Time to admit: I'm having a problem

yirara
yirara Posts: 9,933 Member
edited July 2017 in Health and Weight Loss
I'm starting this thread because I'm having a problem, and it might hold me accountable.
    Since the end of last year
  • My husband has left me.
  • My mother was diagnosed with cancer and died in March in a very gruesome way I'm still trying to get to terms with
  • I'm in need of more money than I make at the moment with this PhD project, which I utterly love - and I cannot find qualified work that pays better and don't have the guts to start anything completely new building on previous experience (probably project management I guess).
  • I have lots of health issues, and I wish my GP would finally refer me to a specialist instead of doing more and more blood tests. I'm completely depleted in magnesium, and even taking a quadruple dose for several months does nothing other than improve symptoms for a few hours. My iron is going down despite taking the same supplement that I've been taking for ages to keep my levels up somewhat. My calcium looks poor as well. Albumin has been low for at least three years, when I first got flareups of breathing problems that might be somehow related to the above. Or not. Nobody knows. It's just so frustrating.
  • Plus I'm so low in energy, frequently crash into what feels like hypogrycemia and my muscles are so weak. I can have a full English and would be hungry again after an hour of walking. All blood sugar tests you can think of have always been fine. Thus no idea. Doing strength training does improve those things and prevents the crashes. Thus that's one thing I've changed in my life even though I don't have access to a gym and a flat with thick, fluffy carpet everywhere.
  • And I've gained weight. Not sure how much as I just returned from a 10 hour public transport trip and just stopped the pill. Somewhere between 8-10kg since January due to all those issues above. I'd lost 18kg slowly in the past and have kept it off for 2.5 years with no problem.

Fact is: I need to pull myself out of this myself as there's no help on the NHS, and I've already used up all the help I can get from university. I don't have money to pay for counselling privately. So this is a start.

Note: I'm not doing the friends thing here but am really happy for any encouragement.

Replies

  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
    Very sorry to hear about your mother.
    It was necessary to write out what you did but normally a person cannot really have all that much going on and still continue to manage as well as you have.
    I do not know your system. Can you get a different GP?
    Does the low albumin indicate you could have a condition that needs treatment?
  • yirara
    yirara Posts: 9,933 Member
    edited July 2017
    Thanks RodaRose,

    I guess my GP is the best I ever had in the UK. At least she's running some tests while one of the previous ones before I moved here just told that it's all in my head, including the skyhigh TSH and way below range fT4 (I do have hashimoto). He told me I should not touch any B12 for four years as I will die of an overdose otherwise. I do have pernicious anaemia :s Idiot! But those things are under control.

    I don't know what the albumin indicates other than potential liver and kidney problems. All blood tests done so far for those were fine though. But as calcium binds to albumin, and albumin was always particularly low whenever I had breathing problems there might be a connection to my very low/absent mineral levels and those breathing problems.

    Nobody here can help with any of those problems. But I'm sure people will encourage me to not snack too much (I'm still cooking healthy, varied food) and to work out more to prevent further crashes and feeling miserable.
  • StealthHealth
    StealthHealth Posts: 2,417 Member
    There is not much one can say or do to alleviate all of this but I wanted to post to say I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time at the moment.

    I know from 1st hand experience how devastating the loss of a parent is - My wife's mother, who we were both very close to, died unexpectedly 2 years ago and it knocked us for six to say the least. With all your other challenges, it must be so very difficult.

    I've noticed you on the forums in the past and enjoyed your comments so I wanted to say something positive, and that is (even though it seems so trite) that you've got my best wishes.
  • yirara
    yirara Posts: 9,933 Member
    There is not much one can say or do to alleviate all of this but I wanted to post to say I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time at the moment.

    I know from 1st hand experience how devastating the loss of a parent is - My wife's mother, who we were both very close to, died unexpectedly 2 years ago and it knocked us for six to say the least. With all your other challenges, it must be so very difficult.

    I've noticed you on the forums in the past and enjoyed your comments so I wanted to say something positive, and that is (even though it seems so trite) that you've got my best wishes.

