Think I lost a friend today....

MissingMyOldSelf
MissingMyOldSelf Posts: 689 Member
edited September 30 in Motivation and Support
I posted on my fb page today about how I wanted some chicken wings, and how good they sounded. But, obviously, I didn't act on that. If I go to my favorite wing place, I'd get the wrap, which has 4 pcs of boneless wings in it, a salad (pretty much), and a tortilla wrap. Ranch Dressing is optional on the side, and I'd decline. But a huge wrap like that is 600 calories. And a beer to go along with it: 55 calories (bud select). She proceeds to tell me "OH NO! DON'T YOU DARE DO THAT! The fried food will KILL YOU!"

... this is coming from someone who's never dieted in her life, is about 125lbs, and thinks she's a "motivator".

Also the same one who changed her matron of honor dress in my wedding and made it white. "so she'd match me."

...also, this woman is never wrong. So she thinks....

I wrote how I did my research, and the comparable restaurant that has boneless chicken wings that are similar rank in about 1200 calories for 8 wings. Sauce not included, mind you. And after that, I'd rather stick to the wrap and beer.

She wrote how shocked she was that I was so "mean" and that she would never give her opinion again, but she'd support me if I asked. She also said that she was worried about me getting stuck on the breading from the fried food. She's not asked me about my lap band recently. If she would have, she would have known I was completely unfilled, therefore, relying on myself for portion control.

So, I proceeded to one, apologize, on FB and through a text, saying that my intention wasn't to make her upset. I was there to educate. (after 2 hours, I still haven't heard back from her.) Second, I'm not going to always sit back and defend every diet decision I make to her when she's never dieted in her life. She called "dieting" when she stops eating, or eats about 300 calories a day.

She used to be such a great friend. But I just can't have someone negative telling me what I can and can't do, especially when I've found something worthwhile and that's successful.
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Replies

  • sandyfeet10
    sandyfeet10 Posts: 280 Member
    Sometimes friends are in your life for a short while....I recenlty lost a friend after her selfishness during my wedding.

    I'm sorry it had to be that way. You are getting positive and changing....if she's not helping you, then let it go.
  • mlpaint
    mlpaint Posts: 85 Member
    I'm sorry that you are having a hard time with your friend. Sometimes people just don't understand what may work for them doesn't work for every single person.
    I hope you guys are able to work it out!
  • kellyscomeback
    kellyscomeback Posts: 1,369 Member
    A downside of dieting and taking on a healthier approach on life is to lose the toxic friends.
  • superhippiechik
    superhippiechik Posts: 1,044 Member
    Oh Honey,that is awful! I lost my best friend of 20 years during my weight loss journey. It hurt at first but now I realize she was 200lbs. I did not need to carry around! Best to you,Doll!:smooched:
  • fastbelly
    fastbelly Posts: 727 Member
    Some people just like little dramas to fuel their lifes... for me its a pleasure when these so called friends decide to share their dramas elsewhere.
  • Ladydi1982
    Ladydi1982 Posts: 218 Member
    I feel bad that you have someone in your life that is so self-involved and negative towards you. You deserve better, and you know what's best for yourself. Great job on doing your research and finding a healthier version on your own. Here's to finding better friends!!!!! :flowerforyou: :drinker:
  • jrami24
    jrami24 Posts: 18 Member
    sounds like too much drama to post here
  • sessaleigh
    sessaleigh Posts: 45
    That saddens me. Why can't she just be supportive? I'm sorry you have to go through this. Maybe a break isn't a bad idea. Maybe she will come around? I posted a few months ago about how hurt I was that my friends thought I was bulemic. I am actually being healthy, you know? They just....they couldn't comprehend the idea of jsut dieting and exercising and having that work. I had one that kept trying to get me to eat more and more and more. But now they are supportive and encouraging because they finally see how important this is to me and how well I am doing. Maybe, after a while, your friend will see too.
  • epoeraven
    epoeraven Posts: 458 Member
    Okay.... sorry... but I am still stuck on "changed her matron of honor dress". Really? I think that would have been the end of my friendship right there.
  • km323
    km323 Posts: 124
    I literally guffawed out loud when I read the white dress comment.

    Sometimes you outgrow certain people and you need to let them go. If she is not being supportive (and supportive is different from those who "try to help") of your new lifestyle and of your goals, then maybe it's just time for you to grow apart.

    I'm sorry you are going through this. Weight loss is hard enough, without having to deal with others (especially those we consider friends) being less than helpful.
  • vdavis_89
    vdavis_89 Posts: 334
    She doesnt sound like a very good friend :( and you definatly dont need the negativity especially when your tryin to get in shape!
  • littlecaponey2
    littlecaponey2 Posts: 143 Member
    Bump
  • LauraDubbleya
    LauraDubbleya Posts: 79 Member
    I would have sooooo ditched her when she changed her matron of honour dress to "match you" WTF??? seriously?

    The last poster was right. People come into your life for a reason, season or lifetime. If you have to chase her down to apologize, and she's playing the "wounded" victim over it, she's not worth your time. You need positive people in your life.

    My thinking is that she is jealous of you.
  • javablondie
    javablondie Posts: 411 Member
    delete
  • gbbhey
    gbbhey Posts: 188
    A downside of dieting and taking on a healthier approach on life is to lose the toxic friends.

    downside? eff it! she's just mad cuz she knows you can reach your goals, and then she'll have to look in the mirror and she if she's accomplished anything in her life. my guess; probably not.
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
    wow...thats horrible what she did at your wedding, really wtf!

    i think maybe it is time to move on, begin a new chapter in your life. I know you are doing better, and improving yourself, so maybe it is time to improve the social circle you have as well (in this situation).

