Tenacity? Do I have it?

I have always thought of myself as fat and invisible. Looking back at childhood photos I've realized I wasn't. In high school I was a size 16, not thin, but not fat either. However, all I saw was fat and ugly. I became what I felt back then. Eating became my comfort. Sad, happy, bored, lonely, partying, you name it, food was my answer. The weight quickly piled on. By 20 I weighed close to 300 lbs. Then I lost about 80 pounds. I was going to college, working full time, and working out. I felt pretty good. Soon tragedy struck, as I'm sure we all have faced at some point in our lives, and I turned to food. I put the weight back on. Over the next 12 years I tried diet after diet to lose the weight. Nothing stuck. I was still active, playing basketball, tennis, and my job, but I continued to eat my emotions. This turned into a binge eating disorder. I am a binge eater. I'll go all day eating 200-300 calories, stop at the store on my way home from work and buy easily 3,000-5,000 calories of food. My go to's were; peanut butter, ice cream, Mac n Cheese, pizza, gushers, and chips. All processed food. Eventually all my binge eating caught up to me and the activities I loved became harder and harder. At 32 I weighed 351lbs. The list of things you are embarrassed to do or just can't do at 351 lbs is very long. You've heard a lot of them before, restaurant booths, airplanes, seat belts, tying your shoes, going on amusement park rides, being invisible, going to a movie, a play, football game, concert, sitting anywhere that wasn't familiar. All these things caused stress and anxiety. Everyone has their own secret struggle that they battle on a daily basis. My emotional binge eating was on display for all to see. You can't hide that you are fat, so instead I began to hide from the world. It was easier and far less stressful. Plus, I had my food to comfort me. Then at 33 something clicked and I began a diet that was successful. After 6 months I had lost 120lbs, I didn't recognize my self. I felt great physically. However, emotionally I was having a hard time. Once in my life prior to this weight loss I was told that I was beautiful. That man was killed by a drunk driver when I was 20. Now, that was all people were saying. I felt like a ghost that suddenly everyone was able to see. Didn't they see me before? Yes, I looked different, but I was still me. It was very unsettling. Is that really all people care about? Was it all I cared about? I craved the compliments, and feared them at the same time. I wanted to think I was more than that, but I put a lot of power in those people's words of confirmation.
Then it happened again. There was a death in my family, and my hair literally started to fall out. Big clumps every day in the shower. I was horrified. What did I do? Yes, sadly I turned back to food. Binge eating is an eating disorder. I was "sober", but not cured. With the loss of my aunt a deep depression set in. I felt like such a failure, when all I had done was gain 5 pounds. Instead of seeing that it was a small set back, I declared my self a failure, turned to my trusty companion, food, and wallowed. In a year and a half I put on 153lbs. Now at my heaviest I am again making a daily, life changing decision, to eat healthy and exercise. Most things in my life have me falling a few times prior to succeeding. My prayer is that this 47th(possible exaggeration) attempt will be the one that sticks. I've learned a lot of things through the 47 failures, maybe they were preparing me for what truly is the battle for my life.