I Can't Freaking Do It

cashidy · August 2017

I have been trying to lose weight since I was young. Since I was 9, I was obsessed with losing weight. I battled an eating disorder and came through. And now I jsut want to lose weight healthily to fit into clothes. I know I won't be a supermodel. But I can't do it!

I thought I was huge. I was, on average throughout the years, 130 pounds and a size 6 while my friends were 107 and size 3. I always wanted to be thin and not be thechubby girl anymore. Now I have started a sit-down fulltime job and gained 40 pounds in one year, and suddenly I realize how small I was. I am so ashamed. None of my clothes fit me. NONE. And each week is a repeat: Eat healthy all week, see I lost 2 to 4 pounds of weight, feel worthless, binge on 10,000 calories a day, start Monday weighing the same as I did. Slowly I get bigger.

I was so happy when I was prescribed weight loss pills and lost 10 pounds with no effort in one month. And I ruined it by gaining back 6 pounds. The medicine works by taking away appetite, but sometimes I skip it becuase it also makes you sick. So basically, you are too sick to eat. And I guess it still doesn't fix eating because you are bored, exc.

I exercise ALL the time. Probably why I can eat 3000 calories a day throughout a bad week and not gain or lose weight. But it sucks. It absolutely sucks working so hard and having no results to show for it. No one would know I am active. I look average. So average.

What mystifies me is that when I was 120 pounds and losing people mentioned how chubby I was. Now I am a size 10, 155 pounds, and people mention how small I am is unbelievable. Wtf?! What do you people want?!

I don't know how to beat my compulsive eating and I am so tired. It has become a health issue at this point. I am overweight and I am ashamed. None of my clothes fit and I can't afford new ones. What do I do? I have tried so hard.

quiksylver296 · August 2017

Quit doing all those things. Commit to logging ALL your food into this website. No skipping, cheating or forgetting. After doing that for a couple of weeks, take a good look at your food diary. Where can you make small, sustainable changes that won't leave you feeling deprived? Do those. Rinse and repeat.

Old_Cat_Lady · August 2017

I lost weight without exercising. When I was exercising I got hungry and would stop at BK afterwards. Get a food scale. My biggest tricks: I gave up fast food unless I'm on vacation. Start cooking.

Francl27 · August 2017

I'm a bit confused about what makes you 'worthless' and make you eat 10,000 calories a day if you've lost 2 pounds in a week?

My guess though is that you eat too little during the week and it might be part of why you can't stick to it on week ends. Maybe try a smaller deficit and see if it makes week ends easier.

BoxerBrawler · August 2017

You're expecting to see results in a week... you're expecting too much too soon. Calculate your calorie target, start logging your foods, stop beating yourself up. Stop whining and start doing. And who gives a *kitten* what anyone else thinks. This is about you and your journey, not them. Things are only as difficult as we make them for ourselves....

HeliumIsNoble · August 2017

First of all- talk to a professional. Did you have an eating disorder treatment team before? You need to see them.

Second, do you already know that the max weight anyone can lose healthily in a week is quoted to be approximately 1% of their bodyweight?

1% of 155 pounds is 1.5 pounds. That's a lot less than 2 to 4 pounds, isn't it? So if you're feeling worthless for losing 2 to 4 pounds, your inner voice isn't... expressing a healthy viewpoint, is it? Again, you need proper support.

CMNVA · August 2017

Just reading your post tells me that you have a very unhealthy mindset toward food and weight. You are caring WAY too much and your thought processes are not rational. Do you realize this about yourself? I am wondering if this can be overcome before you address this very unhealthy mantra in your head.

There are a few things you need to do, IMO, but I am not a professional.

First off, the exercise. If you've taken an office job and put on 40 lbs you are not "exercising all the time." Obviously for 8 hours a day you are not exercising. But is that what you are doing all night when you get home? As you probably already know, an eating disorder can quickly transition to an exercise disorder (exercise bulemia). You need to pick a healthy exercise routine (say 60 minutes a day for 5-6 days a week) and stick to it. Period.

Food: you need to set a realistic calorie goal for the week and STICK to it. STOP bingeing on the weekends. If you cannot stop that, then you need help from someone outside of this board. We are here to support, but none of us can stop you from eating 10,000 calories a day on Saturday.

You need to address this with common sense. I'm an older and menopausal and I can lose weight without exercise if I have to. You can do it do.

cashidy · August 2017

I am very all or nothing. I eat perfectly, or terribly. I know I need to find a middle ground, so I put my calorie goal up from 1200 to 1500. However, it makes it even harder because not going over is difficult. Reading these, I think many of you are correct and I am starving by the time I get home, and lose control. Also, I think I eat more when I exercise. I am going to consider this all.

I graduated in Psychology, so I understand how eating disorders work and how to fix them, but it doesn't help haha. Knowing a solution doesn't make it easier, unfortunately. I think I do need a psychologist to help, but unfortunately I work during doctor office hours.

rybo · August 2017

cashidy wrote: »

I am very all or nothing. I eat perfectly, or terribly. I know I need to find a middle ground, so I put my calorie goal up from 1200 to 1500. However, it makes it even harder because not going over is difficult. Reading these, I think many of you are correct and I am starving by the time I get home, and lose control. Also, I think I eat more when I exercise. I am going to consider this all.

I graduated in Psychology, so I understand how eating disorders work and how to fix them, but it doesn't help haha. Knowing a solution doesn't make it easier, unfortunately. I think I do need a psychologist to help, but unfortunately I work during doctor office hours.

Almost everyone works during doctor office hours. That's not an excuse for not seeking the help you need. And especially knowing that you need help.

