I'm getting really worried about my brother....

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  • clarech
    clarech Posts: 157 Member
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    I'm afraid there is nothing you can do my other half is 300+ lb and eats junk all day and unless he chooses to change there is nothing i can do about . I've decided to look after myself and if he decides to join me then great but if not its his choice
  • livi_cowgirl
    livi_cowgirl Posts: 198 Member
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    Focus on your journey and let him see the difference in you. It is his decision to make, not yours! PUt your energy toward yourself and decide what you can do for you. That small step may make a difference for him. The more you hound him or your mom the less likely they are to make a change.

    Thank you for your reply. x
  • livi_cowgirl
    livi_cowgirl Posts: 198 Member
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    Hate to tell you this, but until he wants to do something about it, there is NOTHING that you can do about it. You can only be responsible for your own weight loss and health (and your children's if you have any). The best thing you can do is stop stressing over it and continue to do what you are doing. Perhaps when he sees that you are losing and looking good and being healthier, he will want that too. In the meanwhile, we all come to it in our own time and in our own way and no one is going to convince us that it is time before we are ready to make the necessary changes.

    Well said. I agree.

    You've got to unconcern yourself with it for your own sanity. It sounds like he doesn't have much of a life, so nothing to stick around for. He's probably seriously depressed, too. All you can do is live your life and hope to inspire others by just being you. Good luck!

    Thank you for your reply. I know all of those who say leave him and focus on my own weight loss are right but at the same time I just keep thinking, what if he dies because of this and I didn't do anything. Would you leave a drug addict to shoot up til death, would you leave an alcoholic to drink themselves to death, cos it's the same thing.
  • livi_cowgirl
    livi_cowgirl Posts: 198 Member
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    I'm afraid there is nothing you can do my other half is 300+ lb and eats junk all day and unless he chooses to change there is nothing i can do about . I've decided to look after myself and if he decides to join me then great but if not its his choice

    Thank you for your reply. x
  • sinkasc
    sinkasc Posts: 5
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    It's so hard to watch someone you love basically disintegrate in front of you. I'm doing it right now. I think a lot of the problem is psychological. Like the others had said, you can tell him until you're blue in the face and he's not going to change unless he wants to. 26 is still young, one day he's going to get a scare and hopefully that will put him on the right track. My brother is 30 and the same way. I know a heart attack is imminent. My dad fell over dead at 56; and that was my wake up call. Sometimes an unfortunate situation is the only catalyst for change.
  • bassettpig
    bassettpig Posts: 79 Member
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    Thank you for your reply. I know all of those who say leave him and focus on my own weight loss are right but at the same time I just keep thinking, what if he dies because of this and I didn't do anything. Would you leave a drug addict to shoot up til death, would you leave an alcoholic to drink themselves to death, cos it's the same thing.

    Yes, it is EXACTLY the same thing, and you cannot stop the alcoholic or the junkie either. My husband is an alcoholic and HE had to decide when to go to AA for help. HE has to decide to keep going to meetings, HE has to put himself into the hands of the Higher Power. I cannot do it for him or hound him into it. It's a tough lesson to learn but that IS the way it is. You can keep on fighting w/your mom and nagging your brother but your chances of sucess are extremely slim to nonexistent.

    Best wishes.
  • Gabby215
    Gabby215 Posts: 69
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    I had to reply after seeing your (OP) comment relating your brother's situation to a drug addict and you are right. My sister was a drug addict. It was hell trying to figure out how to get her to deal with her addiction and it almost tore my family apart. We all had different ways to try to get her to see what she was doing to herself - my dad tried tough love and getting angry at her, my mom tried the opposite, I cried at her pleading to get help. We all had the same thoughts you did - what if she ends up in jail or worse and I didn't do all that I could? But you know what? She didn't get help until SHE was ready to and came to us saying that she wanted to change. And now four years later I have a healthy, happy sister who I love so, so much. I know it may feel like nothing's ever going to change, but it can. But like others have said, you will just have to wait until your brother is ready to change. I agree with those who have said to just lead quietly by example. Good luck with it all. I know it can be a real drag when family stuff like this is going on, but keep going on your journey and keep your chin up :)
  • McKayMachina
    McKayMachina Posts: 2,670 Member
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    Hate to tell you this, but until he wants to do something about it, there is NOTHING that you can do about it. You can only be responsible for your own weight loss and health (and your children's if you have any). The best thing you can do is stop stressing over it and continue to do what you are doing. Perhaps when he sees that you are losing and looking good and being healthier, he will want that too. In the meanwhile, we all come to it in our own time and in our own way and no one is going to convince us that it is time before we are ready to make the necessary changes.

