Sabotaging Co-Worker

katydougherty
katydougherty Posts: 29 Member
edited November 19 in Introduce Yourself
Newbie here. I am on anti-depressants which it is a proven fact they can pack the weight on. I got fat one other time (not quite as big as I am now), but went off the meds and the weight just kind of fell off. I had to make a choice-fat and happy or skinny and depressed. As bad as I hate being fat, I hate the depression worse. After trying dieting a few times and failing telling myself I didn't care, I recently found my motivation. My sister whom I just recently started speaking to again, had lost 30 lbs. since I last saw her which I think was around Christmas. I said to myself, if she can do it, so can I. Fast forward 5 weeks and I've lost 14.2 lbs. I am a VERY picky eater and it's hard to diet when I don't eat the normal diet foods other people eat (nothing green). I eat 1200 or less calories a day and I try to do 10 miles a day on the recumbent bike and I have some 5 lb weights I lift overhead about 50 per arm a day and sometimes a few sit ups (HATE sit ups lol). I started at 203 and would like to get to 140-150, so still a long way to go. I have a co-worker that is also fat (but she's short too-I'm 5'7") that is purposely trying to sabotage my diet. She brought in sweets THREE times in a week and repeatedly asked me if I wanted some. Then she tells me she's lost more weight than I have, but she's eating sweets and doesn't work out. Really???? Any advice would be helpful.

Replies

  • livingleanlivingclean
    livingleanlivingclean Posts: 11,751 Member
    14.2 lbs in 5 weeks is a significant amount - you could likely eat more, and still have a decent rate of loss. (what does mfp give you to lose 2lbs a week?)

    1200 cals a day is the minimum you should be eating, you should eat at least that much and then add exercise cals on top. Losing fast may seem like a grand idea, but inadequate macro and micro nutrition is a recipe for disaster and potential health issues.

    In regards to other offering food, just say no. It gets easier the more you do it - if they feign disappointment, know that you're doing the right thing for you! That said, you can include "fun" food in your calorie allotment and still lose weight. It comes down to calories at the end of the day - if you want to include a small piece of chocolate, it's not going to derail your weight loss effort as long as you account for it.
  • katydougherty
    katydougherty Posts: 29 Member
    The funny thing is that this co-worker always talks about how healthy she eats. Nothing fried, lots of greens, organic, etc., but she does have a sweet tooth. She weights around 200 lbs but is under 5' I think. She eats HUGE meals and snacks often. She use to occasionally bring sweets to work--once a month at most, but THREE times in a week after she learned I had lost weight and she even texted me a picture of a pie she made then brought it to work the next day. She KNOWS I am on a diet and I did politely decline every time, then she tried to invite me to lunch when she knows I go home every day to see my dog (and she does the same). Just pure evil. She's one of these people that knows everything about everything and constantly tells me how I should diet and what I should be eating, etc., but doesn't follow her own advice. She is actually helping me by being this way because I know in the end I will have results.
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
    So how dependent are you on the good will of this coworker? Repeated offers of the same food when you have already explained you are on a diet falls over a line into deliberate rudeness. I'd be tempted to ask her why she's doing that. Or you could try a big smile and "Wow, you seem really desperate to see me fail!"

    No seriously that is probably not what you should do, listen to the other people on the thread, who are grown-ups.
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    katydougherty wrote: »
    Newbie here. I am on anti-depressants which it is a proven fact they can pack the weight on. I got fat one other time (not quite as big as I am now), but went off the meds and the weight just kind of fell off. I had to make a choice-fat and happy or skinny and depressed. As bad as I hate being fat, I hate the depression worse. After trying dieting a few times and failing telling myself I didn't care, I recently found my motivation. My sister whom I just recently started speaking to again, had lost 30 lbs. since I last saw her which I think was around Christmas. I said to myself, if she can do it, so can I. Fast forward 5 weeks and I've lost 14.2 lbs. I am a VERY picky eater and it's hard to diet when I don't eat the normal diet foods other people eat (nothing green). I eat 1200 or less calories a day and I try to do 10 miles a day on the recumbent bike and I have some 5 lb weights I lift overhead about 50 per arm a day and sometimes a few sit ups (HATE sit ups lol). I started at 203 and would like to get to 140-150, so still a long way to go. I have a co-worker that is also fat (but she's short too-I'm 5'7") that is purposely trying to sabotage my diet. She brought in sweets THREE times in a week and repeatedly asked me if I wanted some. Then she tells me she's lost more weight than I have, but she's eating sweets and doesn't work out. Really???? Any advice would be helpful.

    I see a few things that I would like to address here:

    1) Antidepressants can have many different effects one of which makes you more likely to eat too much, thereby gaining weight. It is not a guarantee that you will gain weight with them, and it is not directly because of the medication itself, but related to side effects. The good thing about this is that it means you can lose weight while taking antidepressants. Change your mindset here. It will do you wonders.

    2) 14.2 lbs in 5 weeks is pretty rapid loss, but the first couple weeks are usually pretty fast due to shifts in water weight rather than fat loss, so you should be looking at about 2lb/week now at the most. Losing faster than that has a list of possible health impacts including: greater than need be muscle loss, difficulties concentrating, dizziness, lethargy, weakness, gallstones, thinning hair, loss of libido, brittle nails, etc. So keep an eye on how fast you are losing. It is worth ensuring you get to your goal healthy. If you continue to lose quickly, eat a bit more.