Treece68 · August 2017

Many will meet on weekends

collectingblues · August 2017

And, some workplaces are actually really accepting of having to flex schedules to make therapy appointments work.

But I do own that it's a very convenient excuse for one's self to say that well, I work during the day, so I can't go to therapy. I certainly did that for years.

Lounmoun · August 2017

I think you are going to continue to have problems until you treat the mental health side of your struggles with food, weight, and your concern over how others view your body.
If you had a festering wound or cancer would you say you had to work during doctor's office hours or would you go get treatments?

rsclause · August 2017

You didn't gain it all in a week and you won't lose it that fast either. Slow down and focus on positive lifestyle changes. Smaller portions and better food not as hard as you may think. I used to live a super size Big Mac meal combo and one day I looked at the calories. I was shocked that it had more calories than I burned running that morning and I had run seven miles. I haven't eaten one since. I too was letting my guard down on the weekend and was undoing all the hard work I had put in the week before. I tightened up and started on my path to losing 50 pounds. I have put 20 back on but am down five since I am getting my running in again. You can do this but you must dedicate yourself to it.

cprbrat17 · August 2017

You can do it and it does sound like you're eating to little. Its important to remember that weightloss is not a fast thing and it takes a lotta time. But slow and steady gets there.

cerise_noir · August 2017

You can do it. Stop with the "can't".

See a psych or pdoc on your lunch hour, or ask for time off work.

scarlett_k · August 2017

I echo the above sentiments - please make time to see a professional in this area and they can likely help formulate a plan that suits your needs.

_NicLovin_ · August 2017

There were a number of things that struck me about your post. First off, the fact that you're reaching out to the community message boards is awesome, and it's not easy to put yourself out there. As I'm sure you already know, you appear to judge yourself quite severely, and it'll be hard to make progress if you're not able to recognize where your successes are. Likewise, it's hard to recognize success if you're listening so intently to your own harsh criticism, or the criticism of others.

I'm a HUGE proponent of mindfulness and meditation. I use it every day in various shapes and forms. Some days I am better at it than others, and it is constantly a work in progress. I highly recommend the book Mindful Eating, Mindful Life by Thich Nhat Hanh. If anything, it's a lesson in acceptance of the present while working toward change.

Another practice I find helpful is doing some restorative yoga after a day of being at work or in/around people. It helps me to shut out the "white noise" of the day, and let go of any negative thoughts or feelings I'm having as a result of the day. This allows me to focus on what was successful about my day, so I can try to build off that later.

I hope you find this helpful, and can continue being courageous and strong in your efforts.

Be Well,
N

Graelwyn75 · August 2017

I can understand the all or nothing mentality as I am very much that way myself, but I have mostly conquered it when it comes to my eating. I used to do the same as you fairly regularly, especially when I was doing far too much exercise and not getting adequate rest and fuel to cover it. I have also struggled on and off with eating disorders for decades, although it has mostly been under control for the last ten years, aside from a few small slips.

You really do need to see a professional and I am sure that your place of work would allow you the time off to see a doctor. Your health is the most important thing you possess and once it is gone, it is gone.

I also suggest you start off on a sensible number of calories and cut down your exercise so that your body can find some sort of balance again. You need to get used to eating a normal amount of food on a daily basis, including weekends, before you even think of putting yourself in a deficit. You need to be in the right state of mind for successful weight loss and at the moment, I really don't think you are. You need to consider your health first and foremost, ahead of the weight at this point in time.

Once you have your head in the right place, it will be much easier for you to approach losing weight and to deal with the fluctuations and 'slip-ups' that might occur.

VeronicaA76 · August 2017

1. YES YOU CAN
2. No one can out train a bad diet
3. Nutrition is absolutely vital (see #2). That means you need to accurately weigh every thing you eat!!! Weight for all solids, volume is only for liquids.

There are a lot of factors on why people cannot lose weight: the most common one (99.999%) is that they are eating too much. Get a food scale and use it religiously, research every food you consume.

The recommended calorie intake is also a really good estimate, but not exact. There are small nuances that can raise of lower this number, not by much, but over a long term it can add up. Examples: how much you naturally swing your arms while walking, carrying a heavy purse vs just a wallet, where you tend to park in a parking lot, if your a fidgiter. While these may only add up to an extra 100 calories a day difference, in a year that's about 10lbs.

So be very accurate with your food, follow the recommended calories, if you find yourself stagnant make tiny changes, walk an extra 20 minutes a day or remove a calorie dense/low nutrional food (or just cut it back).

Fat loss isn't linear, isn't fast, isn't easy. It takes time, effort and patience. In the long run, small changes have huge results.

lemurcat12 · August 2017

HeliumIsNoble wrote: »

First of all- talk to a professional. Did you have an eating disorder treatment team before? You need to see them.

Second, do you already know that the max weight anyone can lose healthily in a week is quoted to be approximately 1% of their bodyweight?

1% of 155 pounds is 1.5 pounds. That's a lot less than 2 to 4 pounds, isn't it? So if you're feeling worthless for losing 2 to 4 pounds, your inner voice isn't... expressing a healthy viewpoint, is it? Again, you need proper support.

This.

amandacalories · August 2017

Your original post has so many red flags. I've also suffered from an eating disorder since I was young (restricting, binging, purging and then drugs of all kinds as I got older). I see a psychologist once a week now and would not be able to lose weight in a healthy way without her. You NEED the help and you know it. Not having time is just an excuse and one I used for years as well. It can be done though. I work two jobs and go to school but make my mental health a priority above all else. If you need any support you can always add me.

I Can't Freaking Do It

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