Think I lost a friend today....

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2

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  • AnnetteBlair
    AnnetteBlair Posts: 10 Member
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    I don't think losing toxic friends would be called a downside!

    Three things:
    #1-From your description it doesn't sound like she was that great of a friend.
    #2-I'd refrain from giving attention to mean or controversial FB posts.
    #3- Gotta sort out the unhealthy from the healthy people.

    "I once loaned a friend $20 and then never saw them again. It turned out to be the best investment ever!"
  • SimplyDeLish
    SimplyDeLish Posts: 539
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    So sorry that happened to you. But sometimes friends get so jealous, whacked, not the center of attention, etc., that they do really stupid things. Sounds like she does them over and over. It is so hard to take advice from those who haven't fought a weight issue - especially since many times they don't have a clue! So proud of you for researching and making smart choices.

    Here's to your continued success!
  • schw0679
    schw0679 Posts: 1
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    Not a good friend. It might hurt, but your probably better off.
  • KatieCuth
    KatieCuth Posts: 569 Member
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    The dress would of being enough for me...
  • quichebradford
    quichebradford Posts: 327 Member
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    I hate to say this, but it doesn't seem like she was a very good friend anyway. Who changes their dress to look like the bride? Are you kidding me? How could she have thought that was a good idea??? And I realize this particular issue is not about the dress, that's just what stuck out for me.

    I'm finding out the more weight I lose, the less friends I have. It seems like people (smaller people) want you to stay the size you are so they're "better than you'...I don't get it. I'm sorry this has happened to you, maybe you're better off without her. :frown:
  • methetree
    methetree Posts: 381
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    Past time to let go of that friendship. Especially after the wedding incident.

    My friends are supportive of my decisions because they want me around for a long time.

    Wish you the best of luck with this drama....
  • starkid120
    starkid120 Posts: 204 Member
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    Okay.... sorry... but I am still stuck on "changed her matron of honor dress". Really? I think that would have been the end of my friendship right there.

    Agreed.

    Also, kudos to you for realizing that her friendship was hindering you and not helping you. It's a step in the right (and healthier) direction! I hope you make lots of new friends that will support you fully!!
  • laureneva15
    laureneva15 Posts: 280
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    Okay.... sorry... but I am still stuck on "changed her matron of honor dress". Really? I think that would have been the end of my friendship right there.

    This.
    Absolutely.
    This.
  • trixie5059
    trixie5059 Posts: 45 Member
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    okay here's my 2 cents...............You cannot lose a true friend over dieting, trivial matters, etc....(and I am not saying dieting is trivial - trust me). True friends allow for differences, individuality, and other such things ( that's why long term marriages work). Also you can never get everything you need from 1 person (not even your spouse/significant other), and have different friends for different times/issues in your life. The friends you meet on mfp are here for a specific reason, to help motivate, and keep you going.
    So what are looking for in your friendship with her....maybe it is time to let go and move on
  • ❤B☩❤
    ❤B☩❤ Posts: 634
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    sounds like too much drama to post here

    This is a post forum for all MFP members. I don't think it's for us to decide what should be posted here.

    Whether someone thinks this is drama or not...I am glad that you have the MFP Community of support here for you! Hang in there, and just know that a good friend would not have (A) changed her maid of honor dress to white...everyone knows only the bride is to wear white, or (B) made you feel like you have to justify your weight loss decisions. Personally, I think you made a good choice.

    Glad you posted. It sounds like you have a lot of MFPeeps that have been through the same thing. Take care, and hopefully you continue on your journey strong and determined! :drinker:
  • Countrymade
    Countrymade Posts: 183 Member
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    Okay.... sorry... but I am still stuck on "changed her matron of honor dress". Really? I think that would have been the end of my friendship right there.

    Agreed.

    Also, kudos to you for realizing that her friendship was hindering you and not helping you. It's a step in the right (and healthier) direction! I hope you make lots of new friends that will support you fully!!
    Are you kidding me. Her friendship would have been history at that time. She was trying to take your special day away from you by doing that. Wow. She is no friend.
  • Countrymade
    Countrymade Posts: 183 Member
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    Okay.... sorry... but I am still stuck on "changed her matron of honor dress". Really? I think that would have been the end of my friendship right there.

    Agreed.

    Also, kudos to you for realizing that her friendship was hindering you and not helping you. It's a step in the right (and healthier) direction! I hope you make lots of new friends that will support you fully!!
    Are you kidding me. Her friendship would have been history at that time. She was trying to take your special day away from you by doing that. Wow. She is no friend.

