Anyone successfully help a spouse / significant other lose weight?

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  • beaglady
    beaglady Posts: 1,362 Member
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    I'm firmly in the 'no, you can't' group.

    In the past, we've dieted together, though never were able to keep it off longterm. We always did low carb, and had the usual pitfalls about low carb being unsustainable.

    I've been counting at MFP for the past year and have started exercising. I've lost about 40# with the same left to go. He eats the same healthy meals as I do, but also snacks on large amounts of peanuts and other high calorie stuff. He has no interest in trying to track what he eats, even though it has worked much better for me, with less suffering than previous weight loss methods. He does tread water at the Y pool at least once or twice a week, but is limited to what kinds of exercise he can do because of other health issues.

    In theory, he would like to lose weight, but isn't ready to actually start, so there's not much else I can do.
  • have2goski
    have2goski Posts: 1 Member
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    Don't try to get him to lose weight. He probably is fighting a fear of failing at it. Since we use the MFP method. Just try to get him to log food and use a scale for portions. Ask him just to log it. Setup his profile to maintain current weight. When he hits the daily complete button and the 5 week projection comes up it might trigger something in him.
  • majess1022
    majess1022 Posts: 70 Member
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    lkn12mom wrote: »
    It definitely makes it easier to lose weight when your spouse is on board. My husband is trying to lose weight with me and I appreciate it because he wasn't very supportive in the past. He'd complain about healthy meals he called "bland". Made jokes no gravy, go on about he's a meat and potatoes guy. Etc.

    I think if you could take over some cooking responsibilities that may help.

    Do you do the grocery shopping? Stop buying junk food and substitute some items for much healthier choices.

    Is his health impacted by his weight?

    For a long time, it didn't seem like his health was noticeably affected. But this year at his eye doctor checkup (of all places), his blood pressure was super high and they sent him straight to his general doctor. That doctor was pretty blunt apparently and recommended the low carb diet.

    Great point about taking on some of the healthy cooking (and shopping).
  • dramaqueen45
    dramaqueen45 Posts: 1,009 Member
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    My husband talked about wanting to lose weight for years, while I was the one trying different diets, losing a bit of weight and then putting it back on again. I had tried MFP a couple of times but didn't get serious about it until summer of 2014 (when I found a site called calorie king that made it very easy to get accurate measurements of food doing almost no math) and it took me about a year and a half to lose 55 pounds. He still wanted to lose, and we even started cycling together a lot, which he thought he could just eat whatever and exercise off the extra weight (which he was able to do when he was younger and was a competitive cyclist- he could eat tons of food then and was super thin). Well he did lose about 10 pounds without trying and then it stopped. He would make teasing comments to me like "I can't believe you're measuring that" or "you're weighing your food???" So my response was silence or just "Obviously it seems to be working for me". And finally after I was about at my goal he decided to try the MFP thing and has since lost about 40 pounds. I never in a million years thought he would go for counting calories but he has made it into kind of a game and seems to like it (he is not a detail person in general and finds it tedious to do things that require attention to detail, but when he does the details he is hyper focused on them). So no, you can only lead by example and if he wants to lose then he will.
  • Mrsabror
    Mrsabror Posts: 41 Member
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    Well, from a different side of the spectrum, my husband is helping me a great deal! He encourages me, eats the same meals as me and goes to the gym with me at 5:30am. He is naturally fit himself (I mean that literally, everyone in his family is genetically predispositioned to be ripped), muscles showing and everything without even regularly lifting weights. Yet he sees the benefit in being my encourager, and in being healthier over all. He really is the best, even when I want to punch him in the nose for waking me up at 5am. To be fair though, he didn't push me - he married me at 300lbs - I had to decide this was what I wanted for myself.
  • abbynormalartist
    abbynormalartist Posts: 318 Member
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    He's got to find what motivates him.

    When I met my hubby he was very overweight and sick of it. He wanted to look good. He's made a HUGE transformation in the 10 years we've been married but it was 99% due to his own doing, not my own. I think he picked up an handful of cooking tricks from me overs the years and I've forced him to go to occasional doctor appointments but that's it. All the research, exercising and diet info he found and implemented on his own while I was making brownies and watching tv. It took awhile but now he's in amazing ab-tastic shape.

    As for me, I've just started my diet/exercise journey. I'm done nursing my last baby and I wanted to do something for myself. I'm taking what I saw my hubby do over the years and picking out what I like. Otherwise, the changes to my diet and my new exercises are quite different from what he's done and it's my motivation and my desire that's getting it done. Frankly, when he tries to encourage me, it irritates me and makes me want to go sit back on the couch rather than go to the gym.

    My hubby is motivated by vanity. I'm motivated by my stubbornness- I don't like doing what people tell me to do and I really like doing what people don't think I can do (like a little girl lifting weights). Some people are motivated by others supporting them. Everyone has to find what gives them the will to do it.
  • TnZMom
    TnZMom Posts: 222 Member
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    I only make suggestions when he says something disparaging about himself. Otherwise he would find it rude.
  • majess1022
    majess1022 Posts: 70 Member
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    rednote49 wrote: »
    My guy needed to lose weight (dr's orders) so wanting to be a supportive girlfriend I decided to join in. One of the reasons I joined him was because I didn't want him to feel left out when we go on dates, with me eating whatever and him being limited. Now our approaches to weightloss has been different, with him only keeping to his cals and I doing the gym but he is losing faster than I am. I don't push him to do what he doesn't want to do. Recently he told me he signed up for an aerobics class. I was shocked and happy because it's way out of his comfort zone but he was willing to try. Maybe your hubby feels deprived when he's on a diet? If he knows he can still have the foods he loves as long as it fits into his cals he'll feel better to try losing weight again?

    Very good point. We are almost opposite--he will hit the gym, but won't change diet. It's possible that it's wanting to avoid feeling "hangry."
  • SilverBells
    SilverBells Posts: 7 Member
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    This has been a very timely post and replies. I was slender and healthy until my mid 30's when I ran into health problems and certain medications. Over a period of years I gained over 100 lbs. My husband has never said a word to me and has never held what I used to be, over my head. We are in our 60's now. I still struggle with the weight I gained, but he has been putting on weight recently. As near as I can tell, it is because he eats the same as when he was younger. I found myself riding him to do something about how he was eating. I would love him no matter what he weighed. But you can see the trouble here, it's me and my comments. I have stopped totally. He will lose when and if he is ready and if not, c'est la vie. My point is in all this, that I have thoroughly enjoyed having him not nag me, now I will return the favor. Best of luck to you and yours!
  • Brabo_Grip
    Brabo_Grip Posts: 285 Member
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    My SO has struggled on and off with weight loss for years (she is currently significantly overweight). I gained steadily in my 30's and dropped 85lbs at around age 40 after making significant lifestyle changes. I keep my mouth shut about her journey. I am supportive and always willing to take the kids if she wants to go to the gym. I never engage in any discussion of our respective diets, because I have learned in the past that no matter how positive or seemingly innocent the discussion she gets her feelings hurt because she perceives it as a criticism.

    It's her journey. I can't help, I can only hinder.

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