that you get when you think of Tengfei? It's actually you.
You made that feeling; you made that version of Tengfei. The real human Tengfei--though no doubt a lovely, thoughtful person--has very little to do with that spark you're experiencing. Could you love yourself for giving yourself that spark as a gift? Would you do the things for yourself that you are doing for this avatar of Tengfei? If not, why not?1 -
Dear Gray,
Let me try to respond in a thoughtful way.
"I know that it is unhealthy and dangerous to be reliant on others for your happiness, but I am."
Many people rely on others for their happiness, so don't judge yourself but it is good to notice that something needs to change.
"In the past I was very depressed and not motivated to do things like get a job, make friends, etc, due to feeling lonely. "
Humans need to have social connectivity...its as essential as air and water. However, the loneliness...this needs to be explored (in my opinion with the help of a caring and skilled therapist). Likely the root cause is not being alone but rather something else linked to much earlier experiences where you either felt rejected, unloved, or uncared for as well as something affecting your ability to totally love yourself. More on this later....
"One week ago, a guy whom I met at the hospital a year ago (but we did not talk for the past year) told me that he is considering being in a relationship with me once he gets past his worries about coming from poverty and being uneducated. Since then, I feel good instead of feeling bad the majority of the day. I do pretty much the same things every day, but the difference is I don't feel bad and lonely."
So a hole inside of you has been filled by this man's interest in you. Many people have this and its ok. But its good that you do recognize that its a bit of a house of cards to build your happiness on someone else. While you have the energy, its great to build your life (i.e. get a job, focus on building your social network). I would also suggest to really dive into some of the deeper issues inside of yourself. We all carry around wounds and many (if not the majority) of us do not even recognize that we are the 'walking wounded'. You are at least conscious that something is a bit off. Be brave and delve right in. Learn to love yourself (roots of not loving ourselves are directly related to childhood incidents/trauma).
Good luck in your journey.
Hugs and love,
j
Hi J, I really do appreciate your taking the time to read my post and write such a thoughtful response, you are a very kind person. Thank you for your empathy So you are saying that maybe when I was younger I may have had issues leading me to be very obsessed w/the idea of being in love. I actually am having my 2nd therapy session on the coming Tuesday. I was supposed to go today but I cancelled it. That is a good analogy of how it is a house of cards when you rely on someone else for your happiness. I am going to be starting the job search VERY soon and I am making an effort to socialise, I will go to some community events either here or in surrounding cities. Thank you again very very much for your nice and encouraging words. I hope you are doing really well yourself take care 0 -
tabletop_joe wrote: »Here's something that helped me once: That feeling that you get when you think of Tengfei? It's actually you.
You made that feeling; you made that version of Tengfei. The real human Tengfei--though no doubt a lovely, thoughtful person--has very little to do with that spark you're experiencing. Could you love yourself for giving yourself that spark as a gift? Would you do the things for yourself that you are doing for this avatar of Tengfei? If not, why not?
Hi! How are you doing? So, I think the main issue here is that I could do things for myself like eating enough, and helping myself at the hospital (well i couldn't have done every single thing he did, but you get the idea hehe) but ever since I was in high school I have been obsessed with the idea of being loved in a romantic way, as opposed to by parents/friends. But I think I was too obsessed with it because I've known people who never dated into their 20s but they weren't as obsessed about it.0 -
TavistockToad wrote: »I'm not sure, but do you by any chance have a beagle and a Gucci shirt?
Ah---those were fantastic threads. OP--I hope you are better now and a bit more stable. Keep up with your therapy and try new things. Life is to be explored, and don't count on anyone too much, get stronger emotionally. Best.1 -
But will Tengfei have what it takes to support you in the style to which you've become accustomed? Despite him being from a poor background, uneducated and having been hospitalized in the past year?
It was Tengfei's father that was in the hospital. I don't need money from him, i just want someone that genuinely cares about me which is the case now.0 -
snowflake954 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »I'm not sure, but do you by any chance have a beagle and a Gucci shirt?
