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Commiserating with those who are clearly overweight when you're not clearly overweight.
Replies
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stanmann571 wrote: »Nothing wrong with commiserating as a formerly fat person. What I find annoying are... skinny people half my age who've never been fat complaining about how awful they look in a swimsuit, or sharing advice.
IMO, if you BTDT, you've got a right and a responsibility to share what worked for you. But, preface with your credentials.
We have a friend like this. A tiny south Korean lady who weighs 97 pounds soaking wet and buys children's clothing. She spends most of her visits complaining about how fat she is and saying she eats nothing but cookies for lunch because she's in a hurry. It gets a bit wearing.6 -
distinctlybeautiful wrote: »Do y'all think this is acceptable? I'm at the high end of a healthy BMI and at the high end of a good body fat range for my height. I'm not lean, but - putting aside my own more critical eye - I'm not obviously overweight or overfat. Recently two different clearly overweight coworkers on two different occasions mentioned weight struggles and clothing-not-fitting struggles, and I legitimately and honestly related to their experiences. I expressed that and commiserated when we were talking. Then I wondered if it's somehow offensive to them, and I think this idea came to me because I always used to be very put off when people who obviously weighed less than me called themselves fat. I mean, what must they have thought of me if they thought they were fat. I've finally gotten to a place where I recognize that people's comments and feelings about themselves don't necessarily reflect how they feel about others, but I don't know if that's a common place to be. What do y'all think? Was I somehow being insensitive?
Were you a part of the conversation when they brought up their issues or were you just walking by, overheard the topic and jumped in? The first situation they are probably fine with you sharing. The second situation is not very cool.
I think you shouldn't talk about weight if you are very sensitive about the topic.2 -
My very obese neighbour always complains about her weight, and i never know how to react without giving her the sh!ts! I did tell her i lost 30lbs, and her reply was "jeez i wish i only had that much to lose". The whole damn conversation is flippan awkward!
I know she goes out to lunch everyday, and dinner on weekend nights, her bin is overflowing with take away boxes and wrappers, but there's nothing i can say without coming across as rude/judgmental.
She has told me a hundred times over the years that she's going to come out on my walks with me, but she never has. I've let her know i'll be more than happy to walk together anytime, and that's where i leave it.7 -
Christine_72 wrote: »My very obese neighbour always complains about her weight, and i never know how to react without giving her the sh!ts! I did tell her i lost 30lbs, and her reply was "jeez i wish i only had that much to lose". The whole damn conversation is flippan awkward!
I know she goes out to lunch everyday, and dinner on weekend nights, her bin is overflowing with take away boxes and wrappers, but there's nothing i can say without coming across as rude/judgmental.
She has told me a hundred times over the years that she's going to come out on my walks with me, but she never has. I've let her know i'll be more than happy to walk together anytime, and that's where i leave it.
I had a couple neighbors offer to walk with me when i was quite heavy. I'm sure they meant well, but i couldn't commit to a schedule (full time caregiver) and i was dealing with uncontrolled autoimmune disease. Now the schedule problem still exists, so most of my walks are solo.1 -
I was going to say something like this, but Alatariel typed it better than i would have. So, yanno...Alatariel75 wrote: »I think there is a big difference between commiserating with someone about clothing size frustration and the like, and sitting in front of someone much larger than you and saying how fat and disgusting you think you are. I'll admit frustration with the second, it's just a bit thoughtless in my book. Happy to take advice from smaller people though.2 -
This is a case where it is more important on how you say it as opposed to what you say. You are speaking from a place of empathy and wanting to help. Some people are going to take it the wrong way, but at least you tried. Hope it works.2
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distinctlybeautiful wrote: »Do y'all think this is acceptable? I'm at the high end of a healthy BMI and at the high end of a good body fat range for my height. I'm not lean, but - putting aside my own more critical eye - I'm not obviously overweight or overfat. Recently two different clearly overweight coworkers on two different occasions mentioned weight struggles and clothing-not-fitting struggles, and I legitimately and honestly related to their experiences. I expressed that and commiserated when we were talking. Then I wondered if it's somehow offensive to them, and I think this idea came to me because I always used to be very put off when people who obviously weighed less than me called themselves fat. I mean, what must they have thought of me if they thought they were fat. I've finally gotten to a place where I recognize that people's comments and feelings about themselves don't necessarily reflect how they feel about others, but I don't know if that's a common place to be. What do y'all think? Was I somehow being insensitive?