    Thanks Stealthhealth :smile: I'm generally a very positive person so I guess it's time to change everything for the better again. <3
  • grayblackmfp
    grayblackmfp Posts: 140 Member
    You've had an awful lot happen in a short space of time, any one of those things alone is tough to deal with. You have my sympathy, I lost my mum two years ago and it still affects everything.
    You might be able to get counselling through the university or depending where you are in the uk via your gp and iapt. There might also be a local charity doing bereavement counselling.
    Try and look after yourself like you would for a loved one. Sometimes it seems to take all our efforts to keep going let alone achieving anything.

  • yirara
    yirara Posts: 9,933 Member
    edited July 2017
    You've had an awful lot happen in a short space of time, any one of those things alone is tough to deal with. You have my sympathy, I lost my mum two years ago and it still affects everything.
    You might be able to get counselling through the university or depending where you are in the uk via your gp and iapt. There might also be a local charity doing bereavement counselling.
    Try and look after yourself like you would for a loved one. Sometimes it seems to take all our efforts to keep going let alone achieving anything.

    Thanks @grayblackmfp
    I did get counselling through uni, but only 6 sessions after which I'd need to go private, which also has long waiting times just for a take-in and finding out whether that person is a proper counsellor or one signed up to quackery and woo. I've looked at other things but there just isn't anything even though I'm in a big (well, big for this region) city. So I guess I'm on my own. I could go back to my GP, but I will not get anything on the NHS as I'm not suicidal, and more likely my GP might stop all tests, tell me my medical issues are in my head and prescribe antidepressants to get rid of me. I just convinced her to stop following the cfs idea she'd been toying around with. I finally want to know what my actual medical issues are and why I apparently either cannot store or absorb minerals and vitamins properly. if even a very high dose of Mg, plus the necessary cofactors doesn't do anything then there's something wrong.

    But I'm also doing nice things despite being low on cash. I just came back from visiting friends on Orkney (didn't realise before that you can do that on a very low budget!) and have a dream trip lined up that my mother wanted me to do as she could not do it herself anymore (Svalbard). Surprisingly, even that is possible on a budget without missing out on the great stuff.

    Anyway, today is the first day that I'm tracking my calories again. It's a start. I'm not sure yet if I want to lose weight again, but tracking will keep me accountable. I'll do groceries in a moment as I'm low on snack veggies.
  • Iamnotasenior
    Iamnotasenior Posts: 235 Member
    So sorry you are going through this. All I can say is to try to seek out grief support groups that may be free of charge and educate yourself about the hashimotos. If your TSH levels are high, your doctor can treat that with replacement thyroid hormones but it does require a period of blood tests to get your dosage adjusted correctly. Hang in there with your doctor and allow her time to get your thyroid condition under control as an under active thyroid does affect your ability to control your weight and it definitely affects your energy level and your mood.
  • MommyMeggo
    MommyMeggo Posts: 1,222 Member
    Oh man. My heart goes out to you.

    I lost my precious mother on 4/28/17 from cancer only 10 months from diagnosis. She was barely 66.
    Until the very end I was with her and its a sight I replay in my head daily. I am physically sick with grief a lot of the time as she was my only parent and I her only child. I doubt I will ever recover. Every day is a struggle.

    Wish I had more positive encouragement for you other than be good to yourself. Wish I could hug you. <3
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
    edited July 2017
    yirara wrote: »
    Nobody here can help with any of those problems. But I'm sure people will encourage me to not snack too much (I'm still cooking healthy, varied food) and to work out more to prevent further crashes and feeling miserable.
    Based on what you've shared so far, "stop snacking and work out more" wouldn't be anywhere on my list of things to say to you. It sounds like you're dealing with an incredible amount of stress and pressure, and I'm not sure you need anyone putting more stress on you.

    Be kind to yourself and do things that reduce your stress level. Try to find a way of eating that can give you sustained, even energy levels, no matter what that way of eating looks like. If there are easy forms of exercise that you enjoy and that make you feel good, do them, but don't do anything that hurts, makes you feel worse or isn't enjoyable. Prolonged stress is terrible for us and causes all kinds of terrible things, so if I were in your shoes, I'd focus on reducing my stress over everything else.