    I think I am losing someone who used to be my best friend as well. I'm a bit in denial as she is my friend on Facebook, but she never even responds when I write on her wall. We went our different ways after high school, and as much as I tried to make things work, you need two people to have any good relationship.

    Good luck and I hope you begin to feel better! Also, congratulations on resisting temptation!
  • esherwood2
    esherwood2 Posts: 16
    Sometimes things work out that way. I was recently in a similar boat where my relationship with my friend really has been damaged. She talks about wanting to lose weight so I try to encourage her to work out with my etc. She took this as a put down and made several comments about me exercising all the time, etc. I have come to realize that I am just going to do what works for me and leave it at that.

    Your friend, who has never had a weight problem, don't understand what you are going through so I would just say keep doing what works for you and leave it at that. :wink:
  • MegRuthie
    MegRuthie Posts: 139 Member
    I can forgive a lot of my friends faults, having strange opinions, or being bratty. But wearing white to your WEDDING! AW NAW! At any rate, this is really a bummer and I'm still learning how to let those friendships go that are obviously toxic, and how to salvage those that are worth it. I finally spilled my heart out and told my best friend I thought she was a complete and utter spoiled brat. I also told her about all the times her "advice" hurt my feelings. All those times I was angry with her I forgot she was one of my dearest friends. She told me I should have been honest sooner and she had no idea that's what she sounded like. If she's really your friend, telling her how her "advice" and feedback is making you feel should be enough. And if she still is acting that way, then it might be time to cut her loose.
  • RosieGB33nz
    RosieGB33nz Posts: 142
    Wow, i find it hard that you are still friends with her after SHE made the decision and changed the matron of honor dress at YOUR wedding!! Im sorry but what a *****!! everyone knows you dont wear white to a wedding unless your the bride, seems to me she was trying to steal the lime light...... Sorry, i dont mean to be rude but seriously, if that had happened at my wedding, they would have been asked to leave. It comes across like she wants to be one up on you all the time..... would she let you wear white to her wedding, especially if you were standing at the alter with her?
  • runner328
    runner328 Posts: 174
    Not to sound mean but she would be doing you a favor not being your "friend". You deserve better!
  • AnnetteBlair
    AnnetteBlair Posts: 10 Member
    I don't think losing toxic friends would be called a downside!

    Three things:
    #1-From your description it doesn't sound like she was that great of a friend.
    #2-I'd refrain from giving attention to mean or controversial FB posts.
    #3- Gotta sort out the unhealthy from the healthy people.

    "I once loaned a friend $20 and then never saw them again. It turned out to be the best investment ever!"
  • SimplyDeLish
    SimplyDeLish Posts: 539
    So sorry that happened to you. But sometimes friends get so jealous, whacked, not the center of attention, etc., that they do really stupid things. Sounds like she does them over and over. It is so hard to take advice from those who haven't fought a weight issue - especially since many times they don't have a clue! So proud of you for researching and making smart choices.

    Here's to your continued success!
  • schw0679
    schw0679 Posts: 1
    Not a good friend. It might hurt, but your probably better off.
  • KatieCuth
    KatieCuth Posts: 569 Member
    The dress would of being enough for me...
  • quichebradford
    quichebradford Posts: 327 Member
    I hate to say this, but it doesn't seem like she was a very good friend anyway. Who changes their dress to look like the bride? Are you kidding me? How could she have thought that was a good idea??? And I realize this particular issue is not about the dress, that's just what stuck out for me.

    I'm finding out the more weight I lose, the less friends I have. It seems like people (smaller people) want you to stay the size you are so they're "better than you'...I don't get it. I'm sorry this has happened to you, maybe you're better off without her. :frown:
  • methetree
    methetree Posts: 381
    Past time to let go of that friendship. Especially after the wedding incident.

    My friends are supportive of my decisions because they want me around for a long time.

    Wish you the best of luck with this drama....
  • starkid120
    starkid120 Posts: 204 Member
    Okay.... sorry... but I am still stuck on "changed her matron of honor dress". Really? I think that would have been the end of my friendship right there.

    Agreed.

    Also, kudos to you for realizing that her friendship was hindering you and not helping you. It's a step in the right (and healthier) direction! I hope you make lots of new friends that will support you fully!!
  • laureneva15
    laureneva15 Posts: 280
    Okay.... sorry... but I am still stuck on "changed her matron of honor dress". Really? I think that would have been the end of my friendship right there.

    This.
    Absolutely.
    This.
  • trixie5059
    trixie5059 Posts: 45 Member
    okay here's my 2 cents...............You cannot lose a true friend over dieting, trivial matters, etc....(and I am not saying dieting is trivial - trust me). True friends allow for differences, individuality, and other such things ( that's why long term marriages work). Also you can never get everything you need from 1 person (not even your spouse/significant other), and have different friends for different times/issues in your life. The friends you meet on mfp are here for a specific reason, to help motivate, and keep you going.
    So what are looking for in your friendship with her....maybe it is time to let go and move on
  • ❤B☩❤
    ❤B☩❤ Posts: 634
    sounds like too much drama to post here

    This is a post forum for all MFP members. I don't think it's for us to decide what should be posted here.

    Whether someone thinks this is drama or not...I am glad that you have the MFP Community of support here for you! Hang in there, and just know that a good friend would not have (A) changed her maid of honor dress to white...everyone knows only the bride is to wear white, or (B) made you feel like you have to justify your weight loss decisions. Personally, I think you made a good choice.

    Glad you posted. It sounds like you have a lot of MFPeeps that have been through the same thing. Take care, and hopefully you continue on your journey strong and determined! :drinker:
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