Ah---those were fantastic threads. OP--I hope you are better now and a bit more stable. Keep up with your therapy and try new things. Life is to be explored, and don't count on anyone too much, get stronger emotionally. Best.
Thank you, I really appreciate it. Some people around here thought i am a troll, but I write about life as I experience it and maybe sometimes I'm overreacting to things but I don't make things up just to create drama. Thanks for seeing past that and understanding. I am taking it a day at a time. It scares me that Tengfei affects me so much because I frankly don't know what the heck I would do if he decided against being with me. I'd be back to square one and dealing w/things the only way I know how (harming myself). I'll try building up my own life and going to the therapy. I hope to God that Tengfei and I end up being together because he is the only thing that makes me feel good enough to lead a healthy lifestyle. I feel like I defied the odds with him because my problem is that I tend to ask out men that I don't know (since my friends have almost always been female), wanting a relationship to start right away, and that lands me in bad situations. In this case I feel like God helped me because He knew that I'm not currently able to control myself in asking guys out right away but instead of being creeped out Tengfei understood and knowing that he wants to see me again face to face makes me want to live and become a healthy weight someday. I know that he respects women because unlike other guys he talks to me in a respectful and kind way and just today he was telling me to care about my health. Being in the hospital overnight while he was there was an amazing experience because I got to feel what it would be like for a male to care about me without asking me for anything. The idea that i could see an angel again, someone whom I trust, who respects women, gives me hope and joy, I smile more than I have smiled in a long time, people around me say they can see the difference. I hope you don't mind I wrote so much. How are you doing by the way?0 -
graydreams wrote: »tabletop_joe wrote: »Here's something that helped me once: That feeling that you get when you think of Tengfei? It's actually you.
You made that feeling; you made that version of Tengfei. The real human Tengfei--though no doubt a lovely, thoughtful person--has very little to do with that spark you're experiencing. Could you love yourself for giving yourself that spark as a gift? Would you do the things for yourself that you are doing for this avatar of Tengfei? If not, why not?
Hi! How are you doing? So, I think the main issue here is that I could do things for myself like eating enough, and helping myself at the hospital (well i couldn't have done every single thing he did, but you get the idea hehe) but ever since I was in high school I have been obsessed with the idea of being loved in a romantic way, as opposed to by parents/friends. But I think I was too obsessed with it because I've known people who never dated into their 20s but they weren't as obsessed about it.
No, that's not what I meant at all but maybe you're not at a place to understand what I mean yet. Very best of luck to you!
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graydreams wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »I'm not sure, but do you by any chance have a beagle and a Gucci shirt?
Ah---those were fantastic threads. OP--I hope you are better now and a bit more stable. Keep up with your therapy and try new things. Life is to be explored, and don't count on anyone too much, get stronger emotionally. Best.
Thank you, I really appreciate it. Some people around here thought i am a troll, but I write about life as I experience it and maybe sometimes I'm overreacting to things but I don't make things up just to create drama. Thanks for seeing past that and understanding. I am taking it a day at a time. It scares me that Tengfei affects me so much because I frankly don't know what the heck I would do if he decided against being with me. I'd be back to square one and dealing w/things the only way I know how (harming myself). I'll try building up my own life and going to the therapy. I hope to God that Tengfei and I end up being together because he is the only thing that makes me feel good enough to lead a healthy lifestyle. I feel like I defied the odds with him because my problem is that I tend to ask out men that I don't know (since my friends have almost always been female), wanting a relationship to start right away, and that lands me in bad situations. In this case I feel like God helped me because He knew that I'm not currently able to control myself in asking guys out right away but instead of being creeped out Tengfei understood and knowing that he wants to see me again face to face makes me want to live and become a healthy weight someday. I know that he respects women because unlike other guys he talks to me in a respectful and kind way and just today he was telling me to care about my health. Being in the hospital overnight while he was there was an amazing experience because I got to feel what it would be like for a male to care about me without asking me for anything. The idea that i could see an angel again, someone whom I trust, who respects women, gives me hope and joy, I smile more than I have smiled in a long time, people around me say they can see the difference. I hope you don't mind I wrote so much. How are you doing by the way?