    Forgot to put I agree . I am still stuck on the dress thing too.
  • giaciccone
    giaciccone Posts: 257
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    I posted on my fb page today about how I wanted some chicken wings, and how good they sounded. But, obviously, I didn't act on that. If I go to my favorite wing place, I'd get the wrap, which has 4 pcs of boneless wings in it, a salad (pretty much), and a tortilla wrap. Ranch Dressing is optional on the side, and I'd decline. But a huge wrap like that is 600 calories. And a beer to go along with it: 55 calories (bud select). She proceeds to tell me "OH NO! DON'T YOU DARE DO THAT! The fried food will KILL YOU!"

    ... this is coming from someone who's never dieted in her life, is about 125lbs, and thinks she's a "motivator".

    Also the same one who changed her matron of honor dress in my wedding and made it white. "so she'd match me."

    ...also, this woman is never wrong. So she thinks....

    Sorry, but based on these reasons above that is one crappy friend.
    SHE WANTED TO MATCH YOU SO SHE WORE WHITE? SERIOUSLY? That would've pissed me off enough to end the friendship immediately. I also hate friends who ALWAYS think they are right. NO ONE IS RIGHT ALL OF THE TIME!

    UGH, your friend aggravates me & I don't even know her. I couldn't imagine ever being close with someone like that.
  • mary6446
    mary6446 Posts: 3
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    Some people don't like to see others succeed. I'm like the other ladies about the matrons dress. wth?
  • MissingMyOldSelf
    MissingMyOldSelf Posts: 689 Member
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    Guys, I want to thank you all so much for your support. I mean, I can't express my sincere thanks enough to you all.

    And to those who said it was too much drama, thank you, too... but if you didn't want to contribute to the drama, you didn't need to post anything. So, thank you for adding your 2 cents.

    I'm not totally sure what I want from this friend. I did give an apology to her, and I haven't received anything back. I probably won't.

    She claimed that she didn't want to be the same as the other girls in the wedding, so she wanted to look different. When I was with her, she ordered an ivory top with a red bottom two-piece dress. She came back a week later to the dress shop and changed to "all ivory". I also was asked to postpone going to the reception from the ceremony so she could go to Target and get a slip for her ivory skirt. It wasn't my fault that everyone in the church could see her white lace boy short-underwear because she didn't get a slip prior to the wedding. I refused to postpone :) Proudest moment of my day.

    And really... I have no clue what she would be jealous of that I have. I'm overweight, low self esteem, I'm not rich..... She's skinny, thinks the world of herself, and married into money. (seeeeeeeeee? PROBLEM STARTS THERE) Whenever one of us in our friend group does something, she's got to do something to totally blow us out of the water. Like we had a surprise birthday party for my husband. It was low-key, nothing big, nothing too expensive. She threw one for her husband and bragged about how she spent $1000 on the party. I don't have that kind of money to throw around.

    Yeah.... I'm going to just lay low for awhile after this....
  • Shannon023
    Shannon023 Posts: 14,529 Member
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    Sometimes we have to weed our garden's. :flowerforyou:
  • sunshinel397
    sunshinel397 Posts: 262
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    You do not need friends like that! Some people try to sabotage people while they make lifestyle changes, pretending to motivate when they just want to be hurtful. Sorry your friend was mean. You should not feel like you have to apologize to her. Especially after the white dress she wore to your wedding. Sounds like she needs to be center of attention at all times. Good luck and in a while you will see you are better off!:smile:
  • sloanie1
    sloanie1 Posts: 276 Member
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    I posted this to MFP's this morning:

    "Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great"

    There are plenty more people out there who will support you!!! I have culled many "aquaintances" over the years....I hardly associate with my parents for the same reason...people say blood is thicker than water....I don't agree, any negative energy is a waste of your life.....xx
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
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    Sometimes you outgrow certain people and you need to let them go. If she is not being supportive (and supportive is different from those who "try to help") of your new lifestyle and of your goals, then maybe it's just time for you to grow apart.

    I'm sorry you are going through this. Weight loss is hard enough, without having to deal with others (especially those we consider friends) being less than helpful.

    I ended a 17 year friendship last year...for different reasons...but I can totally relate. As much as it hurts...especially when you have a long history with someone...you deserve people in your life who can support you and ALL of your goals.

    I wish you the best of luck with your continued healthy lifestyle! :)
  • TTHdred
    TTHdred Posts: 380 Member
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    Let’s look at the positive. This is a mfp NSV…..:bigsmile:
    You have realized that sometimes a “lifestyle change” involves some of the life lessons learned in the company we keep. I have found that a really great friend of mine, who is overall supportive, should really be taken out of my life because she encourages going out and drinking, which sabotages many of my other efforts. I think the insight you wrote your post with, is enough to celebrate how much you have grown and where you are on your journey. So “great work” and “wtg” ….you’ve done great!

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