I thought my life ruining binge habits were behind me. Looks like i was wrong and i'm freaking out
Losingthedamnweight
Posts: 536 Member
Ever since i can remember I've used food as a coping mechanism whenever something happened in my life that i felt I couldn't handle. Work is hard? Go home and eat crap. My relationship is going down the pooper? Go order a pizza. Even when it didn't result in making me any happier (even temporarily) i would just keep doing it without even thinking it. It was almost like my brain was on autopilot. I didn't have to even consciously decide "ok. I'm gonna go eat some mcdonalds because i had a hard day". No. I would literally just be upset and next thing i know I'm home with a big bag of greasy food like "how did this get here?"
But this past year has been different. I finally got a handle on things, ate better, built better habits (made a point to go to the gym everyday no matter how i felt) and i lost the most weight I've ever lost in my entire life. I was on a roll. I thought my days of mindless binge eating were behind me and I could finally have a more normal life. Well...
Some personal family drama happened in my life that I'd rather not talk about (too painful) and it pushed me into a deep depression. Ever since late may, I've been numb emotionally and it's like I'm a completely different person now. I remember before all this happened even if I was sick I'd go to the gym. Even if I just did a 16 hour shift, I'd still go to the gym! Because I always felt like even if I wasn't in the mood, it is what's best for me so I was able to force myself to do it. But ever since all this happened I've had to drag myself to the gym sometimes and even then, I'm weak and unmotivated and if I do go, it's once. And then a week will go by without me going again. And I feel like I have no control over what happens in my life anymore.
I decided a couple weeks ago that this has become a problem so I was gonna buckle down and get back to my healthy habits. That lasted for 2 days before I was ordering junk food and making excuses about why it's ok. All "we will call this the last meal and THEN I will eat better". The last meal is like everyday now. Today I talked to my fiancée on the phone who is going to be moving in with me in a week and right after, I ordered McDonald's delivery. What...the...hell. And every time I eat I'm always thinking "well this wasn't worth it". Why do I do this? I was practically crying to myself as I was shoving chicken nuggets in my mouth. It's funny and terrible at the same time
I'm thinking about just doing a fast for a couple days. I was reading about them online and how they can beneficial for getting rid of cravings so I'm debating with myself about whether to give it a try or not. And it should be fairly easy since I'm off work the next couple days.
But this past year has been different. I finally got a handle on things, ate better, built better habits (made a point to go to the gym everyday no matter how i felt) and i lost the most weight I've ever lost in my entire life. I was on a roll. I thought my days of mindless binge eating were behind me and I could finally have a more normal life. Well...
Some personal family drama happened in my life that I'd rather not talk about (too painful) and it pushed me into a deep depression. Ever since late may, I've been numb emotionally and it's like I'm a completely different person now. I remember before all this happened even if I was sick I'd go to the gym. Even if I just did a 16 hour shift, I'd still go to the gym! Because I always felt like even if I wasn't in the mood, it is what's best for me so I was able to force myself to do it. But ever since all this happened I've had to drag myself to the gym sometimes and even then, I'm weak and unmotivated and if I do go, it's once. And then a week will go by without me going again. And I feel like I have no control over what happens in my life anymore.
I decided a couple weeks ago that this has become a problem so I was gonna buckle down and get back to my healthy habits. That lasted for 2 days before I was ordering junk food and making excuses about why it's ok. All "we will call this the last meal and THEN I will eat better". The last meal is like everyday now. Today I talked to my fiancée on the phone who is going to be moving in with me in a week and right after, I ordered McDonald's delivery. What...the...hell. And every time I eat I'm always thinking "well this wasn't worth it". Why do I do this? I was practically crying to myself as I was shoving chicken nuggets in my mouth. It's funny and terrible at the same time
I'm thinking about just doing a fast for a couple days. I was reading about them online and how they can beneficial for getting rid of cravings so I'm debating with myself about whether to give it a try or not. And it should be fairly easy since I'm off work the next couple days.
