Hey all! Starting all over again.

Well, it's been years since I've been on here with this much motivation. So I'm starting my fitness journey all over again (but have managed to maintain the last weight I input here, with losing and gaining 10 lbs from that. So it's been stable. I've come close to ruining it all by seeing 200 on the scale but now I'm close to 190. My diabetes has been under control and now comes the next chapter in my life.

I had been engaged to someone I was with for five years. Rented an apartment together, lived together and everything. But through it all, I was unhappy and I did not know who the f*** I was. Turns out I was engaged to a narcissist. I was unaware of what he was all these years but red flags kept going off over and over. I just didn't know what they were. He conditioned me to think I was abusive and manipulative and controlling. He gaslighted me, manipulated me subliminally and so much other things. He ended things last year, two days after thanksgiving and did the most damage. He spewed out all his venom and I got hurt really bad. I was a recluse for months, overcoming everything that happened and I'm still dealing with some mild form of PTSD.

But...

I've emerged again. I've emerged a stronger and wiser woman. I've emerged as a woman helping to empower and help other women that are going through abusive relationships. I loved him with all of me and I was punished and hurt for it but that's okay. He tried to destroy me. But he did not realize that under all that pressure and beating, emerged a diamond. Perhaps still rough and unrefined but eff it.

I learned to love and respect myself in ways I never did my entire 26 years of life on this Earth. I lost a few people out of my life but I gained so many more that were with me through it all. I've begun to explore the hobbies I once gave up because I was just too depressed and too drained to even think. I've rediscovered my passion for cooking and with it, I've transitioned to paleo.

This chapter in my life is about gaining the body I dreamed of having since I was 18. I may have lost five years of my life, but I'm not stopping now. I may have pieces of a heart that suffered through a lot, but it's enough to love myself and push through everything.

So, I need new friends to motivate and to motivate me! I often don't count calories because my job is high intensity and can't wear my watch and heart rate motion to keep track of my calories all the time.

Nonetheless, add me!