I need help with my husband!!

sillylady2012
sillylady2012 Posts: 9 Member
in Motivation and Support
My husband is a very picky eater and he doesnt like much fruits and vegetables. I wish hed join me on this journey to living and eating better. He seems convinced that fruits and veggies are too expensive for him to learn to like. He makes up excuses such as " why do i need to spend more money on foods i hate than spend less money on what we are already eating?" Ive told him that eating better will help him feel better and hell live longer nad happier but thats not enough to convince him. Even explaining hell get sick and die doesnt get through to him either. His pickyness discourages me from wanting to eat better. Im not sure what to do about it.

Replies

  • NewMeSM75
    NewMeSM75 Posts: 971 Member
    You can't change anyone who doesn't want to change. That's just a fact. You can encourage him but ultimately it's his decision. You decided to eat healthier, you joined mfp and you're working to do this; He didn't. Not trying to sound ugly.

    Focus on you. Focus on bettering yourself for you. If he has no problem with his eating no matter how bad it is, it's still his choice. He's not a child.
  • sillylady2012
    sillylady2012 Posts: 9 Member
    Yes i agree. Thank you for the support.
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    Try blue apron or hello fresh. They have healthy meals and good portions.

    Grocery shopping is a pain.

    This is a very expensive thing to do, she mentioned him complaining about the cost.
  • Grimmerick
    Grimmerick Posts: 3,342 Member
    buy and cook the healthy that you want to eat, if it's there anyway he might eat it because it is already paid for, if not then you have lunch for the next day. Just make sure you cook stuff he will try or likes.
  • TorStar80
    TorStar80 Posts: 252 Member
    Don't let his choices be yours. That's what I have to say, I think if you let what he wants deter you from improving yourself, then it's making an excuse.. I'm not trying at all to be mean or rude, I am speaking from experience. I've let my partners habits become my excuse too, but not anymore. He can eat with me and do what I'm doing or fend for himself. He kind of meets me halfway now, he'll add carbs heavy foods into a meal where I will not (that's just my choice at the moment) and that's okay.
  • mss342
    mss342 Posts: 9 Member
    Use every opportunity to have your picture taken together. Especially after you've lost some weight, he'll take notice of how large he is compared to you and want to lose weight too.
  • StaciMarie1974
    StaciMarie1974 Posts: 4,138 Member
    Perhaps he should take a multivitamin to make up for the missing nutrients?

    What does he like to eat? If he is interested in losing weight, look for ways to make them lighter/leaner or he can just cut back on portions.
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,590 Member
    You take care of yourself. Be your own motivation and get support on here. If he wants to eat crap, don't let that become your problem. I know it's hard because you care, but if it's messing with your progress you have to learn to separate yourself from that. You wouldn't be helping either of you by not taking care of yourself, right?
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    sillylady2012 wrote: »
    My husband is a very picky eater and he doesnt like much fruits and vegetables. I wish hed join me on this journey to living and eating better. He seems convinced that fruits and veggies are too expensive for him to learn to like. He makes up excuses such as " why do i need to spend more money on foods i hate than spend less money on what we are already eating?" Ive told him that eating better will help him feel better and hell live longer nad happier but thats not enough to convince him. Even explaining hell get sick and die doesnt get through to him either. His pickyness discourages me from wanting to eat better. Im not sure what to do about it.

