Need help... ANY help!!!

It's definitely a matter of forcing yourself. I hate it, but it works. Best of luck to you!

Motivation comes and goes. What you need is discipline and commitment. Once you start seeing results, you may find them very motivating. I know I do. Good luck.

This all sounds really familiar - I might have been you a year or so ago. Here's my advice based on my experience so far:

1) Forget about exercise - it's overrated in terms of weight loss anyhow, and you can do that later. Or not! So along with this, stop buying equipment you won't use. You can lay around on your lazy butt and still lose weight so long as you eat less.

2) Also forget about buying food you won't eat - that's just a waste of money and food and rotten food is super depressing. You don't need to eat "clean" or "green" or whatever to lose weight.

3) Try logging what you eat now. Don't try and change anything, just start logging. Read all the stickies about accuracy, buy a food scale, keep your diary private so you don't have to feel guilty about logging those six Twinkies you ate for breakfast, or, in my case, the fact that I probably had a drinking problem. Just log everything. And don't feel bad if you hang out just doing this for a while - I spent about six months just logging and slowing gaining weight before I realized I'd topped 200 lbs for the first time in my life and was going to have to buy all new clothes soon and it was time to do this thing.

4) Learn about maintenance calories and figure out what your number is. With your stats, I'm going to guess 2500 (I didn't actually guess, I used https://www.supertracker.usda.gov/bwp/index.html). If you aren't gaining or losing weight and your logging isn't coming out to around this number, read those stickies again and make sure you aren't under-counting calories (and for real, don't track exercise or stress about nutrients at this point - that's future-you's problem). As it happens, 2500 is a really comfortable amount of food. As you get comfortable logging, you'll figure out how those calories are distributed through your day, what foods you can eat a ton of without feeling full, what times of day you get hungry, etc. All very good information to have.

5) I know you say you've tried small goals and it hasn't worked, but have you had actual data backing up those goals before? Believe me, I tried to do a lot of things, but once I had some actual numbers staring in my face, it became a lot easier to say "Self, that soda is about a million calories and you don't even like soda that much - how about a nice [low or zero cal option] instead?" And it took time and I messed up a lot, but the only way forward is to keep moving, even if it's really discouraging.

6) You know what's also a comfortable amount of food? 2000 kcal/day, which is probably going to be the recommended number of calories for you to lose a pound a week. Some people are going to be all "you can afford to lose 2 pounds a week, OMG 2000 is so many, how about 1200?" but forget those people. If you're not a short elderly lady who sits on her couch all day, 1200 calories a day is almost certainly too low. Also, 75% of people who say they're eating 1200/day are under-counting. I wouldn't even start with 2000 - I'd start with 2400 for a couple of weeks, then try go down to 2200, then blow it all in a weekend and end up at 2300, but actually manage to lose a pound in a month, and maybe this isn't going to be so bad after all.

7) Keep reducing your average daily calories in ways that are comfortable to you. Keep logging. Track your weight. Ask for help if you want, but remember that the first response to "why aren't I losing weight?" will always be "are you using a scale to measure your food?" Remember that maintaining your current weight isn't failure, it's just a neutral. And this is the really cool part - once you start seeing even tiny successes, you will want to keep going. In six months, maybe you'll say to yourself "self, I've lost a few pounds, maybe I should check out this "endorphins" thing people who exercise are always talking about." And maybe in eight months, you'll realize that you're losing two pounds a week, you're a third of the way to your goal, you're still drinking reguarly but not so much that you're hung over ever weekend, and you're wasting time at work writing essays to strangers on the internet about how they too can get past that motivation wall.

Good luck!

A piece of advice that someone once gave me here that worked for me, though it wouldn't work for everyone, is just to put your gym clothes on. You can tell yourself that you may or may not exercise after that but right now you're just putting your exercise clothes on. Once you get them on, there's a greater chance you decide to workout. Or just start for five minutes. Tell yourself you'll do five minutes (or ten or fifteen or whatever). Once you get five minutes done, there's a good chance you'll keep going. Getting started is the hardest part. Once you trick yourself into that, you'll usually keep going. Not always, and that's okay.

Sure, it's silly. And some people will probably scoff at it. But some days I really had to white-knuckle it just to get myself off the couch. Take your diet and exercise routine changes day by day (today I'm going to work out, I don't know what will happen tomorrow or next week, but today I'm going to do it) and sometimes even hour by hour (just in this hour I'm not going to overeat. I might choose to later, but right now I'm not going to).

I started off by getting the hang of logging what I eat (and drink) without changing anything. Just seeing the numbers go crazy high helped me to set calorie goals and start trying to stick to them.