    I've found this essay to be enormously helpful when I'm having episodes of depression. MFP is going to censor the link, so you'll need to replace the **** in the link with a four-letter word for "crap" that starts with the letter S. You can also find it by Googling "DIY Couturier 21 Tips." http://www.diycouturier.com/post/47249603128/21-tips-to-keep-your-****-together-when-youre

  • MommyMeggo
    MommyMeggo Posts: 1,222 Member
    edited July 2017
    AliceDark wrote: »
    yirara wrote: »
    Nobody here can help with any of those problems. But I'm sure people will encourage me to not snack too much (I'm still cooking healthy, varied food) and to work out more to prevent further crashes and feeling miserable.
    Based on what you've shared so far, "stop snacking and work out more" wouldn't be anywhere on my list of things to say to you. It sounds like you're dealing with an incredible amount of stress and pressure, and I'm not sure you need anyone putting more stress on you.

    Be kind to yourself and do things that reduce your stress level. Try to find a way of eating that can give you sustained, even energy levels, no matter what that way of eating looks like. If there are easy forms of exercise that you enjoy and that make you feel good, do them, but don't do anything that hurts, makes you feel worse or isn't enjoyable. Prolonged stress is terrible for us and causes all kinds of terrible things, so if I were in your shoes, I'd focus on reducing my stress over everything else.

    I've found this essay to be enormously helpful when I'm having episodes of depression. MFP is going to censor the link, so you'll need to replace the **** in the link with a four-letter word for "crap" that starts with the letter S. You can also find it by Googling "DIY Couturier 21 Tips." http://www.diycouturier.com/post/47249603128/21-tips-to-keep-your-****-together-when-youre

    This is good advise. Its hard to have something you cant control steal your joy, focus and energy. All the while wanting to or needing to improve your health or some other aspect of your life. One thing at a time...easier said than done.

    **I know this isnt my post... but I am grateful for the link you shared.
  • averymcmillen
    averymcmillen Posts: 1 Member
    First off, I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss and all your struggles in such a short period of time. Loss of a loved one can be incredibly detrimental to both physical and mental health.

    I'd love to share my story with you if it would help. I started college last year and the first semester I had a terrible roommate problem which was solved after a few months but threw me into a bit of a depression. Second semester was worse due to the fact my grandmother was I the hospital dying for 46 days and I visited her every weekend. On top of that, I suffered from a concussion which limited my ability to work out, then was sexually assaulted which utterly destroyed my will to do much else besides sleep. I was peracrobed some depression meds which made everything worse because they brought with them weight gain of 10lbs in 2 weeks.

    Entering the summer I was ready for a change so I switched meds and found was of keeping myself active and away from snacking at all times. Working as a server helped me see how restaurant food is prepared and actually kills my need to grab food every time I wall through the kitchen while also keeping me from sitting down at all.

    The other big change I made which I highly recommend you try is sunrise and sunset yoga. I'm in no way a master yogi, but I do live on a beach with a gorgeous sunrise. By forcing myself to get up a little earlier each day and stretch and meditate with Pinterest yoga forms I found, I could empty my head of all the chaos every day life brings.

    I know it sounds like a simple step, but 20 minutes of yoga in the morning and evening killed my hunger cravings, made me want to be healthier, and gave me a more positive mindset and lookout for the day.

    I really hope any of this helps, continue reaching out to the community for support, we're all a big support group here.
  • rc14menasha
    rc14menasha Posts: 4 Member
    Yikes. That sounds rough. Im sorry. I know what helped me is i got on the disney world 'Couch to half marathon' plan. Keeps me going!
  • yirara
    yirara Posts: 9,933 Member
    So sorry you are going through this. All I can say is to try to seek out grief support groups that may be free of charge and educate yourself about the hashimotos. If your TSH levels are high, your doctor can treat that with replacement thyroid hormones but it does require a period of blood tests to get your dosage adjusted correctly. Hang in there with your doctor and allow her time to get your thyroid condition under control as an under active thyroid does affect your ability to control your weight and it definitely affects your energy level and your mood.