    As far as eating goes, you do you and let him do him. My husband doesn't eat much produce but we eat the same meals. He eats the portions he likes and I eat what I like and my daughter eats what she likes. Last night we had fajita chicken with rice and peppers and tomatoes. I ate a bit of everything. He ate the chicken and the rice. Our daughter ate mostly peppers and tomatoes. No big deal.
  • bizgirl26
    bizgirl26 Posts: 1,795 Member
    If I do the cooking I make what I want to eat and don't worry what anyone else wants - if you don't like it you make your own in my house . Tough love lol
  • Kintsugi_Haikyo
    Kintsugi_Haikyo Posts: 361 Member
    You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.
  • mss342
    mss342 Posts: 9 Member
    He can eat whatever he wants and lose weight, just can't eat as much as he wants. Even if you do all the cooking, what's stopping him from running to McDonalds or grabbing some cookies or ice cream after? You can not lose weight for him, it will only happen if he wants it to happen, not you wanting it to happen. Pictures are the best motivation. Start taking pictures all the time. If he says he doesn't like his picture taken ask him why. He has to realize he's over weight before he can acknowledge there's a problem
  • preshalin
    preshalin Posts: 52 Member
    You can't make/force someone to change. They can only change if they want to and when they decide they are ready.
  • aleezada929
    aleezada929 Posts: 3 Member
    edited July 2017
    Frozen fruits and veggies can be significantly cheaper than non frozen! As well as scientifically proven to have the same benefits (you can of course do some research if you're feeling skeptical)
    If you do a lot of cooking at home, you could try and find ways to sneak veggies and other nutrient rich things (like tumeric, spiralina, little things like that that also don't have much flavor but add HUGE health benefits to your food) into his dinner/lunch, etc.
    After doing so for a bit, if he or you notices any changes you can let him in on your little shenanigans and sit down and have a talk about how much better it is to eat/live a healthier lifestyle and so on!
    Hope for the best !! x
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    mss342 wrote: »
    He can eat whatever he wants and lose weight, just can't eat as much as he wants. Even if you do all the cooking, what's stopping him from running to McDonalds or grabbing some cookies or ice cream after? You can not lose weight for him, it will only happen if he wants it to happen, not you wanting it to happen. Pictures are the best motivation. Start taking pictures all the time. If he says he doesn't like his picture taken ask him why. He has to realize he's over weight before he can acknowledge there's a problem

    I think that's a terrible idea. It is possible to be overweight and know it and know that your health is being negatively affected by it and still not consider losing weight to be a priority at the moment. The OP is already harping on him about how he's going to get sick and die. Believe me, he knows that he is overweight and she's unhappy about it. What she needs to do is get her own weight and health under control instead of focusing on him so much.
  • wmd1979
    wmd1979 Posts: 469 Member
    sillylady2012 wrote: »
    My husband is a very picky eater and he doesnt like much fruits and vegetables. I wish hed join me on this journey to living and eating better. He seems convinced that fruits and veggies are too expensive for him to learn to like. He makes up excuses such as " why do i need to spend more money on foods i hate than spend less money on what we are already eating?" Ive told him that eating better will help him feel better and hell live longer nad happier but thats not enough to convince him. Even explaining hell get sick and die doesnt get through to him either. His pickyness discourages me from wanting to eat better. Im not sure what to do about it.

    Everyone is just kind of assuming that your husband is overweight, but you never actually address that in your post, you just say you are trying to live and eat better. It would help to have a bit more context. Is he overweight, and if so, does he want to lose weight? If the answer to either of those questions is no, then you are going to have a very tough time doing anything to convince him.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    I don't see any indication that this husband is overweight; just that he is a cheap picky eater who doesn't like fruits and veggies.

    I suggest you take him at his word, and prepare the same boring meal for him every day. Include your own tasty side dishes from the wide variety of veggies and fruits you get for yourself.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    wmd1979 wrote: »
    Everyone is just kind of assuming that your husband is overweight, but you never actually address that in your post, you just say you are trying to live and eat better. It would help to have a bit more context. Is he overweight, and if so, does he want to lose weight?


    jgnatca wrote: »
    I don't see any indication that this husband is overweight; just that he is a cheap picky eater who doesn't like fruits and veggies.

    Good points, both of you.

  • wmd1979
    wmd1979 Posts: 469 Member
    TenaciousGymKitten wrote: »
    That's it.. you just need a new husband. ;) It is really discouraging when your partner doesn't work with you on food choices. So let him shop, prepare and eat what he would like. You do the same for you. There is no reason to take his resistance as a slight to your own journey. One of two things will happen; either he will join you in eatng better foods or he will continue to do what he does. You do you... enjoy what you eat and feel good about yourself.

    OMG, it is so annoying when someone else actually thinks for themselves, isn't it?
  • AliceDark
    AliceDark Posts: 3,886 Member
    Is he having health issues? You don't specify in your OP, but "he'll get sick and die" is really hyperbolic if he's not having any health issues and if his only issue is that he doesn't want to eat more fruits and vegetables. If my partner told me I'd die if I didn't eat a vegetable, I'd probably dig in my heels and become even more stubborn too.
  • amandallee
    amandallee Posts: 40 Member
    Maybe make it a thing between you too to sit down and find out what's on sale in your area every week and try a recipe with one new vegetable a week? Do you have an Aldi in your area? Their produce is usually always cheap. I'm an extremely picky eater as well so I feel his pain. Don't harp on him bc that only makes it worse, speaking from experience. Try cooking something and have him taste it just to see if he likes it. "This is really good, would you like to try it?" Make it a date for you two or make a game out of it - whoever tries the most vegetables in a month gets - X. Childish advice maybe but it works for me! Lol
  • beelzeboobs21
    beelzeboobs21 Posts: 5 Member
    You do you. In my household, I do nearly all of grocery shopping and cooking. When I decided to make a change, I started buying and cooking healthier. If my partner wants junk, they can go get it themselves. The healthy stuff is what I make.

