No matter what i do it's never good enough.

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  • suetour
    suetour Posts: 22 Member
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    I would smile tell I love you but I old enough to make my own choices. I would say I would appreciate you being supportive not negative. Or just leave the room or go for a walk if it gets too much. The only person you have face in the mirror you and have done a awesome job making all those changes. So smile and feel proud.
  • everher
    everher Posts: 909 Member
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    I agree with all the other posters and I would also say I wouldn't share about my diet or trying to lose weight with others.

    Whether it's coworkers or family or friends I've read a good deal of stories on here about people sharing they are on a diet and these types of comments being made.

    I find it's easier to keep stuff like this to yourself and it keeps people from making these types of commented.
  • Psychgrrl
    Psychgrrl Posts: 3,177 Member
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    Not making excuses for their unkind behavior, but parents can find it hard to let their children grow up and be adults, so they continue to relate to us, treat us and try to control us like we were children.

    It's sounds like you've done a great job setting some boundaries with your folks and that your mom is responding.

    You've accomplished a lot so far, and you'll keep going, with or without them. You have the power, they have the choice. Keep reminding them of what you need from them now and let them know you notice and appreciate how they're changing how they talk with you.

    It's never going to be perfect. Keep your boundaries as firm as you can, have a safety plan for when their behavior goes all wonky, and know you have the right to take care of yourself. You don't have to listen to someone slinging crap at you just because they're related to you. That's not love, that's abuse and you deserve better. :heart:
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,598 Member
    edited July 2017
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    It is time to set boundaries. Let them know this behavior is not okay and that if they continue you will be seeing less of them because their actions are not healthy for you. Then act on your promise. Don't give in. If they call and try to guilt trip you, say "this conversation is not healthy. Bye." and hang up. Either they will see the light or you will be seeing less of them and either way your life and your health plan will go smoother. I had to do something like this when I was in my twenties. It took a while but it worked.
  • NerdTurd
    NerdTurd Posts: 15 Member
    edited July 2017
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    i forgot to mention my mum is an alcoholic. she was addicted to alcohol but was in COMPLETE denial an made everyone around her miserable with her nasty attitude and sometimes violence.

    after a huge argument between my mum and dad after she came after me my dad smashed her bottle on the floor and she got on the floor crying trying to pick it up. he said "look at you... look at you crying over damn alcohol. that is what you have become. you care more over a damn bottle of alcohol than your own family" he threatened to leave her that night if she didn't change.

    believe it or not she did... for a good 3-4 years she would only have a drink on special occasions or some weekends. recently she has been drinking every night again.. she has my dad completely fooled. she says "it helps me sleep" she has even blamed her friend saying that her friend drinks every day when she doesn't, she drinks every week on weekends like any normal person does to take the load off.

    it's always excuses. it went from 2 drinks a night to 4. she would say "no this is my last one" 3 drinks become 5.

    she goes through 2 bottles of jack denials a week sometimes 3 bottles. i told my dad she is getting into old habits again but he does absolutely nothing. i tell my mum seeing her drink this much hurts me but all she does is change the subject or talk over me when i am talking to her. it's really depressing me seeing her do this to herself.
    and she has the nerve to talk down to me about food and my eating habits...
    i can't explain the amount of anger i feel. the whole situation is gut wrenching.

    i think the advice of not coming to my parents as often might be a good idea. as much as i love them they are quite toxic. they have bad habits and yet make me feel like my good habits are bad. i truly honestly can not win.

    they are very ill so i didn't want to ever be apart in case something happens.. but i am starting to think they are bringing it on themselves.

    again thanks for all the support.. it means so much to me. anyone who is going through a similar situation my heart goes out to you because it's honestly heartbreaking. might not seem like a big deal to some but to us it's soul crushing, de-motivating etc etc
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
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    It sounds like a very difficult situation. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to protect yourself. You can't control your mother's behavior, but you can make the choice to be healthy yourself. My heart goes out to you as well.
  • jennybearlv
    jennybearlv Posts: 1,519 Member
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    NerdTurd wrote: »
    i forgot to mention my mum is an alcoholic. she was addicted to alcohol but was in COMPLETE denial an made everyone around her miserable with her nasty attitude and sometimes violence.

    after a huge argument between my mum and dad after she came after me my dad smashed her bottle on the floor and she got on the floor crying trying to pick it up. he said "look at you... look at you crying over damn alcohol. that is what you have become. you care more over a damn bottle of alcohol than your own family" he threatened to leave her that night if she didn't change.

    believe it or not she did... for a good 3-4 years she would only have a drink on special occasions or some weekends. recently she has been drinking every night again.. she has my dad completely fooled. she says "it helps me sleep" she has even blamed her friend saying that her friend drinks every day when she doesn't, she drinks every week on weekends like any normal person does to take the load off.

    it's always excuses. it went from 2 drinks a night to 4. she would say "no this is my last one" 3 drinks become 5.

    she goes through 2 bottles of jack denials a week sometimes 3 bottles. i told my dad she is getting into old habits again but he does absolutely nothing. i tell my mum seeing her drink this much hurts me but all she does is change the subject or talk over me when i am talking to her. it's really depressing me seeing her do this to herself.
    and she has the nerve to talk down to me about food and my eating habits...
    i can't explain the amount of anger i feel. the whole situation is gut wrenching.

    i think the advice of not coming to my parents as often might be a good idea. as much as i love them they are quite toxic. they have bad habits and yet make me feel like my good habits are bad. i truly honestly can not win.

    they are very ill so i didn't want to ever be apart in case something happens.. but i am starting to think they are bringing it on themselves.

    again thanks for all the support.. it means so much to me. anyone who is going through a similar situation my heart goes out to you because it's honestly heartbreaking. might not seem like a big deal to some but to us it's soul crushing, de-motivating etc etc

    I'm so sorry for what your family is going through. It's heartbreaking. It would be very brave of you to talk to your mother about her drinking and your dad about his enabling. Unfortunately you have as much control over the drinking as your parents do over your choices. If they don't want to listen and change all you can do is be loving and supportive, but never enabling. It definitely sounds like you could use some distance from this toxic situation until they are ready to change.
  • NerdTurd
    NerdTurd Posts: 15 Member
    edited July 2017
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    [/quote]
    I'm so sorry for what your family is going through. It's heartbreaking. It would be very brave of you to talk to your mother about her drinking and your dad about his enabling. Unfortunately you have as much control over the drinking as your parents do over your choices. If they don't want to listen and change all you can do is be loving and supportive, but never enabling. It definitely sounds like you could use some distance from this toxic situation until they are ready to change.[/quote]

    I have tried over and over again but she talks over me. my dad is one of those "i am always right, don't talk up to me like you are somebody" type of guys. if i tell him about her drinking he will only say i need to leave her alone its her life bla bla. he's always been that way. Anything that he doesn't like to hear he will go mad at, he will lose his sh** pretty much. he has gone for me before. it's a messed up situation. i guess i came here to relate to someone.. if they been through similar. just to make me feel like i am not so alone because sometimes i feel like i am losing my sanity.

    thanks for all your kind responses. feel free to share any of your related problems on this post x

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