Need help with motivation to lose weight

Missycvt
Missycvt Posts: 422 Member
edited November 19 in Health and Weight Loss
Hello. My name is Missy and I am 35 years old. I am 5'3 and I weigh 180. I have gained a considerable amount of weight (40 pounds) since 2012. My lowest weight as an adult was 136 in 2012, which is when I got married. I was very happy and proud to be at this healthy weight. I had 2 children back in 2000 and 2002. My highest weight after having them was 211. In 2010, I joined a gym and lowered my food portions and I lost 60 pounds in 2 years. When I re-married in 2012, I was at "my perfect weight" (136). Ever since I have been married I have become inactive (couch potato), eat excessively, smoke half a pack a day, and binge drink on the weekends. I have asked my husband to get me a gym membership but he refuses and thinks I will be "picked up" by someone at the gym. How can that be, first of all, at my weight? He tells me I'm beautiful and that he loves me for who I am no matter what. I feel that this encourages me to be more lazy.

So I do have a treadmill, elliptical and stationary bicycle here at home. I also have a resistance band and a couple sets of dumbbells 8lbs and 10lbs. I used to workout everyday in 2014, however I don't anymore. I feel that I may be depressed? I recently lost my grandfather and father. I want to get in shape, my self esteem has down-spiraled. I have been buying healthy foods like chicken, fish, broccoli, asparagus, fruit, etc. I don't work because again, my husband says he doesn't want me to. I do take classes online at my local community college so that is what keeps me busy. Currently I wasn't able to take classes this summer and I know that our summer vacation is coming up next month. I don't even want to go because my clothes doesn't even fit me and I am embarrassed of my family seeing that I have gained weight. I am out of breath just going upstairs to my room. I am afraid to work out excessively because of the lack of oxygen from smoking that can cause problems for me while working out. Please help me turn off my tv and get moving. What do I do?
Asking for a miracle...but I do need motivation.
Thank you for reading my letter...
-Missy

Sent from my iPhone

Replies

  • Missycvt
    Missycvt Posts: 422 Member
    Also, forgot to add that I feel like when I DO workout...my mind tells me I'm wasting my time. On Thursday I hopped on the treadmill for 20 minutes fast walking and I cried the whole time. My mind tells me I won't lose weight. Why is this happening?
  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
    You have to take a serious talk with your husband. Maybe couples counseling.
  • Missycvt
    Missycvt Posts: 422 Member
    I don't feel like we need couples counseling. We are genuinely happy.
  • Missycvt
    Missycvt Posts: 422 Member
    Yes it is suffering. So what can I do about the motivation?
  • Sunshine6909
    Sunshine6909 Posts: 108 Member
    Hi. I am a 45yr lady and am a couch potato also. At the begining of May I weighed 212 pounds and I am 5"1. My diet until then consisted of take aways a few times a week, cheesels, sweets & chocolate with home cooked meals in between including desserts like cheescake ice cream & soda. I don't work because of health issues & also get depressed.

    Starting in May, I decided I'd had enough as, among other things my blood pressure was rising. I lost a bit on my on my own & got stuck. Today is my 5th day on MFP & Im feeling good. Even doing 15-20mins exercise. The support & encoragement on here has been awesome! I now weigh 198 & I can see my clothes are fitting better.

    One day at a time, chip away, you can do it. All you have to do is start! :-)
  • Missycvt
    Missycvt Posts: 422 Member
    Thank you! What kind of exercise do you recommend?
  • bethany_rose8
    bethany_rose8 Posts: 102 Member
    I think the first thing you need to do is speak to your doctor about counselling, be really honest with your counsellor about your life and your relationship and once you become happier, you will begin to stop doing the things that are holding you back
  • bethany_rose8
    bethany_rose8 Posts: 102 Member
    My other tips didn't come up? That's weird. I would recommend bodyweight strength training you can do at home: knee push ups, squats, glute bridges, bird dog, superman, lying leg raises, planks (google anything you don't know) lunging or incline walking on the treadmill, and walking outside always clears my head
  • Sunshine6909
    Sunshine6909 Posts: 108 Member
    I dont think I have a great knowledge of exercise, but give it time & im sure someone will have a good answer for you. Sounds like you have plenty of equipment, just make a start, even if its only a few minutes.

