I feel like I'm overreacting but opinions are welcome

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Replies

  • MayaSPapaya
    MayaSPapaya Posts: 735 Member
    Just as an update, I and some of you were right. He told me “he wasn’t sure if he was still interested…he didn’t feel any type of connection last time we hung out” and I seemed “bored and disinterested”. I once again explained I wasn’t bored or disinterested, that I didn’t feel well and that was it and I did have an interest. I said if he wants to try one more time I would, or if he doesn’t I would respect it, but just let me know and he replied with “ok then it’s a no”

    sigh.
  • grayblackmfp
    grayblackmfp Posts: 140 Member
    MayaSPapaya wrote: »
    Just as an update, I and some of you were right. He told me “he wasn’t sure if he was still interested…he didn’t feel any type of connection last time we hung out” and I seemed “bored and disinterested”. I once again explained I wasn’t bored or disinterested, that I didn’t feel well and that was it and I did have an interest. I said if he wants to try one more time I would, or if he doesn’t I would respect it, but just let me know and he replied with “ok then it’s a no”

    sigh.

    Sorry to hear that it didn't work out. Have some commiserations from this mfp randomer. Dating isn't always fun. Feel the feelings that probably won't be pleasant and then move on.
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,571 Member
    You over-shared in your text. He probably didn't even think much of you seeming distant. Be chill sister!
  • bbell1985
    bbell1985 Posts: 4,571 Member
    Sorry OP, just read your update. It's okay...you're young! I'm single and 31 in NYC. It's a whole different ball game now.
  • mjtaylor87
    mjtaylor87 Posts: 242 Member
    Caporegiem wrote: »
    Unless your name is Tiffany I've got some bad news....

    LOL what is with you and the TIffanys of the world?
  • Ironandwine69
    Ironandwine69 Posts: 2,432 Member
    You know that gut feeling that something is not right?... Or that he is being cold/weird??
    Usually they are right.
  • YearOfTheDragonLeo
    YearOfTheDragonLeo Posts: 215 Member
    Boys....smh
  • glassyo
    glassyo Posts: 7,739 Member
    Y'all aren't really talking about apples, are ya?
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
    Yeah, well that's the thing, men in general think clearer AFTER sex, women BEFORE sex.

    So his hormones calmed down afterwards and he was able to think clearly, and he decided he wasn't really all that interested in the first place.

    And this is why you have to be aware of the consequences of sleeping with someone maybe too soon. I'm not saying what you did was wrong, it's just a learning experience. Be aware that hormones muddy our thought process to help ensure survival of the DNA, but it also makes dating difficult unfortunately.

  • angelxsss
    angelxsss Posts: 2,402 Member
    The silver lining is at least he came clean with you and didn't just keep using you for sex. Not saying the outcome was great as it is, but just pointing out the advantage.
  • beagletracks
    beagletracks Posts: 6,034 Member
    Just say no to the next booty call unless you are into it just for sex (as if sounds like he may be).
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    For a young guy, I think his response (especially saying he's sorry you're going through that) sounded pretty sweet. Time will tell. I'd leave the ball in his court about Wednesday. If you hear from him, hope it's fun and you both wanna hang out more. If you don't hear from him, I'd write it off and move on...and I DO NOT think you need to worry, overanalyze, or beat yourself up about any of it. At all. Including the text you sent, which is btw something I'd totally do and totally second-guess. You're fine. Absolutely!!
  • erica_today
    erica_today Posts: 185 Member
    You're over thinking it. Don't send anything more about it talk normally and enjoy Wednesday.

    I over think to a fault. I over analyze and will blow up someone phone explaining myself trying to fix it then inevitably wrecking it until there's nothing left to be fixed.

    So you're good. Get it girl.
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
    Kamikaze_into_your_soul wrote: »
    This is why at age 42, I go for the millennials. Older chicks have that stupid thing called morals.

    It isn't morals, we just recognize crap when we hear it. :smile:
  • SomebodyWakeUpHIcks
    SomebodyWakeUpHIcks Posts: 3,836 Member
    What kind of washing machine would you recommend?
  • WendyLeigh1119
    WendyLeigh1119 Posts: 495 Member
    jtegirl1 wrote: »
    MayaSPapaya wrote: »
    Just as an update, I and some of you were right. He told me “he wasn’t sure if he was still interested…he didn’t feel any type of connection last time we hung out” and I seemed “bored and disinterested”. I once again explained I wasn’t bored or disinterested, that I didn’t feel well and that was it and I did have an interest. I said if he wants to try one more time I would, or if he doesn’t I would respect it, but just let me know and he replied with “ok then it’s a no”

    sigh.

