Trying to lose the weight after ex boyfriend called me fat and unattractive.

Stacyines
Stacyines Posts: 72 Member
edited November 20 in Introduce Yourself
This is the second time I'm completely dedicated to MyFitnessPal. 1st time I was invested- I went from 185lbs to 155lbs.
I ended up in a 3 year relationship with a horrible guy. He often stated he was unattracted to me and that I was gaining weight. When he'd have an anger outburst he would call me a fat cow. With the stress of a high demand job I got this year - I've ballooned from 155lbs to 170lbs. Normally, I'm quite ok with my weight, but since meeting this guy my self esteem has plummeted. I feel hideous and can't seem to want to lose the weight for myself, but to just stick it to him proving him wrong.
I think I'm more angry at myself for finally leaving when he attempted to cheat on me than the emotional abuse.

Anybody ever have such high motivation to lose the weight after being mocked?
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Replies

  • ZoneFive
    ZoneFive Posts: 570 Member
    Yeah -- I was diagnosed with diabetes and realized I was staring down a long dark hallway if I didn't get my health in order.

    The fact that your ex was a *kitten* has nothing to do with your weight. People like that find something to be awful about, and if they can't find something, they make it up. You're well rid of him, but you know that -- think of it as losing 175 lbs. in one fell swoop.

    Let your motivation be YOU, not him.
  • highlightshadow
    highlightshadow Posts: 116 Member
    Wow ... ur ex sounds like a total 'hole ... you're neither fat nor unattractive .... do anything for yourself ... not for others!
  • Stacyines
    Stacyines Posts: 72 Member
    Thanks for the feedback!

    I definitely want to lose this weight for myself, but this experience just feels like a revengeful drive.

    I consider the 15lbs weight gain ballooning as it occurred in a short couple of months. I weighed over 210 lbs at one point in my life and I worked so hard to be at 150 lbs. I've maintained my weight at 155lbs for 2 years. Again, before this relationship I was pretty confident, but my self esteem has plummeted. I've been healthy eating for the past month (1,200 cal restriction) and exercising, but my weight won't go down. I'm starting to feel like this same issue may be impacting my ability to loose the weight.
  • highlightshadow
    highlightshadow Posts: 116 Member
    Best thing you've achived so far is the term 'ex' and getting away from someone who'll throw crap like that in your face .... you don't need toxicity in your life like that.

    As for the weight loss .... if you're not already just make sure that you're 100% honest with your own logging. Make sure that you've set your goals in the app properly so you get the right calorie goal etc ... you'll get there !
  • tinkerbellang83
    tinkerbellang83 Posts: 9,140 Member
    If it fuels the fire to motivate you that's fair enough, but do it from a place of wanting to improve yourself, not from feeling bad about yourself because your ex is a dick.
  • Stacyines
    Stacyines Posts: 72 Member
    Thanks HighlightShadow!

    I've been very detailed with my meal logs and relying on Trader Joe's to make it easier. Because I've been having trouble loosing the weight, I've started a juice cleanse for 3 days in hopes of kick starting my body.

    Ironically, i would meal prep for my ex. I cooked and moderated his calorie intake and motivated him to stick to healthy eating and the gym when he'd state was gaining weight. I'd only do it as he'd request motivational support from me. He'd yo-yo with his weight due to work stress as well. The awful treatment would always occur when he'd loose the weight and go to the gym. The more confident he felt - the more he'd belittle me and not physically touch me. The sad part was it was an on-going cycle and I was too weak to ever leave.

    Because of the mourning of the relationship and his refusal to give me back my dogs- I've had my bouts with depression. I won't fight for my dogs (which breaks my heart fully), but I just want him out of my life for good. If I fight for the dogs I know it'd be the continuation to toxic cycle.

    Does depression in a way impact weight loss? I had trouble sleeping because of it.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    edited August 2017
    rianneonamission wrote: »
    I found a none kittened up swear word! B)

    i dont think bollocks is blocked either :laugh:
  • myfitnessjourneyto180
    myfitnessjourneyto180 Posts: 93 Member
    edited August 2017
    ffs.... you're a cow? XD I must be a whale lmao o.0 I recommend not getting too overwhelmed and then yo-yoing back and forth between weights. I'm the best example... I got up from 180 to 220, then down to 200, then up to 250, then down to 230 etc.. It took me like 3-4 years to realize I have to change my lifestyle. Now, I count calories, but I still eat junk food when I have to (so I don't cut it cold turkey) within the limit. It's my first few days, but I'm doing well so far.. trying to get down 30 pounds. 15 pounds shouldn't be tough for you. That being said, if you're working out to prove someone wrong, that's the worst thing you can do. When you realize the person is just a prick and doesn't care, you'll end up gaining the weight back, or worse, gaining even more than that. I once gained weight and family members said I was too skinny. So I gained more weight and realized "damn I should have not cared what they thought, now I'm hella fat" XD Just do you. If you think "I'm fat" then do your diet. If you're satisfied, f--- what anyone else says. It takes time to realize this but once you do life feels so much less stressful.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    i would suggest you dont do a juice cleanse (likely to binge and gain all the weight back when you eat normally anyway) or eat as little as 1200 cals.

    set MFP to lose 1lb per week, and do some exercise, which will probably help with your mood as well.
  • highlightshadow
    highlightshadow Posts: 116 Member
    Increase water intake or at least make sure you're well hydrated and watch your salt/sodium levels ... both can cause water retention
  • myfitnessjourneyto180
    myfitnessjourneyto180 Posts: 93 Member
    This is is random, but this song is actually super lit:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZ4n0fI23_g

    Play this while you move around, guaranteed to make you move around and pump you up. You might even end up burning a good 100 or so calories within the day from fidgeting around, who knows XD
  • Stacyines
    Stacyines Posts: 72 Member
    edited August 2017
    :D:D:D
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
    Just wanted to express my sympathy about the loss of your dogs. Your ex sounds horrible. By the way I think you are very cute and pretty in your profile photo. I'm a happily married lady, just to be clear! But I think after the number he tried to pull on you, you deserve a compliment on your looks! I'm pulling for you, hopefully MFP will help you get your mojo back.
  • Stacyines
    Stacyines Posts: 72 Member
    Thanks Rheddmobile!

