Husband not supportive

88olds wrote: »

You- do whatever you have to and keep going. Make sure there is plenty of readily available food that fits your plan.

This is what I did- my husband was not very supportive, but over time and seeing my progress, he has started walking with me and cleaning up his diet. He kind of needed to come to the decision himself. It is frustrating, but stick with your plan and keep up the good work. Over time, that may be convincing enough. Good luck!

That makes it very difficult. Look to "us" for support because we are all in the same boat and trying very hard to get healthier. Nobody can lose weight or make any major changes until they "are ready". Your husband is not ready yet but you are so keep going for it!!

Hey well done for changing your lifestyle, never give up you can do it yourself, your husband will come round to it in his own time

I don't think you have any reason to feel guilty. Just as you're choosing not to stay and watch TV with him, he's choosing not to go out and walk with you. Y'all both just want to do different things, and as long as you two don't stop spending time together and are still connected, it's ok to do different things. As for the health part of it and your concern about him possibly not living as long as he could, I definitely think it's your place to voice your concerns. I don't necessarily think it will change his behavior, but you have a right to tell him how you feel, especially as you see it potentially having a huge consequence for your relationship.

I understand completely

Generally speaking, I agree with what most people seem to say, about not being able to force another person to have the same goals as you, and sometimes having to just bite the bullet and tell yourself "No" when someone offers tempting things you are trying to avoid. Someone has to WANT to change.

However, if you are honestly concerned about his health, I think that's a different story because that affects BOTH of you and your family. In that case, I would try to have an honest sit-down conversation about it and tell him you're truly worried about his health. Maybe mention activities you used to do together that you no longer can because of weight and health issues (hiking is a big motivator for my husband and I). Depeding on the severity of the situation, maybe even say you're worried that you're going to end up a young widow and that your kids will lose their father. It sounds harsh but if nothing else works and his life is truly in danger, it could be worth it. This worked for my best friend- her mom was severely obese for decades until my friend broke down in tears and said, "I want my children to grow up with grandparents." THAT hit home, and her mom ended up losing, and keeping off (for over 10 years now), over 150 lbs.

Also, maybe ask WHY he doesn't want to try- maybe that's what really needs to be addressed. Is he worried he'll fail? Emotionally eating, and feeling like he "needs" that comfort? Etc.

I can relate. My husbands diet is horrible and I'm concerned. He has a lot of belly fat and his snoring and wheezing at night keeps getting worse. He enjoys working out but it isn't enough to undo everything he is taking in.

I just encourage the work outs because I see it as a step towards being healthier and lead by example with my food choices.

He keeps putting my food scale up and I just keep bringing it back out lol

You decided to change your lifestyle a couple of months ago. You made a choice for you and you are happy about it. And that is fine. But then you want your dh to adopt your new lifestyle without him really having had a part in deciding what that should be like. It isn't something you sat down and planned out together on what you both wanted and needed. You are telling him.

You are concerned he is not managing his health appropriately. That is valid. Go to him with your concern. Discuss all the options for managing diabetes. Listen to his concerns. Ask what he wants to do and support him. Maybe he needs smaller changes over time instead of a total lifestyle makeover. Maybe he needs to do some research before making some choices. Maybe he doesn't see the problem you see.

You are both adults and different people. You don't have to approach weight loss or health management the same way. If he doesn't want to change anything back off and do your own thing.

No excuse, but is he scared to face up to things? It's hard being a grown up at times, you're supposed to know what to do, more often then not we're all just winging it. He may have developed a security blanket (made of all the wrong things). Apart from the diabetes we could be married to the same man, I can often see mine crumbling towards crisps, lager, biscuits, etc. And if I don't buy them he stops on his way home for them (not milk, or veg, or anything useful for the rest of the family!?), ignoring the behaviour doesn't help, raising the issue sends him further into it / defensive / argumentative. So I'm following this thread to see if there's a magic solution!!!! Sending well wishes. xx

This may not be helpful, but here goes. Years back, I was in a bad marriage. He was not at all supportive of my health goals. In retrospect, he was actually jealous of my improvements, and felt competitive with me, and it actually depressed him to see me becoming vibrant and healthy. The healthier I got, the more depressed and downright mean he would get. It ended in divorce.

But, what I did throughout was what was best for me. He wanted us to be Mr. and Mrs. Couch Potato Head. I did that for a time, but it didn't work for me. I packed on massive amounts of weight. So, when I started getting healthy, he felt abandoned, and seemed to resent what I was doing. He absolutely sabotaged me to the extent that he could. He was extremely insecure. It was very sad.

And a very sad epilogue to the story... 11 years after the divorce, I received word that he died from one of his addictions. I went through a very strange set of emotions in the months after learning this. I had chosen the path of health and life. He chose the opposite path.

Looking back, there really is nothing I could have done. He was tied to a few different addictions, including food, gambling, and I won't list others, but he had others. I don't think I could have inspired him to change. He saw me getting healthy, eliminating bad habits, and he flat-out told me that if I really loved him, I wouldn't be selfish by doing things without him (like going to the grocery store, going out for a run, mowing the lawn, basically anything active). So, he felt left behind and abandoned by my healthy choices. And now one of us is alive, and the other is not.

So, as it turns out, this was very literally a life-and-death decision. And I'm happy to be alive and healthy.