Does anyone else struggle with a partner who eats unhealthily?
georgebah
Posts: 4 Member
Hi, I'm new here. I'm 5 ft 7 , 24 and I'm hovering at 15 stone. I've always been chubby but it's taken me til now to realise I seriously need to drop some weight.
I live with my partner and he is also overweight. I think the world of him but he eats terribly, lots of sausage rolls, processed meat, pies, chocolate, pizza, takeaways. He would eat takeaway every night if he could afford it!
I find that I am able to good breakfasts and lunches quite easily. My calorie goal is 1200 because I'm not too active during the summer months because I work seasonally which is why my calorie goal is low. For breakfast I tend to go for eggs, oatmeal, a vegetable hash etc, and lunches range from salad to soup to a healthy pitta. Usually im left with about 600-700 for dinner. However having a partner that refuses to eat vegetables, salad, fish etc makes cooking very difficult, so I end up having my thing and he ends up eating a take out pizza next to me which definitely isn't helpful. I know I should be able to resist it if I truly want to lose weight, which I do, but I don't feel like it's a healthy environment to be in. Sometimes I will cook something and I will ask him to grate a measured portion of cheese but he will end up grating three of four times the amount I asked because he likes things cheesy and more importantly 'im entitled to a treat'. Unfortunately this has gotten into my head and a 'treat' soon turns into a binge and I've undone all my hard work that week eating well. In addition, we are not well off financially so eating separately is expensive and not ideal.
Does anybody else struggle with their partners? I've tried talking to him about it and he said he wouldn't mind losing weight too but he isn't educated well, he doesn't understand that some food aren't good for him and too many 'treats' aren't going to help us! Again he dislikes healthy food and doesn't show any interest in veg, fruit etc.
I live with my partner and he is also overweight. I think the world of him but he eats terribly, lots of sausage rolls, processed meat, pies, chocolate, pizza, takeaways. He would eat takeaway every night if he could afford it!
I find that I am able to good breakfasts and lunches quite easily. My calorie goal is 1200 because I'm not too active during the summer months because I work seasonally which is why my calorie goal is low. For breakfast I tend to go for eggs, oatmeal, a vegetable hash etc, and lunches range from salad to soup to a healthy pitta. Usually im left with about 600-700 for dinner. However having a partner that refuses to eat vegetables, salad, fish etc makes cooking very difficult, so I end up having my thing and he ends up eating a take out pizza next to me which definitely isn't helpful. I know I should be able to resist it if I truly want to lose weight, which I do, but I don't feel like it's a healthy environment to be in. Sometimes I will cook something and I will ask him to grate a measured portion of cheese but he will end up grating three of four times the amount I asked because he likes things cheesy and more importantly 'im entitled to a treat'. Unfortunately this has gotten into my head and a 'treat' soon turns into a binge and I've undone all my hard work that week eating well. In addition, we are not well off financially so eating separately is expensive and not ideal.
Does anybody else struggle with their partners? I've tried talking to him about it and he said he wouldn't mind losing weight too but he isn't educated well, he doesn't understand that some food aren't good for him and too many 'treats' aren't going to help us! Again he dislikes healthy food and doesn't show any interest in veg, fruit etc.
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Replies
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theres a few things going on, from what i can see.
first, if he wants to eat pizza he can, its you who is on a diet and changing their eating habits - he doesn't have to. even if he says he wants to lose weight - that's fine, but he has to educate himself. offer to make healthy meals. if he doesn't want to eat them then that's his look out.
you say you cant afford separate meals, but if you don't want to eat the same things then you need to either bulk buy separately, or have some sort of compromise. you can eat pizza and lose weight if you're in a calorie deficit.