    He didn't feel any connection but had sex with you? Nice. What a dbag. All you can do at this point is take it as a lesson learned and try not to repeat the same mistake.

    Lots of people have sex for fun, it's normal and healthy.

    The only way this is a problem for OP is if she's having sex *with guys* to get them to like her/want a LTR. If she's having sex to enjoy herself/because she sincerely wanted to... no one lost out here.

    But never have sex in order to get a guy to like you better or try to secure a LTR. It doesn't work that way. If you plan to have sex, do it because you want to with no other expectations. Theres nothing wrong with that. But if you find yourself having sex and hoping it will help lead to a relationship... then you should probably take a step back and accept that your priority is a relationship, so only date guys that have that same priority and don't have sex until you're sure he's sticking around.

    A fun night of sex shouldn't feel emotionally hurtful. If it does... it could be that you're doing it to be more attractive to the guy. And that's not good. Always assess why you're saying "yes" and if your answer is "he's hot and I want to have sex"... you're fine. If it's "I like him and want him to like me/want to keep him"... then you're doing it wrong.

    And definitely don't be so worried about his feelings every moment and expressing/asking that so much next time. The texting, calling, etc was unnecessary and probably seemed desperate (no offense). If he's worth your time, an occasional text or call should suffice. And if he doesn't respond or tries to play games... move on and date someone better.
  • _BrewingAZ_
    _BrewingAZ_ Posts: 252 Member
    Wait, you seemed "bored or disinterested"...but you had sex with him? What does he consider excited and very interested??
  • WendyLeigh1119
    WendyLeigh1119 Posts: 495 Member
    jtegirl1 wrote: »
    WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »
    jtegirl1 wrote: »
    MayaSPapaya wrote: »
    Just as an update, I and some of you were right. He told me “he wasn’t sure if he was still interested…he didn’t feel any type of connection last time we hung out” and I seemed “bored and disinterested”. I once again explained I wasn’t bored or disinterested, that I didn’t feel well and that was it and I did have an interest. I said if he wants to try one more time I would, or if he doesn’t I would respect it, but just let me know and he replied with “ok then it’s a no”

    sigh.

    He didn't feel any connection but had sex with you? Nice. What a dbag. All you can do at this point is take it as a lesson learned and try not to repeat the same mistake.

    Lots of people have sex for fun, it's normal and healthy.

    The only way this is a problem for OP is if she's having sex *with guys* to get them to like her/want a LTR. If she's having sex to enjoy herself/because she sincerely wanted to... no one lost out here.

    But never have sex in order to get a guy to like you better or try to secure a LTR. It doesn't work that way. If you plan to have sex, do it because you want to with no other expectations. Theres nothing wrong with that. But if you find yourself having sex and hoping it will help lead to a relationship... then you should probably take a step back and accept that your priority is a relationship, so only date guys that have that same priority and don't have sex until you're sure he's sticking around.

    A fun night of sex shouldn't feel emotionally hurtful. If it does... it could be that you're doing it to be more attractive to the guy. And that's not good. Always assess why you're saying "yes" and if your answer is "he's hot and I want to have sex"... you're fine. If it's "I like him and want him to like me/want to keep him"... then you're doing it wrong.

    And definitely don't be so worried about his feelings every moment and expressing/asking that so much next time. The texting, calling, etc was unnecessary and probably seemed desperate (no offense). If he's worth your time, an occasional text or call should suffice. And if he doesn't respond or tries to play games... move on and date someone better.

    Of course people have sex just for fun with no intention of taking it to relationship level. However, my point was he seemed from what the OP posted that he gave her a different idea. That is what is not cool. If you're just looking for a hook up, be up front and honest about it. Don't try to trick people who don't want just a hook up into having sex with someone who is gonna bail after said hook up.

    Gotcha. Yeah, he seems like a sleaze that was trying to disguise it as "Oh I was interested... it just didn't work out, so I'm still a nice guy". Pfffft. Nope.
  • nolan44219
    nolan44219 Posts: 1,221 Member
    Gloriam_Sanguinis wrote: »
    senior_citizen wrote: »
    This is what isnwrong eith millennials today. Shen I was dating my wife in the former days we did not sleep togrther until the wedding. I yell my grandchildren... you have to be better than giving yourselt away so soon. We have degraded as a society.

    Wait people really believe that in a modern day society where independence and equality, education and freedom is valued and encouraged ? I thought this kind of thinking only belonged in third world countries.

    Different generation

    I thought I would go to hell for premarital sex. Eventually my hormones convinced me into thinking hopefully hell isn't as hot as the southern Baptist preacher says.
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