I imagine, like every other interpersonal exchange, it would depend on what exactly you said, how you said it, and how they heard it. Which is to say the internet denizens cannot really advise you on this.
Clothing-not-fitting seems to be a universal woman thing, and it is related to the fact that our bodies have such a wide variety of proportions regardless of weight and height. , for example, I can hardly wear any pants for my hip size, and I don't even have particularly large thighs any more (37" hip, 22" thigh, 15" calf). So I loathe skinny jeans with a passion (a 37" hip jean will often have a 19" leg opening!). They are UNFLATTERING. They are UNCOMFORTABLE. And my BMI is currently perfectly normal. I don't feel admitting this to a larger woman would be a problem.
As long as you didn't' say "oh my gosh my thighs are SO FAT I can't believe these thunder thighs" I think you're fine. But
And honestly, as someone who has struggled with weight, it was fine to know that women who weren't overweight sometimes had to work to keep that way!
n.b.
There are some people in this world who look to be offended. You cannot possibly avoid offending these people, so don't sweat it if you run into them.9 -
People who are very fit can struggle to stay that way..Nothing offensive if you are sincere. I am 100 pounds overweight, I don't presume to understand all the problems of someone weighing 600 pounds but I have empathy because I know how much of a struggle it is for me. We all have our struggles, yours are just as valid as mine.4
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Thanks for all the responses! Both conversations were between only myself and the other person, and in both, they were the ones who brought up the subject. One conversation was much briefer than the other, so it was fully just relating to each other. The other conversation went a bit further, but because I prefer not to give unsolicited advice, I think the only thing I said at one point was to ask if she'd ever tried counting calories. I think I posed it in more of a curious way than a this-is-what-you-should-do way, and I didn't push it when her response was that she had tried other unnecessarily restrictive methods. I mean, she didn't ask for advice or feedback, so who am I to give it.
On the subject of talking about this stuff at work though, I do have a coworker who is similarly into fitness and nutrition and while she's clearly pretty well-informed, even some of the stuff she says is stuff I don't agree with or think is valid, but it's still kind of awesome to have someone around who really does get it and is working to be fit and healthy also.3 -
distinctlybeautiful wrote: »What do y'all think? Was I somehow being insensitive?
Not that I can see. You are being compassionate and I think that is a fine trait in a person.
It comes down to intention with statements or conversations like this in my view. If you intend to be caring then cool. If you intend to be a jerk then you get drop kicked. I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt in such matters and believe them to be well intentioned (which in most cases people are) unless there is clear evidence to the contrary.
I guess there's an argument to be had about empathy however because that involves being able to place yourself in another person's shoes (metaphorically speaking of course as trying to nick their footwear wouldn't be cool) which in turn necessitates sharing a similar frame of reference to them. So, some people will argue that someone who has never been obese cannot truly empathise with an obese person as they have not shared the same issues, or a white person cannot empathise with someone of my skin colour as our life experiences would be different and so on.
I personally think that's a load of old cobblers myself and one can rationally and emotionally get a feel for what it must be like to be someone else and comment usefully upon their experience.
I'm amazed that people get to know one and other these days or crack jokes given the current fashionable paranoia about giving offence. What a joyless world that would be if it were widespread.
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Ironandwine69 wrote: »I love it when overweight people give me nutrition advice
I was overweight for almost 2 years, always gave good nutritional advice WHEN ASKED. Just because someone is visibly overweight unless you're certain they aren't actively losing weight that's pretty presumptuous of you to assume it's bad advice.