    Chances are, he will see the progress you're making and want in on it. That's exactly what happened to us. My man did not care about eating healthier or working out, but he expressed a desire to lose weight. I've dropped about 30 lbs in the last 4 months. When he saw my progress, he was inspired to join me. He has since been eating the healthier meals I'm making. Mind you, he doesn't work as hard and he stills eats some crap but it's a start and I'll take it.

    Also, he may just hate the way he's had veggies before. Is he used to canned/boiled/gross mush? My partner's Mom only used canned or frozen and that put him off vegetables until I came along. Maybe that will help?
  • perkymommy
    perkymommy Posts: 1,642 Member
    sillylady2012 wrote: »
    My husband is a very picky eater and he doesnt like much fruits and vegetables. I wish hed join me on this journey to living and eating better. He seems convinced that fruits and veggies are too expensive for him to learn to like. He makes up excuses such as " why do i need to spend more money on foods i hate than spend less money on what we are already eating?" Ive told him that eating better will help him feel better and hell live longer nad happier but thats not enough to convince him. Even explaining hell get sick and die doesnt get through to him either. His pickyness discourages me from wanting to eat better. Im not sure what to do about it.

    You can't make another person eat like you or try to lose weight when you do. He has to want to do it for himself. Just buy and eat the things you want. I have to fix 2-3 different meals almost every evening in my house because my kids eat differently than I do and so does my husband. :) I'm used to it.
  • mss342
    mss342 Posts: 9 Member
    jemhh wrote: »
    mss342 wrote: »
    He can eat whatever he wants and lose weight, just can't eat as much as he wants. Even if you do all the cooking, what's stopping him from running to McDonalds or grabbing some cookies or ice cream after? You can not lose weight for him, it will only happen if he wants it to happen, not you wanting it to happen. Pictures are the best motivation. Start taking pictures all the time. If he says he doesn't like his picture taken ask him why. He has to realize he's over weight before he can acknowledge there's a problem

    I think that's a terrible idea. It is possible to be overweight and know it and know that your health is being negatively affected by it and still not consider losing weight to be a priority at the moment. The OP is already harping on him about how he's going to get sick and die. Believe me, he knows that he is overweight and she's unhappy about it. What she needs to do is get her own weight and health under control instead of focusing on him so much.

    The OP is asking how to get him to lose weight. This will put her on the right path to do so. It's one thing to tell him, it's another thing for him to see it in pictures. My advice answers the OPs question, yours simply imposes your own opinion, and doesn't help in any way.
  • sofchak
    sofchak Posts: 862 Member
    My husband had ZERO interest on joining my health journey back in Jan 2016, which was fine. I wasn't doing it for him; I was doing it for me. I lost 40 lbs, gained way more energy, sleep better, etc, due to healthy diet changes... guess what? My husband eventually came around to start following some of the same general principles. Took him a year, but my patience is paying off - it's his internal motivation to make changes now, not my pushing him to do it. I think that this approach will make him ultimately more successful - he's 10 lbs down so far! That's my two cents - you do you and if he sees the value in your positive changes, he might just make up his mind to eat more fruits and veggies, too. Good luck. Have patience.
  • mumpuff
    mumpuff Posts: 5 Member
    From your op I guess that you dont want to make two seperate meals (healthy for you and whatever he will eat) and that this is putting you off eating well.
    You could do things that have hidden veggies in them (a bit like you would with a picky child) so he's getting the nutrients without noticing, like blending peppers, onion and carrots into a tomato sauce and serving with pasta and meatballs or as a pizza topping.
    Or make healthy sides that he can have or not (I have loads of salad that everyone else ignores).
    Write up a costing of what your healthy meals cost v his usual meals and show him the difference (I find veggies go further and overall cost less than meat).
    Finally, you could be brutal and say "I'm making this for dinner, if you want something else make it yourself".
    It is hard to make someone change and in the end you can take a horse to water but not make it drink. Do this for yourself and if he wants to join you then he will, but it might take time.
    Hope that helps and good luck

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