Fine. I've been here 4 yrs now and still keep learning and trying new things--even at 62. My oldest son is getting married July 1st, so we are very busy with the preparations.
I still remember your Gucci blouses, and other designer clothes--weren't you in school somewhere? You were madly in love with some guy. Then there was the dog. Even if we teased you, we still wish you the best. I hope your therapy is a success.0 -
tabletop_joe wrote: »graydreams wrote: »tabletop_joe wrote: »Here's something that helped me once: That feeling that you get when you think of Tengfei? It's actually you.
You made that feeling; you made that version of Tengfei. The real human Tengfei--though no doubt a lovely, thoughtful person--has very little to do with that spark you're experiencing. Could you love yourself for giving yourself that spark as a gift? Would you do the things for yourself that you are doing for this avatar of Tengfei? If not, why not?
Hi! How are you doing? So, I think the main issue here is that I could do things for myself like eating enough, and helping myself at the hospital (well i couldn't have done every single thing he did, but you get the idea hehe) but ever since I was in high school I have been obsessed with the idea of being loved in a romantic way, as opposed to by parents/friends. But I think I was too obsessed with it because I've known people who never dated into their 20s but they weren't as obsessed about it.
No, that's not what I meant at all but maybe you're not at a place to understand what I mean yet. Very best of luck to you!
Oh, sorry, do you mind explaining what you meant? I really do want to improve. I know I'm not in a healthy mindset now. Thank you~~0 -
snowflake954 wrote: »graydreams wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »I'm not sure, but do you by any chance have a beagle and a Gucci shirt?
Ah---those were fantastic threads. OP--I hope you are better now and a bit more stable. Keep up with your therapy and try new things. Life is to be explored, and don't count on anyone too much, get stronger emotionally. Best.
Thank you, I really appreciate it. Some people around here thought i am a troll, but I write about life as I experience it and maybe sometimes I'm overreacting to things but I don't make things up just to create drama. Thanks for seeing past that and understanding. I am taking it a day at a time. It scares me that Tengfei affects me so much because I frankly don't know what the heck I would do if he decided against being with me. I'd be back to square one and dealing w/things the only way I know how (harming myself). I'll try building up my own life and going to the therapy. I hope to God that Tengfei and I end up being together because he is the only thing that makes me feel good enough to lead a healthy lifestyle. I feel like I defied the odds with him because my problem is that I tend to ask out men that I don't know (since my friends have almost always been female), wanting a relationship to start right away, and that lands me in bad situations. In this case I feel like God helped me because He knew that I'm not currently able to control myself in asking guys out right away but instead of being creeped out Tengfei understood and knowing that he wants to see me again face to face makes me want to live and become a healthy weight someday. I know that he respects women because unlike other guys he talks to me in a respectful and kind way and just today he was telling me to care about my health. Being in the hospital overnight while he was there was an amazing experience because I got to feel what it would be like for a male to care about me without asking me for anything. The idea that i could see an angel again, someone whom I trust, who respects women, gives me hope and joy, I smile more than I have smiled in a long time, people around me say they can see the difference. I hope you don't mind I wrote so much. How are you doing by the way?
Fine. I've been here 4 yrs now and still keep learning and trying new things--even at 62. My oldest son is getting married July 1st, so we are very busy with the preparations.
I still remember your Gucci blouses, and other designer clothes--weren't you in school somewhere? You were madly in love with some guy. Then there was the dog. Even if we teased you, we still wish you the best. I hope your therapy is a success.