as for him not listening to you about the cheese, only use the amount you asked for, if it goes to waste then that's on him.9 -
My husband is exactly the same and no intention of loosing weight with me (even tho he should for his own health). I find it exceptionally hard to keep cooking seperate meals especially seems i am now cooking 4 different meals every dinner time (one for me two seperate kinds for the kid's - two of which have specific dietary needs) and one for the husband. Its a nightmare and costs tons of money to keep doing. I feel like giving up most days just to make life easier on me (cooking wise). However i have found a compromise. I have told the husband if he wants to eat the unhealthy stuff then fine - i cant stop him. I just wont cook it for him. If he wants to not have to cook he has to eat what i eat (9 times out of 10 this works as he cabt be bothered to cook or go out and get food). So for me its a win win most days now. I understand your problem with trying to get him to portion control however id stick to one thing at a time (trying to get him eating healthy 1st and then go onto portion sizes at a later date when hes adjusted). Chin up tho as i know how hard it can be and you must keep at it! Dont go ruining a great diet for the sakes of temptation elsewhere. Your healthy diet will help you in the long run x9
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Because my husband and I have very different schedules and dietary needs (I have allergies; he's bulking), we each get the exact same amount of money for food each week and are responsible for our own meals. That may not work for everyone, but it works for us. Considering you mentioned that this is financially strenuous, you might try it. As far as what you eat -- that is entirely up to you and not anyone else's responsibility. If you find yourself frequently tempted, it could be that 1200 is too low a calorie goal.
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double post0
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Hi, I'm new here. I'm 5 ft 7 , 24 and I'm hovering at 15 stone. I've always been chubby but it's taken me til now to realise I seriously need to drop some weight.
I live with my partner and he is also overweight. I think the world of him but he eats terribly, lots of sausage rolls, processed meat, pies, chocolate, pizza, takeaways. He would eat takeaway every night if he could afford it!
I find that I am able to good breakfasts and lunches quite easily. My calorie goal is 1200 because I'm not too active during the summer months because I work seasonally which is why my calorie goal is low. For breakfast I tend to go for eggs, oatmeal, a vegetable hash etc, and lunches range from salad to soup to a healthy pitta. Usually im left with about 600-700 for dinner. However having a partner that refuses to eat vegetables, salad, fish etc makes cooking very difficult, so I end up having my thing and he ends up eating a take out pizza next to me which definitely isn't helpful. I know I should be able to resist it if I truly want to lose weight, which I do, but I don't feel like it's a healthy environment to be in. Sometimes I will cook something and I will ask him to grate a measured portion of cheese but he will end up grating three of four times the amount I asked because he likes things cheesy and more importantly 'im entitled to a treat'. Unfortunately this has gotten into my head and a 'treat' soon turns into a binge and I've undone all my hard work that week eating well. In addition, we are not well off financially so eating separately is expensive and not ideal.
Does anybody else struggle with their partners? I've tried talking to him about it and he said he wouldn't mind losing weight too but he isn't educated well, he doesn't understand that some food aren't good for him and too many 'treats' aren't going to help us! Again he dislikes healthy food and doesn't show any interest in veg, fruit etc.
Nothing wrong with these kinds of foods- you just need to learn how to fit them into your calorie targets. I lost 50lbs and improved all my health markers eating fast food several times a week, candy/sweets, chips, all sorts of pre-packaged processed 'diet' foods, guzzling diet soda etc etc. It didn't matter what kinds of foods I ate though, just that I was hitting the calorie deficit I needed to lose the extra weight. I'm over 4 years into successfully maintaining that loss and better health markers now, and my food preferences have been all over the place in that time. Still doesn't matter what I chose to eat though-I maintain my weight, (current bmi around a 20), by how many calories I eat.
Also- I've been married for a very long time, and I also have 3 kids at home. What they eat has absolutely no bearing on what I eat. They all have different stats/calorie intakes/food preferences/weight goals. I focus on me, because that's the only person I can control
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I have been on both sides of this and didn't really understand the struggle, my wife has been trying to lose weight on and off for years and I have been the one eating excessive amounts of bad food. Now I'm trying to lose weight and while nowhere near as bad as I was she is eating unhealthy food and I do find it a struggle having that type of food in the house so can't imagine how hard it must have been for her on the past.