Of course now I'm lean and fit, but my advice is the same.9 -
And no, OP I don't think you were being insensitive at all.2
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Not to be rude, but if I stopped and engaged everyone at work about their weight issues I would not get any work done. I do participate in corporate wellness activities and I'm always happy to chat with people who are comfortable approaching me about fitness - but I would never initiate a discussion like that.2
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Well, I think there was no insensitivity going on as far as the OP is concerned, but I feel like there is an important point when asking "Can thin people give good advice on how to loose weight" and "isn't being thin a success in itself?" that people tend to forget - and, quite frankly in this Forum, seem to be quite arrogant about:
While we all hope and think we can learn how to control our weight, nobody can deny that propably the most important factor is upbringing. So, no, if you come from a family where the majority is fit, healthy and thin, your own weight does not require the same amount of work as someones who has an entire family with an BMI over 40. Because you have learned to eat with moderation, sport has been part of your daily life forever and you lack a lot of those really bad habits that are so hard to leave behind. Being thin is not achievement - just like being well-mannered, smart or well-informed are mostly a result of how we grew up.
If i was running around, telling people to educate themselves by reading more, blaming them for not doing it and assuming that reading as much as i do takes as much work from me as from someone who grew up not reading, that would be rather stupid, no? I could make the point that all those non-academic jobs will be lost quite soon - no matter what POTUS does to save those miningjobs - and that will be freaking expensiv for every society. But then people might rightfully remind me of privilege and be outraged. I might be smart, but that doesn't give me the right to expect that of everyone else.
That does not mean that one shouldn't try to change - i certainly do - but I get a little miffed by people who can't stop raging about how fat humans should simply be more like them without ever reflecting that there might, quite possibly, be areas where they themselves could improve.
In short: People who think fat people should simply eat less and exercise more also have to believe that stupid people should simply exercise (or chill, or...) less and learn more.3 -
While we all hope and think we can learn how to control our weight, nobody can deny that propably the most important factor is upbringing. So, no, if you come from a family where the majority is fit, healthy and thin, your own weight does not require the same amount of work as someones who has an entire family with an BMI over 40. Because you have learned to eat with moderation, sport has been part of your daily life forever and you lack a lot of those really bad habits that are so hard to leave behind. Being thin is not achievement - just like being well-mannered, smart or well-informed are mostly a result of how we grew up.
The only point at which it is too late to learn these things is once you're dead. Which, statistically, will happen fourteen years sooner for the obese than those who are normal weight. There are loads upon loads of resources to help people of all ages learn to eat a balanced diet of appropriate portions and how to exercise. It's out there for anyone who looks for it. Rising above one's upbringing may not be an easy path, but if one never does anything difficult, one does not grow as a person.If i was running around, telling people to educate themselves by reading more, blaming them for not doing it and assuming that reading as much as i do takes as much work from me as from someone who grew up not reading, that would be rather stupid, no? I could make the point that all those non-academic jobs will be lost quite soon - no matter what POTUS does to save those miningjobs - and that will be freaking expensiv for every society. But then people might rightfully remind me of privilege and be outraged. I might be smart, but that doesn't give me the right to expect that of everyone else.
This sounds a lot like you're telling people who grew up poor and blue collar, whose parents maybe don't have a college education, to just give up because getting an education is expensive and difficult. It is, and it is true that there are different aptitudes that apply to different people, but there are many skilled labor professions where people can do extremely well for themselves. Not everyone is going to become an engineer, but this engineer is glad that there are plumbers and auto mechanics out there who are experts at what I know nothing of.That does not mean that one shouldn't try to change - i certainly do - but I get a little miffed by people who can't stop raging about how fat humans should simply be more like them without ever reflecting that there might, quite possibly, be areas where they themselves could improve.
In short: People who think fat people should simply eat less and exercise more also have to believe that stupid people should simply exercise (or chill, or...) less and learn more.