    I considered my dogs like my children so I've had a really hard time letting go of them. Luckily, as awful as he was to me- he always treated our dogs like they were his kids. So I feel comfortable with the decision I had to make in not fighting for them.
  • JeromeBarry1
    JeromeBarry1 Posts: 10,179 Member
    How long had you been in the relationship before "horrible" was your chosen descriptor of him?
  • WorkerDrone83
    WorkerDrone83 Posts: 3,195 Member
    He sounds like a terrible person. I'm all for your revenge through success, but I really hope that you're going to be so caught up in kicking @$$ that you won't even think of him anymore. Good luck!
  • WatchJoshLift
    WatchJoshLift Posts: 520 Member
    Your ex has a case of the losers.
  • ecjim
    ecjim Posts: 1,001 Member
    Your ex is wrong - you are very pretty - I would skip the juice cleanse, It's a waste of time - Figure out your BMR - eat accordingly & lift some weghts
  • Stacyines
    Stacyines Posts: 72 Member
    edited August 2017
    JeromeBarry1 - We lived together for two years. He was pretty great the first two years. He'd mention my weight very subtlety the first year living together, but be very considerate in doing so. As of late last year, he just transformed into this horrible person. With my 15lb weight gain came the lack of remorse in expressing himself. I'd excuse it when he treat me nicely again, but always had a gut feeling this was not going to get better. As the weight gain didn't turn into weightloss he became worst. Mind you the weight gain (155 lbs) started in March. I was 170 by June and he refused to physically touch me and snap at me every moment.

    His weight fluctuated between 180 to 205. Anytime he was over 190- he blamed me for the gain.
  • orangegato
    orangegato Posts: 6,572 Member
    Breakups suck, but you are so much better off on your own than w/ an emotionally abusive, physically distant/cold, immature jerk. I am sure there are more colorful adjectives to describe him. Take good care of yourself. Revenge is kickstarting your motivation to lose weight and get healthy - fine. You may want to look and feel better, boost your confidence and self esteem and get back out "on the market" in good time. Change and healing takes time. You will be fine.
  • rsclause
    rsclause Posts: 3,103 Member
    My motivation was when one of my sons poked my huge beer gut and asked "when is it due". This set me on a path of fitness and caused me to find MFP. You can do this, get fit, eat well and lose the weight to totally piss him off. He really sounds like a bad habit you needed to lose.
  • tcunbeliever
    tcunbeliever Posts: 8,219 Member
    edited August 2017
    If you are exercising and weren't before, then you probably have some water retention in your muscles, this is normal and will even out after about 3 weeks, so just ignore the scale until it has been at least that long after you changed your exercise routine.

    Also, you have been involved in an extremely traumatic relationship and are battling depression, perhaps some professional counseling is in order? You seem to still be placing blame on yourself, which is not where it belongs, for example:

    "With my 15lb weight gain came the lack of remorse in expressing himself"

    His totally inappropriate behavior has nothing to do with you or what you weigh, if you didn't gain weight he would have found some other excuse to abuse you because that's what people like that do. The actual trigger was probably him feeling like you were sufficiently physically or emotionally dependent on him and he could get away with being himself and not having to fake being a decent human being. Don't delude yourself into thinking it was ever really about you, because I can assure you, it wasn't.
  • rianneonamission
    rianneonamission Posts: 854 Member
    Juice cleanses don't kick start our bodies. In fact, cleanses/detoxes are a myth. Any juice diet is nothing other than a marketing fad. Our bodies are equipped with organs that do all of this for us.

    Feed your body good and nutritious food, enjoy treats, but all of that within a calorie restriction. For example: I shall be having a slice of a lovely Belgian Chocolate Salted Caramel Cheesecake with my tea this afternoon.

    Honestly, ditch the juice cleanse. If you won't take it from me, take it from WebMD.
  • orangegato
    orangegato Posts: 6,572 Member
    tcunbeliever wrote: »
    His totally inappropriate behavior has nothing to do with you or what you weigh, if you didn't gain weight he would have found some other excuse to abuse you because that's what people like that do. The actual trigger was probably him feeling like you were sufficiently physically or emotionally dependent on him and he could get away with being himself and not having to fake being a decent human being. Don't delude yourself into thinking it was ever really about you, because I can assure you, it wasn't.

    This^^^
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
    rianneonamission wrote: »
    I found a none kittened up swear word! B)
    TavistockToad wrote: »
    i would suggest you dont do a juice cleanse (likely to binge and gain all the weight back when you eat normally anyway) or eat as little as 1200 cals.

    set MFP to lose 1lb per week, and do some exercise, which will probably help with your mood as well.

    This. ^^^

    *Any* kind of cleanses are useless and counterproductive. :)
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