Weight Management & Mental Health

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dredzone71
dredzone71 Posts: 16 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi, Everyone!

I'm new here but wanted to try to start a discussion on this topic in case anyone else was having trouble. First, let me start by saying that I have struggled with weight AND mental health most of my life. I am also social worker and counselor. Having said that, I think it's important to recognize the additional challenges in losing weight and staying motivated when physically, emotionally and/or mentally ill.

Speaking only for myself, (I have depression and BPD among other things), consistency is the most difficult to master. I get very determined and focused on getting healthier and becoming more active, only to have that dark, inner voice tell me it is impossible, or that I will fail. Now, of course, everyone gets discouraged when trying to change their lifestyle, but there is an added layer with these types of illnesses that seem to highlight those negative thoughts.

It is not my intention to soap-box, as many of you undoubtedly know exactly what I'm talking about. However, if you find that your internal struggles are adding to your 'battle of the bulge', please feel free to jump in on this conversation, add me as a friend or just reach out to me by message! I'd love to chat, share stories and experiences, and just try to be there for one another.

Thanks for stopping and by and listening for a moment. :smile:

Replies

  • DannyYMi54321
    DannyYMi54321 Posts: 77 Member
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    Yes, of course having something trying to smash you down 24/7/365 is going to make fitness harder - it makes everything harder. I'm trying to be less concerned about "who thinks I'm crazy" and more open about admitting what I went through and still go through. There was a lot of domestic violence, dysfunctional relationships, drama, instability in my household growing up. My father had severe mental health issues, looking back, I can see that he was victimized by his mother, who probably was victimized by someone from a prior generation, and so on.

    Fortunately, I had the sense to stop it here, I have a large set of problems, officially PTSD and dysthymia (low-grade chronic depression), more accurately CPTSD (not officially recognized yet, but no doubt it will be) but I can proudly say I recognized how wrong what was done to me was, at a very early age, and vowed NEVER to treat anyone the way I was treated - which included being beaten, raped and fondled, forced to watch him perform various deviants acts, threatened with knives and guns, emotional abuse of a pretty extreme nature which included extreme perfectionism/extreme criticism of every thing I did - I had to be "perfect" or else there was Hell to pay.

    That legacy makes it really hard for me. I'm easily frustrated. I have a lot of physical illnesses that may or may not be psychosomatic in origin, or at least maybe I feel the effects of them more because of the history - for example, it's pretty "physical" that I have asthma, I doubt that my mental state is going to change my ability to breath or influence what substances in the environment make it hard for me to breath, and the changes in my lung function are quantifiable and measurable with equipment, but ... there are days when I'm short of breath, dizzy, whatever and I know it's also very strongly correlated to my moods and state of mind - and no amount of albuterol, symbicort, singulair or sudafed is going to make it that heavy, breathless feeling completely go away.

    I also CONSTANTLY compare myself and my performance to other people in my boot camp, the bike club I used to belong to, etc. And, of course, because of the legacy of the abuse, good is never good enough, great is never adequate, and perfect, if I could achieve it, still wouldn't be good enough if I plated it in all of the gold I'd get by melting down every one of Michael Phelp's Olympic medals. So then I fall into this dark pit of despair, where I have these waves of panic and think, WTF am I doing here, I don't belong, I'm a fraud, a joke, a piece of crap ... you get it, no doubt.

    Then, there is my weight. He LOVED to torment me about my weight, my food choices, etc. So, I grew up yo yo dieting between thin, heavy, normal - I have pictures from each stage of school, elementary, middle and high school, where I'm fat, where I'm thin, where I'm normal. In college, I put on a ton of weight - then lost a ton of weight - then put on a ton of weight - then lost a ton of weight. As a young man in my 20s, I had a phase where I was uber-sensitive about my appearance, weight, and health, and I took up a lot of GREAT habits - healthy food, running, cycling, hiking - and I was absolutely at the healthiest I'd ever been. Then I had a great crash and fell into depression and let that all go to Hell, and spent most of my 30s and 40s yo yo ing, going back and forth between the latest diet fads and living out of drive through windows and on junk food 24/7. And, to back up all of that - more than my fair share of bulimic phases, where I would binge out on tons of junk food, and then swallow down large handfulls of OTC laxatives and mix in diuretics, hardcore prescription diuretics when I could get them - and spend nights in agony curled up on the bathroom floor feeling like I was going to die, and promising God I "never again" because it felt so terrible - and then do it all over again a week later or whatever.