I'm motivated to lose weight so haven't caved in but it would be easier if we were doing it together. She doesn't offer me the food and rarely has fast food so not too bad.2 -
Sort of. My Mrs doesn't cook and would eat ice cream and drink Coca-Cola for all her nourishment if left to her own choices. As I've been on this weight-loss gig for 18 months now, she's learned that she likes eggs and steamed fish. Last week she wanted me to share my dinner with her, twice, after I'd portioned everything for moi.2
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Yes, I have a husband like this. I used him & my kiddos as an excuse for many years on why I could not eat healthy at home. I finally decided that unless I actually made changes, I was not going to lose the weight & get fit like I wanted.
I do most of the cooking and grocery shopping, so I buy what I want. I meal prep all of my meals except dinner. For dinner I cook what I want to eat-most of the time. Occasionally I will cook 2 meals. 1 for me and 1 for them, or order out for them and cook for myself.
Both my hubs and my teenage kiddos know that if they do not want what I cook, they are on their own for dinner. I never force them to eat what I cook, but I also do not stress about it anymore.
Your weight loss has to be about you. Not about him. Sit down with him and tell him why you want to lose weight. Discuss your goals with him. Ask him to be there to support you. Tell him the changes you want to make. If he wants to learn how to eat healthier, do some research together. If he is on board with everything, Great! If not, that is ok too. Maybe one day when he sees all the positive changes you are making he will want to make those changes too. Just don't use him as an excuse on why you can't do it. Start making the changes you want. Start doing things for you. Cook for you. Eat for you. If he wants something different, let him figure that out. When it gets too expensive for him, he will eat what is offered to him.6 -
It's impossible to say what might have happened if I hadn't met my spouse seven years ago, but as it was, I quickly adopted his eating habits - regular fast food, lots of restaurant nights out with heavy drinking - and of course I gained weight. I struggled with this for years, but the one thing that has made all the difference this year is him getting into cooking at home. We use meal delivery kits (Blue Apron, etc) and he actually likes the challenge of trying new things. I keep my own food in the house so nights when he doesn't cook I do my thing and he does his, which is often frozen stuff or fast food,but that's on him, not on me. I realized that I can just say "no thanks" when he wants to stop for fast food, or just get a small fries. I was getting frustrated with making him lunches that he wouldn't always eat, so I just stopped making him lunches. Low and behold, he recently asked me to start again. So it takes work and compromise, but it's possible to live with someone who makes different food choices.6
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It's more that my fiance doesn't do portions. We eat mostly the same things because we live and cook together, and we cook generally healthy-ish things. But I have to make my own plate, otherwise it'll be twice as much food as I should be eating. I also have learned that I can't have a glass of night with dinner 7 days a week. I limit it to one glass Saturday and one Sunday, typically. He still offers to pour me a glass when he pours his most nights, out of an abundance of politeness.
My weight-loss/living healthier shift began long before we got engaged this spring, and now that we're less than a year out from the wedding, he's started to talk about losing weight. We both gained Happy Relationship weight (living well, exploring our state (and its vineyards!), lots of sportsball attendance (with snacks) etc) and then Grad School weight as we completed Masters programs at the same time...but I've made some changes since then and he has not yet. In the last year, I have lost 15 lbs and he has probably gained 5...and we're eating probably 90% the same exact meals, just different quantities.
A lot of it is not hard: chew food completely before swallowing, don't snack while we're cooking dinner, smaller portions, serve dinner on small plates (bc brain interprets full plate as "enough food"), more side salads, more water, less alcohol, less snacks at sports/wineries/movies.
But it's not on me to tell him those things - and it is 10,000% not my job to police it...that road leads to resentment!