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Replies
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In my experience, fasts just make my compulsion to binge even worse. I don't know if your experience would be the same, but it's something for you to be aware of.
Here is what does work for me: I make sure to focus on the things I want to eat, plan meals that I am excited about eating, and make sure I get sufficient calories.
Thinking about foods in terms of "healthy" or "unhealthy" just sets me up for failure and focusing on what I "can't" have. But when I plan overall meals that meet my nutritional and calorie goals, I do much better.
So . . . maybe try this. Make sure you have exciting meals planned for the next couple of days. If you have a specific goal to eat better (like getting more vegetables or sufficient protein), plan for that when you're planning the meals.
Consider getting some professional help if it feels overwhelming. It doesn't have to be long term and lots of people find it really helpful when they're dealing with compulsive eating.12 -
Do not do a fast. Fasting is not good for people who binge. It is just going to increase the odds of you having a rebound binge.
Have you given thought to getting counseling for binge eating? It could help a lot.9 -
Binges, as you note, are fed by drama. So dial down the drama a bit.
This is not the end of the world.
This is not going to ruin anything.
This is just a rough patch you need to get through.
Every time you eat something you didn't intend to, just log it and move on. Try your hardest to be neutral about it. Do not attach self-loathing, anxiety, catastrophic thinking or any other kind of drama to the food. It's just food. Do not try to 'undo the damage' by undereating or over-exercising (or heaven forbid, by fasting!). All that does is feeds the cycle.
You got here by treating food as a friend and a comfort and a solution to your problems. The only way out of it is to learn to treat food as food.
You ate a thing. That's all. So log it. And move on.
If you keep logging and stay neutral, my belief is that you will move past this and get back into your good place, and on the way gain a lot of self-knowledge about why this happens, what your feelings really are, and how you can better react to them.13 -
I agree with others I don't think a fast is the way to go.
I think it would be good to speak with a professional. But in the meantime what about stocking your fridge with healthy options. I know how easy it is to just order in and eat or drink to numb things perhaps if you have healthy choices staring you down every time you look in the fridge it might make you think twice about ordering junk2 -
I've fasted. People think they are helpful for getting rid of cravings? Oy. Quite the opposite, IMO.
I suggest the gym instead. And do consider some cognitive behavioral therapy.
This book on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for overeating was available in my library system, so perhaps yours as well.
The Beck Diet Solution: Train Your Brain to Think Like a Thin Person
Can thinking and eating like a thin person be learned, similar to learning to drive or use a computer? Beck (Cognitive Therapy for Challenging Problems) contends so, based on decades of work with patients who have lost pounds and maintained weight through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Beck's six-week program adapts CBT, a therapeutic system developed by Beck's father, Aaron, in the 1960s, to specific challenges faced by yo-yo dieters, including negative thinking, bargaining, emotional eating, bingeing, and eating out. Beck counsels readers day-by-day, introducing new elements (creating advantage response cards, choosing a diet, enlisting a diet coach, making a weight-loss graph) progressively and offering tools to help readers stay focused (writing exercises, to-do lists, ways to counter negative thoughts). There are no eating plans, calorie counts, recipes or exercises; according to Beck, any healthy diet will work if readers learn to think differently about eating and food. Beck's book is like an extended therapy session with a diet coach. (Apr.)
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In my weight loss process I've learned that my progress is directly related to what's going on in my life. Do yourself a favor and go see a counselor. Learn how to process stress to help you to success and more happiness.
For fasting, that might not be the right path for you. It's definitely not for me. I need food every few hours.
As for working out, take a pic of your machine everyday and compete with yourself. When you realize it takes an hour of cardio to eat one piece of pizza you might rethink.
This may do nothing for you but I looked up some of my favorite food ingredients lists...and I haven't eaten fast food since. "Foaming agent" just makes me ill when I read that and that's not the worst thing in it! That's not to say I don't eat junk, I sooo do. And, there are equally bad things in those but for some reason the "foaming agent" sent my mind in a frenzie.
