Compliment Etiquette

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laurabadams
laurabadams Posts: 201 Member
in Success Stories
Let me preface my question/situation with a little background. I am a 39 year old mother of two (3.5 and 1.5 y/o). I lost 55 pounds last year. I've teetered between being overweight and obese my entire adult life. I'm currently 100 pounds lighter than I was at 9 months pregnant with my 1.5 y/o, and 70 pounds lighter than my heaviest non-pregnant weight. I am the fittest I've ever been in my life at 5'8" 140# 17ish% body fat. I've been lifting weights since reaching my weight loss goal last October. I am happy with my physique, though it has taken some getting used to. Sometimes I struggle accepting that's me when I see my reflection or see the fit of clothes I really like. My mind has not caught up to my body's changes.

I have embraced my current way of eating and level of fitness with a lot of passion and have made it a genuine hobby (it's been a great bonding experience with my husband, who has been lifting for a couple of years). I get asked about what I eat or the workouts I do, and while I try to answer as objectively as I can, I sometimes can't help but get really passionate about it because of the incredibly positive difference losing weight and exercising has had on my life. (My husband jokingly calls it evangelical weight loss.) I really would love to see others experience the same kind of positive changes.

It's happened a few times that I've been approached by other women (typically at the gym) who complimented my physique. I say thank you, and the conversation progresses to something like, "I bet you've been working out for a long time." Both times I heard this, I explained that I haven't been lifting very long at all and asked if they wanted to see my 'before' pictures from last year. They said yes, I showed them my before pictures (in which I'm 55 pounds heavier), and they were genuinely surprised. I ended both conversations with something like, "It's totally doable," nice to meet you, have a good day, yada yada.

So my question... Is it weird to offer to show random, complimenting strangers my before pictures? I love encouraging other women to lift, but I am afraid of coming off as awkward and over-sharing stuff they didn't really care to know. It's still really weird to me to field compliments pertaining to my body.

Replies

  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,644 Member
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    I wouldn't but you're not me. If you want to go for it! Don't be surprised if you don't always get a positive response.
  • Syneea
    Syneea Posts: 451 Member
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    We have similiar stats and background. I'm 5'8 as well, 140 lbs (when I'm not bloated lol) and Very passionate about fitness...(I became overweight in recent years with back to back kids) I'm unsure of my bf % but you can see my abs. I love to talk about fitness with who ever approaches me and family/friends who care to indulge me. Lol I've lost 55 lbs since the summer of 2015 as well and pretty much always bring it up when folks comment on my physique, while asking fitness questions. With so Many folks over weight (like I was) or obese, I feel that I inspire them (the way I've been inspired) when they know how far I've come. I say go with your gut regarding sharing.... you obviously feel comfortable with it, and if you help just one lady think twice and make some changes then good on you!
  • jswigart
    jswigart Posts: 167 Member
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    There is nothing wrong with being proud of what you have accomplished! If they are interested show the pics..
  • skymningen
    skymningen Posts: 532 Member
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    jayemes wrote: »
    I think you need to stop reminding people about the fat person you used to be and live life as the fit person you are now. Be proud of what you accomplished.

    This! It's not about etiquette. You have asked them if they want to see the pictures and if they don't they can easily refuse with a short "No thank you, I believe you." But if you keep getting those pictures out that might add to your problem with accepting your new self in the mirror. As soon as your "new" self is just "you" to you you can go back to the old pictures and show them around. But don't keep yourself from embracing your current body as it is.
  • Vanilla_Lattes
    Vanilla_Lattes Posts: 251 Member
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    I've had one person do this to me (it was a male though, he was trying to help me with lifting technique) and I thought it was cool! It didn't come off as weird. I agree about context, but I love geeking out with people :)
  • laurabadams
    laurabadams Posts: 201 Member
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    Thank you all for some great feedback. It's much appreciated. I know I need to work on accepting my changes. I think it's compounded by the fact that my weight loss was relatively quick. I do need to let go of my old self-image. I also realize I need to give myself permission to be proud (but not prideful). And I'll keep encouraging other women to try weight lifting & to believe in their ability to adopt the nutrition & fitness changes they want/need to improve their health & lives.

    Thanks again for the thoughtful input.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    I think it's a very personal decision to share before/after photos or not to share them. It sounds like you're comfortable with it. I agree with others here, it might be time to move on and stop focusing on "the old you" and just work on your new awesome self! HOWEVER, in a situation like that - at the gym with people who are actively working on their physique and have expressed an interest in yours - I think it's totally acceptable to share your pics and details regarding your progress.