    Thanks Junior :smiley:
    I have good friends to talk to, though of course I don't want to burden them with too much. By now I do feel better. That's why I feel it's time to change things a bit.
    My hashi is properly treated at the moment, after going to a different GP at a certain time. At least my current one didn't suggest reducing levo when TSH was pretty low but let me decide if I felt good or hyper.
  • yirara
    yirara Posts: 9,933 Member
    @MommyMeggo Big hugs to you, hun <3 Cancer just isn't fair.
  • yirara
    yirara Posts: 9,933 Member
    AliceDark wrote: »
    yirara wrote: »
    Nobody here can help with any of those problems. But I'm sure people will encourage me to not snack too much (I'm still cooking healthy, varied food) and to work out more to prevent further crashes and feeling miserable.
    Based on what you've shared so far, "stop snacking and work out more" wouldn't be anywhere on my list of things to say to you. It sounds like you're dealing with an incredible amount of stress and pressure, and I'm not sure you need anyone putting more stress on you.

    Be kind to yourself and do things that reduce your stress level. Try to find a way of eating that can give you sustained, even energy levels, no matter what that way of eating looks like. If there are easy forms of exercise that you enjoy and that make you feel good, do them, but don't do anything that hurts, makes you feel worse or isn't enjoyable. Prolonged stress is terrible for us and causes all kinds of terrible things, so if I were in your shoes, I'd focus on reducing my stress over everything else.

    I've found this essay to be enormously helpful when I'm having episodes of depression. MFP is going to censor the link, so you'll need to replace the **** in the link with a four-letter word for "crap" that starts with the letter S. You can also find it by Googling "DIY Couturier 21 Tips." http://www.diycouturier.com/post/47249603128/21-tips-to-keep-your-****-together-when-youre

    Thanks for this link. It's really brilliant! <3

    Well, I think I'm at this point now where I want to change things. I'm so fed up with eating so much candy, and my stomach doesn't like these amounts either. It just pulls me down more. Sport on the other hand makes me feel good. I had to stop running at the beginning of this year because I was constantly sick (endless row of colds) and felt so down then. Running makes me happy. And I completely forgot how much I enjoy strength training. It's so much fun, and it requires me to fully concentrate on my body as I'd otherwise do something really clumsy and painful. It's something I've neglected for far too long. Not sure how my lower neighbours will react to that, but lets see. I'm currently only doing YAYOG, which doesn't really involve jumping around :wink:

    Thus working out more is my way of relaxing. I could never do anything like yoga, or just sit on the couch without getting very restless. And hopefully I will get over this stress of having to go out again to get more candy by tracking my food again. I know what candy I want to have in the house. It's not something available in Britain I think but I might be able to get it. It's certainly something that I'm able to eat in small portions.
  • yirara
    yirara Posts: 9,933 Member
    MommyMeggo wrote: »
    AliceDark wrote: »
    yirara wrote: »
    Nobody here can help with any of those problems. But I'm sure people will encourage me to not snack too much (I'm still cooking healthy, varied food) and to work out more to prevent further crashes and feeling miserable.
    Based on what you've shared so far, "stop snacking and work out more" wouldn't be anywhere on my list of things to say to you. It sounds like you're dealing with an incredible amount of stress and pressure, and I'm not sure you need anyone putting more stress on you.

    Be kind to yourself and do things that reduce your stress level. Try to find a way of eating that can give you sustained, even energy levels, no matter what that way of eating looks like. If there are easy forms of exercise that you enjoy and that make you feel good, do them, but don't do anything that hurts, makes you feel worse or isn't enjoyable. Prolonged stress is terrible for us and causes all kinds of terrible things, so if I were in your shoes, I'd focus on reducing my stress over everything else.

    I've found this essay to be enormously helpful when I'm having episodes of depression. MFP is going to censor the link, so you'll need to replace the **** in the link with a four-letter word for "crap" that starts with the letter S. You can also find it by Googling "DIY Couturier 21 Tips." http://www.diycouturier.com/post/47249603128/21-tips-to-keep-your-****-together-when-youre

    This is good advise. Its hard to have something you cant control steal your joy, focus and energy. All the while wanting to or needing to improve your health or some other aspect of your life. One thing at a time...easier said than done.