Improvement is difficult, but I believe in doing things because they are hard. I challenge myself every single day. I'd imagine most people who are giving that "put the work in" advice are the same. It's not coming out of people who are unfamiliar with busting their *kitten* to get results.5 -
Maybe also they were trying to ask how you were able to accomplish your goal? Have you always been the size you are? Did you undergo a "transformation"? Maybe that's what they were trying to ask?1
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mrsnattybulking wrote: »Ironandwine69 wrote: »I love it when overweight people give me nutrition advice
I was overweight for almost 2 years, always gave good nutritional advice WHEN ASKED. Just because someone is visibly overweight unless you're certain they aren't actively losing weight that's pretty presumptuous of you to assume it's bad advice.
Of course now I'm lean and fit, but my advice is the same.
^ I agree with this (except I am not lean and fit at the moment).
I am overweight. Last year, I lost alot of weight (80 pounds). I was on my way to being a healthy BMI. I had major surgery and I stopped tracking and gained a good bit of my weight back.
I don't think my weight has anything to do with my knowledge or lack thereof regarding nutrition. I have a very good understanding of general nutrition. My problem is that I don't always apply these principles to my life. To that end, I also struggle with mental health issues.
I will say that I never give unsolicited nutrition advice. There are some people in my life that have asked me because they saw me lose alot of weight and they know my struggles.
OP - I don't think you were insensitive at all. I have learned (and continue to learn) that my feelings are my own and no one else is responsible for how I feel.
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Butts_Boys_and_Burgers_ohmy wrote: »mrsnattybulking wrote: »Ironandwine69 wrote: »I love it when overweight people give me nutrition advice
I was overweight for almost 2 years, always gave good nutritional advice WHEN ASKED. Just because someone is visibly overweight unless you're certain they aren't actively losing weight that's pretty presumptuous of you to assume it's bad advice.
Of course now I'm lean and fit, but my advice is the same.
^ I agree with this (except I am not lean and fit at the moment).
I am overweight. Last year, I lost alot of weight (80 pounds). I was on my way to being a healthy BMI. I had major surgery and I stopped tracking and gained a good bit of my weight back.
I don't think my weight has anything to do with my knowledge or lack thereof regarding nutrition. I have a very good understanding of general nutrition. My problem is that I don't always apply these principles to my life. To that end, I also struggle with mental health issues.
I will say that I never give unsolicited nutrition advice. There are some people in my life that have asked me because they saw me lose alot of weight and they know my struggles.
OP - I don't think you were insensitive at all. I have learned (and continue to learn) that my feelings are my own and no one else is responsible for how I feel.
I've had a lot of thin people tell me not to eat carbs after six (or at all) or to include some magic food (yeah, 200 extra calories of coconut oil will definitely do the trick! *huge eyeroll* hahaha2 -
Well, I think there was no insensitivity going on as far as the OP is concerned, but I feel like there is an important point when asking "Can thin people give good advice on how to loose weight" and "isn't being thin a success in itself?" that people tend to forget - and, quite frankly in this Forum, seem to be quite arrogant about:
While we all hope and think we can learn how to control our weight, nobody can deny that propably the most important factor is upbringing. So, no, if you come from a family where the majority is fit, healthy and thin, your own weight does not require the same amount of work as someones who has an entire family with an BMI over 40. Because you have learned to eat with moderation, sport has been part of your daily life forever and you lack a lot of those really bad habits that are so hard to leave behind. Being thin is not achievement - just like being well-mannered, smart or well-informed are mostly a result of how we grew up.
If i was running around, telling people to educate themselves by reading more, blaming them for not doing it and assuming that reading as much as i do takes as much work from me as from someone who grew up not reading, that would be rather stupid, no? I could make the point that all those non-academic jobs will be lost quite soon - no matter what POTUS does to save those miningjobs - and that will be freaking expensiv for every society. But then people might rightfully remind me of privilege and be outraged. I might be smart, but that doesn't give me the right to expect that of everyone else.
