How to over feeling intimated and/or embarrassed at the gym?
abbynormalartist
Posts: 318 Member
I've only been to a gym a couple times before (honestly- like twice) but I really want to start lifting. I want to lift free weights and move forward with a beginners program so I can have some structure and hopefully see progress in my strength. I went to a big gym yesterday and it was, mentally, incredibly difficult! I was scared to go near free weights so I jogged on the treadmill for a few minutes first. When I finally got up the nerve to go to the weights I could only manage two 5lb plates for bench press. I was sweating and shaking and at my max after just a few reps. It was crazy embarrassing! I know I have to start somewhere and I'm committed to going back but I feel so out of my element. Any suggestions on how to get over this irrational fear?
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Replies
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hair of the dog- do more of the thing.
You'll get over feeling so scared when you feel far more comfortable with what you have to do. write down what you want to do- then go do it.7 -
If you are nervous about how to do the weights, maybe a 1 time PT session with a trainer so you are more comfortable and make sure you have proper form? I find that once I know I am at least doing the exercise correctly, I feel more comfortable. Also, having a firm plan of attack (aka planned workout) helps. Otherwise, you will really only get more comfortable the longer you do it and get used to it.10
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As far as being embarrassed, just know that everyone at the gym is doing their own thing and not really paying attention to you.
People only notice you at the gym if you're being an inconsiderate jerk.10 -
Great job on getting into the weight room!
What I found works:
1. Find a weight lifting app that tells you what to do. Having a plan makes it easier. Stronglifts.com has a great app that is easy to use and follow.
2. Put together a great workout playlist. Put your headphones in.
3. Go to work!8 -
Wear a hat to cover your eyes and stay focused on the task.5
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Don't compare yourself to ANYONE. Sure! The gals and the guys who have this intimidating bodies. What's so different about you and them? Time! They're just a couple of years ahead of you. Everyone started somewhere. Being vulnerable is power. Go out there in the weight area, do your planned workout, mess up and get right back into it! People resent others who act like the experts (cocky ) If you mess up, you think you'd look stupid? No! It makes you human! Do not con yourself out of an amazing opportunity just because you're intimidated. You will feel much comfortable in a few weeks.
( I've had the same problem. I felt ashamed, I couldn't focus on my work out. So I started watching videos on YouTube in order to learn proper forms. Have a steady work out plan. Do not lift too heavy at first. As you get stronger, that will come naturally. Once you're in the zone. The last thing you will think about is what other people thinking about you.)
Best of luck4 -
Get noise canceling headphones. Create playlist that gets you pumped. Focus on your workout only and ignore everyone else. Just remember you are doing this for you not for everyone else so just focus on you.
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See, I wouldn't recommend headphones or a hat either. It's like masking your fear. Face your fear and be vulnerable. Plus, people waste so much time shuffling thru their damn iPhones,iPods or what have you. Go out there with a bottle of water, a notebook and a pen and work out and get the hell out. You should be working hard at the gym not hanging out at the gym.3
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Lots of good advice above. Please don't be embarrassed. Every one was new to the free weight area at some point in their life. Maybe find a workout partner to relieve the stress? Good form is important, especially when you are first starting a lifting program. Develop proper form at the beginning so as you age you won't get injured from using bad form with heavier weight.0
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Here is the tough love! No one gives a hoot about you and what you can or can't do at the gym. Everyone is on their own journey and is focussed on their own plan and progress. Everyone has started at the beginning so the skinny chick in the corner lifting really heavy weights may have lost 50kgs. Or she may be gaining muscle as she has always been so thin. No one will judge you in reality and if they do change gym. Don't be afraid to ask for help and don't try to do too much to start. Getting your form right from the start is so important. Get a good trainer to help you. Also every one has strengths and weaknesses so what one person finds easy another will struggle with. So don't compare yourself to anyone else. Start your own journey and enjoy it. Laugh and breathe and it will all become easier.2
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You know you're over that feeling when you're waiting for some bro to rest between his sets somewhere other than your bench.1
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Honestly - I felt exactly the same. I was desperate to lift free weights, but too intimidated to go do it. I started off using the weights machines (I figured less chance of getting things terribly wrong?!) which helped me gain a lot in confidence. You've got some great advice here - it is nerve-wracking at first, but please keep at it - I promise, it will only get easier! I started the Stronglifts 5x5 programme about a month ago, they have a fab app you can download onto your phone, so you have a plan every time and know what you need to do, the Stronglifts website has really useful videos on form and I've written myself notes that I take with me each time to read in between sets. I booked a one-off personal trainer session to check I was doing it right, but the trainers on shift at the gym are always really obliging if I need any advice/help. I concentrate on me and what I'm doing and try not to look at anyone else - I get more confident and it gets easier and easier every time I go. If I, with my complete lack of experience, can do it (I didn't even know what a bench press was and struggled with the empty 20kg bar at first!) anyone can! Fake it 'til you make it!0
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@girlgroves - fake it 'til you make it might just be the mantra I live by for the next few months!