You can make some simple swaps that aren't too different in price: we eat whole grain bread and brown rice, and the store brands of these are the same price as store brand white bread and white rice. I do most of the grocery shopping because I have the more flexible work schedule, so I just don't buy many snacks. He's free to buy and eat whatever he wants, but I'm gonna skip that $4 bag of chips and get $4 worth of produce instead.
Many canned and frozen veggies are easier to use, easier to store, just as healthy, and cheaper than fresh produce, so see where you can add those to your meals.
And like others have said, at 600 calories budgeted for dinner, you can have 1 slice of pizza and still lose weight. Fill the rest of your plate with salad/veg and you'll still be eating in a deficit. That's one less "make completely separate meal for myself" night.2 -
I'm right there with you. I've been doing this almost 4 weeks now, and my husband hasn't changed a thing. I've lost 14 lbs and he has been encouraging me, but doing nothing for himself. He knows he's a BIG guy, but I figure he has to want it for himself if he's going to change. I'm hoping that seeing me doing well will eventually motivate him to join in, but if he doesn't then I'm not going to force it on him. That's not what marriage is about.
I HAVE been able to get him to lose a little weight just by joining in on healthier meals. I've made some really tasty new recipes (last night we had coconut curry chicken... yum!) that were definitely better on the waistline than fast food. See if you can't find some recipes that you both like and make some healthier substitutions? At least it'd be a starting point and any small win is a win in my book!2 -
My fiance refuses to eat what he calls "diet food" aka anything not fried or smothered in mass amounts of butter. He is not overweight weight though as he gets plenty of exercise in his line of work. And although he eats terribly, his portion sizes are reasonable and he hardly goes back for seconds.
That being said, there are 5 of us in the house and if I had to cook 2 or 3 separate meals I'd be exhausted and want to give up too! I still cook pretty much the same way I always have, but serve myself smaller portions. I'll find little ways to cut calories without it being too obvious that something has changed. Even if it's just leaving the butter out of the instant mashed potatoes..they don't seem to notice. I make it work with in my calories.2 -
Hi, I'm new here. I'm 5 ft 7 , 24 and I'm hovering at 15 stone. I've always been chubby but it's taken me til now to realise I seriously need to drop some weight.
I live with my partner and he is also overweight. I think the world of him but he eats terribly, lots of sausage rolls, processed meat, pies, chocolate, pizza, takeaways. He would eat takeaway every night if he could afford it!
I find that I am able to good breakfasts and lunches quite easily. My calorie goal is 1200 because I'm not too active during the summer months because I work seasonally which is why my calorie goal is low. For breakfast I tend to go for eggs, oatmeal, a vegetable hash etc, and lunches range from salad to soup to a healthy pitta. Usually im left with about 600-700 for dinner. However having a partner that refuses to eat vegetables, salad, fish etc makes cooking very difficult, so I end up having my thing and he ends up eating a take out pizza next to me which definitely isn't helpful. I know I should be able to resist it if I truly want to lose weight, which I do, but I don't feel like it's a healthy environment to be in. Sometimes I will cook something and I will ask him to grate a measured portion of cheese but he will end up grating three of four times the amount I asked because he likes things cheesy and more importantly 'im entitled to a treat'. Unfortunately this has gotten into my head and a 'treat' soon turns into a binge and I've undone all my hard work that week eating well. In addition, we are not well off financially so eating separately is expensive and not ideal.
Does anybody else struggle with their partners? I've tried talking to him about it and he said he wouldn't mind losing weight too but he isn't educated well, he doesn't understand that some food aren't good for him and too many 'treats' aren't going to help us! Again he dislikes healthy food and doesn't show any interest in veg, fruit etc.
I'm your height and have been your weight (15 stone = 210 pounds). I think part of your difficulties lie in an overly aggressive calorie deficit. Try setting a weekly weight loss goal of a pound a week for now and see if that makes you less prone to binge. Depending on your goal weight, you can always move to 1.5 pounds per week once you get the hang of things. (But once you have less than 50 pounds to lose you should keep it at a pound a week until you get to around 20 pounds from goal, at which point you should drop it again.)
