Why bother when I just get slated?

F**** them.

I am so confused. WHY, exactly, do you love this family member dearly?? Sounds like they are verbally abusive and need punched in the mouth.

Good heavens! Can't they see that you have lost 55 lbs. Can't believe they're not giving you a standing ovation. Don't let them get inside your bubble. You always have a cheering section here at MFP. We're here to applaud your efforts, so when people say thoughtless things, just think of our smiling faces. :happy:

i would tell them what you wrote here...that their hurtful comments are impacting your confidence and not really helping you achieve your goals. So it sounds like you are doing a great job and making strides and I would remind them that support would be appreciated.

I have a family member that no matter how I look, they have to say something negative. It bothered me for a long time and it still upsets me occasionally. Basically the only advice I have is to tell them to piss off and ignore them. It isn't easy, but if they know they can't get to you...normally they stop.

oh you poor thing. thats rough!!! Family members can be the worst when it comes to this... They don't realize how much their comments hurt, plus they probly struggle with their own personal issues/weight problems and don't handle change very well. But you don't have to stand there and take it. You don't have to let your goals go out the window because you are with them. Stand tall and stick with whatever it is that you are doing to change your lifestyle. At the end of the day, all that matters is how you feel and what makes you happy.
Have you tried talking with this family member and expressing how their comments make you feel? You are trying to make positive changes in your life and well being, why would anyone frown upon that?? UNfortunately, people do, because they are afraid of changing their lives for the better. Its much easier to stay the same. ANything worth having requires hard work, and not everyone is willing to work hard for the things they want.
good luck sister, you can do it!! don't let the haters bring you down!!! :-)

This is why I stopped hanging out with my family.

Well, not really, I stopped because they're all insane.

But this would be a good reason too.

I did visit my grandfather in Georgia about 2 months before he died, and, as he was laid up on a recliner barely able to move, he managed to pipe up with, "Well, ain't you got fat?"

Well, ain't you got dead?
I know, I'm going to Hell, probably not for that tho.

Ok,so Im at a family member's this week,so all my healthy living is kinda out the window. But what doesnt help is that the family member makes jibes about my weight. A few examples were today,when they asked was it a maternity top I was wearing,and when I went to get something for them from a friend of theirs they asked did their friend say I was nice and fat?!?!? Dont get me wrong,people DO say Im losing weight and getting my shape back,but this particular family member who I love dearly is just bringing my confidence right down,not only with slagging my weight but also my appearance as a whole. Has anyone else been through this and how do I tackle the family member?

Okay tough love here. You flat out have to tell them that what they are saying is hurtful and mean. If they joke about it or try to schluff it off, then tell them that it won't be in your best interest to come around anymore till the attitude changes. Most people who think that what they say is just a joke, think that the person taking it is fine with it because there's no retaliation. So give it back to them straight.

Just keep in mind that when people are verbally abusive to you, it’s because they are feeling insecure about themselves. I hate when people make comments and hide behind sarcasm. The best thing for you to do in this situation is to speak out and let them know how their words make you feel. Corny I know, but it works for me.

yep, if a family member said those things to me i'd tell them to F off, and dont' bother speaking to me unless they are going to say something nice, or normal... simple, that's no way to talk to any human, especially one who it trying to improve their health. he should be supporting you, not having a go.

then if he ever tries to say that again, sledge him, pick out his biggest fault and tell him, and say something nasty about his fault...

i done that to my MIL's partner early on in the piece, he had a go at my big *kitten* in front of the tv blockin his view, and i said "well i might be fat, but at least i'm not old and blind"... he didn't like it, but it got my point across, that if he wants to insult me, i can lower my standards and dig nastily at his faults, which he can't even attempt to change at 70 years old. sorry, but if you can give it out, you deserve to get a bit back... Never again did he ever have a go at me about my weight again.

Hahahaha the comment by the other guy says it all, short and sweet. Seriously though, yes I have had this. The family member concerned wasn't that popular, and had kids that were running rings around them. My assumption - she needed something to make themselves feel better about themselves. Her kids were running wild, taking drugs, disappearing for days on end...her relationship was a bit of a sham, she couldn't make her mortgage payments....but the all important news for her? She was a UK size 6. I tell you what love, I'll keep my life, and my clothes size - and you keep yours!! Wonder if your little treasure has similar issues, and feels the need to point out the weight thing to prove also that they are able to keep control of one single element of their life - their trouser size. I found my relative pretty transparent - I hope you can re-assess here, as the only people who behave like this are either a) vile and evil b) control freaks with an out of control life or c) autistic and don't understand the effect their comments are having on those around you. Only c) is acceptable! The way I dealt with it was to thank her kindly for her support at every occasion she made a snidey remark - give it 5 minutes and then go into an in-depth conversation about 'something I'd read in a magazine about low BMI and poor bone density....the dangers of heart muscle wastage and anorexia, teeth rot in bulimics"...and then ask nicely if anyone would like a bit of cake...back at you Sister!!!

Good luck gorgeous, you don't need that idiots support to succeed :-) xx

prove them wrong

Ok,so Im at a family member's this week,so all my healthy living is kinda out the window. But what doesnt help is that the family member makes jibes about my weight. A few examples were today,when they asked was it a maternity top I was wearing,and when I went to get something for them from a friend of theirs they asked did their friend say I was nice and fat?!?!? Dont get me wrong,people DO say Im losing weight and getting my shape back,but this particular family member who I love dearly is just bringing my confidence right down,not only with slagging my weight but also my appearance as a whole. Has anyone else been through this and how do I tackle the family member?

Hurting people, hurt people. So pity is the way to go. She needs your pity. She is damaged and can't see straight to be kind. So you be kind for her. Show her a better way to behave. Say something like, "I am so sorry that you think that comment is helpful."

Thanks everyone. It's my Nan,and I do love her dearly,but her words can cut like a knife. But then my family is pretty reknowned for having sharp tongues lol. xx

My Gran loves being rude. She figures she's spent 80 years being nice to people, and now she's gonna say what she wants to say! It hurts sometimes, but I treasure her. She brutally honest about everything - sometimes I appreciate it and other times it really does hurt. I know I won't have long left with her, and I admire her strength, but sometimes I just want to grab her and shake her. I completely know where you're coming from!!

confront them with the pain they cause before you eat more. always address the feelings, this may be why your diet is out the window this week.