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I like using the headphones and a preset playlist (so there is no fumbling) to zone other people out. For what I pay to join the gym, that time is MY time and, between the headphones and resting b**ch face, most people don't bother speaking to me. The other thing is to have a plan and a goal when you go in. Work for that goal with all you've got and you'll find that you'll stop paying attention to others. If you can do a session with a trainer or at least some kind of orientation, that would be a great help, too. I was super shy when I first started at the gym but all it took was headphones, some knowledge, and a plan. Also, don't forget that there are new people starting there every day. Don't ever think you're the only one.1
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@abbynormalartist - go for it! At 46, with two kids, absolutely minimal upper body strength (it feels like!) and a really embarrassing shy streak, it's working for me! I doubt I'll ever feel like I comfortably belong in the weights room, but I'm at the point where I can get in there, do what I need to do, and get out again - I can even now go ask to borrow what I call the baby plates (you know - the really tiny 1.25kg ones!?!) from terrifyingly massive chaps who are lifting 100s of kgs and patently not going to be needing them!
And I'm feeling fab about myself after every workout!! Just keep going 0 -
nomorepuke wrote: »See, I wouldn't recommend headphones or a hat either. It's like masking your fear. Face your fear and be vulnerable. Plus, people waste so much time shuffling thru their damn iPhones,iPods or what have you. Go out there with a bottle of water, a notebook and a pen and work out and get the hell out. You should be working hard at the gym not hanging out at the gym.
It's managing. Not masking.
And who cares. It handles the problem- how do I get over this- it's a mechanism that allows OP to get in there and check the box.
If someone needs help handling their fear- going to see a therapist and tackling it in a responsible way is wise- just shoving yourself into a situation works for some but not all.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with headphones and a hat.
jesus Christ.9 -
secondly- who gives a flying Fk if someone is hanging out at the gym? As long as they aren't in your way- what difference does it make to you?
Answer: none.
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secondly- who gives a flying Fk if someone is hanging out at the gym? As long as they aren't in your way- what difference does it make to you?
Answer: none.
Yeah. Possibly one of the easiest things to do to get used to going to the gym? Go and sit in the lobby (or whatever it may have) for a few minutes a few times. You're there. Then start doing things.4 -
This is not an irrational fear. This is real. You feel embarrassed and there's no shame in that. But remember two things: 1.) Everyone started somewhere and 2.) they are all there for the same things. If you have questions, find someone who looks serious and ask them. You are just going to have to work into it. Don't give up. And also, get a lifting plan. Following a plan will help you focus and get to work. Try to avoid the creeps trying to flirt and be a distraction. I'm rambling, I know.1
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Literally the only time I ever notice or watch people at the gym is when they are being rude, loud or twits about how the etiquette goes. N00bs are a different story, as they don't yet know how to do (or not do) things nicely. I know what you mean though, I started out thinking the same thing, that everyone was watching me. It took awhile, but then I realized no one else cared what I was doing.0
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I've been in and out of gyms for much of my life...anytime I start at a new gym, I'm pretty uncomfortable...it's a foreign environment with a bunch of people I don't know, etc. It usually only takes me a couple of weeks to feel more at home, though I've had one particular gym that just wasn't a match for me and never felt like home, so I moved on...1
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The only pet peeve I have with gym goers is not wiping down the equipment after themselves. My big "aha" moment is that gym goers busy watching their own progress. That's it.0
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secondly- who gives a flying Fk if someone is hanging out at the gym? As long as they aren't in your way- what difference does it make to you?
