I'm Sick of Feeling Ugly
AyeeeAngeeel
Posts: 5 Member
I've been overweight my entire life. I'm 21 right now. I was bullied by my own family and classmates but I'm just done having a horrible self esteem. When guys look at me, instead of thinking that they're checking me out, they're judging me. I was recently diagnosed with PCOS and I always thought that having health issues was just a one in a million chance. I thought I was big because I wasn't exercising enough for eating healthy enough. But now I know it's not my fault and I'm trying. I'm going to the gym when I can with having two jobs and trying to go to Zumba to work out. It's just really hard. I just need some uplifting sometimes.
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Replies
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As a mid-30's mother of two, I can tell you a few things that are certain.
1) You are not what you think you are, and in 15 years you will look back and go "holy s.... I was so cute then, what was I smoking to think I wasn't?!?!!" You know, as you're trying to figure out if you put on deodorant, and why you underpants are inside out (and OMG is that a gray hair and why am I tweezing my upper lip??). You're in your prime my dear, enjoy it. I look back on my old pictures sometimes and if I could go back in time and slap some sense into 20 year old me, I totally would. I get it, it's so much easier said than done, but the time you are in right this very minute is when you come into your own, but question yourself at every single turn.
2) No matter what anyone tells you, there will always be the self-doubt. Only you can stop yourself and say "I am enough, and I am trying to be the best I can be, and that too is enough." - and you may or may not realize it now. And maybe in 15 years you'll remember the old chick online who said all this, and realize she was as right as your parents were on so many things (and not want to admit any of it).
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Ugly is in the eye of the beholder, and there is a difference between overweight and ugly. The problem I am reading is that you "think" you are ugly, which then has an impact on your whole way of thinking. Accept yourself as who you are, and what others think about you, who gives a toss, they should accept you for who you are rather than who they want you to be. As one who is (also) self-confessed ugly (and very confident with it, as I have been ugly all my life
), I can tell you hand on hard you are far from ugly. Believe in yourself, the rest will fall in place automatically 2 -
Losing weight won't suddenly fix you problems and make you pretty... You have to learn to love yourself regardless of you weight, and work on your self esteem.14
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I know plenty of beautiful people who are overweight. Their weight does not define their beauty, instead, it's their confidence, presentation, their loving, caring and giving nature, their friendship etc.
I also know plenty of ugly, slim people. They could be overweight and still be ugly.
I also know slim people and overweight people who lack confidence and don't think they're beautiful, good people....
Don't judge yourself by your weight. You are more than a number. Some people may judge you because of your weight, but that's more a poor reflection of them than you.
Smile. Do things you enjoy. Have fun. Forget about your weight, and stop letting it hold you back!10 -
Hi there
It's hard to not feel ugly while being bullied even from your own family. I have noticed that family members very often transfer their issues to the younger family members. I was around 128lbs (on 5'8") in high school and I was thinking that I am huge. I feel prettier now with 165lbs and gained self esteem than then at my best weight.
About PCOS...IMO, PCOS is more like a consequence of being overweight rather then a direct cause, although it does have metabolic problem in it's roots. But that is actually a good news, because it means that we can help ourselves.
Few things that have been tremendously helpful and deliberating to me are:
- I don't need to exercise to loose weight
- I don't need to eat healthy to loose weight
- My medical conditions (PCOS, hypothyroid) do not significantly affect my weight loss.
Of course, exercise helps weight loss, healthy eating helps reducing cravings, medical conditions do make life harder..but at the end of the day, what matters is calorie deficit over period of time.
That means that there will be days when you'll be eating the healthiest possible and exercising, there will be days when you'll have tons of things to do and eat only a slice of pizza on the run.
Not that one should aim for the second, but, even with those days it's possible to stay on track.
I wish you a happy and succesful weight loss journey and tons of self love in the future
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I have PCOS, too. I remember feeling relieved when I could finally pinpoint a reason why I was heavier than the rest of my family and couldn't seem to lose weight. To this day, my family is confused by the concept of PCOS and I've stopped trying to explain it. I don't need them to understand, just as you don't need your family to understand. This is your journey.
With that being said, I've learned that while PCOS makes it difficult to lose weight, that doesn't mean it's impossible. I need to exercise a little longer and a little harder than most people, and I need to track calories more closely, but as long as I do so, I see results. PCOS is a factor, not an excuse. Do you know that Jillian Michaels has PCOS?
I've often wondered if some people are wired to hate fitness and nutrition, while others are born to love and embrace it. I hate exercise. I need to push myself to like and eat veggies. For me, it's imperative that I make it part of a routine that doesn't get broken. Once I get into the habit, it becomes second nature.
