Husband not supportive

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ducky0520
ducky0520 Posts: 13 Member
in Motivation and Support
So being 38 and overweight with tons of aches and pains I needed to change my lifestyle. So for 3 months I have and still am LearninG how to make better choices, cook better, workout and feel better. Down 20lbs and I notice and my clothes notice but not my husband. He offers me crap food or is not happy with what I cook. He's diabetic so the last thing he needs is carbs. I am high protein low carbs but he still eats like he's not diabetic. I could cook no carbs or very little and he will go eat carbs and junk.. I have cut down on buying the junk and still have occasional sweets for my kids lunch snack. But he eats them. I don't want to Harrass him ND I love him no matter what but how do I handle this. I get no support, I ask him to just take a 15min walk and he won't. I want him to live past 55..i feel guilty wanting to go walk or do something when he's home cause all he wants to do it watch TV... Yea I used to buy now I get bored easier. Sorry that was so long but I needed to get that out. So anyone want to motivate each other?
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Replies

  • Penthesilea514
    Penthesilea514 Posts: 1,189 Member
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    88olds wrote: »

    You- do whatever you have to and keep going. Make sure there is plenty of readily available food that fits your plan.

    This is what I did- my husband was not very supportive, but over time and seeing my progress, he has started walking with me and cleaning up his diet. He kind of needed to come to the decision himself. It is frustrating, but stick with your plan and keep up the good work. Over time, that may be convincing enough. Good luck!
  • take2spicy
    take2spicy Posts: 296 Member
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    I'm sorry hun...I understand. Don't look to him for support right now for whatever reason he's not ready. Take care of yourself and maybe he will catch on.
  • trazter31
    trazter31 Posts: 51 Member
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    That makes it very difficult. Look to "us" for support because we are all in the same boat and trying very hard to get healthier. Nobody can lose weight or make any major changes until they "are ready". Your husband is not ready yet but you are so keep going for it!!
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    Hubby talks a good talk when it comes to fitness and thank goodness he likes my cooking (excepting the curries) but we have rarely been ambitious about fitness at the same time. It took two years for him to join me in the gym and he loves the treadmill better than the outdoors. Me, I pick sports that get me dirty.

    I think your hubby is ambivalent rather than unsupportive. He's not getting in your way at least.

    For sure he has not embraced the changes he needs to make for his own health. I'd hate for him to wait until he goes blind or loses a toe before he takes it seriously.
  • cdahl383
    cdahl383 Posts: 726 Member
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    If you keep it up, he'll likely come around. Most people need to come to the conclusion on their own to take action.
  • neilhoopy
    neilhoopy Posts: 280 Member
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    Hey well done for changing your lifestyle, never give up you can do it yourself, your husband will come round to it in his own time
  • Bex953172
    Bex953172 Posts: 4,073 Member
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    I've not even bothered my OH with it tbh.
    But even though he's said things like "you'll lose weight but you won't be really skinny" and offers me hundreds of time for chocolate or bits of pizza, I politely decline (a few times cause he asks over and over again)
    And he does take us out on long walks and buys the food I need too.

    I know if I just do what I'm doing and lead by example he may or may not follow suit.
    He's got to want to do it for himself, otherwise he won't do it.
    Its something you've got to do on your own

    But I second what a previous poster said, tell him just the once about your concerns then leave it.
  • distinctlybeautiful
    distinctlybeautiful Posts: 1,041 Member
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    I don't think you have any reason to feel guilty. Just as you're choosing not to stay and watch TV with him, he's choosing not to go out and walk with you. Y'all both just want to do different things, and as long as you two don't stop spending time together and are still connected, it's ok to do different things. As for the health part of it and your concern about him possibly not living as long as he could, I definitely think it's your place to voice your concerns. I don't necessarily think it will change his behavior, but you have a right to tell him how you feel, especially as you see it potentially having a huge consequence for your relationship.
  • Ironandwine69
    Ironandwine69 Posts: 2,432 Member
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    take2spicy wrote: »
    I'm sorry hun...I understand. Don't look to him for support right now for whatever reason he's not ready. Take care of yourself and maybe he will catch on.