    I read through other peoples questions on MFP and someone had suggested Walk a Mile at home on Utube. Good if you don't want to leave the house. Just 15 mins. My first time I felt really unco & puffed, but I did it. Each day is getting easier & I know ive done something... Ill do more when I can.
  • Missycvt
    Missycvt Posts: 422 Member
    Thank you for your feedback. Now to get off the couch. :(
  • Missycvt
    Missycvt Posts: 422 Member
    bethany_rose8 wrote: »
    My other tips didn't come up? That's weird. I would recommend bodyweight strength training you can do at home: knee push ups, squats, glute bridges, bird dog, superman, lying leg raises, planks (google anything you don't know) lunging or incline walking on the treadmill, and walking outside always clears my head

    Thank you Bethany! Very sweet.
  • Missycvt
    Missycvt Posts: 422 Member
    Sunshine6909 wrote: »
    I dont think I have a great knowledge of exercise, but give it time & im sure someone will have a good answer for you. Sounds like you have plenty of equipment, just make a start, even if its only a few minutes.

    I read through other peoples questions on MFP and someone had suggested Walk a Mile at home on Utube. Good if you don't want to leave the house. Just 15 mins. My first time I felt really unco & puffed, but I did it. Each day is getting easier & I know ive done something... Ill do more when I can.

    Thank you Sunshine! Very nice of you.

  • Missycvt
    Missycvt Posts: 422 Member
    NettieBess wrote: »
    Missy, you seriously need to speak to your husband. Would he join a gym with you? Could you exercise together at home? You say he's worried that someone might 'pick you up' at a gym. That doesn't say much for his trust in you. Sorry but I've been married to someone like that for 30 years. I've come to accept that it's just his way and that if I want to do anything for myself then I have to do it without his input. But I spent 20 years being so depressed that all I did was sit in the corner of the sofa sleeping all day. Afraid to do anything in case he disliked it. Not afraid of him, he'd never hurt me, but just fearful. It was all in my head (but it still felt very real) and caused severe depression. Talk to your husband and sort something out. I hope it all works out for you.

    Thank you for your kind words. He is actually really good to me. I may have made it sound like he's controlling. Perhaps he is? I just think he has spoiled me and I got too comfortable, and so I gained weight. Yeah I wish he would work out with me, it would be motivational to do it together since we do everything else together. We have talked about it and even talked about getting a gym membership together. But of course it gets put off. We love to go out to eat and watch movies. This is probably something we need to cut back on. He is very self conscious about his weight as well.
  • elliej
    elliej Posts: 466 Member
    Hi Missy, motivation to do these things can only come from you. You walked on the treadmill for 20 minutes? That is not nothing and not a waste of time, every minute you are active you are doing good things for your body and making positive changes to your health. Well done for that!

    With regard to your husband, I appreciate that you want to protect him, but from the two examples you have given he sounds like he is very controlling. This may work for you both generally but be careful that it doesn't slip into something that makes you unhappy. He can be 'the man' but also be supportive, encouraging and flexible, that's literally his job as a husband.

    By stopping you going to the gym or getting a job he is negatively impacting your health - that's not okay. I would revisit the gym membership idea or discuss hiring a female personal trainer, there are some who will come to your home. Unless you don't want to work I would look into some part time work out of home, it gives you a routine and a reason to get moving every day, great for your physical and mental health.
  • cloggsy71
    cloggsy71 Posts: 2,208 Member
    If you're not motivated to do it for yourself, then you will not achieve. Whatever you do, it must be for you and you alone. You don't necessarily need a gym membership; walking/jogging etc. don't need gym memberships for. Getting out in the fresh air is a good tonic.
  • joeysgirl10
    joeysgirl10 Posts: 106 Member
    i just started a new challenge its called fit, healthy, happy (june 12-september 12) feel free to join... its a supportive safe place to be!
  • vivelajackie
    vivelajackie Posts: 321 Member
    I think on a mental standpoint I'd be miserable without some form of routine. For many, that's having a job and then scheduling things around it. Strangely, hubs won't let you have one or the gym. You said it yourself, he may be motivating you to stay the same because he sounds a bit insecure. I'm definitely not saying that to be mean and pick on a guy, but it's what it sounds like. After all, he's denying you gym and work to keep off the droves of men that will make advances... (He understands you CAN tell them you're married right?)