    3) As for your co-worker. I have a couple additional questions which will determine the response. If your coworker has always brought sweets and offered them to you, but you are just noticing this now because you are working on losing weight, then I agree that you will need to continue to be firm with her until she gets the idea. If this is not new behaviour for her, but you are now finding it bothersome, I would hesitate to call it sabotage. Don't discuss your diet though, you don't need excuses for saying no. When she offers just simply say "no thank you, I don't want it." When you say "I'm on a diet" it opens a conversation for the rest of your post. Shut it down with a simple "no."

    4) She could very well be eating sweets and losing weight. I personally was able to lose weight while fitting in some ice cream or a beer nightly, as have many others. Losing weight doesn't have to be about suffering and deprivation.
  • katydougherty
    katydougherty Posts: 29 Member
    This co-worker is supposed to be my friend and for a while we got kind of close, but then they hired a third person in our little office space and it seems like anytime someone else comes in the picture she treats me like crap. She's from NY (I'm in FL) and maybe they're just naturally rude, but she says some pretty hateful things sometimes and I've gotten to where I don't say much to her unless she speaks first.
  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    katydougherty wrote: »
    This co-worker is supposed to be my friend and for a while we got kind of close, but then they hired a third person in our little office space and it seems like anytime someone else comes in the picture she treats me like crap. She's from NY (I'm in FL) and maybe they're just naturally rude, but she says some pretty hateful things sometimes and I've gotten to where I don't say much to her unless she speaks first.

    Doesn't sound like much of a friend, in my opinion. I'm sorry. Add some people here for motivation and support. Surround yourself with people who want you to success. Honestly, don't talk about it at work. It will make your life easier.

    rheddmobile wrote: »
    So how dependent are you on the good will of this coworker? Repeated offers of the same food when you have already explained you are on a diet falls over a line into deliberate rudeness. I'd be tempted to ask her why she's doing that. Or you could try a big smile and "Wow, you seem really desperate to see me fail!"

    No seriously that is probably not what you should do, listen to the other people on the thread, who are grown-ups.

    My inner passive-aggressive jerk thinks: take the item thank her, and then throw it in the trash in front of her, then dump something gross over it (coffee grounds or something you don't want to eat) that will stick to it. After a few incidents like that she'll back off.
  • katydougherty
    katydougherty Posts: 29 Member
    nutmegoreo wrote: »
    katydougherty wrote: »
    This co-worker is supposed to be my friend and for a while we got kind of close, but then they hired a third person in our little office space and it seems like anytime someone else comes in the picture she treats me like crap. She's from NY (I'm in FL) and maybe they're just naturally rude, but she says some pretty hateful things sometimes and I've gotten to where I don't say much to her unless she speaks first.

    Doesn't sound like much of a friend, in my opinion. I'm sorry. Add some people here for motivation and support. Surround yourself with people who want you to success. Honestly, don't talk about it at work. It will make your life easier.

    rheddmobile wrote: »
    So how dependent are you on the good will of this coworker? Repeated offers of the same food when you have already explained you are on a diet falls over a line into deliberate rudeness. I'd be tempted to ask her why she's doing that. Or you could try a big smile and "Wow, you seem really desperate to see me fail!"

    No seriously that is probably not what you should do, listen to the other people on the thread, who are grown-ups.

    My inner passive-aggressive jerk thinks: take the item thank her, and then throw it in the trash in front of her, then dump something gross over it (coffee grounds or something you don't want to eat) that will stick to it. After a few incidents like that she'll back off.

    LOL I would love to be able to have the nerve to do something like that, but I know her well enough that if I did that she would cause a scene about me wasting food. This happened once before. She brought in this awful pumpkin bread (knowing I told her I don't like it), she lied and told me it was banana nut bread that she knew I liked. I knew it wasn't banana nut bread because my mom has made that my whole life. She kept pushing it off on me, so instead of hurting her feelings, I took it. That wasn't enough she pushed the whole loaf off on me (this was before I was dieting). I took it home and threw it away, but made her think I ate it (to spare her feelings). Then her and another co-worker laughed at how I liked the bread when it was pumpkin bread and I said I had actually thrown it away and she got so angry. She thinks she is the best cook in the world and I've yet to have eaten anything I thought was good and most not edible, but like I said I am a picky eater. Her constantly trying to force me to eat things I don't like is why I am the way I am now. I had people force me to eat things when I was little to the point of me throwing up and I said when I got grown I would eat what I wanted. I don't like being forced to eat things I don't like, nor do I like being lied to. Yes, I know there are some psychological issues there, but I didn't ask her to eat things she doesn't like, so I don't know why she tries to force me. She also tells me I buy too much stuff and should donate belongings I don't want to. I mean, seriously, wtf is wrong with her?

  • amysteri
    amysteri Posts: 197 Member
    Based on what you've told I think you need to learn to say "No"
    say No to your co-worker offering all these food
    and say No to yourself from eating the food

  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    Sounds like you need to learn to stand up for yourself. She's no friend. She's just a jerk.
  • katydougherty
    katydougherty Posts: 29 Member
    Saying No is a big problem of mine, but I told her NO 2 times then she still asked me a third time and said, "You sureeee you don't want a piece--you can have a cheat day." So she knows I am dieting and is just being a B. I can take a lot, but when I reach that breaking point it will be something bad. I'll either say or do something I will regret. Luckily, the job I am in is a Project Administrator for a construction company, so in the next week or two, my boss and I and a few others will be going out to the jobsite for 2 years. The only time I will see her is when they have luncheons, parties and the annual weekend workshop so if I can just hold out a little longer, I will be fine. Thanks for all the support guys. It really means a lot.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 18,345 Member
    I'm usually pretty on the fence on these types of questions, but this woman sounds like a bit of a cow. I agree that say "no" with no further conversation is the best way to go, if you try to justify your refusal she will just see it as a crack in your armour.

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