    **I know this isnt my post... but I am grateful for the link you shared.

    <3
    True, this.
  • yirara
    yirara Posts: 9,933 Member
    @averymcmillen
    Thanks a lot for sharing <3 Your post really helps me. Have to say though that yoga is not for me. It just leaves me restless for some reason. But strength training is my way of relaxing and focussing on myself. This is what helps me. The weather looks fairly good as well, even though it's only 15C (that's summer here!). I'll go for a little run later on if it stays dry.
  • middlehaitch
    middlehaitch Posts: 8,486 Member
    <3<3<3

    I have nothing to say that can make you feel better. I am dreading the day I lose my mum, and have no idea how I'll cope.

    It is nice to see you back here, though I wish the circumstances were different.

    Cheers, h.
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
    yirara wrote: »
    AliceDark wrote: »
    yirara wrote: »
    Nobody here can help with any of those problems. But I'm sure people will encourage me to not snack too much (I'm still cooking healthy, varied food) and to work out more to prevent further crashes and feeling miserable.
    Based on what you've shared so far, "stop snacking and work out more" wouldn't be anywhere on my list of things to say to you. It sounds like you're dealing with an incredible amount of stress and pressure, and I'm not sure you need anyone putting more stress on you.

    Be kind to yourself and do things that reduce your stress level. Try to find a way of eating that can give you sustained, even energy levels, no matter what that way of eating looks like. If there are easy forms of exercise that you enjoy and that make you feel good, do them, but don't do anything that hurts, makes you feel worse or isn't enjoyable. Prolonged stress is terrible for us and causes all kinds of terrible things, so if I were in your shoes, I'd focus on reducing my stress over everything else.

    I've found this essay to be enormously helpful when I'm having episodes of depression. MFP is going to censor the link, so you'll need to replace the **** in the link with a four-letter word for "crap" that starts with the letter S. You can also find it by Googling "DIY Couturier 21 Tips." http://www.diycouturier.com/post/47249603128/21-tips-to-keep-your-****-together-when-youre

    Thanks for this link. It's really brilliant! <3

    Well, I think I'm at this point now where I want to change things. I'm so fed up with eating so much candy, and my stomach doesn't like these amounts either. It just pulls me down more. Sport on the other hand makes me feel good. I had to stop running at the beginning of this year because I was constantly sick (endless row of colds) and felt so down then. Running makes me happy. And I completely forgot how much I enjoy strength training. It's so much fun, and it requires me to fully concentrate on my body as I'd otherwise do something really clumsy and painful. It's something I've neglected for far too long. Not sure how my lower neighbours will react to that, but lets see. I'm currently only doing YAYOG, which doesn't really involve jumping around :wink:

    Thus working out more is my way of relaxing. I could never do anything like yoga, or just sit on the couch without getting very restless. And hopefully I will get over this stress of having to go out again to get more candy by tracking my food again. I know what candy I want to have in the house. It's not something available in Britain I think but I might be able to get it. It's certainly something that I'm able to eat in small portions.

    I love that link. I periodically go back to it; it usually makes me cry, but it's spot-on in terms of what I need to hear when I need to hear it.

    I'm really happy to hear that exercise is a positive experience for you! It is for me too, but I have to be careful sometimes that I'm not putting additional pressure on myself. I usually need to hear that it's okay for me to choose to do things just because I enjoy them. I worked with a therapist for awhile who kept telling me that I needed to find activities that are the equivalent of play (he was right, I usually do need more time dedicated to things just because they're fun for me).

    Strength training feels very zen to me; I have to focus on being in the moment and can't worry about what else is going on in my life. I hope you're enjoying YAYOG!

    Summer is usually a time when I find it easier to eat well, because I love summer fruits and vegetables so much. Instead of candy, could you get some fresh berries, stone fruits or melon to snack on? You could also include some really good cheese or nuts to go along with the fruit. (Apparently, I'm hungry at the moment. All of that sounds super good to me).
  • everher
    everher Posts: 909 Member
    I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother a little over a year ago. As insane as this sounds to you now, it does get better with time. I will always miss my mother, but it doesn't feel how it did in the early days - when I felt like I might die myself from grief.

    Went through some other rough things after she died and I just decided to work on myself. It's the best thing I could've done. I think it's helped a lot with the grief process and just my overall well being. Doing everything I can to be the best version of myself that I can.

    Be kind to yourself and focus on yourself during this difficult time.