    Yeah, been there, done that. I'm still quite frequently depressed, I have a lot of suicidal thoughts, very specific and very vivid, and I'm basically a walking train wreck. But at least I'm still walking.
  • dredzone71
    dredzone71 Posts: 16 Member
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    It is important to acknowledge that your "still walking" and still standing, so congrats! You've been through a LOT! It definitely makes things more challenging, and so I thought it was important to recognize that. It's like no one wants to talk about it. I'm certainly not saying that everyone who struggles with weight has a mental health issue, (though some might argue that), but we've all heard about people who 'stress eat', or 'eat their feelings' or overindulge in 'comfort foods'. As a society, we recognize how people can self-medicate with alcohol or drugs or gambling or a whole slew of other unhealthy practices, but we tend not to have the same compassion for those who use food as a coping mechanism, or where food is part of an underlying condition. What's more, (and I do NOT mean to trivialize any of the aforementioned addictions/abuses), all of those can be treated through programs of abstinence. You can not abstain from food - ever!

    My point is simply that it's complicated...as most things are, when it comes to people, and I think we should say so and lend each other our support in dealing with this added complication in the already difficult task of changing our lifestyles by way of food and exercise.

    And thank you, Danny, for sharing such a profound and intimate pain. It is appreciated.
  • jcummings6
    jcummings6 Posts: 72 Member
    edited June 2017
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    I really love this post. I do not have a diagnosed mental health issue (well unless I've been diagnosed as a codependent maybe). I have been and continue to be in a 12 step program for this and I've learned that I've used food to stuff my feelings. There have been studies regarding sugar as an addictive chemical. It makes us feel temporarily good so when I'm emotional I crave it. This weight loss journey has really taught me a lot about myself. I've had occasional food binges and they have more to do with my emotional state than anything else. I truly believe that when I focus on self love and cultivating a spiritual relationship I'm in a better place mentally to tackle my relationship with food. Ok...now that I put my thoughts out there I want a cupcake! Lol. I'm going to make a tea instead and write myself a love letter. ❤
  • tweetiepolarbear
    tweetiepolarbear Posts: 4 Member
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    I have mental issues and really struggling to keep losing. I've lost about 60 lbs so far but been maintainin the past 3-4months. I get so frustrated with maintainine that that lil voice tells me see u can lose it , etc. I also have bad needs so I gotta be careful on what excerise I'm doing. I trying to keep going but I just feel like I'm failing at it.
    I have scitzoaffictive with bI polar tendencies, ptsd,anxiety, social anxiety, self harm . I'm just trying to be healthy and happy.
  • Msmjbee84
    Msmjbee84 Posts: 10 Member
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    I too have a mood disorder, and I just thought it was me with the dark/self deprecating thoughts. When I turned 30, I decided my life needed an overhaul after years of codependence. Got myself to therapy, started eating clean & working out 6 days/wk. Telling myself this new me would last and that I wouldn't let anything or anyone bring me down.

    Now 32, I've gained 40lbs back. The dark voice says "told you, this is who you really are." I'm 8 months away from getting married to a worderful man, who doesn't care about the extra lbs & tells me I'm beautiful everyday. But thisisn't me; the weight represents years of denial and self-hate that I thought I had shed for good through self-love and building healthy habits...but since November I can't seem to get back into the groove. SO glad to hear that I'm not alone. That helps a lot.
  • dredzone71
    dredzone71 Posts: 16 Member
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    Msmjbee, it is so normal to think that way and to be bitterly disappointed when you slip backward, believe me. However, please try to remember that while you can certainly change your eating & exercise habits, the mental illness isn't something that is cured....much like any addiction or some diseases, you can find TREATMENT, but there is no cure. It is an on-going struggle that will be our companion throughout our life. I know that may seem daunting, but in the long run, it actually makes you even stronger.