My unsolicited advice is to celebrate the fact that you now know the reason why you struggle. Celebrate your potential. Be patient with yourself. It's not easy, but it's not impossible. No excuses. You may have PCOS, but it's still about calories in and calories burned, just like it is for everyone else.4 -
I agree Nicole. I also have PCOS. I have lost over 100 lbs total. Since I have been using MFP 67 lbs. It is a little harder but you can do it! You have to find what works best for you and just do it! No excuses. Calories in, calories out. As far as family is concerned just have a very frank conversation with them and tell them that you need their support and their love. The journey is not easy but you can do it. I know it is possible. Good luck and don't forget you are so worth it!!1
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AyeeeAngeeel wrote: »I've been overweight my entire life. I'm 21 right now. I was bullied by my own family and classmates but I'm just done having a horrible self esteem. When guys look at me, instead of thinking that they're checking me out, they're judging me. I was recently diagnosed with PCOS and I always thought that having health issues was just a one in a million chance. I thought I was big because I wasn't exercising enough for eating healthy enough. But now I know it's not my fault and I'm trying. I'm going to the gym when I can with having two jobs and trying to go to Zumba to work out. It's just really hard. I just need some uplifting sometimes.
I have to say...you're very pretty and if people are mean to you and bully you then THEY are the problem!!!! I understand about thinking men are judging you instead of checking you out. Even though I am 248 lbs men look at me sometimes and my husband had to tell me that they were flirting with me. I fought him on this, until I actually saw it for myself. Keep moving and eating right and this will work itself out. Hugs!1 -
I also still get looked at (in a good way) and I'm double the weight I should be. Some men just find bigger women sexy!
I also have pcos..however I can lose weight when I stop eating the crap. For some reason, in the last week I have discovered this app, I am calorie counting (which I always thought was a no no) and I feel so much better :-)2 -
Please go get some help - you have self esteem issues, and even if you lose a lot of weight and wear a size 0, you will still have issues and not be happy if you don't get some help....
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Deal with your self confidence issues and your weight issues separately. Make sure to not link the two or you'll find yourself still disliking your looks when you've reached your weightless goal and it might keep you from stopping there or enjoying the journey. Don't let bullies define you or what beauty is. They have not earned that power and never will. Your self worth has nothing to do with your weight.3
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I'm really sorry you're feeling so unattractive. I think that a lot of people are coming in from positions where they more or less feel happy with themselves, and their looks and it might be easier to say that all it requires is a rise in self-esteem. But it's not always so simple, sometimes we don't look for validation to feel pretty, but life throws unsolicited validation that we are *NOT* pretty. And we try to look left, right, up, down, trying to ignore the constant 'confirmation' that we're are unattractive, but life presents it to you - right up to your face.
This may not work for everyone, but there's a certain comfort in just accepting that one is very unattractive to the rest of the world. My experiences have been that anytime I felt somewhat pretty, life went on to prove to me that I'm very, very, very wrong. So in a way, acceptance of being unattractive leaves you with a peace because there isn't the constant reminder/punch/unsolicited confirmation about how people perceive our looks.0 -
Please get some help. If you can't share your worries with your family, do it on your own. My daughter, when she was your age, thought of herself as the ugliest person in the world even though she was and is extremely pretty and slim. She lost good 15 years of her life, till she got professional help. It's not your weight that keeps men not noticing you, it's your self esteem. Meanwhile, track your food diligently without dieting and you'll see where you need to improve your eating habits. Exercising helps to keep skin tight. When you get older, you'll appreciate tight skin - it works marvel on your self esteem. Meanwhile, take care of your skin, hair and wear neat clothes. Make changes that are cheap and easy to achieve. Just be consistent and you'll be happy. I'm not preaching, but many things that you can do are in your pocket. Best of happiness! BTW, looking at your avatar (if it's you), you are very pretty, so it's not your prettiness or weight, but your self esteem. Work on it and it will bring you happiness.1
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You can do it ! Stay strong ! Create a healthy lifestyle ! Follow me on @tomrivas for tips ☺️0
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Sexy is not a size. Every calorie is not a war. Your body is not a battleground. Your value is not measured in pounds. You are as beautiful as every other woman.3
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If you feel ugly now, you'll still feel ugly after you lose weight. One has nothing to do with the other. Come up with a realistic exercise and nutrition plan and get some counseling to get to the root cause of "why" you feel ugly.1
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I'm not going to get philosophical about how you feel. Or maybe I am. We feel how we feel, unfortunately too often how others treat us makes us perceive that everyone judges us the same way. I don't know you but so much beauty in this world is unseen because of the clouds others put out there. Unfortunately you feel ugly, and I can tell you that Ugly is not a physical trait. And even if you disagree, your picture shows a beautiful young woman with a wonderful smile. You've taken your first step. It's a long road, but you can do it. For me MFP has offered me lifestyle change that is leading to weightloss, better fitness and a better relationship with my wife. Cushman is correct. Your feeling the way you do won't go away as the weight goes away.2
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cushman5279 wrote: »If you feel ugly now, you'll still feel ugly after you lose weight. One has nothing to do with the other. Come up with a realistic exercise and nutrition plan and get some counseling to get to the root cause of "why" you feel ugly.
Yep, this ^^.
When I was a kid, I felt that I must be ugly and disgusting given how my parents and brothers treated me.
Throughout my life, I've gained, lost, gained, and now losing -- I have about 10 more lbs to go to look good naked (after losing over 100). Turned 47 over the wknd.
Today, some guys were checking me out in the gym, and I pretended I didn't see them and got scared. It was automatic / immediate -- and the exact opposite of what I want to do. Weight is irrelevant. My automatic thought is, well, automatic. I'm in therapy ... but it's not easy to erase a lifetime of this. So, as others are saying: take care of yourself physically and mentally.1
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