Parenthood Warnings!!

mjtaylor87 wrote: »

ninerbuff wrote: »

The viewpoint is how many people's experiences go. My DD has brought me more joy and LESS stress than I had as a manager of a retail electronics outlet. Even today as a teen, she's been great and while there have been the regular instances of trying to overstep boundaries, the joy I get as a father will NEVER cause me to dissuade people from having a kid if they can provide and take care of them comfortably.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

oh no thats not what i mean. i would never advise not having kids unless you just dont want to have them. i just meant the thing no one thinks to tell you about.

Like how my kids will dunk any food in any drink. not kidding: cookies in koolaid, meat loaf in apple juice, bananas in pop.

or how telling your kids to pick one little toy 50 times in one day can combine with all the other stresses of the day and before you know it you are sitting on the floor weeping over a ninja turtle that you could have just picked up yourself.

or how you would actually have to tell another human being not to stick a carrot up the cats nose.

before i had kids these things never crossed my mind.

LOL!!! The list of 1000 things you never thought you would ever say to another human being:

1. Quit licking the dog
2. Don't bite your fingers
3. Don't bite other people
4. Why are you doing that?(a very useless question)
5. Don't stick Cheerios in your *insert random body part*
6. Quit eating the dogs food
7. Stop licking the windows
8. I don't need help wiping my butt
9. Quit pooping behind the couch (mine did that for about 2 months....why????)

And on, and on....

• That PPD and PPP are very much real things and that too many people either don't talk about them at all or don't realize just how bad it can be.
• That you would learn creative and new conflict resolution that also involves being creatively and linguistically violent.
• That little kids get dirt in the weirdest places.. and are more squirmy than a tub of worms.
• That my sanity would go out the window, not from lack of sleep (was never a problem in our household), but because years of talking to a tiny person has severely retarded my ability to hold normal, non-kid related conversations with others.
• That your list of friends severely dwindles and you learn who truly supports you, thus leaving you with few supportive outlets.
• That I have absolutely no maternal inclination. I mean, I knew that when ours showed up on the scene, but was assured by nearly everyone that it would develop over time. Pretty sure those people were full of *kitten*.
• That even though your kids are perfectly capable of doing things on their own (like wiping their butt, getting things down from places), they continue to want you to do it. Then an argument usually ensues because I refuse to help you do something I already taught you to *kitten* do.
• That your house will never be clean. No matter how well you train/teach your children, no matter how helpful they are (and mine likes to be super helpful), your house will never be clean.
• 6AM is a perfectly legitimate time to be awake and annoy the cats on mom and dad's bed, despite the fact that it's a weekend, you can clearly see we are ALL asleep and do not want you in our room.

mjtaylor87 wrote: »

etmiller1975 wrote: »

That you would have to argue with another sentient life form that yes you do have to wipe your but, no you can not have mine, and for the love of all that is holy, go BRUSH YOUR TEEEETTTHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

oh man i know that felling. first off my damn 4 year refuses to potty train. will hold it for as long as possible. tried everything and the doc says he just isnt ready. so i never thought i would have to be forcing someone to poop in a toilet. and my kids' breath sticks all the time. i guess they just dont smell it. I have to hind the good foods in my desk at work or it will all be gone in a day. they get thier own treats but mine are usually a little more expansive. and they never want what they order at a restaurant they want what you ordered.

My nephew didn't potty train till 8 with his parents. I smeared his *kitten* undies all over his face when he pooped at my house and he never pooped them again.

He could use the toilet but didn't want to stop playing video games to go do so.. then he would hide his poop in his toy box. My idiot sister in law and brother didn't want to believe that their darling little angel could possibly be responsible so convinced themselves it was medical. Even had the dr tell them that it was..that he had no sensitivity in that area to warn him.

I told them he knew.. you could see it in his eyes and the way he'd shift and shove his heel into his butt crack to try and stop it while playing video games.. not to mention how he was terrified of me so had no issues rushing to the toilet every time.. but still they believed their own lie. He was an only child for a long time and parenting was "to mean.."

At 7 and half, he finally went too far and sht himself in public.. his parents were FINALLY mortified! They took him home used a switch, then with my urging, took his "binky".. his favorite toy he had on him 24/7.. and beheaded it with a knife. He barely raised a fuss over the *kitten* whooping.. he SCREAMED over that toy. From that day on, he was potty trained 100%.. not one accident.. a miraculous medical marvel!

mjtaylor87 wrote: »

CanesGalactica wrote: »

• That PPD and PPP are very much real things and that too many people either don't talk about them at all or don't realize just how bad it can be.
• That you would learn creative and new conflict resolution that also involves being creatively and linguistically violent.
• That little kids get dirt in the weirdest places.. and are more squirmy than a tub of worms.
• That my sanity would go out the window, not from lack of sleep (was never a problem in our household), but because years of talking to a tiny person has severely retarded my ability to hold normal, non-kid related conversations with others.
• That your list of friends severely dwindles and you learn who truly supports you, thus leaving you with few supportive outlets.
• That I have absolutely no maternal inclination. I mean, I knew that when ours showed up on the scene, but was assured by nearly everyone that it would develop over time. Pretty sure those people were full of *kitten*.
• That even though your kids are perfectly capable of doing things on their own (like wiping their butt, getting things down from places), they continue to want you to do it. Then an argument usually ensues because I refuse to help you do something I already taught you to *kitten* do.
• That your house will never be clean. No matter how well you train/teach your children, no matter how helpful they are (and mine likes to be super helpful), your house will never be clean.
• 6AM is a perfectly legitimate time to be awake and annoy the cats on mom and dad's bed, despite the fact that it's a weekend, you can clearly see we are ALL asleep and do not want you in our room.

those are all amazing points.