Hi! I think it's awesome that you are trying new things with fitness, diet, and health. You will live a long and healthy life. Congrats to your son for getting married soon, that's beautiful Does your son live nearby? Hehe yeah, I used to be really into designer clothing. I suppose it was a way for me to feel alive, but now I don't buy them any more as I don't want to waste my parents' money (for now haha). Yeah, I unrequittedly liked a guy I barely knew back then. Silly me. The dog is still around 0 -
Consider that you're putting a lot of pressure on a new potential relationship by defining it so early on as the reason that makes you want to live and be healthy. It's wonderful that you've found someone who likes you and who seems to respect you and it's nice that you feel lucky that he wants to be with you, but shouldn't it also work the other way around? Shouldn't he be lucky that YOU like HIM? Relationships are complex and it very much sounds like you're setting things up to work very much to be one sided, which undersells your own contributions to the match significantly. You don't exist as a person just to meet someone else's needs, and vice versa - Tengfei is a complex individual who exists as more than someone to fulfill your fantasy of romantic love. You're young, you've identified that you'd like to improve and get healthy. Some of that has to start by you looking inward towards what you can do on your own, independent of other people. Start small - go to a park or to get coffee by yourself and start a conversation with a stranger; just talk about the weather or their shoes. Go to a museum or gallery and try to enjoy the experience of the art without worrying about anyone else. Just a suggestion.1
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Consider that you're putting a lot of pressure on a new potential relationship by defining it so early on as the reason that makes you want to live and be healthy. It's wonderful that you've found someone who likes you and who seems to respect you and it's nice that you feel lucky that he wants to be with you, but shouldn't it also work the other way around? Shouldn't he be lucky that YOU like HIM? Relationships are complex and it very much sounds like you're setting things up to work very much to be one sided, which undersells your own contributions to the match significantly. You don't exist as a person just to meet someone else's needs, and vice versa - Tengfei is a complex individual who exists as more than someone to fulfill your fantasy of romantic love. You're young, you've identified that you'd like to improve and get healthy. Some of that has to start by you looking inward towards what you can do on your own, independent of other people. Start small - go to a park or to get coffee by yourself and start a conversation with a stranger; just talk about the weather or their shoes. Go to a museum or gallery and try to enjoy the experience of the art without worrying about anyone else. Just a suggestion.
hey Damie thank you so much for taking the time to provide your insight. What you are saying makes a lot of sense about how relationships are about both people and that people are about more than a romantic partner. By the way Tengfei hasn't agreed to be with me yet but he has said he wants to meet me again and that he needs time to get over our socioeconomic differences, but I feel like we will end up together since he talks to me regularly and is trying to get to know me, which he would not do if he had been put off by everything I said. It seems like the advice people have given me is to do things by myself which would build up my foundation of enjoying things independently. I have definitely been more proactive in having friendly conversations with people whom I see regularly at the gym now that I'm not depressed. I think I will get coffee/Starbucks soon too and I have committed to taking the train to another city later this month. My therapy appointment itself is an hour away so maybe I will also stop by a museum there. Usually it would feel too intimidating but like you said it would be good to take advantage of my current motivation and lift in mood to try new things. Thank you so much for the encouragement and great suggestions and I hope you are doing really great yourself 0 -
graydreams wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »graydreams wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »I'm not sure, but do you by any chance have a beagle and a Gucci shirt?
Ah---those were fantastic threads. OP--I hope you are better now and a bit more stable. Keep up with your therapy and try new things. Life is to be explored, and don't count on anyone too much, get stronger emotionally. Best.