    Motivation has to come from within. You've got a decent set up at home and getting outside for walks would free up your mind. Good exercise. Look up recipes that are within your calories and try something new. Take time for you. You can do this. Once you're happier with your HEALTH maybe the husband will jump on the bandwagon and be more secure, and if he isn't? There needs to be a talk. You love him. By improving your health you get to love him longer!
  • janjunie
    janjunie Posts: 1,200 Member
    What about a women's only gym?
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    I agree that he seems controlling to me. That being said, we can't help you with motivation... it has to come from yourself.

    Treadmill being useless? Log your food, log your work out, you'll notice that you get to eat more... it's far from useless. One hour on the treadmill gives me an extra 300 calories to eat and it definitely helps when you have a hard time getting your diet in control. You absolutely don't need a gym membership, especially when you're at home all day with all that equipment... stop using it as an excuse not to exercise.

    That being said, if you're really lazy and don't want to exercise, you don't have to, just log your food and eat less than you burn (it's just much easier to do when you're active).

    For what it's worth, I'm a stay at home mom with kids at school for another 2 weeks, and I spend at least 2 hours a day on the treadmill and/or walking around every day. It does help with my mood and I feel like I'm actually doing something positive with my time, instead of just browsing the web or watching tv (although I watch tv shows on the treadmill too).

    But the healthiest thing you can do right now is stop smoking.
  • Silentpadna
    Silentpadna Posts: 1,306 Member
    Hi Missy. I can't tell you whether a gym membership is the answer for you or not, but it doesn't have to be. But in any case, I would recommend something easy to start. Walk! It is truly a wonder exercise. I'm 54 and always had trouble losing weight. When I incorporated walking, it was like magic - not specifically for weight loss, but for other benefits - including mood. I do other things too, but if there is nothing else, I just move. It does 2 very important things: 1) It works wonders for for calorie burn if you elevate your heart rate even a little while doing it and 2) when you move more, it raises your metabolism to help you move even more.

    That alone won't lose weight for you if you are not in a caloric deficit. Neither would gym membership or exercising until you're exhausted. So the other big recommendation is to find out how much you eat currently and how much you burn (your TDEE) and find out where you stand. If you burn more energy than you eat, you will lose weight. Or, you can input your stats into MFP and they will give you a goal to eat based on your weight loss goal. I highly recommend you do not go with the most aggressive goal - even if your body can handle it. With the self-esteem issues you mention, that may be too aggressive for you. It's a recipe for crashing and burning. That's only my friendly opinion and I could be wrong. Only you can decide, but starting off with goals you can reach and handle is a big deal. Also, if and when you start working on the weight loss, don't make any decisions based on scale weight for at least 4-6 weeks. Your weight will fluctuate and the scale is not a true representation of what's happening in the short term.
  • DEBOO7
    DEBOO7 Posts: 245 Member
    The desire to change comes from within. It's not about what a partner does or doesn't want... it's about you, how you feel about yourself, it's your journey. If you want it bad enough you'll do what's needed - it's a lifestyle change, don't treat it as a diet as that's really a temporary change of eating.
    There's plenty of support on MFP and there are also Facebook groups.
    Make small changes that you can stick to, and keep adding the changes.
    It takes quite a while to build new habits.
    Good luck with your journey.
  • EmbeeKay
    EmbeeKay Posts: 249 Member
    edited June 2017
    Ok, a few things-

    I don't have (nor do I plan to get) a gym membership. It's easier, cheaper, more convenient for me to work out at home, and on top of that, you don't even need to exercise to lose weight. If you do want to exercise, there are countless free/paid options for working out at home, and walking outside can be so enjoyable this time of year.

    I like these (free) 13 YouTube workouts a LOT- https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=j4v7vnw-E7M

    Secondly, your husband telling you that you're beautiful, and that he loves you just the way you are, is not an excuse "to be more lazy." Now, I don't know if he's controlling or if you need counseling or whatever, but (and I say this with kindness and support having been here most of my adult life) it sounds like you are placing blame and making excuses when the only place to find motivation is within yourself.

    You are a beautiful and valuable human being no matter what you weigh, but if you want to lose weight, start tracking your calories and eating less than you burn using this app. It's not always easy but it is simple. Good luck to you!
  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,179 Member
    My 20-yo daughter says "Get a job at Arby's, I lost 15 lb with all that running around."
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