Back to the counseling, try it. Find someone to talk to about the things going on.
Friend me if you'd like. Good luck.1 -
sunsweet77 wrote: »In my weight loss process I've learned that my progress is directly related to what's going on in my life. Do yourself a favor and go see a counselor. Learn how to process stress to help you to success and more happiness.
For fasting, that might not be the right path for you. It's definitely not for me. I need food every few hours.
As for working out, take a pic of your machine everyday and compete with yourself. When you realize it takes an hour of cardio to eat one piece of pizza you might rethink.
This may do nothing for you but I looked up some of my favorite food ingredients lists...and I haven't eaten fast food since. "Foaming agent" just makes me ill when I read that and that's not the worst thing in it! That's not to say I don't eat junk, I sooo do. And, there are equally bad things in those but for some reason the "foaming agent" sent my mind in a frenzie.
Back to the counseling, try it. Find someone to talk to about the things going on.
Friend me if you'd like. Good luck.
Along these lines, I haven't had a chicken nugget since reading "The Omnivore's Dilemma" or a fast food burger since watching "Food, Inc."
And the way you feel about 'foaming agents' I feel about ingredients that are in both bread and yoga mats.
/shudder/0 -
I'm so sorry to see that you're going through a rough patch. Sometimes a huge life crisis leads to depression, and that certainly would upset anyone's motivation to go to the gym or stop eating high calorie foods. It sounds as though you've already tried to force yourself to start going to the gym again and haven't been able to do that consistently. Nearly crying while eating? If you're feeling hopeless and stressed out, I think it's time for you to consult a doctor to evaluate for depression.1
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When I catch myself after overeating (it's usually chips or drunk eating), I try and take a deep breath and remember how I feel to remind myself to practice restraint the next time. It's not a perfect process by any means - I ate something like 800 calories of Cheetos last weekend on a long road trip - but I have felt over time that it's helped. You're not a bad person because you like to eat! Eating is great! You're just a person and it's never too late to change, so long as you remember to take it easy.5
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Wish I had words of encouragement - I'm in your boat and was searching the threads for support. I'm new to MFP community but have been logging food on here for about 3 years off and on. I had gastric sleeve 3 years ago, lost a ton of weight and thought it was a whole new world and that my compulsive eating was over. But now I'm a compulsive eater again and just cannot stop. When I get home from work, No, on MY WAY HOME from work, all I can think about is what I'm going to eat when I get home. And I start eating and basically don't stop until I have to go to bed. And when I wake up, it's like I cannot believe I did that. And I do it all over again. I just keep trying to get back up on that horse. I may try counselling too. Good luck to you! Good to know there are others with the same struggles as me.0
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I've used food as a coping mechanism for as long as I can remember as well. Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experiences. I hope the family drama has settled down a bit. Being consciously aware of unconscious eating is a step forward. Journaling may help too. Fasting/cleanses can help reduce cravings and gives everything a rest. Lemme know if I can help.0
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It's probably time to seek some professional help my friend.
Sometimes problems are bigger than our solutions. Nothing wrong with getting help.1 -
Please don't expect to get rid of habits that took several decades to evolve within just a year ...
Expect and accept throwbacks.
They are throwbacks, they don't question your whole travel
Learn from them.
Analyze them.
You already seem to have understood what triggers it.
Now disarm these triggers ... Or learn to avoid them.
Implement a new reward-system to your life.
Most important: This **kitten**-"Last Meal" is behind you now. You had it yesterday!
Today is Relaunch ...
T - 10 and counting
9
8
7
6
5
4
3 We have ignition!
2
1
Off you go!
Don't forget towel and shoes
See you at the gym
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I'm a emotional and binge eater from waaaay back. I really identify with everything you wrote, particularly crying to yourself whilst shoving chicken nuggets in your mouth. Yup, been there done that, many times.