That does not mean that one shouldn't try to change - i certainly do - but I get a little miffed by people who can't stop raging about how fat humans should simply be more like them without ever reflecting that there might, quite possibly, be areas where they themselves could improve.
In short: People who think fat people should simply eat less and exercise more also have to believe that stupid people should simply exercise (or chill, or...) less and learn more.
This is false. Just because you were raised with the knowledge and information regarding health, weight, and nutrition doesn't mean it makes it an easier for you than anyone else. Someone who doesn't have the bad habits in childhood could very easily go on to have them once they are on their own. I have all the temptations of over eating just like anyone else. I just choose not to do so.3 -
I have someone at work who tells me everyday that the ONLY possible way to lose weight is to eat low carb. He has outright told me that IT IS IMPOSSIBLE to lose weight counting calories.
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I started logging on MFP about 40 days ago. My goal then was to lose 20-25lbs and keep better track of my exercising. I realize that is probably a mild lifestyle change compared to many on here. With that said, I still enjoy reading other peoples` stories and discussing the various aspects of diet and fitness no matter what our situations are. As a person with management experience in the workplace, and as a co-worker to many, I have learned that avoiding comparisons to yourself and others, especially if you can be perceived as being the "better" one of the situation, helps tremendously. I have found that, opposite of offending, you taking an interest in their well-being, especially by giving advice and showing concern, may actually help. Be supportive without being condescending. One question are we talking about ladies or guys? That makes a huge difference.1
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Missjulesdid wrote: »People who are very fit can struggle to stay that way..
That is a good observation - it is lost on a lot of people how difficult it is to remain physically fit over a long period of time, we are more likely to applaud the efforts of those who have gained and then lost a tremendous amount of weight. If you have always been fit, it must certainly be due to your genetics and fast metabolism, lol.
Most of the fitness conversations I hear at work regard fad diet methods, like cleanses, 20 day "fixes", or temporarily eliminating food groups. I usually don't get involved because I'm just going to tell them it is a waste of time and money, an opinion which historically hasn't usually well-received
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Well, I think there was no insensitivity going on as far as the OP is concerned, but I feel like there is an important point when asking "Can thin people give good advice on how to loose weight" and "isn't being thin a success in itself?" that people tend to forget - and, quite frankly in this Forum, seem to be quite arrogant about:
While we all hope and think we can learn how to control our weight, nobody can deny that propably the most important factor is upbringing. So, no, if you come from a family where the majority is fit, healthy and thin, your own weight does not require the same amount of work as someones who has an entire family with an BMI over 40. Because you have learned to eat with moderation, sport has been part of your daily life forever and you lack a lot of those really bad habits that are so hard to leave behind. Being thin is not achievement - just like being well-mannered, smart or well-informed are mostly a result of how we grew up.
If i was running around, telling people to educate themselves by reading more, blaming them for not doing it and assuming that reading as much as i do takes as much work from me as from someone who grew up not reading, that would be rather stupid, no? I could make the point that all those non-academic jobs will be lost quite soon - no matter what POTUS does to save those miningjobs - and that will be freaking expensiv for every society. But then people might rightfully remind me of privilege and be outraged. I might be smart, but that doesn't give me the right to expect that of everyone else.
That does not mean that one shouldn't try to change - i certainly do - but I get a little miffed by people who can't stop raging about how fat humans should simply be more like them without ever reflecting that there might, quite possibly, be areas where they themselves could improve.
In short: People who think fat people should simply eat less and exercise more also have to believe that stupid people should simply exercise (or chill, or...) less and learn more.