Thank you, I really appreciate it. Some people around here thought i am a troll, but I write about life as I experience it and maybe sometimes I'm overreacting to things but I don't make things up just to create drama. Thanks for seeing past that and understanding. I am taking it a day at a time. It scares me that Tengfei affects me so much because I frankly don't know what the heck I would do if he decided against being with me. I'd be back to square one and dealing w/things the only way I know how (harming myself). I'll try building up my own life and going to the therapy. I hope to God that Tengfei and I end up being together because he is the only thing that makes me feel good enough to lead a healthy lifestyle. I feel like I defied the odds with him because my problem is that I tend to ask out men that I don't know (since my friends have almost always been female), wanting a relationship to start right away, and that lands me in bad situations. In this case I feel like God helped me because He knew that I'm not currently able to control myself in asking guys out right away but instead of being creeped out Tengfei understood and knowing that he wants to see me again face to face makes me want to live and become a healthy weight someday. I know that he respects women because unlike other guys he talks to me in a respectful and kind way and just today he was telling me to care about my health. Being in the hospital overnight while he was there was an amazing experience because I got to feel what it would be like for a male to care about me without asking me for anything. The idea that i could see an angel again, someone whom I trust, who respects women, gives me hope and joy, I smile more than I have smiled in a long time, people around me say they can see the difference. I hope you don't mind I wrote so much. How are you doing by the way?
Fine. I've been here 4 yrs now and still keep learning and trying new things--even at 62. My oldest son is getting married July 1st, so we are very busy with the preparations.
I still remember your Gucci blouses, and other designer clothes--weren't you in school somewhere? You were madly in love with some guy. Then there was the dog. Even if we teased you, we still wish you the best. I hope your therapy is a success.
Hi! I think it's awesome that you are trying new things with fitness, diet, and health. You will live a long and healthy life. Congrats to your son for getting married soon, that's beautiful Does your son live nearby? Hehe yeah, I used to be really into designer clothing. I suppose it was a way for me to feel alive, but now I don't buy them any more as I don't want to waste my parents' money (for now haha). Yeah, I unrequittedly liked a guy I barely knew back then. Silly me. The dog is still around
Do you still go to wine tastings and enjoy high end perfumes? And do you keep in touch with old friends from Poland? I'm glad the dog is still around. He was very cooperative and patient, like when he was waiting outside gyms and coffee shops. Sweet pooch. Was he adopted by a family member so you can still see him?
Hi, how are you doing? No, the wine tasting was a one-off. I currently own 4 perfumes. The last 2 I got were Love Story by Chloe and Dolce by Dolce and Gabbana. But I don't actually wear them on a regular basis. I feel like the things I've been through a year ago have changed me in the sense that I don't want to waste my parents' money as much since I already caused them enough worry when getting into dangerous situations. I even gave away my extensive eyeshadow collection (most of it) to a friend. I'm not saying I'm never going to buy designer clothing again, I definitely will at some point by selling off some of my stocks. I'm probably getting ahead of myself but I'd like to get married in a Vera Wang dress But for now, I am just trying to take things a day at a time and not let my parents down. I do not talk to my Polish friends since they were homeless and didn't have reliable methods of communication, but I communicate with my friend Rupert's sister, Rose. He is currently in prison for drug related offences but I write him. Thank you for your nice comments on the dog. It actually belongs to a neighbour so I pick him up sometimes and it stays at my house. It's really old though so no more traveling. What have you been up to, how are things going for you lately? 1 -
graydreams wrote: »graydreams wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »graydreams wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »TavistockToad wrote: »I'm not sure, but do you by any chance have a beagle and a Gucci shirt?
Ah---those were fantastic threads. OP--I hope you are better now and a bit more stable. Keep up with your therapy and try new things. Life is to be explored, and don't count on anyone too much, get stronger emotionally. Best.