[*] That my sanity would go out the window, not from lack of sleep (was never a problem in our household), but because years of talking to a tiny person has severely retarded my ability to hold normal, non-kid related conversations with others.

this one has got to be my favorite too. my husband and i get made fun of all the time at work (him more because he is a Jail Deputy for the local jail) because we say things like "I need to go potty" or " its time to go Bye Bye" in normal conversations with grown adults.

Hmm, I use the "child speak" more as a means to mess with people who aren't expecting it or who don't know I have a kid. It provides me with a modicum of entertainment.

newmeadow wrote: »

Vikka_V wrote: »

I don't have children so of course I want to voice my unqualified opinion

I've noticed that:

-parents seem to be slaves to their children
-while you are incubating them, they are essentialy a parasite, feeding off you...then they are born and "feed" off you for the next 18 years
-what happens to your "me time"?

You noticed that too?

Kids used to gather the crops, slop the hogs, milk the cows and work as a cashier and stock the shelves in the family store. Or sell eggs and homemade popcorn by the side of the road or whatever. It made sense to have them because they helped the parents, took care of the younger children and made the family more productive and wealthier as a whole.

Now they whine and demand 24/7, call 911 if they get a light spanking, use up every penny mother and dad earn, cause mothers to have nervous breakdowns, broadcast all their shenanigans on social media, roll their eyes when anyone tries help them and require continued financial support into their 30s. Then they put their parents in nursing homes and visit them three times a year.

Can somebody explain this?

Raising.. Lazy parenting. It's too much work following through with discipline or making sure they do their homework correctly and have chores finished before play time. My sil actually said to me once after telling her for the third time that her son STILL hasn't cleaned his room..

"What? You expect me to stand over him and make him do it?! I'm not doing that so you need to come up with something else that doesn't waste my time!"

I told her, "You mean like parenting? If only someone had invented that say...a millennia ago..." then I spent the next hour being cursed out..

CoffeeAndContour wrote: »

- You will lose all your dignity bringing a life into this world.

And sometimes the sense that your body is your own takes years to return. ***Years***

erica_today wrote: »

I wish people didn't telle certain things like "have fun never sleeping again" hahaha uh babies actually sleep all the time yes there was maybe a couple of nights that they cried all night but there's nights now I can't sleep same thing. It wasn't hard waking up every couple hours to pop my tit in my sons mouth and go to sleep while he eats.

"They cost a lot" ummmm duh its a human. If I added up all the unnecessary things you buy a month you could afford another kid. Cigarettes, beer, your expensive smartphone(instead of just getting the basic one why do you care about the new hot phone dumb af), pets, etc....

But I do wish someone would've told me there was a chance I'd catch my son using my bedroom trashcan as a urinal because he was too lazy to walk to the bathroom during video game boss battles

My second daughter barely slept for three months. She would crash every third day or so. And getting up ( or staying up) every few hours and then dealing with a three year old the next day was not easy. I love my children, but I had my tubes tied after the second one.

newmeadow wrote: »

Vikka_V wrote: »

I don't have children so of course I want to voice my unqualified opinion

I've noticed that:

-parents seem to be slaves to their children
-while you are incubating them, they are essentialy a parasite, feeding off you...then they are born and "feed" off you for the next 18 years
-what happens to your "me time"?

You noticed that too?

Kids used to gather the crops, slop the hogs, milk the cows and work as a cashier and stock the shelves in the family store. Or sell eggs and homemade popcorn by the side of the road or whatever. It made sense to have them because they helped the parents, took care of the younger children and made the family more productive and wealthier as a whole.

Now they whine and demand 24/7, call 911 if they get a light spanking, use up every penny mother and dad earn, cause mothers to have nervous breakdowns, broadcast all their shenanigans on social media, roll their eyes when anyone tries help them and require continued financial support into their 30s. Then they put their parents in nursing homes and visit them three times a year.

Can somebody explain this?

My kids don't do any of this, they are 15 and 18, so we'll have to see about the living with us til 30.

I don't really like babies and most kids for that matter, but my daughters are pretty badass and I feel sorry for people who have rotten kids that aren't as cool as mine.

That being said, I could do without all the damn laundry I'm stuck doing. And no one ever tells you that you'll need a savings account just to keep up with toilet paper consumption. I swear they eat the stuff. And what's up with the 8 thousand water glasses they use on the daily? Seriously though.....they have to be fed 3 times a day?! Every single day??? Gah!