I do understand the temptation, however. We negotiate pizza and I make sure I've done some extra exercise that day to fit it in. I also don't find pizza very filling, so have a large salad with it to add some bulk.
Speaking of exercise, I need the extra calories I earn from exercise in order to not be ravenous. Exercise has so many extra benefits. I firmly believe that anyone who can exercise, should exercise, and that it's the rare person who can do no exercise at all.
Of all the elderly women I know, those who get the most exercise have the best quality of life. I recently met a 92 year old woman at a wake. She didn't use a walker, which are otherwise ubiquitous in someone her age. She's been doing Senior Olympics for years. She walks every morning. She was a real inspiration!
OTOH, the woman we were waking had been sedentary, with a bad quality of life for 10 years or so, and especially the last year, when she had to go into a nursing home after not being able to get herself on and off the toilet due to lack of strength.
I personally find cardio at the gym to be very tedious so get mine from activities I enjoy - walking, hiking, gardening, yoga, and seasonally snow shoeing or swimming. I've also recently started doing You are Your Own Gym, which I found on YouTube. All of these activities are no or low cost.1 -
Does anybody else struggle with their partners? I've tried talking to him about it and he said he wouldn't mind losing weight too but he isn't educated well, he doesn't understand that some food aren't good for him and too many 'treats' aren't going to help us! Again he dislikes healthy food and doesn't show any interest in veg, fruit etc.
Nope I don't struggle with him, if he wants to eat unhealthily then that's up to him. I always give him a choice when I cook a meal (I'm 90% veggie he most definitely is not) and have at least managed to up the amount of veggies on his plate, don't care if he eats them or not. His choices are not my choices and the majority of meals I cook are easy to adapt for the meat eaters in the house, so it really doesn't bother me what he has on his plate (that might be different if I ate the way I do for ethical reasons rather than the fact it makes me feel better).
He also is nowhere nearly as active as me with no inclination to run, lift or attend the classes and PT I do. Doesn't stop me from being active though and it doesn't bother me if he turns down my offer of going for a run or whatever.
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I have a husband and teenager who need more calories than I do. My plate can not look identical to theirs if I want to lose weight.
I have not really changed the food we buy, cook or eat much. I cook with less oil since I am measuring. I might use lower fat milk in recipes. I use a food scale to help figure out portion sizes. Get or make a thin crust pizza.
I eat a small breakfast, a medium lunch lunch and a larger dinner. Dinner is our shared meal.
I eat smaller portions of the higher calorie stuff and put more vegetables/salad with my meal.
I am more careful with portions of rice, bread, pasta, nuts or cheese that are easy to overdo.
Have sauces, dressings or toppings on the side so you can add them individually.
Make a food budget. Meal plan together so you both are getting something you want.
I eat out one meal a week. I look up nutritional info for restaurants.
I prelog my food for the day. It makes it easier for me to know I can eat something that is similar if plans need to change for a meal.
I drink water or unsweetend tea mostly and save calories for food.
I eat food I like so I don't feel like I am missing out. I have chocolate, sandwiches, pizza, etc.
I do not try to have a triple bacon cheeseburger, pizza, doughnuts and a peanut butter shake all in one day.
If your partner would like to lose weight maybe start him keeping a food diary for a few weeks without changing his eating habits so he can see what he is really consuming. Just seeing it might cause him to be more open to different choices or more aware of your challenges.
http://www.budgetbytes.com
http://www.skinnytaste.com2 -
No.
I do this for me.