I disagree with advice about fasting. I do 5:2 and eat 800 cal on fasting days. I'm loving it. I eat plenty of protein on fasting days and really quite like not worrying making lunch etc. I don't binge on non fasting days, it doesn't play havoc with my mind at all - each to their own though. Try it, see if you like it.1 -
[ I do 5:2 and eat 800 cal on fasting days. ]
kimothy38, please explain what 5:2 means. I'm trying to wrap my head around how this works to see if it works for me, a binge eater for 30+ years.
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If my friend was crying to themselves while eating chicken nuggets, I would give them a hug. I wouldn't hassle them about the nuggets.
I remember reading an article that pointed out that if you struggle with emotional eating, you should start with the emotions. The eating is the symptom, not the cause. Take the focus off the food and onto what's really bothering you.6 -
Don't give up, you can add me as a friend if you want. I totally get where you are coming from. Emotional eating is very real! Don't let a binge eat or the feeling of losing ground derail you from your goals. You are not weak, you are human. Being human is good, beating yourself up for being human, not good. Changing lifestyle takes a lot of self love, a lot of self care and a lot of self forgiveness. That is why weight loss and getting healthy is a journey for many. Hang on you can do this!!!1
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My heart goes out to you. I've been there. You feel like you're powerless to stop putting those chicken nuggets in your mouth. You don't know how to stop. It spirals deeper as you berate yourself and continue eating to numb the pain.
I know it's easier said than done, but try to tell yourself that this is your choice. Say it now. "This is my choice."
Even if you keep binging and avoiding the gym, stop drifting in this sea of powerlessness. Own it. THIS IS MY CHOICE. Once you tell yourself that a hundred times (or hopefully fewer) you might realize that if it's your choice to continue, you can also make the choice to stop.
I know it's hard. I've been there. But first you have to own your behavior before you can recognize and act to change. It's your decision and you have the power to make the decision to continue or to stop. Again, it's ok if the decision is to continue because you feel the emotional pull of it. But just know that you are choosing it.
That moment when you put down the chicken nugget mid-binge is a very powerful moment. It signifies a lot. I truly hope you get there soon and when you do, you'll be glad you chose to stop when you did and don't beat yourself up for reverting.
Big hugs. Stay strong and please feel free to friend me! I'm still very much in the beginning of my own journey but I can totally relate to your struggles.1 -
OP, I thought the same regarding myself, and feel the same way. It's a struggle that I understand. I too have been dealing with a shitetonn of stress.
I need to reread Beck Diet Solution
If you haven't read this, I highly recommend it. 0 -
You could try fasting. It might work and there is nothing wrong with it.
But as you know, usually these things are not about food.
They're about mind/spirit/emotions more than they are about food -- at least for me.
I wish you well. Be kind and loving towards yourself.
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Happens to me too my man. I really think it's just going to be a gradual unlearning of the habit. Food is connected with stress for you and I so the best we can do is try to eliminate stress and let the connection slowly disipate. Sometimes I go a long time without a binge but it eventually comes back. Just keep going!
Does that help at all?
[post edited by MFP mods]2 -
@healthymom1027
Here is a group that does 5:2 -- eat at maintenance five days a week. The other two days they eat one meal of about 500 calories.
https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/howto/guide/what-52-diet
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/49-intermittent-fasting
Another set of people do various versions of 18:6 -- eat nothing for 18 hours of the day and get all their calories in during a 6 hour period.0 -
I haven't read the other replies, but all I was thinking reading this was...maybe some therapy would be helpful? It sounds like you're depressed. Bingeing is a symptom of something deeper, and it very well may continue to happen unless you get a handle on the driving force behind it.
I used to be a binge eater (flirting with purging at times), and it wasn't until I got some counseling that I was able to get myself straight. That's not to say I still don't struggle at times, and yes...there are days when I do some serious overeating like we all do, but those days of true binges are over.
Wishing you the best.0 -
Please read "Brain over binge" it will open your eyes
It's the only thing that's helping me to leave the binges behind...0
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