Answer: none.
Yeah. Possibly one of the easiest things to do to get used to going to the gym? Go and sit in the lobby (or whatever it may have) for a few minutes a few times. You're there. Then start doing things.
we have 3 big ole couches in the "lobby" of our gym. People come take preworkout naps on them.
LOL #teamhangoutatthegym
better than an ally somewhere.1 -
secondly- who gives a flying Fk if someone is hanging out at the gym? As long as they aren't in your way- what difference does it make to you?
Answer: none.
Yeah. Possibly one of the easiest things to do to get used to going to the gym? Go and sit in the lobby (or whatever it may have) for a few minutes a few times. You're there. Then start doing things.
we have 3 big ole couches in the "lobby" of our gym. People come take preworkout naps on them.
LOL #teamhangoutatthegym
better than an ally somewhere.
Bradley Martin (Is this his name? IDK I saw it on Mark Bell's channel...) put couches and video games in his new gym because he wants people to "hang out."
Sorry all my frands are at the gym?2 -
You might also try out the weight machines first - use those to build some strength and become more comfortable just BEING at the gym, knowing that it's more difficult for someone else to tell what you were lifting
Then, once getting to the gym is more of a routine, try out the free weights.1 -
If you have flexibility in terms of when you can work out, I'd highly recommend asking the people at the front desk about their peak times and quietest times. It may be easier for you to acclimate when it's not packed.
I'd also suggest redefining what a successful gym visit entails, at least in the beginning. Call it a win anytime you get in the door, and make it okay for yourself to leave if you feel like it. You did the treadmill and some bench sets? Awesome! Next time, if you're comfortable, try doing that and one more thing. Or not. Maybe next time it's packed with people all doing circuits and every piece of equipment is in use, but you still walked in the door, so you still get kudos for going. It's also totally fine to take a break and sit in the lobby until you're ready to try again.2 -
It can be tough, especially being a GIRL on the "GUYS" side of the gym. Start by getting more comfortable and knowledgeable about what you want to do: read reputable literature, get a few sessions with a trainer, and start with just the bar until you are certain our form is spot on. Don't be ashamed, everyone has to start somewhere! If you are able, try to go during off peak hours until you are more comfortable, then work your way up to it.
Or just do what I do. Headphones in, straight to the hex bar, and get to work. You always hear horror stories about catty witches or stupid steroid swoleheads, but it has been my experience that these people are maybe 1%. You are there for YOU. You got this.
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sorry not sorry.TresaAswegan wrote: »secondly- who gives a flying Fk if someone is hanging out at the gym? As long as they aren't in your way- what difference does it make to you?
Answer: none.
Yeah. Possibly one of the easiest things to do to get used to going to the gym? Go and sit in the lobby (or whatever it may have) for a few minutes a few times. You're there. Then start doing things.
we have 3 big ole couches in the "lobby" of our gym. People come take preworkout naps on them.
LOL #teamhangoutatthegym
better than an ally somewhere.
Bradley Martin (Is this his name? IDK I saw it on Mark Bell's channel...) put couches and video games in his new gym because he wants people to "hang out."
Sorry all my frands are at the gym?
we hang out at the gym- then we go hang out at sushi. Then we meet up the next day and repeat.
Exactly- sorry not sorrrrrrrrry
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I was intimidated when I first went over to the free weights section, too. I hired a PT for a few sessions to teach me the big compound lifts, make sure my form was good, and give me a starting point as far as how much weight to lift. It didn't take me long to start feeling like I belonged there just as much as the guys did, and now I don't think twice. I also use headphones because good music gets me pumped up, and Who Run the World (Girls) is my Official Squats Song, so if music helps you feel more confident then go for it!
ETA: A lot of women struggle with upper body stuff in the beginning; lots of ladies can't OHP the empty Olympic bar when they first start, and bench not much more. You start where you are and just work your way up from there. Everyone starts somewhere!0 -
YES. THIS POST. The intimidation is real.
That said, I used to be intimidated by the gym, period. Were you ever self-conscious at the gym when you first started? What did you do to get comfortable? I bet you just DID THE THING until it was something that was no longer weird or scary, right?
You got this. Indeed, fake it til you make it. You're already getting points for trying.
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