Thank you, I really appreciate it. Some people around here thought i am a troll, but I write about life as I experience it and maybe sometimes I'm overreacting to things but I don't make things up just to create drama. Thanks for seeing past that and understanding. I am taking it a day at a time. It scares me that Tengfei affects me so much because I frankly don't know what the heck I would do if he decided against being with me. I'd be back to square one and dealing w/things the only way I know how (harming myself). I'll try building up my own life and going to the therapy. I hope to God that Tengfei and I end up being together because he is the only thing that makes me feel good enough to lead a healthy lifestyle. I feel like I defied the odds with him because my problem is that I tend to ask out men that I don't know (since my friends have almost always been female), wanting a relationship to start right away, and that lands me in bad situations. In this case I feel like God helped me because He knew that I'm not currently able to control myself in asking guys out right away but instead of being creeped out Tengfei understood and knowing that he wants to see me again face to face makes me want to live and become a healthy weight someday. I know that he respects women because unlike other guys he talks to me in a respectful and kind way and just today he was telling me to care about my health. Being in the hospital overnight while he was there was an amazing experience because I got to feel what it would be like for a male to care about me without asking me for anything. The idea that i could see an angel again, someone whom I trust, who respects women, gives me hope and joy, I smile more than I have smiled in a long time, people around me say they can see the difference. I hope you don't mind I wrote so much. How are you doing by the way?
Fine. I've been here 4 yrs now and still keep learning and trying new things--even at 62. My oldest son is getting married July 1st, so we are very busy with the preparations.
I still remember your Gucci blouses, and other designer clothes--weren't you in school somewhere? You were madly in love with some guy. Then there was the dog. Even if we teased you, we still wish you the best. I hope your therapy is a success.
Hi! I think it's awesome that you are trying new things with fitness, diet, and health. You will live a long and healthy life. Congrats to your son for getting married soon, that's beautiful Does your son live nearby? Hehe yeah, I used to be really into designer clothing. I suppose it was a way for me to feel alive, but now I don't buy them any more as I don't want to waste my parents' money (for now haha). Yeah, I unrequittedly liked a guy I barely knew back then. Silly me. The dog is still around
Do you still go to wine tastings and enjoy high end perfumes? And do you keep in touch with old friends from Poland? I'm glad the dog is still around. He was very cooperative and patient, like when he was waiting outside gyms and coffee shops. Sweet pooch. Was he adopted by a family member so you can still see him?
Hi, how are you doing? No, the wine tasting was a one-off. I currently own 4 perfumes. The last 2 I got were Love Story by Chloe and Dolce by Dolce and Gabbana. But I don't actually wear them on a regular basis. I feel like the things I've been through a year ago have changed me in the sense that I don't want to waste my parents' money as much since I already caused them enough worry when getting into dangerous situations. I even gave away my extensive eyeshadow collection (most of it) to a friend. I'm not saying I'm never going to buy designer clothing again, I definitely will at some point by selling off some of my stocks. I'm probably getting ahead of myself but I'd like to get married in a Vera Wang dress But for now, I am just trying to take things a day at a time and not let my parents down. I do not talk to my Polish friends since they were homeless and didn't have reliable methods of communication, but I communicate with my friend Rupert's sister, Rose. He is currently in prison for drug related offences but I write him. Thank you for your nice comments on the dog. It actually belongs to a neighbour so I pick him up sometimes and it stays at my house. It's really old though so no more traveling. What have you been up to, how are things going for you lately?
Thanks, I'm still enjoying eyeshadows and perfumes myself. And I still buy designer clothing on consignment, making sure to give the garments a good sniff to make sure they were properly laundered before being put on the rack for sale.
I'm glad you are accessorizing in a complimentary fashion. As I recall, you were once sporting a rather lovely Chloe ring! Now you're pairing it with a Chloe fragrance. Fabulous!
Currently I'm wearing Opium by Yves Saint Laurent - the crème not the parfum. The oil in the crème makes the fragrance last longer. I apply it on the back of my neck, very discreetly, and make sure I don't over apply. Some people say that Opium by YSL is an old lady fragrance, but I disagree. Also I'm still using my original perfume Scherrer from Paris. Even though it's discontinued, I can still buy it on ebay. It's a shame it was never effectively marketed in the U.S. It's the greatest thing since Frankincense and Myrrh in my opinion.