    I shared photos at one point when I had lost 100 lb, but I quickly found it emotionally dangerous for me because I received such a variety of feedback. Although most of it was positive, it made me really paranoid and hyperaware of people examining my body. I am just very different from some others who love to share the progress photos. I think it's like any other topic, really. I'll talk in great detail about sex or menstruation with any random woman who brings it up. But I don't want to show off photos of my back fat before and after 130 lb loss. haha
  • laurabadams
    laurabadams Posts: 201 Member
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    seltzermint555 wrote: »
    I think it's a very personal decision to share before/after photos or not to share them. It sounds like you're comfortable with it. I agree with others here, it might be time to move on and stop focusing on "the old you" and just work on your new awesome self! HOWEVER, in a situation like that - at the gym with people who are actively working on their physique and have expressed an interest in yours - I think it's totally acceptable to share your pics and details regarding your progress.

    I shared photos at one point when I had lost 100 lb, but I quickly found it emotionally dangerous for me because I received such a variety of feedback. Although most of it was positive, it made me really paranoid and hyperaware of people examining my body. I am just very different from some others who love to share the progress photos. I think it's like any other topic, really. I'll talk in great detail about sex or menstruation with any random woman who brings it up. But I don't want to show off photos of my back fat before and after 130 lb loss. haha

    Thank you for the response. I really think that's part of it, too - the awareness of my body being examined & critiqued by others, regardless of whether it's positive or negative. When I was overweight or obese, I was extremely fortunate to have only ever had one negative experience with people commenting on my body (a stranger in a passing truck oinked at me & yelled, "Oink, oink, piggy!" as I walked by). So my predominant experience was one of feeling relatively invisible or camouflaged, or simply unremarkable. It's been challenging, learning to handle the compliments & increased attention. I think when I'm showing my old pictures, a part of me is saying, "But no, look - I'm not all that extraordinary...I'm really normal, too!"
  • timtam163
    timtam163 Posts: 500 Member
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    Attitude is everything. If you're responding to their curiosity, I think it's wonderful to share your journey with others. If you're simply standing up on a chair in the middle of the room and shouting, "Hey everyone look how out of shape I used to be! Look at me now b****es!!!" then obviously nobody will appreciate that. But it sounds like you're mindful of others' feelings and genuine in your happiness and desire to share. And if they are off-put by it, you can always say something along the lines of, "I'm sorry if I over-shared, I'm sure not everyone wants to see my picture, but I'm just so excited and this is all so new to me I get carried away!" In time you might not feel so defined by your weight loss, but for now it seems like a lovely way to celebrate your success while inspiring others.
  • JustRobby1
    JustRobby1 Posts: 674 Member
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    That is entirely up to your personal preference if you want to share that with people. If it is something you are really that passionate about, then perhaps some of that enthusiasm will rub off on others who are just getting stared. This has probably happened already and you just do not know it. Think about it.....you could be dramatically motivating someone to change their life for the better, and that has to be a great feeling.

    In my own personal situation, I deal with things far differently. When I meet new people, I would much prefer it if they never knew "that guy" ever existed. I have adopted this posture because of some awkward situations it has put me in previously, and the awkward situations it has put me in currently with some of my close friends and family members who have always only known me as the "big guy".
  • natajane
    natajane Posts: 295 Member
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    Nah, I think your response is perfect. They're coming to you asking about your journey after all.
  • mmapags
    mmapags Posts: 8,934 Member
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    natajane wrote: »
    Nah, I think your response is perfect. They're coming to you asking about your journey after all.

    This! You are not doing it in an obnoxious way. You are doing it in an encouraging way and showing them it is possible.
  • cbeutler
    cbeutler Posts: 667 Member
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    Not wierd, but I'd be careful with the assumption that they are unhappy with how they look. The it is totally doable comment could go awry.
  • its_me_april
    its_me_april Posts: 57 Member
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    Not at all! I had a guy do this to me in the gym one day--not to be flirty or anything, he seemed to be genuinely interested in talking fitness. It was awesome to see his"before" pics and I would welcome it from anyone (as long as they're not overbearing and I can still work out in peace!)
  • laurabadams
    laurabadams Posts: 201 Member
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    cbeutler wrote: »
    Not wierd, but I'd be careful with the assumption that they are unhappy with how they look. The it is totally doable comment could go awry.

    Completely agree...in the context of that particular conversation, the woman said to me, "You look amazing...I'm like,'body goals!'" That's why I told her it's totally doable. Another woman asked me specifically about my workout routines & frequency; I think I simply extolled the benefits of weight lifting & how it has transformed my physique & built my confidence.
  • RaeBeeBaby
    RaeBeeBaby Posts: 4,245 Member
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    If ladies are approaching you with a compliment and a comment about how long you've been fit I would assume it's because they are interested in how you got to where you are. Otherwise, why would they even make those overtures? I can't imagine someone would just compliment your physique without some curiosity or interest in knowing more.

    I think you should be very proud of what you have accomplished. People on MFP post before and after pictures all the time. I think it's because they want to share their success with others and encourage them to do the same. I know I appreciate seeing those success stories.

    Great job on your awesome achievements!! Keep on doing what feels right for you!

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