When my husband is ready, he'll do the same for himself.6 -
Oh, another thing that has helped with my spouse and eating well has been convincing him to split entrees when we go out. I feel a lot better about eating out when I'm only eating half (or sometimes less), and if he's still hungry than he can order something else. As it turns out, he ended up feeling full enough the first few times we did this that he rarely resists splitting a meal anymore.0
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My husband is very supportive of my goals, but he eats like a stubborn 3 year old himself. Literally no fruits or veggies (except he will eat a spinach "salad"- ie a bowl of spinach with cheese and ranch on it). We both work so we don't eat breakfast and lunch together week days, so I just do my own thing for those meals.
He is a big time meat and potatoes kind of guy, so most of my cooking is just some form of meat, mashed potatoes, and then I make whatever veggie I want. I just try to not eat a big serving of potatoes and lean more on the veggies. If it is convenient to make a dish half my way half his way I will (only put veggies in half the pot pie, if I do a stir fry I will make a meat and teryaki one for him and a good one for me).
If it is inconvenient to split a meal to make us both happy he knows the rule: I do the cooking so he gets what I give him or he can figure his own meal out.
As for grocery store treats, I pretty much try not to buy stuff that I know I will eat uncontrollably. He is welcome to buy whatever he wants, and since he is alot taller than me he will either put it on top of the kitchen cabinets where I can't see it, or keep it in his study where I rarely go. It works for us.
I would love to see him eat healthier, but ultimately he is going to have to come to that decision himself, so I don't nag him about his eating habits as long as he is doing his best to be supportive of mine.1 -
Stop labeling foods "healthy" and "unhealthy". I don't struggle with my husband about eating because if he wants to eat something I don't want then I let him. We mostly eat the same things, but he likes things like potato chips and while I will occasionally eat them they aren't my favorite thing. He likes to load up on cheese and sauces and I will either have a small amount of cheese or sauce, or just skip it. He doesn't like a lot of vegetables and he has IBS so the vegetables he does like tend to bother his stomach. So I eat vegetables that he doesn't eat. We eat out at least once per week and sometimes more. Sometimes the convenience of take out wins over the inconvenience of cooking at home. (Plus I hate to cook.) I lost 75 pounds and ate mostly the same things as I always ate. I just ate proper portion sizes for me. I have some form of chocolate almost every single day. I did it while I was at a deficit and I still do it now that I am at maintenance. If there were foods I had trouble moderating I did try to keep those out of the house so that I only had them on occasion. And I was lucky. I have a sweet tooth and my husband has a salty tooth, so things that are hard for me to moderate tend to be things he doesn't eat much any way. If this is a problem then just talk to him about not keeping those things in the house. But if you are the only one "dieting" it isn't fair to expect him to change too. He can be considerate of you, but you need to be considerate of him too. I buy a lot of things that are pre-portioned and even though it is a little more expensive it is easier for me to open one portion and be done with it than to have a whole bag or gallon of something that I can only have a little of. Get a food scale and weigh out your portions. Don't ask him to grate your cheese if he is going to give you more than you ask for. There is nothing wrong with eating pizza. It can be hard to fit in on a 1200 calorie diet, but it can be done. Just add a huge salad and if he doesn't want any salad then good. More pizza for him and more salad for you. I also agree that changing your goal to 1 pound per week can be helpful. I also think that working in small treats helps to keep you from feeling deprived. I usually have about half of my calories for breakfast and lunch and the other half for dinner and a snack/dessert after dinner.3
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I don't have a partner, but I live with my recently divorced mother. She got a lap band in 2009. She struggles with eating and exercise. I do find it difficult to stay on track when she constantly eats junk and buys me junk, knowing that I am trying to be healthier. I don't expect it to not be in the house. But if she buys me or brings me something specifically for just me that she doesn't like, I feel guilty if I don't eat it because it will go to waste. Or I want to spend time with her but she wants to eat out a lot at places that do not have nutrition online and do not really provide healthy options. Even though I've had discussions with her, it doesn't really fix it. I just try to buy healthier options for myself and try really hard to put my foot down and stick to it.1
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