My eye shadow currently is by Lancôme in the form of a crème pencil. I use a smoky golden color, somewhat neutral but it effectively accents my olive tones. I finish up with Maybelline waterproof mascara. I don't tell anyone I use Maybelline though, as I would find it somewhat embarrassing.
I'm still chaste but reading the stories about your dates with cashiers was always a vicarious thrill for me. Even though you no longer ask out men you don't know, are you still tempted to do that and how do you overcome the urge?
It's a shame about your Polish friends. But they seemed to be a bit of a bad influence on your mental health and I'm sure your parents are grateful you don't hobnob with them much anymore, even from abroad.
What are your fitness goals this year? Do you still fancy walking uphill long distances?
Hi! That's pretty cool, I didn't know you were into perfume and makeup yourself It's financially savvy of you to buy designer clothes on consignment. Hehe actually my rings were Oscar de la Renta and YSL, but I erm, lost them hahahaha, my dad would not be pleased Opium is definitely a classic. I bet it smells great on you I will loo up Scherrer. It's very special that you have a discontinued fragrance. Have you looked into the forum Fragantica?
The smokey golden really sounds gorgeous. HAHA that's funny that you are embarrassed about using Maybelline xD Honestly I didn't go on any dates w/cashiers or anything as my dad says men don't like to date people that they don't know but it was always hard for me to accept that. Now that Tengfei is potentially interested in being with me, I have no interest in other men. But before that I would overcome the desire to ask men out by avoiding talking to them altogether. I found it was a lot easier just not to talk to them at all and not get any ideas. However in April I did ask out a guy and as I mentioned he tricked me, which tends to be what happens. My dad says that if you ask out strangers, good guys will be scared off and bad guys will use you for a one night stand or money. I feel lucky that I met Tengfei because he was okay with all the stuff I said about love. But of course it makes me nervous that the only reason I'm not depressed and lonely is because of him. I should be able to be happy alone. And yeah you're right my parents would worry if I was hanging out around drugs and alcohol.
Honestly, Tengfei told me on Wechat that he was a gangster, and I'm not sure if he was joking, but I don't see why you would say something like that without making it obvious it was a joke. Even if that is true though, I feel like my parents would prefer that over someone who was homeless (plus others often laugh at me for the 2 homeless guys I was with and say it doesn't count which is why I no longer mention that stuff any more) and addicted to alcohol. Also the most important thing is that the fact that Tengfei chose to help me out at the hospital shows that he respects women and is not a violent guy (at least not towards women) and he is not like other guys, we talked once or twice after i came back from Taiwan, then not for a year, but in the past week he has not once brought up porn or how many girls he is slept with. We just talk about normal things and he always asks me about my health.
In terms of fitness that's a tricky one. I still do exercise but try not to overdo it and I try to eat around 1200 calories a day, something I hadn't been doing for awhile because I am guilty of self harm
How about you and your fitness/health? 1 -
Of course it's prudent for men to refrain from discussing their pornography habits and the trollops they keep on the side. Any man who would do differently is no gentleman, no siree bub.
Does Tengfei wear any rings, bracelets or necklaces? Especially those of the gaudy 24K gold variety? That's usually not a good sign.
I won't go out with any man who wears jewelry and also I will not ask men out on dates. I once asked this one man out on a date and unfortunately he said yes. He got very drunk on the date and embarrassed me in front of all my friends at the bar. Plus, he was ugly and not good looking at all and he had chronic dandruff. I put a bottle of Head 'N Shoulders in his Christmas stocking and he never even used it. I couldn't get rid of him for 7 years and I couldn't even stand to kiss him.
I think you should listen to your father about matters of the heart. He sounds like a very wise man.
Hello and thank you very much for your nice words about my father You have a way with words, haha. I only saw Tengfei that one time but he was wearing a jacket with this flower on it. In his pictures on Wechat he seems to wear button-up shirts.
That does sound pretty awkward when the guy you went on a date with got very drunk. That's hilarious you put Head and Shoulders in his stocking though lol. So are you seeing anyone now?0
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