Feeling down today; looking for support :)
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graydreams
Posts: 89 Member
Hey guys, I'm feeling down today so I figured I'd write about how I'm feeling on here. First of all I just got my period this morning so I'm not feeling great physically.
And also I don't know if it relates to PMS because isn't that supposed to be PRE menstrual syndrome not during? But anyways on May 9 I told a guy, Tengfei, I love him and he said to give him some time and since then he's shown he is genuinely considering it because we've talked almost every day since then. I do trust him as a person because he cares about my health and is kind to me and in our conversations he clearly is trying to get to know me.
But I feel irrationally (maybe?) paranoid, we did not talk yesterday which really is not a big deal because people generally don't talk every single day, so it might be the whole PMS thing that's making me uneasy. But the background is I met Tengfei last May when I was in the hospital. He was there overnight visiting his dad and he helped me move my IV when I had to go to the toilet, got water for me, bought me food, and put the blanket over me. We talked for maybe 15 minutes since I was mainly lying in bed and he was resting as well etc.
This was in Beijing and I came back to Taiwan and we chatted once, maybe twice before he ghosted me because I creeped him out since I told him I wanted to go back to Beijing (2 hours' flight) and see him - someone I just met - without knowing anything about him at all, other than his hobbies, where he wants to travel in the future, etc. So now on May 9 I told him I was sorry for weirding him out and explained I have an ideology of romance where things sort of just happen right away, you know how in movies a guy thinks a girl is pretty, he asks her out, and the courtship begins, but in real life you're supposed to talk to them first? Anyways I told him I have feelings for him and he said to give him time, it's okay that I'm in Taiwan but it bothers him that he comes from poverty and is uneducated and is afraid that would be bad for me.
But yeah I guess I just feel paranoid because this goes against what my dad and everyone has been telling me - that you can't just start a relationship with someone that you don't know. And it doesn't help that my friends are being very negative about it. They used to laugh at me due to my lack of dating experience and I thought they would respect me more after I told them that Tengfei and I might be together, but instead they are saying things like, only a loser would date you, and last night one of my friends said she's sure he won't even wish me a happy Valentine's day on the Chinese Valentine's day on July 7 and that made me feel sad and negative.
Yep. So that's what's on my mind...
And also I don't know if it relates to PMS because isn't that supposed to be PRE menstrual syndrome not during? But anyways on May 9 I told a guy, Tengfei, I love him and he said to give him some time and since then he's shown he is genuinely considering it because we've talked almost every day since then. I do trust him as a person because he cares about my health and is kind to me and in our conversations he clearly is trying to get to know me.
But I feel irrationally (maybe?) paranoid, we did not talk yesterday which really is not a big deal because people generally don't talk every single day, so it might be the whole PMS thing that's making me uneasy. But the background is I met Tengfei last May when I was in the hospital. He was there overnight visiting his dad and he helped me move my IV when I had to go to the toilet, got water for me, bought me food, and put the blanket over me. We talked for maybe 15 minutes since I was mainly lying in bed and he was resting as well etc.
This was in Beijing and I came back to Taiwan and we chatted once, maybe twice before he ghosted me because I creeped him out since I told him I wanted to go back to Beijing (2 hours' flight) and see him - someone I just met - without knowing anything about him at all, other than his hobbies, where he wants to travel in the future, etc. So now on May 9 I told him I was sorry for weirding him out and explained I have an ideology of romance where things sort of just happen right away, you know how in movies a guy thinks a girl is pretty, he asks her out, and the courtship begins, but in real life you're supposed to talk to them first? Anyways I told him I have feelings for him and he said to give him time, it's okay that I'm in Taiwan but it bothers him that he comes from poverty and is uneducated and is afraid that would be bad for me.
But yeah I guess I just feel paranoid because this goes against what my dad and everyone has been telling me - that you can't just start a relationship with someone that you don't know. And it doesn't help that my friends are being very negative about it. They used to laugh at me due to my lack of dating experience and I thought they would respect me more after I told them that Tengfei and I might be together, but instead they are saying things like, only a loser would date you, and last night one of my friends said she's sure he won't even wish me a happy Valentine's day on the Chinese Valentine's day on July 7 and that made me feel sad and negative.
Yep. So that's what's on my mind...
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Replies
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I think you need to speak to someone in real life. Is your Mum around?
It doesn't sound like this guy is wanting a relationship.0 -
I would say be careful. First, telling him that you love him was too quick. It is easy to get emotionally attached without a good solid foundation. Get to know him and let him get to know you on a casual basis. Realize that real love is not a quick emotion but a choice to put another person before yourself whether you like them or not and that takes time. If you are attracted to him, slow down and get to know each other better. I have been married to my husband for almost 16 years and it really teaches you that the emotional rollercoaster can fool you. I love my husband and wouldn't change a thing, but it is a lifelong commitment and to make it work it needs a solid foundation of knowledge balanced with emotion: with knowledge the leader and emotion the follower. Listen to your parents and accept their advice and take your time. Also, you can scare him away by being too quick.1
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Well, I'm a White American, so our cultures are different. So any advice I give you may or may not make sense in your part of the world.
