Someone taught my toddler the s-word (skinny).

What is wrong with skinny? It's an adjective like fat, tall, short, etc.

Treating "skinny" as a negative term is no different than treating "fat" negatively. Any negative connotations are most likely internalized. I think it's great to send positive messages, the way you did, emphasizing her body's abilities rather than encouraging self esteem based solely on physical appearance, but children do tend to be very literal and call it like they see it. To her, calling her legs skinny is simply an observation.

And yes, I have had a similar experience but at the other end of the spectrum. My son has Asperger's, and says whatever pops into his head. He is extremely bright and forthright about his observations (more so than typical children ) He is often vocal about physical differences whatever they may be (height, weight, race, ethnicity, etc.) and has made more than one remark in public that to him was an observation, but could have been easily misinterpreted by bystanders. Learning to navigate conversations with him was enlightening, and prepared me for the day he saw a weight loss pill commercial and turned to me and said, "Mommy, you need that because you are fat." In his mind he wasn't attaching emotional significance to the statement or the term "fat", and it was at this moment of uninhibited honesty from my 7 year old that I realized I needed to face the reality other people saw in me every day.

I think it's great that you are teaching your daughter body-positive messages. Please remember that "skinny" can be positive too!

I'm a survivor of verbal abuse among many other things so believe me when I say, I know how much words can hurt. At the same time though, if we are constantly attaching negative connotations to words that are not inherently negative, it does nothing but to limit our vocabulary and create issues where there are none.

So then why not teach that the word is positive. This all makes no sense. You don't want your child to be ashamed of being skinny, so you teach her that it is wrong to associate with being skinny? Wat. Skinny is an adjective. The only negative or positive implications are put there internally.


Even skinny ones!

I love how you handled this! You affirmed your daughter's strength, and you also didn't shame the word "skinny," just turned it in a different direction. With girl-children it is a slippery slope with body image adjectives. She will have people in her life who are skinny, so making it a negative is problematic.

For me, "skinny" CAN veer into the realm of weight shame, eating disorders, and the privilege of the princess.

Affirming girls' strength and intelligence is so so so vital.

But, I have a boy-child and he's got a whole different set of adjectives to deal with.

MessyApron wrote: »

@Geocitiesuser You seem to be operating under the misunderstanding that I'm maligning a body type and glorifying another. To further clarify, I haven't told her that skinny or fat or any of the other adjectives you've used are "bad," and I have no intention of demonizing them either.

I personally like what you did. You told her she had strong legs and emphasised why she needs strong legs. Whether you like the word skinny or not is your personal preference. On balance, i would always encourage my kids to be "strong" as opposed to "skinny".

Well done you