I agree it is harder when raised by a couple of fatties to learn to be healthy. My parents were like that. Dinner was always French fries and steak, French fries and fried egg, French fries and fried fish, French fries and chicken nuggets, Chinese takeaway, goulash complete with pigs eyes and feet, and other unsavoury high fat things. My parents thought gym class was a waste of time and refused to support me when I declared at 14 that I wanted to run for the school cross country team. I used my own babysitting money to buy my running shoes, pay for the uniform and the bus fares to run races. I got laughed at when I proudly made varsity team and got my letter jacket. They also refused to pick me up from school after training as there were no late buses, so I usually would run the 5 miles in training, lift weights, then walk the three miles home...even in winter..after school. About age 14 is when I had a couple home economics catering classes under my belt and I began buying food with my baby sitting money...because I knew what they cooked was not at all healthy. My parents saw my lifestyle as teenage rebellion and tried to stop me from babysitting by putting a curfew of 10pm on me. I convinced them to only apply it if my grades slipped because I'd have lost all my business if I'd had to tell parents they couldn't stay out past 9:30 because I had to be home by 10. I remember asking for support to go winter camping in the Appalachians ( snow survival, plus it was when I rock climbed for first time and all that) and my mom breaking every dish in the house in a rage because she thought my tom boyishness was unnatural and most un feminine.
I can sympathise with kids growing up in this environment because you are subject to brainwashing and bullying all the time. I shudder to think of kids in this environment now. At least when I grew up it was accepted that being obese was not healthy and to eat healthy and exercise. Nowadays there's the HAES and fat acceptance BS everywhere...if I were growing up now I am sure my parents would have put me in a private clinic to cure me of imagined anorexia and exercise addiction.6 -
distinctlybeautiful wrote: »Recently two different clearly overweight coworkers on two different occasions mentioned weight struggles and clothing-not-fitting struggles, and I legitimately and honestly related to their experiences. I expressed that and commiserated
Ugh. You meant well, but it's best to drop the commiserating. There's nothing useful to say. Make pleasant noises, and get back to work. Then go home.
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There should be, like, a rule in the employee handbook that you can't talk about being fat at work. Or weight watchers or how many points food has. Also, no calorie talk and no fat gram rants. It should be a fireable offense. It would make life easier for us all.
Except now employee insurance plans have weight watchers meetings at work and make you sign health contracts.2 -
feisty_bucket wrote: »distinctlybeautiful wrote: »Recently two different clearly overweight coworkers on two different occasions mentioned weight struggles and clothing-not-fitting struggles, and I legitimately and honestly related to their experiences. I expressed that and commiserated
Ugh. You meant well, but it's best to drop the commiserating. There's nothing useful to say. Make pleasant noises, and get back to work. Then go home.
To be honest I didn't have any intentions. I just responded naturally to something I've also experienced.
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Ok, then: what really qualifies as "struggling with your weight"?
The heaviest I've been is a size 10- I'm very short so for my height that is overweight, about 15 lbs above the maximum on the charts, but it's not obese. The slimmest I've been is a size 1- not quite anorexic, but people were concerned. In average though, Im an average size, about a 4-6 for most of my life.
Currently I'm a size 6, which is on the upper border of my weight range- and I'm VERY uncomfortable with it...there's a little voice in my head that always says "you're fat, and you're ugly (and old)"!
I'm asking you to consider this: I have a tendency to hate my body. I have a tendency to obsess over food. I either over-eat sweets, or I starve myself then binge on crap food for a couple days. My eating is clearly disordered. I have bordered on anorexic at times; I have tried to make myself vomit. I have taken laxatives to look slimmer for a date. I have run, and exercised, for 1-3 hrs straight without eating first- or afterwards. I AM TRYING TO EAT HEALTHY AND EXERCISE FOR FITNESS INSTEAD, and doing ok- some days better than others, but ok. But I'm aware of the toll this has taken, and is likely to still take, on my body and my mind; its probably a higher toll than some excess weight per se, in many cases.
So my point is...
Sometimes, your size does not reflect your struggle. At all.14 -
ValeriePlz wrote: »Ironandwine69 wrote: »At my work, usually the ones that keep talking about points, calories, lunch walks etc are the overweight ones. Which is great, but if 3 years later you are still overweight and talking about it, I wouldnt start writing a book on nutrition just yet.