But yeah I guess I just feel paranoid because this goes against what my dad and everyone has been telling me - that you can't just start a relationship with someone that you don't know.
> Well, everyone was a stranger once, though. It is wise to not get deep into a relationship until you really get to know each other. But one must take a risk and start somewhere.
And it doesn't help that my friends are being very negative about it. They used to laugh at me due to my lack of dating experience and I thought they would respect me more after I told them that Tengfei and I might be together, but instead they are saying things like, only a loser would date you, and last night one of my friends said she's sure he won't even wish me a happy Valentine's day on the Chinese Valentine's day on July 7 and that made me feel sad and negative.
> Do not get involved with a boyfriend to get the respect of friends. You are dating a man, not your friends.
> Your friends sound like losers. People who say such things are not friends.
> Even if you are being a fool (and everyone has done something foolish for love) friends should not speak to you in such an ugly way.
> If he is a good boyfriend he will wish you Happy Valentine's Day. If he is a bad boyfriend, he will not. If he is good, keep him. If he is not, dump him - he is a bad boyfriend. Good women sometimes have bad boyfriends, and that does not mean the woman is bad.1 -
I'm sorry that you're feeling bad AND got your period. Of course, it can be related, but either way, it's not a fun combination! Pamper yourself and MAKE it a good day. If that means snuggling up and watching movies all day, then go for it. If it means calling a friend and going out for some activity, then go for it.
BTW, I'm with kenyonhaff on the point that people who are mean to you are not your friends. Don't call anyone who will say mean things to you. ever.
:-) hope your day gets better.0 -
brookekaczor wrote: »I would say be careful. First, telling him that you love him was too quick. It is easy to get emotionally attached without a good solid foundation. Get to know him and let him get to know you on a casual basis. Realize that real love is not a quick emotion but a choice to put another person before yourself whether you like them or not and that takes time. If you are attracted to him, slow down and get to know each other better. I have been married to my husband for almost 16 years and it really teaches you that the emotional rollercoaster can fool you. I love my husband and wouldn't change a thing, but it is a lifelong commitment and to make it work it needs a solid foundation of knowledge balanced with emotion: with knowledge the leader and emotion the follower. Listen to your parents and accept their advice and take your time. Also, you can scare him away by being too quick.kenyonhaff wrote: »Well, I'm a White American, so our cultures are different. So any advice I give you may or may not make sense in your part of the world.
But yeah I guess I just feel paranoid because this goes against what my dad and everyone has been telling me - that you can't just start a relationship with someone that you don't know.
> Well, everyone was a stranger once, though. It is wise to not get deep into a relationship until you really get to know each other. But one must take a risk and start somewhere.
And it doesn't help that my friends are being very negative about it. They used to laugh at me due to my lack of dating experience and I thought they would respect me more after I told them that Tengfei and I might be together, but instead they are saying things like, only a loser would date you, and last night one of my friends said she's sure he won't even wish me a happy Valentine's day on the Chinese Valentine's day on July 7 and that made me feel sad and negative.
> Do not get involved with a boyfriend to get the respect of friends. You are dating a man, not your friends.
> Your friends sound like losers. People who say such things are not friends.
> Even if you are being a fool (and everyone has done something foolish for love) friends should not speak to you in such an ugly way.
> If he is a good boyfriend he will wish you Happy Valentine's Day. If he is a bad boyfriend, he will not. If he is good, keep him. If he is not, dump him - he is a bad boyfriend. Good women sometimes have bad boyfriends, and that does not mean the woman is bad.happyringer wrote: »I'm sorry that you're feeling bad AND got your period. Of course, it can be related, but either way, it's not a fun combination! Pamper yourself and MAKE it a good day. If that means snuggling up and watching movies all day, then go for it. If it means calling a friend and going out for some activity, then go for it.
BTW, I'm with kenyonhaff on the point that people who are mean to you are not your friends. Don't call anyone who will say mean things to you. ever.
:-) hope your day gets better.
Yesterday he told me that he was lying and that he is engaged and that I deserve to be lied to because I shouldn't have asked him to be my boyfriend in the first place. I'm not really sure how it makes it okay to lie to people, but anyways that's the end of that situation. I've never had a relationship or a date, and I don't suppose I ever will, because my health is very poor and according to doctors it is unlikely I'll live until the end of this year anyways.0 -
don't be silly, I don't know the full details of your health, so I don't know why the docs will say that
I went into ICU back in 2010 with a rare virus that attacks the brain and was put in an induced sleep, I made it through, granted, left me with epilepsy, short patience/memory etc but I am alive, so anything is possible
going by your pic, you look fine, maybe eat a little but more?
I shouldn't say this being a male, but a lot of males are scumbags, and being Chinese, this is even worse, men in China seem to be worse
you will find plenty of support here2 -
OP, you have some serious issues going on.
I wish you luck and hope you find a way through it.0
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