    This.
  • ducky0520
    ducky0520 Posts: 13 Member
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    Thanks everyone. I keep telling myself just keep going, cook better and lead my teens by example.. I love the support here and motivation and so appreciate you.
  • arrghmatey1
    arrghmatey1 Posts: 91 Member
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    I am 57 and I was your like your husband for a very long time and you will just have to wait till he makes up his mind. I agree with a previous poster you can warn him and do it in a non confrontational way but then let it go.

    As far as your concerned just carry on even to the point of cooking separate food. I hope now to be around for my wife for many years. ;)
  • BlondeandBlue28
    BlondeandBlue28 Posts: 442 Member
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    I understand completely
  • jenstripl
    jenstripl Posts: 6 Member
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    I can completely relate. I have been in the same boat. DH has had no interest in a healthier lifestyle. After five months of me working my booty off and eating better I have lost 40 lbs on my own. I agree with @88olds. Mention it once, and then let it go. He has to make his own decisions in his own time. In my opinion, people have to find their own motivation within themselves and no amount of discussion, pressure, begging, or whatever will do it.

    Hugs!
  • Moxie42
    Moxie42 Posts: 1,400 Member
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    Generally speaking, I agree with what most people seem to say, about not being able to force another person to have the same goals as you, and sometimes having to just bite the bullet and tell yourself "No" when someone offers tempting things you are trying to avoid. Someone has to WANT to change.

    However, if you are honestly concerned about his health, I think that's a different story because that affects BOTH of you and your family. In that case, I would try to have an honest sit-down conversation about it and tell him you're truly worried about his health. Maybe mention activities you used to do together that you no longer can because of weight and health issues (hiking is a big motivator for my husband and I). Depeding on the severity of the situation, maybe even say you're worried that you're going to end up a young widow and that your kids will lose their father. It sounds harsh but if nothing else works and his life is truly in danger, it could be worth it. This worked for my best friend- her mom was severely obese for decades until my friend broke down in tears and said, "I want my children to grow up with grandparents." THAT hit home, and her mom ended up losing, and keeping off (for over 10 years now), over 150 lbs.

    Also, maybe ask WHY he doesn't want to try- maybe that's what really needs to be addressed. Is he worried he'll fail? Emotionally eating, and feeling like he "needs" that comfort? Etc.
  • starfruit132
    starfruit132 Posts: 291 Member
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    I would not keep asking him to eat better or go for walks. My dh was and is still much a healthier eater that me, but I always resented it when he would try to preach about what food I should eat. I already know what is healthy, and so does your dh most likely - it's hard to not hear it on TV or the internet. When I was on ww, he would always ask how many points something was when I was eating it. It got very intrusive and it made me want to hide my eating. Your dh will do it when he is ready - just let him know you support him when he is ready.
  • SCoil123
    SCoil123 Posts: 2,108 Member
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    I can relate. My husbands diet is horrible and I'm concerned. He has a lot of belly fat and his snoring and wheezing at night keeps getting worse. He enjoys working out but it isn't enough to undo everything he is taking in.

    I just encourage the work outs because I see it as a step towards being healthier and lead by example with my food choices.

    He keeps putting my food scale up and I just keep bringing it back out lol
  • Ann262
    Ann262 Posts: 265 Member
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    You have gotten alot of really good advice here. All I will say is that there have been times in my life where I was engaged in some very unhealthy habits. The WORST thing anyone could do..especially my other half... was to bug me to change those habits. That decision HAS to come from within. I do think 88olds advice to say something once and only once because he is your husband, you love him and don't want to lose him, is a good idea if you haven't done so already. Cooking healthy meals is the right thing to do. Keep doing what you are doing to take care of YOU.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    You decided to change your lifestyle a couple of months ago. You made a choice for you and you are happy about it. And that is fine. But then you want your dh to adopt your new lifestyle without him really having had a part in deciding what that should be like. It isn't something you sat down and planned out together on what you both wanted and needed. You are telling him.

    You are concerned he is not managing his health appropriately. That is valid. Go to him with your concern. Discuss all the options for managing diabetes. Listen to his concerns. Ask what he wants to do and support him. Maybe he needs smaller changes over time instead of a total lifestyle makeover. Maybe he needs to do some research before making some choices. Maybe he doesn't see the problem you see.

    You are both adults and different people. You don't have to approach weight loss or health management the same way. If he doesn't want to change anything back off and do your own thing.

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