    And most importantly, you are not alone. We're here...people from all walks of life trying to walk this marathon with similare 'weights tied to our feet'. Keep that in mind, ok? Each individual success is a success for all of us. :)
  • Msmjbee84
    Msmjbee84 Posts: 10 Member
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    <3
  • Byronic_Ryu
    Byronic_Ryu Posts: 176 Member
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    DannyYMi54321 wrote: »
    Yes, of course having something trying to smash you down 24/7/365 is going to make fitness harder - it makes everything harder. I'm trying to be less concerned about "who thinks I'm crazy" and more open about admitting what I went through and still go through. There was a lot of domestic violence, dysfunctional relationships, drama, instability in my household growing up. My father had severe mental health issues, looking back, I can see that he was victimized by his mother, who probably was victimized by someone from a prior generation, and so on.

    Fortunately, I had the sense to stop it here, I have a large set of problems, officially PTSD and dysthymia (low-grade chronic depression), more accurately CPTSD (not officially recognized yet, but no doubt it will be) but I can proudly say I recognized how wrong what was done to me was, at a very early age, and vowed NEVER to treat anyone the way I was treated - which included being beaten, raped and fondled, forced to watch him perform various deviants acts, threatened with knives and guns, emotional abuse of a pretty extreme nature which included extreme perfectionism/extreme criticism of every thing I did - I had to be "perfect" or else there was Hell to pay.

    That legacy makes it really hard for me. I'm easily frustrated. I have a lot of physical illnesses that may or may not be psychosomatic in origin, or at least maybe I feel the effects of them more because of the history - for example, it's pretty "physical" that I have asthma, I doubt that my mental state is going to change my ability to breath or influence what substances in the environment make it hard for me to breath, and the changes in my lung function are quantifiable and measurable with equipment, but ... there are days when I'm short of breath, dizzy, whatever and I know it's also very strongly correlated to my moods and state of mind - and no amount of albuterol, symbicort, singulair or sudafed is going to make it that heavy, breathless feeling completely go away.

    I also CONSTANTLY compare myself and my performance to other people in my boot camp, the bike club I used to belong to, etc. And, of course, because of the legacy of the abuse, good is never good enough, great is never adequate, and perfect, if I could achieve it, still wouldn't be good enough if I plated it in all of the gold I'd get by melting down every one of Michael Phelp's Olympic medals. So then I fall into this dark pit of despair, where I have these waves of panic and think, WTF am I doing here, I don't belong, I'm a fraud, a joke, a piece of crap ... you get it, no doubt.

    Then, there is my weight. He LOVED to torment me about my weight, my food choices, etc. So, I grew up yo yo dieting between thin, heavy, normal - I have pictures from each stage of school, elementary, middle and high school, where I'm fat, where I'm thin, where I'm normal. In college, I put on a ton of weight - then lost a ton of weight - then put on a ton of weight - then lost a ton of weight. As a young man in my 20s, I had a phase where I was uber-sensitive about my appearance, weight, and health, and I took up a lot of GREAT habits - healthy food, running, cycling, hiking - and I was absolutely at the healthiest I'd ever been. Then I had a great crash and fell into depression and let that all go to Hell, and spent most of my 30s and 40s yo yo ing, going back and forth between the latest diet fads and living out of drive through windows and on junk food 24/7. And, to back up all of that - more than my fair share of bulimic phases, where I would binge out on tons of junk food, and then swallow down large handfulls of OTC laxatives and mix in diuretics, hardcore prescription diuretics when I could get them - and spend nights in agony curled up on the bathroom floor feeling like I was going to die, and promising God I "never again" because it felt so terrible - and then do it all over again a week later or whatever.

    Yeah, been there, done that. I'm still quite frequently depressed, I have a lot of suicidal thoughts, very specific and very vivid, and I'm basically a walking train wreck. But at least I'm still walking.

    I went through very similar circumstances/trauma and am permanently disabled because of what happened to me. It started when I was baby and stopped when I was 23. I'm 25 now, going onto 26 in about a week. I am suicidal in general and already have about 6 attempts under my belt. I am starting the beginning of PTSD (I have C-PTSD too) treatment and will be meeting with my providers and therapists later today. They are trying to keep me alive but I honestly feel I will be lucky if I reach past 30. You say that you are walking train wreck but that you are at least walking. From your perspective, is life meaningful and worth it enough to stick around in general? Right now, I am sticking around for my disabled elderly (he's 15) pet but other than that, there isn't much in my life that makes me think, "Yes, I want to be here.".

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