    Well said. I agree.

    You've got to unconcern yourself with it for your own sanity. It sounds like he doesn't have much of a life, so nothing to stick around for. He's probably seriously depressed, too. All you can do is live your life and hope to inspire others by just being you. Good luck!

    Thank you for your reply. I know all of those who say leave him and focus on my own weight loss are right but at the same time I just keep thinking, what if he dies because of this and I didn't do anything. Would you leave a drug addict to shoot up til death, would you leave an alcoholic to drink themselves to death, cos it's the same thing.

    Well, maybe I'm a bad example, cuz yeah. I would. I'd try for awhile. A LONG TIME probably. But, eventually, I would throw my hands up and let it go. I'd never cease to remind them that I'm here for them (unless they wronged me in some way) but yeah, I would. And my suggestion is to other people to do the same. It's you or him, honey. If he doesn't respect you (or himself) enough to even HEAR you, then it's futile. But, however you choose to handle it, best of luck.
  • livi_cowgirl
    livi_cowgirl Posts: 198 Member
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    It's so hard to watch someone you love basically disintegrate in front of you. I'm doing it right now. I think a lot of the problem is psychological. Like the others had said, you can tell him until you're blue in the face and he's not going to change unless he wants to. 26 is still young, one day he's going to get a scare and hopefully that will put him on the right track. My brother is 30 and the same way. I know a heart attack is imminent. My dad fell over dead at 56; and that was my wake up call. Sometimes an unfortunate situation is the only catalyst for change.

    You are very right, nevertheless, I'm hoping that it doesn't need to come to that. Thank you for your reply. x
  • livi_cowgirl
    livi_cowgirl Posts: 198 Member
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    I had to reply after seeing your (OP) comment relating your brother's situation to a drug addict and you are right. My sister was a drug addict. It was hell trying to figure out how to get her to deal with her addiction and it almost tore my family apart. We all had different ways to try to get her to see what she was doing to herself - my dad tried tough love and getting angry at her, my mom tried the opposite, I cried at her pleading to get help. We all had the same thoughts you did - what if she ends up in jail or worse and I didn't do all that I could? But you know what? She didn't get help until SHE was ready to and came to us saying that she wanted to change. And now four years later I have a healthy, happy sister who I love so, so much. I know it may feel like nothing's ever going to change, but it can. But like others have said, you will just have to wait until your brother is ready to change. I agree with those who have said to just lead quietly by example. Good luck with it all. I know it can be a real drag when family stuff like this is going on, but keep going on your journey and keep your chin up :)

    Thank you for sharing. I am so glad your sister got help and is healthy now. x
  • livi_cowgirl
    livi_cowgirl Posts: 198 Member
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    Well, maybe I'm a bad example, cuz yeah. I would. I'd try for awhile. A LONG TIME probably. But, eventually, I would throw my hands up and let it go. I'd never cease to remind them that I'm here for them (unless they wronged me in some way) but yeah, I would. And my suggestion is to other people to do the same. It's you or him, honey. If he doesn't respect you (or himself) enough to even HEAR you, then it's futile. But, however you choose to handle it, best of luck.

    You're not a bad example. You're right. I know you are. I have to wait on him deciding to change. Problem is, I don't think he ever will. Not even after a scare. My brother is the kind of person who has grown up getting EVERYTHING he wants. Even if he did get a scare, he may decide "ok diet time." but he wouldn't be able to stick to it because he has never been denied anything in his life, to expect him to deliberately deny himself the one thing that makes him happy (bad food) is just, frankly, silly. He would never do it. Sad but true. x

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