And they've had a Fitbit for years with no effect...
This one is why I waited until recently to get on board with the whole Fitbit thing. Everyone I know with a fitbit just glances at it when it buzzes and says they don't feel like moving. Like, what's the point? If you've purchased the device, maybe, I dunno, actually use it to make some productive difference in your life? On the bright side, that means that class III, now class II obese me moves more than 87% of the active fitbit population. That should be embarrassing to half the people with a fitbit.. lol2 -
stanmann571 wrote: »stanmann571 wrote: »Nothing wrong with commiserating as a formerly fat person. What I find annoying are... skinny people half my age who've never been fat complaining about how awful they look in a swimsuit, or sharing advice.
IMO, if you BTDT, you've got a right and a responsibility to share what worked for you. But, preface with your credentials.
Why do you need "credentials" of being fat or formerly fat in order to share struggles with weight? I've never been overweight my entire life but that doesn't mean I've never struggled with my weight. It's wrong to assume all skinny or normal weight people are just blithely oblivious and are that way naturally. It takes hard work and brains to stay a healthy weight. Why not share struggles?
Because a 22 year old who weighs A buck 10 who's never weighed more than a Buck 15, likely doesn't have the experience or education to provide meaningful advice. OTOH, a 19 year old who's currently beasting at 125 who dropped down from 225 2 years back probably has value to share.
Yeah. I'm prejudiced, and a little bitter and jaded, mostly because the worst and most useless advice I've gotten has come from the first person and his/her clones.
Yup, the advice I got here a few years ago made me fantastically sick. People who had probably never been fat telling me to eat 1200 calories because I was sedentary because obese people are sedentary. Spent almost a year nauseous every day after tanking my albumin levels on their stupid 1200 calorie diet. I started out on like a 1700 calorie diet, but, eventually those 1200 calorie people kept making me feel guilty and I started doing it their way. They made me feel guilty for eating back my exercise calories. Just dumb. Losing weight as a class III obese person is a completely different experience from losing those last 10 lbs. Bad advice keeps the obese failing. I'm a lot better informed this time around.
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jenniferinfl wrote: »stanmann571 wrote: »stanmann571 wrote: »Nothing wrong with commiserating as a formerly fat person. What I find annoying are... skinny people half my age who've never been fat complaining about how awful they look in a swimsuit, or sharing advice.
IMO, if you BTDT, you've got a right and a responsibility to share what worked for you. But, preface with your credentials.
Why do you need "credentials" of being fat or formerly fat in order to share struggles with weight? I've never been overweight my entire life but that doesn't mean I've never struggled with my weight. It's wrong to assume all skinny or normal weight people are just blithely oblivious and are that way naturally. It takes hard work and brains to stay a healthy weight. Why not share struggles?
Because a 22 year old who weighs A buck 10 who's never weighed more than a Buck 15, likely doesn't have the experience or education to provide meaningful advice. OTOH, a 19 year old who's currently beasting at 125 who dropped down from 225 2 years back probably has value to share.
Yeah. I'm prejudiced, and a little bitter and jaded, mostly because the worst and most useless advice I've gotten has come from the first person and his/her clones.
Yup, the advice I got here a few years ago made me fantastically sick. People who had probably never been fat telling me to eat 1200 calories because I was sedentary because obese people are sedentary. Spent almost a year nauseous every day after tanking my albumin levels on their stupid 1200 calorie diet. I started out on like a 1700 calorie diet, but, eventually those 1200 calorie people kept making me feel guilty and I started doing it their way. They made me feel guilty for eating back my exercise calories. Just dumb. Losing weight as a class III obese person is a completely different experience from losing those last 10 lbs. Bad advice keeps the obese failing. I'm a lot better informed this time around.
Pretty sure it's not bad advice that keeps people obese.
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